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For me, it's just math. The odds of things getting better if I try may be low, but the odds if I don't are even lower. I'll take the higher odds every time.
For you, have you considered spite? Live the best life you can to prove wrong everyone who tried to stop you, and do as much good in the world as you can so those trying to do evil have to try just that little bit harder. It only takes one good hit to ruin a superior opponent's perfect game, and you can only get that hit if you keep playing.
"Freeze! You're under arrest for stealing the Wikipedia database!"
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
Three men die at the same time, and all arrive at the pearly gates together
Saint Peter looks over the three men and sighs, gently shaking his head. "Look, we're doing some renovations in there at the moment, so we can't accept too many people at once. We can take one of you, so... Whoever had the most tragic death, you get to go in first. Sound good?"
The three men all agree, and get in order to tell their stories.
"I was out for my nightly jog around the neighbourhood when I heard yelling from a nearby window. I turned to look and, next thing I knew, I was struck by a falling fridge." Saint Peter nodded, a little perplexed, then turned to the next man in the line.
"I had just come home from work when I noticed the smell of sweat in the air and another man's clothes in the bedroom. I looked around and, out the window, I saw a man running away from the apartment. Then I just saw red. I picked up the fridge and threw it out the window at him. Turns out the strain on an angry heart wasn't the best for me, and I just collapsed." Peter nodded, a little concerne
A young couple dies while travelling to the altar
Thankfully, they're both decent enough people for them to wind up in heaven. Hand in hand, the pair walk up to Saint Peter, stood by the pearly gates, and ask him "is it possible for us to get married in heaven?"
Saint Peter thinks about it for a moment. "Wait here" he says before turning and walking into heaven.
An hour passes. Then two. Time keeps moving and the young couple have nothing but each other to entertain themselves. Eventually, the couple start talking more seriously, with one of them saying "I know I love you, but we're young and we have forever in front of us. I fully believe this will work, but if it doesn't... What then?"
Eventually, Saint Peter returns with a tired smile. "I just checked and, yes, you can get married in heaven."
"Thank you" says one of the pair. "But we have been talking and... Just in case, is it possible to get divorced in heaven?"
Saint Peter starts saying some very unsaintly words upon hearing this question, giving his podium a heavy thump. "
I don't have trust issues, and I think that might actually be worse. Like, if that happened now, I'd only shirk at going in twice, but I'd still go in once.
It's apparently a reference to fattening a pig before the slaughter. Basically, they trick you into feeding their crypto-pig before running off with all the pork.
When I was playing that game as a youngling, someone asked me to help get some wine from a cult temple. I did, which made the door slam shut and every cultist in the room attack me. I just barely made it out of there alive.
Then they told me to go get a second one. Yeah, they didn't need wine, they wanted me to die to a trap so they could take my stuff without killing me.
I'm embarrassed to say I actually went to get that second wine.
A man buys a pair of smart shoes
The idea is that, when he goes out on the town and winds up drunk, his shoes can intelligently walk him home without him getting lost. The only problem was that the shoes were too smart, and wanted to see more of the world than just the road between the pub and his house. Every so often, he'd sober up and find himself on a beach or by a river or some such.
Unsatisfied, he decided to leave his shoes at home and just not drink as much. The shoes didn't like this either, and walked themselves into his car. They were able to start the engine and drive off, but they didn't have arms to steer with. They crashed horribly, and were destroyed in a resulting fire.
The man was distraught. Those shoes kept him safe at night, and they had personalities of their own. It felt like a very real loss to him. As he was grieving, he asked a priest for advice, only to be told that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. His shoes were good shoes, and they were surely going to heaven.
Because shoes have souls.
(
I would actually recommend !anime@ani.social instead. The admins of lemmy.ml are weirdly hostile towards anime, but ani.social is an anime-specific instance.
Joe and Frank are called in to identify the body of Jim
The officer brings Joe into the room and says "I'm afraid his face was heavily damaged in the attack. We've done our best using dental records, but we need you to help confirm his identity."
Joe takes a slow walk around the body and flips it over, spreading his butt cheeks a little. After giving it a look, he sighs and turns to the officer. "No, it's not him."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, Jim had two arseholes."
The officer blinks. He didn't expect to hear that, and is more than happy to have a second opinion ready. With that, he brings Frank into the room.
"Frank, do you think you could tell us if this is Jim or not?" says the officer.
Frank heads straight for Jim's buttcheeks, giving them a little spread before sighing, just as Joe did. "No, it's not him."
"You're certain?"
"Yeah, Jim had two arseholes."
The officer furrows his brow. "Two arseholes. I've never heard of something like that before. You've actually seen them?"
"Well, no, we haven't seen them. But every time we three
One of the most popular mods for Dragon Age: Origins is a mod that lets you skip the fade section of the game. So that's a pretty good indication of how people feel about it.
That's not an opinion, that's an incorrect statement.
Good. Someone, please make this. And make it first person for the full effect.
Other ideas for people to pinch:
- You can only use each snippet of small talk once before collecting it again, because you're afraid of repeating yourself.
- The game is filled with collectibles, but they're all located on the floor, so you're more likely to find them if you're in character and looking at the floor the entire time.
- To pause the game, you have to look at your phone while standing in a quiet area.
- Your ex-partner has a lengthy list of grievances you can hear when they're hunting you. This includes "you always run away from me at parties".
Social Anxiety Survival Horror. You're a guy at a friend's party trying to avoid conversations while putting in an appearance with your friend so they know you were here. You can deflect conversations with small talk you pick up by eavesdropping, but it won't work on drunk people, so you also need to run and hide. Your ex-partner eventually shows up and is hunting you down to have a frank conversation about your relationship, which is instant game over.
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A great name if you want your son to go into the business of forks and marbles.
Oh, you want your interpretation where they have your exact same desires? Granted. That alternative version made the exact same wish you did. It's selfish all the way down, so there is no version where someone made a more concrete wish and you still get nothing.
You can't have it both ways. You can't have someone who is incredibly different but also exactly the same. It's a contradiction.
Oh, and your curse isn't what would happen. It's just a bad fanfic plot device.
Sure, that works. Curse me harder, daddy. Because of you, I like it.
Granted. You get nothing. The alternate version of you was kind enough to wish for someone else's health and happiness, and wanted nothing for themself. Also, your curse is to know with certainty that not only are you not this superior version of yourself, but you've proven by your inherently selfish wish that you will never be that person.
I wish the genie is so bad at curses that everyone always enjoys being cursed by them.
Actually, he held the door closed so people couldn't get in. Very rude.
A stupid man goes up to a logician and says "what the hell is this logic thing?"
The logician, somewhat baffled at the man's comment, decides to educate him in the basics of logic. "Well, it's simple reasoning. You take a fact and draw other facts from it, like... Do you own a lawnmower?"
"Uh, yeah? So?"
"Well then, logically, you must own a lawn, correct?"
"Well, yeah."
"If you have a lawn, then I must logically assume you have a house to go with it."
"Yeah, that's right!"
"And a house would be too big for one man, so am I right in assuming you have a wife? Kids, perhaps?"
"I do! Two kids, a third on the way!"
"Then logically, you must be straight. And it goes on like that, you see? Logic."
"That's incredible! I've gotta tell my buddies about this!"
The logician is again baffled that the man's friends don't know what logic is either, but thinks little of it as he watches the man leave.
That evening, the man approaches his friend and says "Hey, have you heard about this thing called logic?"
"What the hell is that?"
"Okay, so it goes like this: Do
When I get drunk, I constantly evaluate how drunk I am and accounce it to everyone around me. You'll see me stand up to do something, sway a little too much and then declare "okay, I'm at, like, a four." If I notice I'm getting a little too smashed, I'll try and slow down or eat some bread or just generally try to take care of myself. Still having fun, though.
Tax goes to a single government spending fund, but I want this to be separate so it can't be channelled into buying guns or whatever. It's only welfare, and nothing else.
While donations are typically voluntary, there's nothing stopping it from being enforced. Someone can put a gun to your head and force you to donate to charity, and that's still a donation.
The vainglorious rich jerks might be less hesitant to part with their cash if they can boast about how much they donated, even if it was required of them. Only a little less, but that's still good.
I have thought about it, and I am sticking with "donate" as the term.
It's hilarious you think the people with the highest yearly earnings get that by working hard. Do you think Jeff Bezos has been working harder than you have this entire year in the time since you posted your comment alone?
You're not wrong, but I'd want it separate from tax so it goes directly to welfare and not just government funds. It also sounds nicer to donate than pay taxes, and you never get a donation rebate.
The wealthiest 10% of people must donate at least 5% of their yearly earnings to a general fund for public welfare, including free food, shelter and medical aid. Business assets domestic and international are included in this calculation. Anyone who attempts to hide assets to avoid donating, even within the confines of the law, can be tried for the manslaughter of everyone who died from poverty that fiscal year.
Essentially, if you have the financial means to help people, you are legally required to.