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I only feel gender dysphoria once a while after identifying as trans.

I am 14M(AGAB) and started feeling gender dysphoria after starting puberty. At first I thought that I was agender. Soon, I found myself imagining being an AGAB agender, so I decided that I was not agender but a trans girl. However, after identifying as trans, I only feel gender dysphoria once a while, and it's not string enough as before. I am now thinking that I might not be trans, and what I felt before was just a normal puberty experience. I'm afraid that I was thinking about myself all wrong.

12 comments
  • We can't necessarily help specifically. However, we will say it's okay to explore and question things, even throughout the entirety of your life.

    There's no problems with exploring who you are or what it is you want, even if it's what you thought you were for most of your life.

    Exploring identity is one of the most worthwhile things anybody can do and you'll likely end up more in touch with yourself because of it.

    Never be afraid to explore or revisit ideas, even if you find yourself not being them you'll have learned from it. The journey is what's most important, not the destination šŸ˜‰

  • One thing to be aware of is that transitioning reduces dysphoria, and not just by a little.

    I’m well into my transition (currently on the waiting list for bottom surgery), with 1.5Ā years of HRT behind me and all the legal stuff completed and… I don’t feel all that much dysphoria these days… Because: Why would I? I’m beginning to really like how I’m starting to look these days and can even look at pre-transition pictures without issue and go: ā€œThis was me, can you believe it?ā€

    The earlier you are into your transition, the bigger the focus on being trans can be, until it eventually turns into less and less of a big deal.

    Self-doubts early on are btw. so common that I would frankly just consider them a symptom of gender-dysphoria in their own right.

    And to be clear, I can’t tell you what you are, but I can tell you that what you describe sounds like a very common experience and nothing to worry too much about.

  • Let's reframe that. Instead of thinking "I don't have much dysphoria so maybe I'm not trans" you should ask yourself "what do I think I can do to have the most enjoyable life possible?".

    You're allowed to change your mind, you're allowed to make suboptimal decisions, and most decisions are reversible so for those you don't really have to consider long-term consequences. If you want to identify some way, even just to test it out, go for it! You can change that later if it doesn't fit, and there's not much harm to it. Even if you're mistaken, it usually just means you ended up experiencing more awkward time than necessary, not much of a consequence.

    The hardest part is probably gonna be getting over the fear of being wrong, of feeling like you lied to people. You didn't, there's nothing wrong with being mistaken. But I know the brain gets anxious over it šŸ«‚. I hope you have a wonderful life wherever it takes you.

  • Not experiencing dysphoria is a quite common thing. I myself had about 3-4 days of very intense dysphoria after my egg-cracking that got followed by multiple weeks with little to no Dysphoria at all. Those were quite hard weeks, because I ended up constantly questioning myself and if I was truly trans. That's why focussing on Dysphoria as an indicator for being trans can be actually counterproductive. Ask yourself questions like:

    • If you could choose to be born as a different gender,what would you choose?
    • Do you really identify with your AGAB, or is it just something you are being used to?
    • What do you want to look like?
    • If you could try out a different gender without any consequences, would you?

    Its always OK to question your gender ans identity, no matter what comes out of it. And always remember, the absence of Dysphoria does not make you any less trans or invalidates your identity in any way.

  • Take your time, be you, and remember that Dysphoria is not a requirement of being Trans. Only you can decide what you identify as.

    In my personal experience; Dysphoria comes and goes as it will. Dysphoria is not usually a normal part of puberty; at least not in the way you describe the way you've experienced it.

    I would suspect; the main reason why you don't feel it frequently right now is that you've already accepted that you may be trans, and have allowed yourself to mentally explore that concept or thought. There is no harm in doing so; and you're free to come to your own conclusion about being trans, female or feminine.

12 comments