Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s bag, including $3,000 in cash, is stolen from DC restaurant

If a black guy was pulled over with that much cash, the cops would civil forfeiture it because it is obviously proceeds from drug dealing.
I trust they are now investigating her ties to the drug trade?
- Human trafficking is probably the more promising direction.
  
  Don't forget to include animal executions...
- Silly goose, she's buying drugs.
- Have you seen her Meth campaign in South Dakota? Slogan is ‘Meth, we’re on it!’ https://youtu.be/7LVcI-DQdYA
  
  Meth campaign in South Dakota
  Is that where it was so bad they had Gators on it? Or was that Kentucky? (Suddenly I have no idea where your provinces are)

Everyone here focused on the cash for some reason.
The thief got away with Noem’s driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash, the law enforcement source said.
The only saving grace is they can lock out that one badge. Hopefully she reported it quickly.
- Who the hell still carries around paper checks? I think I've written a total of 3 checks in the past 4-5 years, all for home service like plumbers.
  
  I'm european, born in the 90's. I've never in my life seen a check in person... By the 00's everyone either had a credit card or just used cash.
  
  Who the hell still carries around paper checks?
  Old people who wish to punish everyone else in line at the grocery store.
  
  For me, I hand write checks weekly. That 3 percent credit card fee can add up quickly. Invoice me, and get the total payed at the end of the month. Also handy for person to person transactions, where cash is impractical.
  
  My therapist only takes cash or checks.
  
  I write one check every month for my rent.
  
  I do, they're useful for tipping my hairdresser & the shampoo girl and I don't want to remember to put one in my wallet each time, so I just keep a bunch in my wallet
  
  It's so she can write bad checks.
- Hopefully she reported it quickly.
  Why? Any rando wandering in can't be worse than the people who are already there.
  
  I'm laughing at the idea of a hobo walking in smelling like piss and shit and wearing her badge, and staff going, "Morning Kristi!".
- The person who was responsible for locking out badges was let go last month.
  
  There was a Twitter story where Elon fired so many Twitter folks that for a large window of time, a lot of things was available to the public because the person in charge was fired.
- How could we forget about the makeup bag?
  Joke aside, the access badge can be revoked immediately (unless Elon somehow fucked that up too). Locks can be changed (and she can probably have that done quickly by a security detail as well as a sweep of the apartment). Blank checks can be canceled at the bank (basically a bulk stop payment on the range of check numbers).
  Passport may be a bigger concern, but for someone in a cabinet-level position, anyone attempting to use it would probably be questioned pretty thoroughly.
  
  Joke aside, the access badge can be revoked immediately (unless Elon somehow fucked that up too).
  Elon Musky definitely fucked it up.
- Implying it wasn't staged
- Checks?! She have some clipped coupons in there too? Damn grandma.
  
  She had a copy of The Epic of Gilgamesh on stone tablets she was reading.
- medication
  Oh no, not my prescription crack pipe!
- Shouldn't have to remind them, it's literally DHS, but hope they shut down that badge's access.
- That's assuming she's honest. There could just as easily have a USB stick with confidential docs in it
  
  No, selling the USB stick was where she got the $3000 cash.
- Most people would not have “quick” context for an “access badge”. But they do instantly understand “cash”.

So qualified, she couldn’t even secure her own purse.

How the fuck is she going out in public and not being shot in the face? Honest question.
- I cannot think of someone more replaceable than her.
  
  Also pretty low on the recognizable list.
- In a gravel pit
- Supposedly she has a lot of homeland security protection. But not good enough to stop her stuff from being stolen?
  
  Probably gave her all the TSA rejects.

It's about the info IN the bag, not the money. Crewde tials, phone, maybe ID. This was a targeted hit 100% because the world's intelligence agencies now know how fucking stupid these people are.
Like, dumb enough to not notice a tail, then get your bag stolen from a restaurant with all kinds of goodies in it dumb.
- But obviously it was stolen by a liberal, not a foreign agent, so you’re obviously wrong and stupid.
  
  What foreign country already doesn't already have all the access to these cucklefucks already?
  
  And probably never had the courage to senselessly murder a puppy that wouldn't obey a command.
  
  Well yeah. They were wearing a COVID mask.
- Her phone wasn't in the bag from any reporting I've seen. But she could easily be lying about that.
  If it was a targeted intelligence action, all they got was her (now cancelled) DHS access badge. Russia already has front door access to the white house and probably everything doge has touched. China can just ask Russia if musk hasn't filled them in yet.
  I think it's much more likely that she's just a clueless rich moron who got her bag stolen.
- Not all the tials were crewde.

Drug using dog killer obviously can't be trusted, she was clearly on the way to buy more drugs. Lost more state secrets than Donald's toilet library
- Ok but actually though, who the fuck has $3000 in CASH just for going out to eat???
  
  People with under the table (off the books) laborers to pay.

Damn that’s a lot of cash. I like to carry some cash for emergencies, but shit, $3000??
- That's the kind of cash that would get civil forfeiture'd for regular people.
- It's a lot compared to what she's worth but not much next to her total wealth. Still better than nothing if her Kremlin file gets leaked and she has to flee the country.
- That's when rich people just casually have 3000 bucks in their purse. Equivalent of you having 30 bucks in yours...
  
  I would say that rich people don't generally carry that much cash around, the only reason to do that is if cheating the financial/banking system is illegal, which it only is for poor people not rich people.
- Hey, you ever bribe animal control to get you stray dogs - the kind with no families to ask nosy questions - for cheap? $2998.50 isn't going to do it.
- That's what these kind of people carry as walking around money.

You know who carries large amounts of cash?
People who get paid in cash.
- I had the same thought.

The head of Homeland SECURITY doesn't have good enough security to keep her bag from being stolen?
Probably stolen by a member of her own security detail.
Fucking hilarious.
- "Hey guys, can we turn off all the cameras so nobody sees the drug deal I'm trying to do?"

Department of Handbag Security Chief Fails to Secure Handbag.

I'd be willing to bet she just lost it and is blaming crime just as a deflection.
- With all that's going on, my instinct is that she had secrets or something in there on a USB stick and passed it onto another country while blaming crime. (Or that is, crimes other than her own.)
  
  Ooh, I vote this one. Selling state secrets under the guise of crime
- Or used it to pay a debt?

Hunter's Laptop people speaking up in 3...2....1.... wait where are they???

Do normal people routinely carry around $3,000 in cash? (Granted, that could just be the original Picasso that I swear was in the trunk of my Geo Metro when it was stolen).
That's an awful lot of cash to have. What do you need that for? Better "arrest" that money and take it down to the station.
(Not condoning civil asset forfeiture but def making fun of it).
- I thought cash app was still legit for stuff like sex work? No?
  I wouldn't know tbh.
- I have had a hundred dollar bill in my wallet for a week because it makes me feel fancy. Someone paid me back in cash and I have just kept it.
- People who make bribes on a frequent basis might!
  
  But the envelope it was in clearly had "NOT a bribe" written on the outside, so no smoking gun, I'm afraid.

Couldn't happen to a nicer Nazi removed
- Brutal, I love it.

Who goes out with $3k cash? Even if you are so wealthy that the quantity is like $20 for normal people, that's enough to make you a target if someone discovers you have it.
- Someone who gets paid in cash
- That comedian... You know the one. The young Jerry Seinfeld.... He did coke and then made a Netflix comedy show about doing coke.
- Idk, one time I had $20k in cash. It happens.
  Typically when you're moving money, such as buying or selling something.
  
  I bet you didn't casually leave it in your unattended bag. I paid $5k cash for a car once and planned that payment out carefully to minimize the time I had the money in hand.

So the completely unqualified, dog-killing, trump-butt-kissing, hateful, ignorant, worthless, lying, and corrupt piece of filth - who happens to be the secretary of homeland security got her bag stolen?
I think this reaction sums it up best:
¯(ツ)/¯

More evidence that we are shifting from a Trickle Down Economy to a Robin Hood Economy (take from the rich, give to the poor).

Why did the Homeland Security Secretary have $3,000 in cash in her purse?
- Cost of daily botox treatments.
- Cash payment for her latest crushing video.

That is 100% some “no paper trail” money.
Least shady thing you’re going to do with that money is to pay some undocumented contractors for work on your garden / home.

So, she does coke? Why else do you need 3k in cash?
- ...because you don't write checks for bribes.

I mean unless her phone was in it... although who just walks around DC with $3k lmao
- I once knew a rich guy who carried two envelopes in his suit pockets. One carried small bills for tips and such, and the other carried large bills because "you never know when you are going run across a good gun deal."
  
  I'm pretty sure if I want a good gun deal I'm leaving DC and going to Virginia

Bribe gone bad, reported stolen.

The 80s called. They want their shoulder pads back.

Why does her face make me uncomfortable
- Because she killed her dog in a gravel pit, and put that story in her book.

You can't claim cash on insurance. Once it is gone, it is gone. You can't put stop payments on it or trace it easily either. It is simply a loss for her.
- Loss for her, win for me.

Finally some good fuckin news

oh no
- anyway

I respect this.

Such great OpSec...

TBH I'm surprised the bag itself doesn't cost more.
- The bag could have cost anything.
  The title says she has $3000 in cash.
  
  Yes. And the article has word AND numbers in it. I have it on good authority.
  
  It would be a funny onion article to talk in depth about the very specific items, brands of makeup, number of coins, etc.