uhh… my ex girlfriend and long-time friend is now cishet, very christian, and makes those “i identify as” jokes regarding trans people. would it end up bad for me if i continued to be her friend?

Just so you know, someone isn't "really nice" if they make jokes like that. Maybe she used to be nice, but she isn't acting that way now.

I'm not sure how old you are, but it sounds like you're both still teenagers or maybe young adults. People are trying to figure themselves out at that time, and sometimes what they try out is edgelord (especially when the edgelords are gaining political power). She may be testing boundaries of what is socially acceptable, in which case it's in her best interests as well as yours to gently push back against this kind of behavior (or more forcefully later if she doesn't take a hint).

Something like, "hey, it makes me uncomfortable when you make those 'identify as' jokes. You know I'm nonbinary and that sort of humor makes me feel like you don't respect me. I fully support your identity, including your faith, and as your friend I hope you would do the same for me."

Even if you are 1-on-1 for that chat, she is almost certainly going to respond negatively to that, so I would drop it there, but be prepared to remind her that you don't like it later. Ideally after some reflection she wakes up and realizes she's causing harm to your friendship, but be prepared to break it off entirely with her if she doesn't want to treat you with respect.

To be clear, this is Lemmy where we don't feel the effects of your decisions.

I used to make these jokes as a teenager in church and I didn't know how offensive and misguided I was. It might be worth having a conversation with them, nobody is one demensional and incapable of change. If she reacts well with not only her words but her actions (like she takes it down or publicly apologizes or wtv) then maybe you could trust her. If she doesn't react well then you should probably re-evaluate what this relationship is for and if bigotry is worth it. It can be hard but you can find accepting friends online and in person, you just need to put in the effort.

Tldr; it's a personal thing about whether they're actually willing to respect you by changing their behavior or if you're willing to deal with it bc this relationship is important enough.

Have you talked to her and told her those kinds of "jokes" make you uncomfortable? If you have and she pushes back, then I think it's fair to question if you can be friends with someone who continues acting disrepectful even when asked not to.

But if you haven't brought it up, maybe it's possible she just needs someone to call her out and snap her out of it. Give her a chance to see if she can grow and change.

I'm an ex-fundigelical, and while I understand the desire to keep old friendships, the reality is that people can change; even worse, it can be due to getting caught up in weird cults that demand loyalty above reason and sense.

Whether it will end up bad for you isn't something anybody can predict, but it sounds like she's not someone who will be supportive of who you are (or at the very least, other queer people like you). Most fundies think you can "pray the gay away," so I would suspect it's only a matter of time until she starts treating you like a religious project and not like a respected friend.

Only you can decide if you think it's worth continuing to invest in the relationship. If it's something you truly value, and you think she'd listen, it might be worth having a talk with your friend and telling them that the things they say and do are hurtful. If she doesn't care, then that kind of tells you where her loyalties lie.

I can't see any good that could come from it.

At the very least, cutting contact will help your mental health, but it also might teach your friend that those jokes hurt, and that her new choices have consequences.

It depends on who your other friends are. It doesn't reflect well on you overall, I'd say, buy at the end of the day, having self respect means walking away when someone is this needlessly abrasive

Yes, you're going to run inti some serious heartache. Either now or later. She sounds like she still doesn't know who she is if she's flitting about like that. But the problem is that she's now being influenced by hateful people. You can try correcting her, telling her not to make those jokes or that those jokes are mean and rude. Point out that those jokes are about people in similar positions to yourself. Maybe even saying "Jesus wouldn't say that." or something similar. But if she responds poorly, I'd personally rather be alone than around someone with ideology dangerous to my existence. She's not nice, she's insensitive, and being influenced by mean spirited people that may or may not be the type to join on a public lynching.

, i also hope she didn’t decide this due to christianity.

99% likelihood that it is.

Do you dislike hearing the jokes? Do you tell her that you don't like her being shitty towards people like you?

If you don't like it and aren't willing to speak up about it then she will most likely continue leaning in even harder over time due to not getting pushback and getting reinforcement from whatever led her down this path. It isn't your job to keep her from becoming a terrible person, and if you don't it is most likely going to get worse over time. In that case it would be better to move on so that you can have better friends.

I have never seen anyone who started open minded that leaned into bigotry turn it around due to friends they already had. They only ever turned around when they realized their bigoted friends were terrible people and regretting driving away the people who actually cared about the.

This is always a personal choice.

Bear in mind you do yourself a disservice by believing rag headlines (common dreams, daily beast, new republic, etc) in an echo chamber. Talking to people who don’t agree with you will tell you more about present politics, in terms of what the “other guy” is thinking. It’s also an opportunity to pick things apart in chill discussions and find the point where you digress instead of assuming.

Flippant remarks are typically engaged in areas people haven’t spent time or mental resources on. They’re more likely to be verbal passcodes for a social group. You could find out. Where the jokes stop is usually the more viscerally believed area.

Or maybe that’s just me who has an interest in that sort of thing. That said, you can encounter people you start to sway with reasonable discussion based in listening to everything they want to say who then get angry, yell that they can’t talk to you any more, who then simply go away.

To be fair I have all the energy in the world for strangers because they’re often 1-4 encounters and done. In my personal life, I have the energy and wherewithal to maintain 1, and that is probably only because they’re my closest genetic link.

This turns the debate about whether a person who converted to Judaism can start making Jewish jokes on its head. Can ex-lesbians make LGBTQ jokes?

Actions speak louder than words. If she is nice and genuinely is a good friend what she says shouldn't matter.

If she used to be gay and is now straight, wouldn't she just be bisexual? Or am i misunderstanding?

Edit: I'm not well versed in this space and meant no disrespect by the question. I'm genuinely curious.

If you accept someone unilaterally, your sending the message that they matter more.

Asking strangers on the Internet that don't know you or your friend to tell you if you should maintain a friendship is wild.

If you have issues with their beliefs then you don't have to be friends anymore. If you still want to be friends go right ahead.

Do whatever YOU want to do. It's your relationship.

"Should I still be friends with my ex?"

Forget the rest. She's your ex, and for that reason alone, no. There's a reason she's your ex. Keeping her around just makes it harder for you to get over her.

All that other stuff is just complications on top of the fact that she's your ex.