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  • Ok so I'm having a bit of a rough time ATM. It's in relation to this comment I made yesterday.

    Miniest and I have had a few chats, I've tried to be tolerant and accepting but I'm ashamed to say that the tolerance and understanding is not happening as easily on my end of things as it probably should be. I feel that just because the "girliest" girls in the class don't want to play their girly games with you for example, and just because you are not into wearing girly clothes etc., that doesn't make you any less of a girl. It certainly doesn't make you a boy. There is a lot of middle ground between the ultra glam feminine stereotypical examples of womanliness and the more masculine "tom boy" (to use an expression from my childhood) stereotypes of women. Most of us seem to be kind of in the middle somewhere. Some of us have girly nails or drive a girly car or have beautiful girly hair and clothes but also know how to put up a bookshelf or change a washer on a tap or are a mean kick of the footy. That's the beauty of having the freedom to pick and choose and be flexible with your identity and self perception. As you grow up you find your spot and get comfortable with yourself and learn who you are. I'm trying to explain this to Miniest but it's impossible for her to understand because she lacks the life experience to do so, but is pretty steadfast and stubborn about being called a boy. I've had to be honest; I'm sometimes tactful but unfortunately also can be pretty blunt. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and has feathers like a duck and looks like a duck then you can pretty well guess it's a bloody duck. My child looks like a girl, sounds like a girl and to me is a girl, just not a conventionaly girly one, and it's actually this aspect of her that I love the most. She is strongly individual, rebellious, outspoken and creative, hilarious and unique and beautiful. I'm glad and proud of her being my daughter with attributes like these, and I'm not adjusting well to this new thinking, it's making me feel old and tired and a bit lost. Thankyou for reading my rant, I had to put it out there to just.. get it out.

    • I'm AFAB non-binary (biologically female and raised as a girl, but I don't identify as either male or female in my head), but I'm not a parent so please take this with a big grain of salt.

      I knew from Miniest's age, and even before, that I wasn't like the other kids. I was too much of a "girl" for the boys to include me, and too much of a "boy" for the girls to include me. I thought there was something terribly wrong with me, because I wanted to wear dresses but also wanted to play footy and play with "boy" toys (I so badly wanted hot wheels. I got a Barbie doll 🤦‍♀️). I had no words to describe myself, I would cry because I felt like I didn't fit in or belong anywhere. Didn't help that mum refused to dress me in feminine clothes because of her own trauma (fear of men staring at me 🙄) but her family would ask me why I dress like a boy. It was very confusing and traumatising on top of everything else I was dealing with.

      It took me a long time, not until I was 28 to realise I was NB, and to also allow myself to dress both femininely and masculinely without feeling awful and gross. And that was because I was reading posts from other NBs and I felt so seen and understood. I don't do anything different now, I still look and sound like a woman. I dress femininely and masculinely equally, I'm confident telling people my pronouns are they/them but also accept that I will be referred to as she/her because I'm not overly androgynous. The difference is, is that I don't think I'm inherently "wrong" for being this way, and I accept myself with kindness. It doesn't change who I am, but I am much more confident and happy with myself.

      Miniest also is about to hit puberty, and it's just going to involve a lot of labels and discovery on her part. They might not feel "female" now, but that can change, and might change a lot or not at all. They might try on different labels and styles, as it's a journey of discovering oneself and accepting oneself fully and wholly.

      The best thing you can do is just, try to accept it? Accept that right now, Miniest doesn't feel particularly "female" in their head, accept that that might change as they grow and discover who they are. Personally, I'd avoid asking too many questions, especially as it can (but not always!) feel like an interrogation, but just reinforce that you love and and accept Miniest no matter what. That their journey and who they are, who they will become, will not ever change how much you love Miniest. That's the most important part - that Miniest knows that no matter what, you will always have their back and be in their corner.

      I can't speak for the parent side of it, I'm sorry. But I do know that Miniest will always need you on their side.

      • Spud, that is so beautifully put. 💜

      • Thankyou for sharing your story.. Wow I could relate to much of this, the whole too much a girl to be included with the boys and vice versa, and even the Hot Wheels (mum stubbornly kept buying me dolls and I'd put them in the cupboard and refuse to play with them). I can see Miniest as NB, if anyone in the family is going to challenge binary thinking it'll be her! I try to tell my kids I love them no matter what quite often; my own mother's love was strictly conditional and transactional and I suffered greatly because of it. I think you're right too about her trying on a few different labels and identities as she grows, I can really see her doing that.

    • CEO and Seagoon have such wise advice. I don't have kids but it's something I have thought about myself as an adult. I have never fit in with girls and my experience of my female biology has been pretty negative (endo, infertile etc). For a while I wondered if I were not a woman but it's really hard to unpack (for me) whether you fundamentally are not your assigned gender or if you don't really like the idea of your assigned gender.

      I eventually came to some peace through some study I did related to yoga. The idea of feminine I was learning about was the fierce, fighting, transforming one. I understood that the gender stuff we have thrown at us is so empty and silly. I don't wear dresses and I don't like some aspects of my body. I'm just me. A she mostly.

      I would hate to be a kid going through this and just wanting to belong. And it's bloody hard to be the parent holding space but also trying to protect and guide.

      No answers just throwing some thoughts out in case it helps.

    • I always told the young people my daughter hangs with not to worry about labels. Enjoy being young. Get experiences in life. Those things will slot into space when the time is right. The important thing is being you.

      Hugs to you 🫂

    • For quite a few years I wanted to be a boy, I guess partly because I was told by many adults that I was not girly enough, and I have few “girly” interests. My personality does not fit the stereotypical girl one either. It’s only after accepting I do not have to care about stereotypes that I am happy to be female. Definitely agree with Seagoon to ask her what she thinks it means to be a girl or a boy, whether she just wants to do what boys do, or whether she (he?) identifies as one.

      • I can relate to what you said about being comfortable as a woman only after you dropped the stereotypes of what it means. I remember spending time looking in the mirror as a teen, wondering if I was meant to have been born male and I was somehow a mistake.

    • Went through something like this myself.

      One of the positives of this was that I learned early to store my identity inside me, rather than in the clothes I wore or the things I owned. Not being a girly-girl didn't make me a boy or a lesbian or anything really, but it did take a bit longer to find my niche, as back then there was a hellava lot more gender stereotyping pushed onto girls. Not so much of that nowadays for which we can all be thankful.

      Miniest may have a harder road to travel, and may never find instant unthinking broad community approval cos there's still a fair bit of stereotyping out there. But I'm also sure that Miniest will find a way to be herself, and to do that in style!

      Hugs to both of you.

      • Thankyou for sharing your experiences, I've experienced just a little bit of that wealthier class judgy normy girl expectations stuff and my god can they be removed! I'm loving how in this thread we've all been through painful experiences but all come through it with our own strength of opinion about ourselves and our identities and what works for us.

    • Its a tough spot for both of you to be in. I tend to agree with CEO and Seagoon about not worrying about the label too much. Minipeeler is still the creative, strong individual you know and love, and they will continue to grow and develop in a world that supports them as an individual regardless of the box they tick around gender.

    • I think this post is evidence of top-notch parenting. You've figure out you're in a tricky moment, and have started putting in the work to navigate it, and you'll be prepared whatever eventuality.

      Did the pronouns revelation seem like a big deal to Miniest? There's a good chance it felt like a bit of a "coming out" -- and safety in your (conscious and subconscious) reaction will be closely being searched for. As long as Miniest knows nothing else changes, there's still beds to be made and dinner to help prepare, you'll be good.

      • I did get the impression it was a bit of a coming out of sorts, but possibly the first time she's been asked the "what/how do you like to identify yourself in terms of gender" question. She has a very small group of friends, and from what she's said they're the kids who would identify differently from "the norm" and wouldn't be as surprised as me to hear her say it. We've talked in the past about how she's most likely described as gender fluid. I hadn't heard her call herself a boy before. You're right about nothing else changing though, I'm right by her side through this journey and yes, the dinner must still be made!

    • Ask her what she thinks are the attributes of a girl and the attributes of a boy

      I'm 100% sure that I would be labelled something by people who have an agenda just because I played sports, liked animals and not dolls, had and still have an interest in technology, studied the sciences, joined the military and have an interest in geopolitics

      I was never labeled by others in this and I never doubted who I was ( I had and still have other problems with labels but nothing to do with gender)

      • Thankyou that sounds like a worthwhile conversation to have with her and I will.

      • Interestingly one of my role models was Major Houlihan in MASH. She was a strong, intelligent, capable and caring woman. Her womanhood and femininity was never in question.

        ( and Morticia of course )

    • So much good advice in the comments already given. There’s a difference between feeling like you’re in the wrong body, or just feeling like you don’t align with the current version of gender norms. Eg traditionally the wife would cook all the meals at home, but professional cooks were men. So does cooking make you feminine or masculine? Obviously neither, it’s just a task that has had historical divisions applied to it based on status. The point being; hobbies, interests, clothing preferences (men used to wear frills and lace, dresses, bright colours at various times in history), career interests, liking sports etc etc do not make someone male or female. Miniest is gonna have a lot of things to figure out, and as they grow older it might be they figure out they just don’t like the 2025 version of ‘girly’, or it might be something deeper.

      You’re doing an awesome job already thinking through possibilities and having conversations, and being ready with assurances of love. You got this, whatever path it goes down.

      • I like your historical perspective (wigs, gents?) and the difference between feeling like you're either in the wrong body or not aligned with society's version of gender. I feel like that part is really important and something everyone has to explore for themselves, as Miniest will.

    • Being a non-girly girl, I relate to a lot of a the comments below. I was a tomboy and not into girly things. I didn’t fit in with most other girls (but reckon a touch of the tism didn’t help with that). Puberty sucked and there was a lot of body shaming in my family, so that didn’t help, either.

      When my kid was in year 5/6 a big topic of conversation with him & his classmates was sexual identity, and they spent heaps of time discussing and analysing what their identities and preferences were. I was a bit surprised that it all came up so early (would have thought it was more teenage stuff, but clearly idk).

      These things are out in the open and talked about a lot more now, so I reckon kids have more leeway to explore different aspects of their identities, which is so much healthier than denying or suppressing them like in the past. I’ve found as a parent, it can be challenging when things come up that I didn’t expect or hadn’t considered - it’s definitely taken me some time to get my head around some things.

      I also want to say you’re an amazing parent, Peeler, and you’re doing a wonderful job with your kids.

      • It is a lot better that they can discuss things more openly now, and they know so much more than I did and at a younger age too (Elder had a friend in primary school, at around grade 5 iirc, who knew they were pansexual and I had to ask him what it meant.. even Miniest in grade 3 knew lol). They talk about it a lot more than I thought they would too, and certainly with more accurate knowledge than I and my peers did that's for sure!

    • Maybe you could just humour Miniest for a little bit? See where this goes? It could be that they’re still working things out or it could be something that sticks. If it does they’ll manage so much better with your support.

      They’ll still be your kid and everything you love.

      (Not a parent but have my own experiences and stuff going on)

      • I think that'll be my overall plan. Let her grow how she will, and just be there for her. Ultimately, as long as she has loving and mutually respectful relationships with people, that's what I care about the most.

  • Finally after a good few hours I can rest and put my foot up.

    Pain is a bit less but made the mistake of putting weight and taking a full step a few times and felt the pain.

    Sleep wasn’t too bad but had to readjust a few times to get comfy.

    Food has been made, washing packed and new cycle put up.

    Took a surprisingly long time for everything and a wash with bag done.

  • Dangerous Animals (2025) is an Australian survival horror film. Directed by Sean Byrne, It had a world premiere at Cannes Film Festival (the first Australian film in the program in over a decade)

    A serial killer (Jai Courtney) kidnaps and films his victims being eaten alive by sharks. It’s revealed he has made dozens of videos. Apparently he’s somehow trying to deal with his own childhood trauma of being mauled by a shark.

    Eventually, the killer chooses the wrong girl, our protagonist, a van life surfer chick, Zephyr (Hassie Harrison). She possesses both physical and mental strength, as well as being drop dead gorgeous and very clever.

    You can imagine how the plot unfolds. It’s comparable to big game deep sea fishing in which the Marlin resists and tries escape for hours on end and the fishermen slowly reels it in. So too, does the killer thwart escape attempts time and time again.

    In this regard, I feel a bit let down by the film’s only real strength. It’s a tight story but predictable. The viewer is ultimately just waiting for the final victorious escape and revenge (the scene is a glorious and fitting demise for the killer though).

    Most of the film is shot on a smallish fishing boat with some very nice underwater shark scenes, the soundtrack is pretty cool with old school songs by Billy Idol, Creedence, The Regrettes, Crowded House, Fleetwood Mac, and Stevie Wright.

    A solid horror film, maybe like a Wolf Creek on the water. It’s worth one viewing but, I probably won’t ever watch it again.

    6.8/10 gaffer hooks

  • Set up and connected my new vinyl player, the records sound sooo much better. Got this player half price during EOFY sales, it was a steal. Having fun re-listening to my records sounding the way they should have all along.

    • enjoy 😊

      and for some reason playing vinyls just seems more fun than playing cds

  • Movie review. First in a long time. I'd been really looking forward to seeing this. 😊

    Better Man with Robbie Williams. 🐵

    I'm tired, in pain, emotional, so of course I cried the whole way through.

    As good as 8 Mile but an English movie which is great because Robbie is English.

    4 hobbits

    Sherlock Holmes Faces Death with Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. 68 minutes

    I watched this to see how they could make such a short movie, sans titles and credits story would be 64 min

    in that time they introduced so many characters, made a story, made a mystery, made danger, and resolved it all.

    It was like watching a whole series of short stories, stories where all we get is the "middle bit", no start, no end. Through skillful writing we are led to figure all the starts and ends of scenes ourselves.

    4 hobbits

  • Battling the CBF factor today. Have dragged myself out of bed, done some laundry and loaded and started the dishwasher. Now going to attempt grocery shopping.

  • tomorrow dye hair. Monday go to vicroads to get my learners. Tuesday book lessons. 👍

  • Traffic was absolutely cunted everywhere on my way home from the north east. Guess there's too much stuff happening and too many road closures. After a solid afternoon of (futile) weeding, shoveling, scrubbing the bejesus out of a sink with turpentine, and moving a bunch of other stuff at my aunt's place, I reckon I deserve tonight's blob out.

    Tomorrow: tree planting in the cold and maybe wet. Brrr!

  • ikea package is on the way

    it's a small cupboard with baskets to hold all my calligraphy stuff 😊

  • tv review

    My Melody and Kuromi, animated series on Netflix

    This is the best stop motion animation I have seen since GDT Pinocchio. It's just beautiful, the direction is awesome.

    It heavily draws on Japanese fairy tale forms.

    I saw 3 episodes and that's all I could stand. It's like eating so much fairy floss that the sugar turns bitter. It's too kawaii.

    Great for kids, watch one episode a day max.

166 comments