Please tell me

Friends was in a supermarket the other day. He bought an item labelled "Liquid Death".
What the product actually was is something he never buys because he never needs it, but because of the fantastically insane name of the product he said he just had to buy it!
That product? The one named Liquid Death?

This kind of marketing works, kids. Something so unexpected you just have to buy it!
- IIRC liquid death also has some very good policies.
  And it was originally created because drinking water isn't cool, and musicians in bands wanted something to drink that looked like energy drinks or alcohol while staying hydrated. They mentioned bands filling empty monster cans with water as an inspiration.
  
  Only in America does the coolness of drinking water ever factor into anything, coca cola successfully brainwashed the entire country lol
  
  I saw 6 bands during 2 concerts last week, three of them kinda rock/blues, three of them metal. All of them drank water from normal water bottles while on stage. No one cared.
- Liquid Death isn't bottled, it's canned. They're whole gimmick is "death to plastic" which is a little ironic considering that aluminum cans have a plastic lining.
  Still, it's a great product. They've eliminated 99.9% of the plastic, so I think the slogan still works.
  
  My bad, I'm just used to saying bottled, not canned. Fixed 👍
  
  Omg I haven't had canned water in 20+ years, that shit was amazing!
  Edit: well fuck, it's sparkling water.
  
  They have a plastic lining!?!? Crazy.
- No joke, their Dr Pepper imitation is delicious and 10 calories per can.
  They also have an iced tea called Death to Billionaires which I appreciate.
  
  Dead Billionaire*
  
  I normally am against outrageous branding, especially in the overly masculine or nationalistic area, but I think they are pretty solid. Good product, they lean right into the ridiculousness just enough for it to be a little comical, seem to have good messaging, and it's just good. Expensive for what it is though.
- “Made by combining Ganges river water, Mexican tap water, and samples directly from the Fukushima reactor, Liquid Death won’t just slake your thirst, it will slay it for the rest of your life.”
- Everyone who died had water in them. Really makes you think…
- I would never buy bottled water either, but I do have an unopened can of liquid death standing around because it's such a fantastic can. Guests do ask me about it, or pick it up, sometimes. It's always disappointing to them and that's what I feed on.
  
  This you?
  
  Delightfully devilish, Seymour
- Must be really nice beneath that rock your friend has been living under for literally years.
- This isn't an actual product just fyi it's done by an artist.

It says right on the package.
High Vitamin D
- Between that and the "100% Grass" half-and-half next to it...I gotta check out the dairy case at my dispensary. Usually they just have ice cream.
  THC infused coffee creamer would make for the best hippie speedball.
  
  I've done that by simmering milk with the ABV and straining. It's a little barbaric but it does work.
  Better than expected too!

PLEASE DRINK ME
She nasty. I like it

Stealing breast milk from another species is pretty damn weird, so probably that.
- Calling udders "breasts" is pretty weird bro.
  I like to call them "long nipples".
  
  Details shmetails. A teat is a teat. Would you prefer "mammary milk" to be technically correct?
  Fun trivia: Did you know, the only other animals to have 2 thoracic and no other teats, besides anthropoids, are elephants and anteaters?
  
  You still got figure who was the first human to see them utters and decided they wanted to try that there cow milk. I mean did they suck straight from the utter like the calves? So basically yes those are cow breast.
- ...you know the majority of our species straight up eats members of other species.
  
  So do most other species.
- Literally every organism on earth survives off of other organisms. Well, except lichen, that shit can eat rocks
  
  Lichen takes a likin' to those minerals.
- Yet, incredibly delicious
- It is pretty weird though I personally love cheese which is even more grim. That being said, do you know that milk probably developed from sweat? That makes it even weirder imo.

It's just tit juice. Why does it need to be any more freaky?
- It already is freakier than that. It's tit juice created via the industrial mass rape of billions of cows worldwide, that are kept in cramped and dirty conditions and seperated from their offspring at birth, so their tit juice can be harvested for profit and human consumption.
  
  yes, as we've done for thousands of years.
  
  Delicious

They milked the bulls for this...

That looks like it came straight out of Sausage Party.

It is high in crowtein.
- Don't get that on your skin!

Soylent White?
- If this ain't purple I'll be disappointed.
  
  grimace

That’s when you accidentally milk a bull.

69 calories per cup...

It's milk, but from bulls instead of cows.
- Nut milk comes from male cows.

Face from nick jr.?
- Christ you pulled that memory out of a basement I didn't even realize I had
  
  I'm 39 I watch the crap out of it when I was a kid...

Cows with Mad Cow Disease
- Delicious prions
  
  Terrifying

High in Vitamin D...
- ick

Well, it's got lots of vitamin D.
- Vitamin Dick
  
  I don't seem to be getting my daily recommended dose. Where does one get a supply?

Twist, it is just regular milk, because milk is already freaky and fucked up.
Next time you drink milk, just imagine suckling on an animal breast. For most of you that would be disgusting (for some of you, please don't imagine it)
- Humans are fucking disgusting and I suck their tits all the time
  
  Want a medal?
- Goatmilk fresh from the udder is just 👌
  
  Just the right warmth
- That fully depends on the animal. Humans are animals, and suckling a human breast is socially acceptable. Maybe not while they’re lactating, but I’m not one to judge.
- speak for yourself, pervert.
  that's the only way I drink milk. frothing at the mouth for every bowl of frosted flakes.