2w ago

Can it take months to get over being laid off?

I really don't know what's going on with me. I was laid off rather suddenly and unexpectedly. I spent the next 5 months looking for a job. I spent the day searching for jobs and networking and applying, then taking weekends off. Additionally, I'm already diagnosed with anxiety and take meds. It's semi controlled.

I've had a job for 3 months now. (So it's 8 months since I was laid off.) I'm completely drained by the time I get home and NOTHING is fun. I've quit all my hobbies. I want tot WANT my hobbies, but I just don't. I want to just lay down and do nothing. I think I should be back to where I was before the layoff. My previous jobs never drained me this much. This job isn't that far off from my last job.

Can it take months to get over being laid off or could there be something else going on?

47 comments

This is very likely depression. Go see a specialist. This will unlikely go away by itself.
- To be fair, research shows depression does often go away by itself- it just typically takes like 3× longer to do so than with professional help
  
  I appreciate your response, but I don't competely agree. A meta analysis from 2022 shows that the remission rate of untreated depression within 3 months is only 8 to 18% (source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34583099/), so I would still say that it is unlikely that you will do better in the short term if you don't seek treatment.

Yes.
And I see that you asked a different question in your post, too.
Yes to that, too.

The comments about seeing a doctor for depression are coming from a caring place, but the reality of being without work for a while means it's hard to afford seeing a doctor.
Chemical depression is not exactly something you can work yourself through, there are some people who claim magic mushrooms can help, but I've not seen any conclusive studies.
- Magic mushrooms (or any psychedelic drug) taken in the wrong state of mind are dangerous! Pervasive negativity in your thoughts can easily lead to a very bad trip, which I can only imagine would increase depression, possibly even lead to worse psychological issues. Now, from what I've been told, mushrooms are not as dangerous as say LSD, but they induce a significantly altered state of mind nonetheless. So that's a very tricky thing to try to study, I'm sure!
  If you do not have a friend who is familiar with their effects to give you advice and otherwise help you out, I would NOT recommend any psychedelic. Even if you're not suffering depression or other debilitating mental/emotional issues.
- Good answer. Doc is the best answer but may be financially difficult. Some jobs offer EAP (employee assistance program) - it only gets you 3 free visits, but it is a start. Do some reading on depression. Try to find a reason to get outside each day - even if you start with a 5 minute walk and add a bit every day or two. Is there something or someone you can help? Sometimes you’ll do for others what you won’t do for yourself - a walk for the dog, a healthy meal for a spouse, …

A lot of people said depression, but instead I want to focus on something else.
For your new job, you talked about how the work is similar, but how do you feel about your new job? Do you have a similar friend network of coworkers? How is your boss compared to your last one? Is the company culture the same or different. I ask because there are a lot of intangibles to a job that may not seem obvious, and the new job may not be as tuned for you as the last one.
Regarding fatigue and lack of desire currently, did you feel these feelings when you were unemployed? Were you working on a limited amount of energy before going to work? Were there cases where you would feel this loss of energy while out of work and looking for a job?
You are focusing on being unemployed, but the issue may be the new job.
- The new job is actually much better than the old job in many little ways like coworkers and mentorship and purpose. I honestly don't think it's that.
  I didn't do my hobbies much when I was laid off either. I thought I'd be overjoyed since I had more time. Nope. I did them less.
  
  I always used to find the first month in a new job tiring just from the stimulation...

I got fired for being late with no written warnings. They walked me off the campus and everything. I was basically in tears. (In hindsight, they probably didn't need me anymore, and didn't want to give me notice. They probably also wanted me to be able to claim unemployment.) I was emotionally wrecked for months, even after I got a new job. The good news for me is that about 6 months after I got fired, I met the woman who would become my wife. We are now happily married. Keep on keeping on, friend!

I've been there, about a year unemployed and spiralled into depression. Had to see a doctor. Have been working some shit jobs for about another year after that, and here we are, still looking for work.
I do recommend the doctor before it's too late.

I think you're asking the wrong question. It can take months, years, hell even a whole lifetime to get over something like that. Or maybe you'll never get over it!
The question you should be asking isn't "is feeling this way normal," it's "what can I do to approach this healthier?" It's not about what's normal or understandable, it's about what you can do with your own autonomy to improve your condition.
And on that, personally I would start by finding and speaking with a counselor who can help you process your thoughts, feelings, and emotions to achieve a sense of clarity and empower yourself to confident decisions moving forward.

Yes. You are valid and your experience is within the realm of norman
- Praise be the norman

I’m not a doctor but you should ask yours about depression and take a screening. I felt the same way after leaving a job(albeit by choice) and starting one a million times better. Even after several months, I still had zero interest in anything and realized I was in a “funk” I couldn’t get myself out of this time.
- My doctor screened me for mild depression (I had a major life change recently) and we were able to improve it with some basic lifestyle changes and a vitamin D supplement. Everyone is different, but the solution they propose isn't always medication.
- Really strong +1 on the depression check, tell these feelings you mentioned in the second paragraph to a medical professional. Stay strong internet stranger.

Brother, it sounds like you are depressed. Maybe it's job related, maybe it's not. A few things to do are:
Talk to your medication provider about these symptoms and consider medication specifically for depression.
Talk Therapy. Pills are good, talk therapy is approximately ::checks notes:: 10,000 times better. 2.1. Find a therapist that is a good fit. I've had good therapists over the years, and I have had bad therapists. My current therapist is amazing and a the reason why I didn't die by suicide in January.
Don't 'should yourself'. Avoid using that word to describe anything, ever. You don't have to do or enjoy anything right now, and you can't feel bad for suffering from (probably) depression. It's a mental illness. You didn't do anything wrong and you are certainly not to blame.
- Therapy and meds. At some point you need both. One to change chemistry in the brain (meds) to properly rewire your brain (therapy).
  High stress mixed with some thought loops is doing exactly the same. It changes chemistry from baseline and rewires your brain. Often for worse.
  Regarding 3. Consider this. You break your hand. Would you be questioning yourself over using the other hand for daily tasks? You break your foot. "I should be walking faster" is doing what good in that moment?
- I have meds for depression, amusingly. They're the same for anxiety.
  I used to see a therapist but haven't in a while. Been thinking about going again.
  I think "should" is OK in moderation. I don't use it to judge myself per se, but to ask if I'm off base or something.

A lot of the time, we have a lot of our identity kit tied into our work. Sometimes that also means to specific jobs/employers.
Losing that for any reason can be anything from a mild annoyance to fully traumatic. And unexpected job loss not only affects one's self view and sense of purpose, it's a threat to stability and survival.
So, yeah, it can take years to move past.
It's a form of grief, though that isn't always easy to understand, and how intense that grief is is variable even for one person in specific. But it's not at all unusual for someone quitting a job, in a planned way, to experience loss emotionally. When the loss is involuntary, that stack, then it being unexpected stacks higher. A long job hunt after adds more to the pile.
With anxiety already part of your existence, that grief is prone to hitting harder as well as deeper.
It looks like your grief has turned into depression as well. That drained, empty feeling is your brain and mind saying it/they have hit a limit to how much they can process.
I'm going to echo the suggestion that some talk therapy would be beneficial. Processing such events in life can be difficult to do alone because it's so hard to see things culturally clearly from the inside.
Don't think you're alone in what you're experiencing. It's a very common thing to go through.

First of all: As a healthcare professional but not your healthcare professional: What you describe has strong signs of a depressive phase and you should first and foremost seek professional help - don't trust the internet on this and more importantly don't start to self treat yourself in any way besides behaviour based measures.
Secondly: It can take ages. I've been there. Especially when your new job is similar to the old one it is quite difficult, as you "in theory" know what to do but in reality you still have to find your place in the new company. It will take time. But it will get better.

If I imagine being in your situation, I'd probably feel comparably off track. I mean, it probably feels shit to be laid off. And it is perfectly okay to feel shit after something shitty happened. Now the question is: how long is it "ok" to feel that way? I'd argue this is very individual.
I hate it when people on social media pretend to be able to give diagnoses, like "This is a depression!". This is not a medical forum, just random people saying random stuff.
However, I would seek professional advise on your situation. See a doctor or a therapist. It will help you identify techniques to deal with how you feel - anxiety, depression, or just normal reaction to something negative happening to you.
Also, speak with friends. They might have made similar experiences in the past. And even if not, it just feels good to get stuff off your chest.

Yes. You got laid off unexpectedly. Now you have more cognitive load knowing that your job can just disappear. Go easy on yourself. It'll get better with time. Talk therapy is also a possible way to speed things up a bit.

Greif and loss. The first year is the worst.
Might be time to focus on processing the loss of your previous hopes, dreams, relationships, and projects.

I'll add another voice to the choir: yes, something else is going on. Before you get a breakdown, do look for a good therapist and most importantly do take a look at what really matters to you. If you are not doing something that really matters to you (this need not necessarily be your job), depression will come

This sounds like anxiety and possibly major depressive disorder. All you can do is see a therapist, or just keep forcing yourself to get up instead of laying down and tell yourself it will get better. Just small steps for now.
- It's definitely anxiety. I've got that diagnosis on the books, lol.

How much did the job search burn you out?
The last time I jumped jobs, I was absolutely exhausted from the old job. The new job was perfect, but took another year before I didn't feel exhaused 24x7.
- A year to feel not exhausted? Wow.

I don't want to put forth this as a diagnosis of your particular situation, but as someone who's been through similar work situations (being made redundant from what I though of as a reasonably secure position through no fault of my own), I want to ask if you think it could be the speed at which you were summarily fired and then the difficulty finding a new job in today's economy that was a shock to your previous sense of security?
If, like me, possibly now you realize that it can all just be suddenly taken away from you. You might feel on-edge constantly.
Being constantly wary and worried all the time can be quite draining and leave you exhausted. Especially if this new job is better than the old one. Trying to be always on-guard to make sure you don't do anything that could upset this new utopia and lose it all could be wearing you down.
It might just be that it'll take you a while to start to feel secure again in your new position, where you begin to feel like you're a valued member of the team and that you won't be the first to go if there's something you do wrong. To start to let your guard down.
A lot of regaining some sense of job security would involve seeing how the new company deals with other people who work there, do they give second chances, how much do they work with the other employees to resolve situations, what kind or relationships you build with your bosses etc.
Anyhow, something to think about.
- Sounds logical to me. I'm a worrier, so yeah all of this is bothering me a lot.

probably you were laid of suddenly without warning, and then spent 5 months of job searching. you dint have really time to reflect or process the sudden change, also you were in constant working mode with no rest, job search in itself is mentally exhausting if it goes on too long.
as we are not doctors, it would be unwise to give a "depression" sign, but you should seek a doctor/therapist if your symptoms dont go away.

Yah know, I got laid off in 2014 and it still hurts a little.

It can take a while to get over a layoff when it's unexpected, it isn't so different than a relationship ending. We spend a lot of time at work and often put a lot of ourselves into our jobs.
This could be depression or just delayed grief as needing to find a job on short notice tends to block out a lot of emotion and it can take a bit after getting a job for that block to loosen.
What helps you get out of the funk and what helps someone else get out probably varies. For me a decent walk around the neighborhood/park and decreased phone time are/were very helpful. Even mild alcohol use was a very temporary thing that created a long-term detriment. Society sucks at teaching healthy coping mechanisms.

Fear is the mind killer.

I was laid off from a place I only worked at for a month and I could already tell I was going to hate it there. The separation was mutual, but still took me 3 months to get over it. It is frustrating to lose your income and coverage, and it is even more frustrating to have to jump through the hoops of hell known as the job market. You are not alone, and the feelings you have are perfectly normal in today's society.

I loved my old job and being forced out was both sudden and heartbreaking. It's been almost two years and I still get a pang through my chest when I see something that reminds me of it. It's like a bad breakup, in that way.

I got laid off a few years ago, it also took me 5 months to land a new job. I'm better a couple years later but the first year was a bit scary.

I was so depressed that my doctor gave me antidepressants for a few months. Capitalism!
- That would probably help but I'm already on them!

I've been there, done that. Welcome to the club my friend.
The only reason I got through my last layoff without stooping into a deep depression is that I've done this dance so many fucking times that I'm tired of it all.
Luckily I had a new job about a month later, which I 100% acknowledge is luck.
I still miss my previous job, it was much better than the one I have now. Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry at being employed, I'm just sad that I didn't get to remain employed with the last workplace.
I get it, 100%. Nothing you said is really all that abnormal. You clearly liked the job, and there's no good way to express that loss. It's just something you have to go through all the stages of. Eventually the whole ordeal will seem further and further away and you'll settle into a routine and get your life back to where it should be. You lost something and it's okay to be sad about that.
What isn't good is if you start getting any worse than where you are at now. If you start sliding deeper into it, or you feel like you're drowning, please seek help. The people who care about you don't want to lose you.
My advice for the future is: never invest more than you're willing to lose, whether you're taking about money or emotional investment, the reality is that you can lose it all in a snap. Make sure you know what you're risking and ensure you can sacrifice what you've invested if there's a sudden change from management. Take care of yourself first, then worry about everything else.

Bro, you may just hate your new job or the people there?
- No, the opposite. I love this new job much more than the last. The commute is worse but everything else is better. That's why I am questioning my feelings.

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