What shitty stuff did you discovered when you became adult?
For me, driving. Its not that driving is difficult or i'm just not able to drive. Its that there are just too many awful drivers and pedestrians you have to care about on the road.
As a kid I trusted adults knew what they were doing. As an adult I now know they have no clue what they are doing.
As a young adult I found out adults have no idea, as an older adult I found out it's not about knowing what to do in advance but being able to figure it out.
But it’s truly worrying how many people are just phoning it in most of the time.
Lack of empathy is not something people grow out of, it seems like it is something that grows more severe the older people get.
While that can certainly be true, I would say I've gained more empathy as I got older. I was never hateful, but I probably was more dismissive entering adulthood. I didn't understand what I had when I was younger and thought everyone should be able to do what I did and just didn't for some reason I didn't understand. Over time I realized how wrong I was. I saw what advantages I had that led me to where I was, and how many MANY people didn't have those same things, and that expecting them to have equal success was unrealistic and shameful on my part.
It is so easy for life to knock a human off course or keep them off course. An injury, addiction, an abusive family member, poverty, chronic illness, genetic disorder, political instability, bigotry, victim of crime, economic recession, or a natural disaster. Any one of these things and more can do it. I had little to no concept of these when I was younger. Growing up, meeting people, learning about the world, learning history made me much more open to others suffering and the desire to use what I have been lucky enough to have to help others, and recognize we, as a society, must help others. Its the only way we'll all survive. Divided we fall.
I can say the same for myself, I just don't see it as often as I had hoped in others.
I reflect on my past self and wish I had been a better person in my teens/early 20s. I can't change who I was or how I behaved or thought back then but I can change the person I am now and who I aspire to be. I am also trying to foster that attitude and the skills to be empathetic in my kids.
I'm more empathetic now than I was 40 years ago.
People don't become less empathetic as they get older. They were assholes already.
Public lynchings were also a spectacle that was advertised out of state. You could take a drive to visit multiple lynchings as a road trip. It wasn't uncommon to bring your kids and to take souveniers from the victim. It is untaught because America wants it forgotten
Yup, there were even black defense groups and militias (and are still many today), like the Deacons for Defense.
But you won't learn about them in school, on purpose, and you're taught the illegitimacy of Malcolm X' ideology and the Nation of Islam on purpose. The state wants you to think that peaceful protest is the only acceptable and legitimate means of protest.
and you’re taught the illegitimacy of Malcolm X’ ideology and the Nation of Islam on purpose.
I'll say mostly yes, but there was one thing in my school textbooks that contradicted that narrative. It was this picture of Malcolm X and Dr. King:
I felt I got a semi-decent education in public schools about the Civil Rights era hitting the highlights of:
With all of that picture of Malcolm X and Dr. King said something to me that words in the textbook never did. Dr. King, the man who preached non-violence and moved the USA forward to a better future chose to meet with Malcolm X. Malcolm X could not have been "all bad" or illegitimate if Dr. King wanted to interact with him. Further, after seeing pictures and film from Bloody Sunday (Edmund Pettus Bridge crossing), Malcolm X's actions made much more sense.
Success in life is 75% luck. Everything you control (dedication, tenacity, ambition, follow through, dependability) is in the first 25%. The remaining 75% is just luck that you have no control over. That doesn't mean you can slack on that first 25%, but even if you absolutely kill it on the first 25% you can still fail in life. I say this as someone that most would consider successful. Yes I worked hard to get where I am, but lots of people work far harder and have far less. I was born in the right place, with the right talents, in the right period in time/history, and with enough of the preferred genetics. Even had everything else been equal and I was born 20 years earlier or 20 years later, I wouldn't be nearly as successful.
It shouldn't be like this. Its not fair its like this, but this is reality.
A local YouTuber I follow said this once: "There's no guarantee that you'll succeed after working hard, but I guarantee that you won't if you don't".
It sounds cheap and all, but it finally ingrained itself to my brain because it's a less optimistic quote.
there are common factors of succesful people. Working hard in some areas tends to result in more success than others.
Success is luck, but you can even the odds by throwing my chips on the table.
Not actual gambling advice, but it's something I heard years ago and it's stuck with me.
You need to define succes first. Depending on your definition I will either agree or disagree.
definitions are personal. If you are looking for advice find a definiton that is less about luck.
You need to define succes first. Depending on your definition I will either agree or disagree.
I using the conventional western definition here for this conversation. All of my basic needs are met, I have no worry for my future needs for probably the rest of my life if I need it to be. I am in good health. I have loving relationship. In addition to this I have extra resources that allow me to explore my interests.
definitions are personal. If you are looking for advice find a definition that is less about luck.
No amount of redefinition will help you if you have a genetic condition like Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy which can cause you to keel over dead at 27 years old. No amount of redefinition will help if you're 8 years old in and are living in an active war zone. In those two examples, they didn't choose their circumstances. Nothing in their power caused them to be in their situations. Nothing in their power could change their situations. I would be equally powerless in their place. There is nothing intrinsic about them that makes them responsible for their situations. Why is it that those two people have those life threatening issues and I don't? Luck. Thats life.
Now, I get where you're going about taking what circumstances you have, and making the best of it. Or possibly exploring the philosophical nature of existence and coming to a different conclusion on what our few decades on Earth are for and how we can all ourselves successful. I don't think that's a bad thing to do personally, but understand that's a luxury that someone starving or dying from exposure likely can't seriously entertain. Entirely ignoring the base reality, even if we don't like it, is dangerous, and potentially callous and can lead us to indifference of the suffering of others and how they arrived there through no fault of their own.
People are mostly dumb. Justice is largely a myth. Chaos reigns.
It's kind of amazing that we get people to collaborate as well as they do. The downside is that we need to appeal to the lowest common denominator of self-interest.
The amount of crime everyone around me (and I also) do is… not what I expected as a kid.
I used to think that if you wanted anything harder than alcohol you were gonna have to go to the sketchy part of town and meet with some shady guy in an alley and hope you don't die.
Now that I'm an adult it's bewildering to me how many people rely on weed/coke/Adderall/alcohol/etc just to get through the day. And it's every career and job I've been in! Everything from a shitty kitchen job to now I'm 1 level below the C-Suite.
Most Americans can't read past an 8th-grade level, and that shocks hell out of me. When I was in 6th-grade, standardized tests pegged me at "college level", which I figured was utter bullshit, thought I was being buttered-up somehow. Turns out it was true.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literacy_in_the_United_States
In 2023, 28% of adults scored at or below Level 1, 29% at Level 2, and 44% at Level 3 or above.[1] Adults scoring in the lowest levels of literacy increased 9 percentage points between 2017 and 2023. In 2017, 19% of U.S. adults achieved a Level 1 or below in literacy while 48% achieved the highest levels.[2]
Anything below Level 3 is considered "partially illiterate" (see also § Definitions below).[3] Adults scoring below Level 1 can comprehend simple sentences and short paragraphs with minimal structure but will struggle with multi-step instructions or complex sentences, while those at Level 1 can locate explicitly cued information in short texts, lists, or simple digital pages with minimal distractions but will struggle with multi-page texts and complex prose.[4] In general, both groups struggle reading complex sentences, texts requiring multiple-step processing, and texts with distractions.[4]
This explains so much about all the stupid shit I see. Most Americans literally aren't literate enough to follow a piece of literature, would struggle with any given novel.
That's one reason so many people cling to quick catchy slogans and memes, or let good looking people spoonfeed them on TV. Reading Is soooo haaaaaarrrd!
I have a coworker who need help with basic sentences. English is her first language. I have a coworker who speaks English as a second language. Her English is flawless.
Not being able to stand up for yourself against people who can control/manipulate you financially.
I would say having less and less ability to stand up to corps that control you financially. It just keeps getting worse and worse with fewer and fewer options. I mean yeah there are people behind it but its the corp that gives them power.
Shower sex.
In the movies it looks so hot, but in reality, you've got a eyes and mouth full of soap and your freezing. 2/10
Rinse your hair and turn up the temperature?
Not too mention how slippery it is.
...in the wrong places
Depends on the shower set up.
One place I lived at had accessibility handles in the shower and a grippy floor, the shower head positioning and spray options kept both of us covered, and one of those heat lights that kept us both warm for the small bits that weren't in the spray. Most other places have had issues with one person not getting enough heat to stay warm, although a special shout out to the one hotel we stayed at with multiple showerheads.
I haven't run into the lubrication issue in showers or hot tubs, but also don't use condoms (monogamous relationships with other forms of birth control). Hot tubs were not public and we were very good about the water maintenance.
You start in the shower. Wash yourselves, wash each other, tease a little, then dry off, get into a clean bed and have at it. Standing sex in the shower is mediocre at best.
You are doing it wrong.
What comes to mind to me are two things:
How easy and fast it is to cook good food. My mom acted like making real mashed potatoes was sooo difficult.
Love me some mashes taters.
Get the right kind and they basically can't overcook. I just put mine on the stove at 5pm and just do other stuff until I'm hungry, at which point I just drain the water, add butter, pepper and nutmeg and mash the potatos in about 5 minutes lol. We also get frozen creamed spinach in kind of a pellet form so that its easy to dose, throw some of that in the microwave and it's actually a solid meal. Even more so when you start playing with other things to add. I like to put some cheese in the mashed potatoes as well, especially fresh Parmesan, but I also tried adding some leftover beef stock today which was delicious. Seasoning the spinach with a little bit of nutmeg and pepper also goes a long way.
Sorry, somehow I produced a wall of text there. Thanks for coming to my ted talk or something
Wholegrain mustard is also a great addition to mash. Does very well as a side to beef.
I learned a great mashed potato technique from a nurse in a care place for children:
Nuke a potato like you're baking it. Then cut it in half, spoon it out of the skin, add butter, salt and milk and smoosh with a fork. Re-nuke a little if it gets too cooled down. Faster than boiling, and it tastes better because you don't pour flavor-filled cooking water down the drain. Also no pot to wash!
The nurse did this for a single serving for a kid, but it's how I make any amount of mashed potatoes now.
I saw someone comment that they 'couldn't cook.' I wanted to [metaphorically] slap them.
I can't cook. That doesn't mean that I am not able to when given time and resources and a receipe, that means that the amount of things I can fight through in a day is limited and I need to use that budget wisely, earning money, caring for my dog and seeing to it that my house and garden don't fall apart.
That means, I can't cook, even when it looks like I'm just sitting there, staring into the blue. "You just have to...", no, you just have to, and the what you have to is "shut up" and "stop using yourself as a reference for everything".
Many adults have a much self-reflection and critical thinking skills as a 3-year-old.
Also, you can be highly intelligent yet very dumb.
I don’t understand the last part…
Everyone wants something from you and they want it NOW, but when you need something it's like pulling teeth to even get acknowledgement.
All the adults in my life with the exception of a very few are exactly as stupid or far stupider than I thought when I was a kid.
That "adults" are just kids that got older. Same goes for "old people". Everyone was once a 14 year old. There is no dividing line where you suddenly become an adult, and there is no dividing line between being an adult and being old.
We're all born, and we live a life of days, months years, decades... it's just you and your one, single life. You're always going to be you.
Make this one life count. Don't wait. Don't procrastinate. Make shit happen. You'll regret it if you don't.
What I learned in my years of working with younger and older adults is that most people have no idea what they are doing. Sone are convinced they do, some pretend they do, but overall it's just a lot of whatever.
If more people realized this, life would be a lot more simple. I never grew up. I just got older.
I'm 28 so not old by any means, but at this point I have an established career with a lot of responsibility and a number of people working under me.
Very regularly I sit in my office and wonder who the hell decided to hire me for this job. Like I'm just some dumb kid! Obviously it's not true, and imposter syndrome is a hell of a drug.
Definitely. I think imposter syndrome is basically the same phenomenon.
I used to think there was this Council of Smart People running the world and keeping the nuclear weapons from accidentally launching and the planes from crashing and the electricity on and the bridges from collapsing.
It can't just be me and all the absolute idiots I grew up with now running the world. That can't be right. Oh, Jesus...oh no.
No they’re not still kids!!
Nobody cares. You're homeless? Nobody cares. You just got dumped? Nobody cares. You're sick? Nobody cares. You're struggling? Nobody cares.
Sure you might have some friends who care in a very superficial way, but when the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
There's just no hope, and you're on your own.
You need better friends, but I don’t want to discount your feelings sometimes it is that way, and I’m sorry for it, but there are good people out there
Ain't that the truth!
That is indeed life as an adult!
How many mundane things you have to do just to stay alive and well. Skipping things means more problems down the road. Every few years your energy capacity just lowers by 50% and you will never get it back. People often don't follow their own advice. Most people will never change because they won't want to challenge their own beliefs about themselves. Most people have rigid beliefs about the world because of the same reason.
If you'll forgive the cliche "Adulthood is realizing that Cheese is expensive and SO many people are on cocaine".
Cheese is horribly expensive, and THEY ARE???? God I'm oblivious then.
It depends where you are. London, New York, LA yeah it's pretty much made of coke. Other places might be full of pill heads or stoners. Santa Cruz springs to mind. I swear every man woman and child in that town is baked off their tits.
I love that cheese is cheap here and insanely good cocaine is also
Maybe that’s not the best thing to have
I love the cheese tho
An adult secret I love to teach kids is that none of us really know what the fuck we're doing either, we've just gotten better at winging it over the years.
The consequences of wear and tear on the body. If I'm conscious, something hurts.
That despite all the progress humanity has made, bigotry in all forms is still a major problem.
Nobody gives a single shit about you.
U havin a bad day or somethin?
No they just aren't delusional.
It’s true I give a multiple shit about you
That highschool never ended for most people and the shitty cliques and drama continue for decades.
Bowling For Soup said it better than I ever could:
The whole damn world is just as obsessed
\ With who's the best dressed and who's havin' sex Who's got the money, who gets the honeys
\ Who's kinda cute and who's just a mess
And you still don't have the right look
\ And you don't have the right friends
\ Nothin' changes but the faces, the names and the trends
High school never ends
The fact that vtubbing just had a Mean Girls moment last month, the woman being late 20s/early 30s made it so much worse.
The fact that I know nothing of this tells me I made some right choices along the way.
Societies controlled by capitalists are openly trying to murder you. Nobody who survives those societies into middle age cares enough to help one another or even organize for their own betterment. Capitalists are cannibals and you can never trust them or let your guard down while they're nearby.
Nobody who survives those societies into middle age cares enough to help one another or even organize for their own betterment.
Many are just too exhausted to do anything while slaving away, just trying to get by. Any effort to organize is sabotaged by those in positions of power. The system actively works against us...
That my future is dependent on thousands of people I don't even know
Your success in life is dictated by the social connections you have and how good you are at maintaining them. When I was young I thought focusing on my education and working harder would automatically lead to a successful career, and while good academic performance does help, what's far more useful is having connections who will help you out, either through referrals or just by being a source of information about stuff you didn't know and it's easy to have some social life in school or college without much effort, because everyone meets up at a single place, as an adult socialization takes effort, cause now everyone is away living their own busy lives and it's not as easy to meet up face to face. This is why rich people like exclusive clubs so much, being able to be in the right social circles and having the ear of influential people will pay huge dividents. Also being a skilled liar is definately a very useful skill to have.
It doesn't ever get better. We are stuck until we mercifully die.
No matter what I do it will always be an endless cycle of unmanageable chores and work, ever-changing medication and dumb productivity tips while I watch other people do everything effortlessly because they weren't born a disabled removed like myself. My achievements went from getting a good grade to being able to wash the dishes
Im not worried about how the average pedestrian acts. Its totally the average driver.
💀
Drivers doing their best not to run over cyclists
Taxes.
Taxes. Also, not going more than a day when you need to fix/solve/complete/do something again. Especially when you become a homeowner.
Life is only shades of gray it’s not a marvel movie with clear cut Good and Bad
Every single thing anyone says or does is in self-interest.
Like, I have almost never witnessed anything contrary to it.
You mean.. mothers breastfeeding feeding their children? You mean men who find big rocks and throw them into water from heights to make a big splash? Do you mean people who donate their organs to other people? Do you mean the many artists, scientists, teachers, and basically everyone else that gets their ass out of bed every day to then put a smile on their face for other people, despite feeling existential despair inside because the last shred of reason for being has been invested in someone or something else, so they keep moving? Robin Williams?
I think we have very different ideas of what self-interest is. Namely, I think that you have confused the idea that one must suffer, or at least feel nothing, or it's not altruistic enough. That one should not enjoy acts of love, kindness, caring, giving, art, exploration... or they're secretly solipsistic. This isn't the condemnation of the world you think it is. This feels like a projection of an internal insecurity onto the greater portion of humanity.
I think most people have been guilty of thinking this at some point. Rather than feel threatened by my words or that I'm being critical of you and only you, I would ask that you do what I did when I once thought this very thought... think on if you're really willing to live the rest of your lived experience with this thought at the forefront. Not everyone gets this one right, but it could have consequences on your ability to actually 'enjoy' another human being without needing something from them to do so.
No one can look into someone else's soul and divine their intentions. IMO it's most likely that people's internal states are a mixture of various emotions and intentions when they are doing a gesture like you've given examples of, probably not all of them coherent with one another.
It seems to me that it's more a matter of perspective and you can choose to ascribe self-interest or choose to ascribe altruism but in both cases you are projecting, since it's just unknowable.
I think free software is quite a nice case study if you want to discuss it in a relatively emotion free context. Organ donation has a lot of other moral "baggage" around it as an issue. These people are giving up their valuable skills and time to create something which is for the benefit of others. Contributors also get to put it on their CV and get status in an online community. Often the more self-interested people drop out quite quickly and the ones who want to support their community stick around longer.
This is v true
That my abusive mother had 3 kids by a previous marriage. She gave up full custody so she could keep the (shitty, old) house. I learned this when I was 18 or 19.
You have to go somewhere and do the same thing like, all day, whether you're interested or not. And it's way longer than school. On the plus side, there's usually no homework.
About once or twice a year I have a bad day and turn into a shitty driver unwittingly. Maybe I accidentals cut someone off. Maybe I dont stop fast enough or have o slam my brakes.
Every day I drive near 1000+ people also otw to work. If the math for them remains solid the 3-6 of them every day are unwittingly having their bad day.
Try to give the benefit of doubt when you cross one of theme maybe they are perfect drivers the other 364 days of the year...
This isn't just good advice for driving, but good advice for life. None of us really know what's going on in each other's lives, all you know is a vanishingly small sliver.
We all need to be nicer to each other. It's a cold world out there, no reason to keep shoveling shit on top of someone.
driving
I'm not even sure speeding tickets need to exist in 2025, there's so much traffic that no one in a 55 can break 53mph.