do you think freewill truly exists?

Like yeah, exactly. With the right person, you can talk for hours and hours about all kinds of stuff that interests you.
- with the right person you can also be quiet with for hours
  
  One of the best relationships I ever had.
  
  This! Silence is so much better than unnecessary and forced talking
  
  Absolutely, but a lot of people don't understand that you can't arrive to that point by not ever "small talking" along the way. Small-talk is how we express to each other how we feel, how we want to be talked to, what we notice around us and so on. It's a critical component to socializing. Conversations between human beings doesn't play out narratively like in media and movies, there's no "point" to conversing with someone you're close to, you're just sharing shit.
- But also meaningless bullshit. That does not denote a bad relationship.
  
  Exactly. I can't remember where I heard this - it might have been a podcast like RadioLab or something else - but it was talking about how happily married, intelligent couples talk to each other .
  It turns out, it's not usually super deep, intelligent conversations. The vast majority of conversations are just meaningless bullshit. Most of the time, couples aren't even really talking to each other, but they're just kind of thinking aloud. Stupid stuff like, "I swear I saw a dozen blue Volkswagens today."
  It turns out that people who are comfortable with each other don't need to have deep conversations all the time. They can just relax, unwind, and be themselves.
  
  The way I understand "Smalltalk" is not whether the subject matter is "serious enough" but rather whether either party actually has any interest in it, or if it is a polite nicety to avoid awkward silence.
  Discussing the weather in a car ride with a coworker is smalltalk, contemplating with a friend how one might conquer the world using ant-controlling super powers is not.
- Talk about the stuff that interests you, you know, the small stuff
  
  Small stuff doesn't really interest me, or my partner.
  Doesn't mean we're incapable of discussing dinner plans or cleaning schedules.
- Indeed I can confirm.
  Just a few days ago I pondered the life of plants and asked my wife how she thinks the death of a plant is defined if for animals (including humans of course) it's mostly the heartbeat.
  So when is a plant dead?
  
  When you see its little planty soul waft up to heaven.
- For hours, every day, for years or decades? That has never happened.

My wife and I will sit in the same room for hours and never speak a word to each other. We only talk when we have something to say, and we're both happy with that relationship. My sister thinks we're crazy, but we like it quiet.
- My steppairents are like this and beeing with them, at a meal table, and have nobody say anything for 20 Minutes is so fucking wired. I am getting used to it, but it's still off as fuck.
  
  I'm interested to know the dynamic that causes two step parents to be together like that. Is it one parent and one step parent or a step parent that remarried and now you have a step step parent?
  
  I like the word "pairents"

"Such weather we're having huh?"
Truly peak romance
- But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”. Observation and response is a perfectly normal way to start a conversation
  
  I think it's more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it's not going to be as well received.
  
  we should go do X
  we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle
  That's not small talk, that's planning what to do today. You can open the same conversation with "hey, what do you want to do today?"
  
  People will also say something stupid about the weather or news or whatever just because they want to express to you that they're friendly and open to converse. Ignoring "small talk" from a stranger is like actively rejecting someone's desire to connect. What are they supposed to say if they want to chat? "I AM A HUMAN RECEPTIVE TO CONVERSE, PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT GEOPOLITICS"
  Which is fine, if you're as antisocial and spiteful against "casual life" like everyone in this post is pretending to be and you love it and you're happy, that's great. Say "just put it in the bag" and get out of there.
  The problem is most of these people who act like people talking about "last night's game" are NPC's in the Matrix and they would NEVER stoop to the level of talking about sports or weather... are the same people who will race home to post their manifestos about how lonely they are and how society is crumbling and how they wish they lived somewhere walkable with community and how hard dating is.
  Our cognitive dissonance as a species is maxing out.
- Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
- The current state of society is: "Ugh I can't believe this cashier is talking about the weather when I'm in a hurry to get back on the internet to complain about how lonely I am and how hard it is to make friends and date."
  
  You're probably joking, but know that there's a subset of us that gets pathologically anxious and confused by small talk. Autistic people for example. Different folks, different strokes. Not everyone deals well with talking about the weather, and that's ok. There's billions who do deal well with it, and that's ok too! Be a mensch and talk to them instead.

No, we just stfu when we don't have anything interesting to talk about. It's not complicated.
- Why do you think small talk isn't interesting? Sharing neat things that happened during the day is small talk. Talking about your hobbies is small talk. Talking about cool movies and TV shows is small talk. All interesting topics.
  
  Is talking about your hobbies and interests really small talk? I always attributed small talk to the like of "how is it going? Fine thanks and you? Fine too thanks oh damn crap/great weather we are having huh?"
  
  Why do you think small talk isn't interesting?
  because im sad, bitter, and socially inept
  
  Because a great deal of it isn't interesting. I have to listen to all the ancient dudes I sit next too talk about the most innane crap all day long. I don't need that when I get home too.
- So like when you get home from a normal and boring day at work you just walk into your house in silence and sit down?
  No "hey honey how are you" or anything like that? No ranting about crappy coworkers? No comments about how you saw 6 silver accords in a row on the way to work?
  
  I would love to walk into my house in silence and just sit down. I'm usually stressed AF when I get home and the last thing I want to do is talk to someone. Unfortunately I rent from a couple of retirees who spend all day camped out in their living room watching TV and it's impossible to enter the house without going through there and having to have a tedious conversation with them about what their dog did today or whatever stupid thing.

My wife asks how my day was "great, or good, or whatever" then I ask how her day was she usually stops talking before bedtime. Works for both of us!

When I say "I hate small talk" I actually mean "please Shut up, Im really anxious and I don't know what to respond to you other that nodding and «Thats crazy»"
- Understandable. And relatable.
- When most people say "I hate small talk" it's because they don't socialize broadly and don't really "get" how it works, and how it's often just a way of expressing how you feel at that moment, and when two people are making small-talk, it's less about the information being shared and more about the tone, intimacy and connection, like sharing space and being open with passing thoughts.
  People in a healthy relationship will "small talk" for hours about the weather or pizza prices, and then launch into a deep debate about post-modernism and expressionist art, which will dissolve as one or both get distracted by the pizza finally arriving.
  When someone says "I hate small talk" it just reveals they have no understanding how human connection actually works and think two people talking has to play out narratively like media, television shows or movies.
  
  Small talk is the human equivalent to the initialization/handshake phase of the TCP protocol.
  It establishes the connection, introduces the speakers, validates the presence of the other, and then allows data transmission to take place.
  Unlike computers, we humans require years of practice to get it correct because there isn't one set standard.
  
  I hate small talk, because you (a stranger) do not interest me and I don't care about trying to connect with you. I have neither the need nor the energy to try and am very comfortable just being in silence.
  I small talk with people that I interact on a daily basis and need to communicate with (coworkers). Even then it heavily depends on how much energy I have.
  I small talk with my friends and SO because I want to connect. So I put effort in to be present in the conversations.
  It's not right to lump small talk with a cashier, cab driver or a haircutter together with small talk with a friend or a partner.
  
  Pal you actually sounds like someone who really HATES small talk, Jesus...

Asking someone you love "How was your day?" is a meaningful question. Small talk is bullshit time wasting between randos or acquaintances.
- "Lovely weather today, isn't it?"
  "Yeah, makes me feel like picnics,"
  is expressing feelings to each other, affirming a shared worldview in which sunny weather is good, and affirming the value of each others' feelings and potential plans.
  Just because the real meaning is hidden, doesn't negate the value.
  
  That's fair. Sometimes I can be a bit grumpy with randos.

It's not small talk, because i actually care how my wife's day was.
- How do you get married to someone if you never started with small talk?
  
  through meeting with intent so your talks are not small.
  
  In the case of my grandfather he just went all in on his batshit insane stories, his first one was apparently how he electrocuted his balls. My grandmother avoided him initially, but after she realized he was the charming type of insane she warmed up to him. The fuck were people doing in the 70s?
  
  The free will question is much closer to the conversations I was having with my wife before we got married. We were talking for hours every day, I can't imagine spending hours on small talk.
  
  Fill the void with intercourse.
  
  Because that way "I see you as a friend!" lies. At least that's why I'm single.
  
  Well that wasn't really the question. But actually I met her when we were both pretty young so I don't recall it being much of an issue. We probably talked about kid stuff.

after you get through all the asking each other stuff to get to know each other's histories etc phase, it's okay to just not talk all the time
- It's not just histories and facts, though. Sure, you don't have to talk all the time, but sharing feelings and connection, in a relaxing way, through small talk, helps maintain and build that connection. More important for some people than others.

Silence is bliss while doing your own hobbies together.

I do exactly this ! Hi honey how was your day ? Kids were restless ? Ok. Does that affect your stance on education through play ? is punishment sometimes advisable ? you haven't read your copy of Foucault's Discipl.... hey where are you going ?... baby ??
- "I'll be right back, I forgot my stack of research notes in the kitchen! Do you need citations?"

Not spelled like that, no.
- Fuckin' got 'em.
- Hey, that's racist. Freewill's ancestors were enslaved and abused for generations, now they're free so his parents, William and Wilhimina, named him Freewill to celebrate his freedom!

I absolutely love questions like this! My wife absolutely hates them. She often gets irritated when people ask questions about what you think.
Like when our therapist asked her "How do you think your actions contribute to your own unhappiness?"
- I feel like you wrote another six paragraphs about all the reasons why she asked your wife that specific question before deleting it all... I feel that feels.
  
  I never was good at being subtle.
- "How do you feel about being to blame for your problems and relationship difficulties?"
  "Um... >:-("
  "See, you never like it when I ask about your feelings!"
  
  I just went with forgoing my own self care and losing my sense of self in pursuit of meeting her ever changing expectations instead of acknowledging if come to define myself be the relationship. Not sure which is better..
  Not to worry though, the papers are in the mail!

Small talk is the equivalent of dogs sniffing each others ass. The topic isn't really the point, it's just a quick and easy way to gauge another person's mood and attitude towards you. It's a skill worth developing. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
- I think the analogy is a bit crude but quite bang on.
  I think it's a good skill too and I have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety.
- But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
  This is coming from someone who learned how to do small talk, watches other people completely flip their personality the moment they are out of the small talk, and only uses it when necessary because everyone else does. I do avoid common topics I have no interest in, like watching sports, and avoid getting into the weeds of topics and that works well enough for anyone I would want to talk to later.
  
  But most people who are invested in small talk will be giving the signals they think the other person wants, making it less useful than not talking at all.
  I don't think this is true. When I engage in small talk, I don't see it as me bending flexibly to the conversation partner's wants. I'm testing to see if there are common overlaps that we can talk about, and talking for the sake of being entertained. If the other person turns out not to be a good conversation partner for me in that moment, I don't think anything of just moving on. I'm not trying to please them, I'm trying to enjoy myself.
  I can't imagine I'm in the minority here.
  
  Like Shakespeare, adapted by the band Rush, said:
  Limelight Available on Moving Pictures Music: Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson Lyrics: Neil Peart
  Living on a lighted stage Approaches the unreal For those who think and feel In touch with some reality Beyond the gilded cage
  Cast in this unlikely role, Ill-equipped to act With insufficient tact One must put up barriers To keep oneself intact
  Living in the Limelight The universal dream For those who wish to seem
  Those who wish to be Must put aside the alienation Get on with the fascination The real relation The underlying theme
  Living in a fisheye lens Caught in the camera eye I have no heart to lie I can’t pretend a stranger Is a long-awaited friend
  All the world’s indeed a stage And we are merely players Performers and portrayers Each another’s audience Outside the gilded cage
- So small talk is a horrible name then.
  Could one, instead, just ask "Hey, are you willing to get into a big deep metaphysical conversation right now?" Then ask the question?
  
  small talk
  Personally I think it is a very interesting and purely object oriented name though you are right it technically isn't a functional one.

I REFRAIN FROM THE PRACTICE OF UTILIZING MINISCULE SPEECH. EACH AND EVERY INSTANCE OF MY EXPRESSION IS VAST AND VERBOSE AND MAXIMAL.

Being in a relationship means you can come home and totally info-dump unguarded about whatever weird thing you're contemplating and the person opposite you will be happy you're there and delighted that you're happy or sad with you if you're sad. It also means you do this for the other person with genuine interest. I don't call that "small talk".
- This is it.
  My wife comes home and fires on all cylinders about her day. Then I share how much my one coworker sucks and what they did today.
  Then we wonder about the heat death of the universe.

ITT we ask the autistic to self identify

Literally yes.

if you're in a relationship you can just hug instead of small talk

Is or is not talking about how your days went considered small talk? I literally don't know now. I'd say it's small talk.
Small talk is a way to gauge someone's mood before going for the bigger discussions
- If a colleague asks me "Hi, how're you doing?" it's small talk and I'll respond something like "Oh you know, the usual." If my partner asks me "Hi, how was your day?" it's a genuine question and I will respond "That fucking dickhead at work that always plays nice and personable came around with another set of "urgent" requests and no fucking clue what he's actually asking for, whether it's possible or why I told him last week it isn't."
  The difference is in how serious I take the question.
- I think so? Perhaps it's small talk as long as it remains small. "Hi honey, what did you find out about the coefficient of friction in the graviton chamber after interviewing that nazi scientist, and does it mean we have to uproot our family and travel to a new country again?" is probably not small talk, unless it's answered by, "oh, yeah, friction's quite big, it's all fine; can I have some toast?"

So, you just HAVE to talk?
Do you hate silence?
- One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating the obvious... At first Ford formed a theory to account for this human behaviour. If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths seize up. After a few months' consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don't keep on excercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
  One of my favorite passages from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
- Shhhhhhh....

The real answer is it doesn't matter. I feel like I have free will hence I have free will for all meaningful intents and purposes.
Neither argument can be proven and even if it's an illusion, it's strong enough to make the truth irrelevant.
- At the same time, you claiming/thinking you have free will doesn't make "the universe" enable it for you. You do not have meta powers.
  
  It doesn't matter. If there is no free will, the illusion is strong enough to make me think that there is.
  There is no way of proving if it's chemistry, physics, will of god or actual free will. I feel like I have free will, it doesn't matter what the truth is because the truth cannot break the illusion.
  A brain can only make me feel free will and that's all that matters practically.

Id rather discuss that than what someone did last weekend tbh.
- That's the point of this post. That's fun for me too. But if you're living with someone, you've found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years. How will it look 15 years later? Either you rehash the same conversation about free will multiple times a day or you wander around the same house in abject silence for months until one of you can think of a good continuation of that 20 year long "what is the meaning of life?" conversation you've been having. Instead just learn to small talk, life is long and it's nice to have the affirmation that a loved one still pays attention to and cares about your day to day.
  
  This seems more like extroverts' misconceptions of how introverts are, rather than an actual issue to me. I don't tend to seek out relationships with highly extroverted people who can't stand the idea of a moment where nobody is saying something, regardless of how inane that thing happens to be. At present, my companion and I have known each other for pushing 15 years, and we're just comfortable being quiet around each other, unless one of us actually has something to say. If one of us actually has something they want to communicate about their day, or some other typical topic for small talk, we're more than capable of talking each others' ears off, we just don't feel any need to run through conversations like:
  "How was your day?"
  "Good, yours?"
  "Also acceptable."
  on a regular basis, unless we actually have something we wanted to discuss.
  It's also not as though we don't have any hobbies or interests. We've got plenty of shared ones, and enjoy discussing them and planning out future activities, we just tend to do it either solo or together, but without involving large groups. Even for those we don't share, we enjoy discussing them with each other to a certain extent.
  There's a huge difference between disliking pointless, socially expected chatter to fill dead air, and having some sort of social anxiety that leaves you unable to sustain regular conversations with others in your life. People who are not introverted just seem to assume that we either wish we could do it, but have some sort of condition that prevents us from being able to do so without it causing us problems, or that we just never learned how to do it properly, and would enjoy it for some reason if they just kept trying to get us to do it more and practice. I'm sure there are people that would apply to, but it's not universal, and many of us would just like to be left in peace, unless you actually have something to say. Sometimes, we even meet others like ourselves, and enjoy our peace together, without the pointless talk that we both know neither is really interested in.
  Relevant meme:
  
  "What do you want for dinners next week?" while planning the groceries list is not small talk. What shall we do this weekend. Its not "what is the meaning of life" but it is important still the same. What Kitty just did is also important because we both care about Kitty's well being. There is lots to talk about that is not deep philosophical stuff, but still important.
  
  you've found out what their opinion on free will and almost every other deep conversation you could have with them in the first few years
  I met my wife when we were 16-17. We are in our 40s now. It's reasonable to expect that our opinions on such subjects have changed since then.
  But there are plenty of subjects to talk about. How is the current environment in the US going to impact our kids' lives going forward? Even if we know each other's general perspectives on life, the universe, and everything, that doesn't mean we can also predict opinions on complex scenarios and situations.

Small talk != big talk
- I would even say: Big talk > small talk

Why does the image look like AI generated? How the letters are so fucked up?
- Took a picture of their monitor with a phone camera that uses AI image enhancement
- Shit, you got my interest peaked, I want to know now
  
  piqued*
- Might have been corrupted through a bunch of screenshots and then restored by ai

These kinds of philosophical questions are easily defeated by asking "does it matter though?"
- I don't think that defeats it at all, it just changes the direction of the conversation and is as deeply philosophical as the first. Some might say life goes on with or without free will so it doesn't matter, other say that the a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt, and could reshape society in very profound ways, so of course it matters.
  
  There is value in asking the question and in the consideration itself. Even if we never find the answer, it's good for our brains to think about these things. Knowledge, and the search for it, can be an end unto itself. We don't always need to do something with it.
  
  a societal acceptance of the absence of free will removes the burden of guilt
  Those cops, judges, lawyers, jail guards etc also don’t have free will, so while maybe the burden of guilt is gone, the legal repercussions still would exist all the same.
- it may not matter at all, but we're here, somehow, made of sentient flesh, kept on a giant rock hurling through space, spinning around an enormous buring ball of fire. it's all bizarre and none of us knows what is going on, so why not take some time out of the lives we live as statistical abnormalities, and just ponder on the whys and hows and whats of the things around us, and our own minds
  
  A continous nuclear explosion even.
- I guess, if they answer "No" or "Your simple rebuttal has made me realize the problem of free will is nbd actually".
  But if they say "Yes. It does matter." Then suddenly it isn't defeated and you'd need to provide a compelling argument for it not mattering, which would make for good conversation.
- "It does if you are mad about me cheating on you."
- Old friend of mine: "Will this matter at my funeral?"

Spouse and I ponder the mysteries of life and the universe while we’re cuddling.
- Sounds pretty good :-)

Hey baby I brought home some dinner-
“Husband. Thy presence brings thoughts of philosophical questions.”
Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
- Alright. I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
  Is that because you are choosing to, or because of destiny?
  
  Well see life itself is a burrito. If you don't make sure you have cheese and sour cream, well seasoned proteins, beans the way you like, delicious rice, maybe a bit of salsa and always hot sauce it just isn't fulfilled.
  Some people are happy with spicier sarcasm in their lives, others more mild. But if you don't have a good foundation to wrap it all up in it'll fall to pieces.
  It's not deep, it's just a burrito
  
  It's because the burrito is getting cold.
- I’m just gonna eat this burrito though.
  But pray tell doth the burrito qualify as a sandwich

Hi honey did you see today’s shitposts memes?

Shit got real in the shit post sub.
- Between neurological relationship building, and predetermination, there's much to talk about!
  Also, how's the weather in your area today? It's sunny with quite a wind here; had a spot of rain earlier.
  
  It's been pristine here! Just perfect weather. Sunny and about 75.
  I was, as a teenager, a person who hated small talk. Looking back, the big things I wanted to talk about were and are important to me, but I realize that I like listening to people's thinking and let them vibe where they feel heard and happy!
- This is a surprisingly powerful topic for a lot of people *
  *those people particularly being the ends of the spectrum between "people who discovered how easy it is to get people to like you" and "angry introverts who don't want to change."

Silence isn't a crime you know...it's actually pretty great.

got a neighbor can't control his motor mouth. last time he came to my door i said 'what the fuck do you want' and closed/locked the door. not too bright. he yelled through the door, 'I only want to talk'. hahaha fuck off
- Tough one. I'd probably end up being the person who just kept politely listening while trying to shut down the conversation amicably like "well anyway" and "I must get cooking dinner now" and "my plants need moisturising" or something.
  Neighbours are extremely high on the list of people I want to avoid pissing off, because a neighbour with a grudge against you could be an absolute nightmare (especially when you live in a townhouse and share walls)
  
  let him in once. talked non-stop for nearly 2 hours. unstable. out. used to be normalish. lost his mind.

There is nothing wrong with silence, also my partner and I always have something to talk about that isn't small talk. We have been together for 22 yrs. We have a lifetimes worth of shared experiences to converse about.

how do people who like small talk plan on being in sustained meaningful relationships what are you gonna do "hi honey nice weather we're having huh?"
my plan is to be too busy kissing my partner at all times to say anything
- How Shakespearian. "Stop his mouth with a kiss."
  "And another kiss."
  "Keep going! More kisses, least he open his mouth and opine on the weather."
  
  a year in the horror dawns upon you
  you have trained your partner to engage in small talk to get kissed

My partner and I both understand that free will doesn't exist but it's better for everyone if we pretend it does. And yes, a lot of our conversations are a bit like that.
- Free will is the choice. Just because "particles have rules, you're made of particles" doesn't mean you didn't have a choice. It's just that the thing we've been calling "free will" is a little different than we thought.
- I know that free will doesn't exist and I wouldn't choose to have it any other way
  
  Too bad. I chose for free will to exist, and I'm happy with my decision.
- Too bad you don't have the free will to change that ;-)

Meaningful.
The clue is in meaningful.
- Ah, but meaning comes on many layers, some of which are hidden.

Daily life is what daily life is all about.
I do think I'd potentially be happier with a partner who I could speak philosophy and politics with, but if we couldn't also function simply navigating running a household and raising our family, then we really couldn't be anything more than friends with benefits long term. Not that that would be a bad thing. It just depends on how you want to live your life, and whether you value a stable partnership over firey romance.
Some people are lucky enough to have a partner that fulfills the entirety of their intellectual, intimate, familial and financial needs, but such people are few and far between I'm sure!

Pretty much yeah.

I love these sorts of conversations.
- Alright: for how much money would you eat a teaspoon of shit?
  
  I would eat shit for a down payment of the house I would want and manage to pay back with interest.

So this person thinks they can choose small talk? curious.

I mean You can hate small talk with strangers and co workers but still enjoy small talk with your partner
- "How's the weather, Bob?"
  "Please! My wife asks me that in the bedroom! Not you, here, at the water cooler."

That sounds great, actually

Bold of you to assume I can form and maintain a relationship.

We would share comfortable silences and not feel the need to talk at all.

Yeah, this literally is how it works, like to a T.

Man I really hate AI 'upscaled' images like this. It still looks bad! A JPEG artifact image and an AI 'shitscaled' image are both shit, just in different ways.
- And upscaling an image of text of all things, you could write out the text in less time than it would take to do this dumb upscaling shit.

"Look, I told you yesterday, I don't care. Whatever I said the first time we had this discussion, today, on the 937th time, I no longer give a shit."

My speech is deep. My beard is neck.

Yes.

I hate talking small. I'm not good at it. It's one of the reasons I have a limited number of profound friendships rather than being liked by everybody. I'm an introvert. I'm ok with that. My partner can chat when we see each other after work because when we're talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that's not small talk. That's talking about things with very low impact or consequences.
- when we're talking about the kitties doing something cute or what we wanna have for dinner that's not small talk.
  What else do you imagine is part of "small talk"?
  
  No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It's not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That's just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
- talking about things with very low impact or consequences
  Isn't that the definition of small talk?
  
  No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It's not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That's just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
- That is small talk though.
  
  No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It's not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That's just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.
- I think that's smalltalk
  
  No. Small talk is what you do with people who are unfamiliar. It's not the bits you exchange with someone who is intimate. That's just catching up. Small talk takes effort for an introvert (which I am). Catching up is just shooting the breeze.

I don't think it matters.
I honestly don't think it's a meaningful question.

I think everyone needs to recalibrate what 'small talk' is.
Some people are acting so opposed to small talk, as if it requires writing an essay on why you love a list of pop culture influencers and reality stars.

Kinda just hoping they love me for who I am and not some forced version of myself that makes me feel like a complete ass.

My partner and I have surprisingly little in common when it comes to interests. I like a lot of nerd stuff: homelab, 3d printing, robotics, brewing, welding, woodworking, sci-fi, etc. They like not nerd stuff: copaganda shows, murder porn (podcasts and documentaries), dog training, cooking, etc. I like metal, they like jangly indie, we both like punk. We both really love cats.
We also both hate small talk, so we only discuss what we find to be pertinent or interesting. Since we have a lot of individual interests, we actually have a lot to talk about. We just had a really great conversation on using Docker or a VM to circumvent some silly online testing issues. Otherwise, it's just comfortable silence. I really love them.