Why do you think JD Vance killed the Pope?

Pope didn't say Thank you.
- Pope didn't wear a suit.
  
  White Pope robes? Don't you know how to wear respectful clothing?
  
  Pope was wearing a dress.
- But he did prove the power of prayer

Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."
- Lol .... this is it
  When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...
  you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"
  
  Especially if you genuinely believe in an afterlife. At some point, you think, "Why am I tolerating this tool? I got MUCH better places to be."

Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis
And then after Pope Francis
- Yeah, as far as popes go he was pretty chill
- Still needed a way to finance a billion dollar corporation with tens of thousands of prime real estate all over the world managed by a legion of professional clergy all managed by a central office that is it's own country at the center of one of the most expensive cities in the world ..... all while spreading the message of piety, peace and being humble.
  As much as everyone likes to glorify catholic leaders, they're still a mafia force that is based on money and wealth and Christian faith last
  
  For sure, but as long as the mafia exists (which looks like it's going to be for a good long while still) I want it to have the leader who will do the most good possible, even if it's still a net negative. There are those out there who would use the resources to do a lot of harm.
- If anyone really cares, that's because Pope Francis was from the Jesuit Order. The first pope to be one. They swear poverty among other things, so the golden chair wouldn't look appropriate.
  
  Also South American Catholics are a bit more hardcore about the poverty and activism stuff. I don’t think Francis was necessarily full on “liberation theology,” but I can’t imagine probably knowing priests who got “free helicopter rides” for standing up for poor and indigenous people probably does impact how you think.
  
  Don't worry though they kept it in good shape in storage.
  
  dude even refused to live in the Pope's residence and stays at the 3 star hotel (not really a hotel but described that way) that's for the visiting clergy (kept deliberately simple to dissuade visitors from wanting to stay too long). the guy's humility is inspiring even if I don't like his org.
- Finally gets to visit the pope; does't get to fuck the fancy chairs. 😔
- I hope they sold the old chair and used the money for the poor, but they probably just tucked it in the attic
- I wonder what the next Pope's chair will look like
  
  It'll probably be Q's chair from The Trial Never Ends.
  
  Iron Throne
- Both chairs are still in the Vatican. It's like when people talked about Bezos driving his old car.
- Damn, dude really wrecked the Vatican's economy!

He had his eye on a really nice couch in the lobby.
- Imagine a couch. Comfortable. Soft. Now imagine it can move you around wherever you want to go. Imagine it is surrounded by bullet-proof glass to keep you safe, but also so you can enjoy adoration from millions of people without even having to get up.
  Well, it exists, but it's one-of-a-kind, it can only have one owner, and it's currently spoken-for. What do you do?
  
  Vance killing the Pope in order to get a chance at fucking the Pope-mobile is my new favorite head cannon.

The pope asked the Trump administration to be kind to immigrants and the poor. Can't have talk like that from the church.
- Doesn't the Pope know that empathy is a sin?
  
  The devil is tempting me to be kind and have compassion for others.
- Lol church money flowing to the poor and needy? How would the poor get into heaven without a life of suffering? (Mother Theresa's view on charity, not mine).
  
  Careful now, Martin Luther!

Realistically, no, but I still think it should be said frequently with sincerity.

The Pope refused to join his Signal group.
- He joined the wrong signal group. Vance only realized when the pope asked "what's up with all the couch pics?"

The Pope showed him his latest meme
- UV unwrap

He killed him by being near him
- Remind some of this

Vance killed him because the Pope didn't own a suit

JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.
- JD Vance had FOXDIE

I don't think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.
- I usually don't subscribe to victim blaming, but this one is ok.

Death by cringe

JD Vance just existed
The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.

Pope met the antichrist and said I'm outta here.

Probably not because the Pope didn't say thank you. Zelensky is still alive. He probably didn't say please as well.

Vance took off his human mask and showed the pope what a demon looks like.

the vatican couch was plush

To get a right wing replacement, duh.
- Eek! Use a spoiler tag, you scared the Bejesus out of me with that thing.

Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.
Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.
- Did you see him drop Ohio State’s trophy the other day?
  Maybe he dropped the Pope?

I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao

The pope didn’t thank him

Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN

Same reason Liz Truss killed the Queen

He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.
- and Russian asset
  I'll give away for free, but in bundle with Putin.

Talking to sex pest Jimmy Dilbert Vance is so exhausting it takes 10 years off your life, the Pope didn't have 10 years left.
- Ain't no way his middle name is Dilbert. The Pope probably died laughing when he heard.

Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn't just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.
- He slew two white whales in the same building!

He probably didn't even do it on purpose. But I'm sure he did it.

The pope realized that no just or loving god would let that couch fucker anywhere near any position of power, so he offed himself out of depression.
- Plausible explanation.

Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.

The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.
As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.
- *loveseat

because the pope wouldn't give him his couch

Vance saw this sexy ass chair And he just had to fuck it. I had to get down and dirty with that fancy seat. The pope tried to get in his way.
- Are... Are you JD Vance?
  
  Nah... but I got sucked into the couch appreciation, white house signal chat last week

Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.
- There's photo evidence thanks to AI

Because Biden is catholic

That pure malice that emanates from JankyDick is not recommended for anyone over the age of 80.

One thing I've learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game

Sure didn't see this one coming, ironically. Before the pope had passed away I commented this on another post.
Bet the poor Pope couldn't even attend because in addition to his health issues he must have felt the evil pressure oozing from Vance.
Welp, poor Francis. He was a good one, and difficult to replace especially in these uncertain times.
The silver lining is that he really made his last big act in life to admonish Vance, and by extension the Trump admin, about their wrongdoing. He has my gratitude for that.

Because Elon wanted it. Vance doesn't have an ounce of initiative in his body. He doesn't need a reason other than his boss asked him.

He thought it was the seat of Catholic power and was driven to a frenzy.

As a vampire, he has to drink the blood of a pontif to remain a daywalker.
He should now sparkle in the sun for another...6-8 weeks before needing to feed again.
- Sparkling vice president was not on my political bingo card for this administration.

The Pope cried out “take me JC!”
Unfortunately his right hand man is a bit hard of hearing, and let JD into the room…
- Proceeds to hold his breath and die before loveseat gets the sideeye

JD got over excited by how the pontiff choose to couch his words.

Given the conservative drift of major institutions over the past year or so whoever they pick for the new Pope is probably less likely to excommunicate him
- We’ll see how it goes but Francis chose a supermajority of the current Cardinals. With the exception of Cardinal Pizzaballa, I don’t know any of their names, much less their views.
  
  Cardinal Pizzaballa
  That cannot be his real name.
  Looks it up
  Huh, TIL.

I don't know the why but the first thing I said when I found out was "Polonium".
- He was 88, a stiff breeze would have been as effective an assassination method.

killed him to further the prophecy that this is the end times.

Because he's evil. And the pope publicly gave him a lecture. Made him look smaller than he already did.

JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.

If you're in the vatican, what else is there to do?

Because the pope deadnamed him.
James Donald Bowman is a massive cuck and deserves to be reminded off his biological father for as long as people in the USA can't choose which gender they prefer.
- I wonder if his ID matches his summoning certificate. 🤔
  
  summoning certificate
  Is that not just saying the name three times in front of a mirror?