8mo ago

1994 white Kevin

113 comments

Honestly this is a great joke but also could legitimately be a good service for someone who didn't feel safe walking alone, or needs help navigating
- A lot of university campuses have this. It's a good idea.
  
  They probably don't charge money for that service though, and that's a better idea.
  
  John Mulaney has a joke about how his parents knew Bill Clinton that way, from all going to undergrad together at Georgetown. Apparently all the women loved being escorted by Bill Clinton, and the men were all jealous.
  
  I found out in my senior year, that my campus had been plagued by a serial rapist for several years, going back to before i was a freshman, and the school had covered it up. I only found out about it when i learned that my roommate's girlfriend had a sorority sister on a full-ride scholarship to keep her quiet about being raped in her freshman year.
  Suddenly, the pressure to use their chaperone service became clear.
  
  My school had a number you could call and they'd dispatch a golf cart with 2 student workers to take you anywhere on campus for free, 24/7 (minus holidays and breaks when University offices were cosed).
- Especially if they'd help carry your bags and whatnot; that could be very helpful for someone who has mobility issues or just has a lot of things they need to bring. Well worth $7.50
- Speaking as a person who does not fit the demographic for this service, the big problem I see with it is how you trust that the walking buddy is actually going to be safer than nothing. Uber drivers are somewhat regularly in the news for assaulting women and I know several women that don’t like riding them alone
- You're right, this is a great services for predators to register.
  
  It’s a great idea. This is the shit side of it.

It's at least 5 years old and it seems every single year the news outlets "fact check" it and declare it false.
Meanwhile we have actual conspiracy theories on official government websites and those same outlets say nothing.
I hate this timeline.
- There's been jokes that end up becoming reality so yearly fact-checks is appreciated

Both see the same offer, neither get the money

Is the hand holding optional or?
- Compulsory.
- Your preference will be determined through biometrics and you will be billed on a scale determine by your Uber rating.

I feel awfully called out as a 1994 white Kevin...
- Hahaha white Kev never can catch a break
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDcFIP7ImVU

For $7.50 I'd unironically use a walking buddy at least once
- For safety in numbers, or talk therapy?
  
  Novelty?

You know... There's a lot of women that wouldn't dare to walk alone at night. That white Kevin has been vetted by Uber and has a paper trail.
How about not just a white Kevin but an Armed Stacey, or a security guard Michelle.
of course, it'd probably cost MORE to get someone to walk with you because they'd have to not only drive there and walk but walk back.
- Vetted by Uber doesn't really mean much.
  
  Especially because there's a huge industry for fake driver accounts so literally anyone can buy an uber 'employment'.

I don't say this much but that is actually a good idea, considering the amount of people that live very lonely and isolated lives. Maybe this can help some people to talk, enjoy another's company, etc. Maybe. Everything else the effing internet and tech companies tried only managed to push people apart...
- Uber invented escorts
  
  Revamped the concept.
- Except that it gives predators an easy way to be alone with drunk women. I wouldn’t trust Uber’s security checks.
  
  Same risk with a driver, I'd guess.
  
  You don't have to trust the security checks, but they had to submit their personal information and documents to Uber, and would be easy to find if they did anything. And have two devices actively recording their location. That's much better than an anonymous stranger, and I doubt a predator would go through all that instead of just, you know, remaining an anonymous person on the street.
- sure, it's nice to do something about loneliness. Makes me think of human libraries, where you can borrow a human to have a talk with. But please, let's do these things voluntarily and not for profit. There's something nasty about "I'm only willing to speak to you if you pay me".
  
  Isn't that a japanese thing? With cafes where you go to talk with a person?
  But back to the subject at hand.
  I could see this as a way to get someone's help to take some groceries home or some large object a single person can't, as it is too akward to hold alone.
  Or as a personal guide or to have company to go to/through somewhere someone does not feel comfortable.

For the first time, I saw a car with Uber stickers in my country. Wanted to peel them off, but I also don't wanna get in a fight over it. Pretty sure it'll mostly be used by foreigners because the local alternative has several years of advantage and is also a multinational now.
- Why?
- friend, if i gotta burn down shit while facing forced disappearance to el salvador, you'd better be peeling the corporatists' stickers off cars to protect your local alternative
  
  Friend, I live at least 7 timezones away from you. I appreciate you burning shit down, but the people who voted the orange fascist into power are your friends and family, not me.

Do they bring their own leash or can you use your own?
- Can I use the one with the fuzzy collar?

This would be legitimately amazing.

Why is the walking buddy holding hands? Are they letting you know Kevin is single and ready to mingle?

Is uber not profitable?
- “In 2023, Uber reported its first annual profit since going public in 2019, with a net income of $1.9 billion. This follows a period of consistent losses for the company.”
- Never has been Earth astronauts gun meme
  No, but fr Uber is a masterclass in creative accounting and strategic acquisitions for further creative accounting.
- unlike other comments, I'd argue, like most tech, it was incredibly profitable for anyone except the people funding it.
  Business is not about extracting money from goods and services, it's about tricking VC funders to give you 50 million dollars a year
- Hilariously unprofitable. They even came up with creative accounting to show how, despite never being profitable they may turn a profit if you don't count their debts and losses.
  
  Uber's true business model isn't in place yet. Eventually, all cars will be self-driving, and they can ditch the drivers. The ultimate objective is to replace personal car ownership with a driving service.
  Once they don't have to pay drivers, and they have monthly fees coming in from millions of subscribers, they'll clean up.
- Their whole business model is "wait for self driving and then $$$" as they'll no longer have to pay anybody.

rent a girlfriend?
- Dude there’s probably a business in that. People typically just get hookers for that weird situation where a rich powerful man has to go to an event and bring a plus one, and he can’t find a woman who doesn’t hate him so he has to rent one by the hour.
  Make it an app. Fuck it. Lets let the business majors ruin that too.
  
  They usually get escorts, which actually isn't the same thing as a hooker and not all of them actually do sex work. I have no idea why I know anything about that, but it was something I was just kinda aware of as a young adult.
  
  there have been many attempts but unfortunately the evangelicals control the banks/payment processors so it hasn't happened

"Drop off" makes it sound like he'll carry you.

This is routing from LaGuardia airport in NY, meaning the "walking" route has you taking a subway. Maybe the walking buddy is a local NYC thing meant for people who want assistance navigating the trains. I never see this on my app tho so it must have been a trial feature.
- I’m hoping (praying) that since this is a shitposting sub, you and I both are just particularly gullible and this is not an actual thing.
  
  I thought for sure it was fake until I noticed the map was my neighborhood 😂

so that you can google map together?
- i assume, if this were real, which it isn't, the idea would be that everyone on the app has to pass a background check, so if you're walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood and you're a class of person who has reason to fear walking alone, you'd have someone there with you to help you be just a little more safe. obviously not as good as an actual trusted friend, but for certain people in certain situations, better than nothing
  
  A lot of people can pass a background check that you wouldn't want to escort your daughter.
  
  So they can't hire anyone in the class of people who'd have reason to fear walking around in certain neighborhoods?
  Women, trans men, and certain minority groups would be discriminated against in their hiring? Or would using this service come with the risk of someone that's more likely to get you targeted?
  I feel like this wouldn't work for many reasons.