But wait, there's more!

This just makes me sad because I spent more than a decade trying to be patient and kind with her crazy level 10 where me trying to separate during an argument by leaving the apartment would result in her trying to trap me in the apartment, physically restrain me from leaving, saying I never loved her, threats of suicide and trying to make me watch her self-harm or listen/watch to a suicide attempt (once I made it out the door I would have endless phone calls with nothing but the sound of her smashing up the apartment and saying she was busy trying to kill herself). The final straw was her trying to kill herself with my cancer medication, it felt like she was trying to kill both of us.

I spend every day feeling like I wasn't strong enough and I failed her. I feel like I gave my life to her and I failed her and my life isn't worth anything now.

This sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. My ex did the same exact stuff. There are a lot of books about it. "I hate you, don't leave me" is a really great book to read. Helped me out a lot with my ex.
- I appreciate you trying to empathize, but please stop medicalizing shitty behavior. It doesn't matter that you were somewhat correct.
- Borderline, Bipolar II, and untreated ADHD because the bipolar meds she was on conflicted with any potential ADHD meds.
hey SnotFlickerman, give yourself some credit. nobody is strong enough to handle a relationship with someone dedicated to self destruction. thats kind of the point. your life is just as worthless as everyone else's, whatever that might mean for you. go appreciate someone worthy of your time.
- go appreciate someone worthy of your time.
  
  it's not like i've gotten a ton of attention from women throughout my life, and it's not like women are clamoring for a bald overweight middle aged guy with cancer, but sure, somehow someone is suddenly gonna give a shit i exist.
Look up CPTSD, fellow victim. She's a narcissist and it's not your fault

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An ex had a breakdown (before we were together, when I was pursuing her) and we talked it out. At the end, she said "Well, now I know that you can handle me." I look back on her as crazier than I realized during the relationship. I don't have good feelings toward her in that regard. I still respect her for instilling a lot of good traits in how I view the world, but holy shit.