Take care of your fucking teeth.
Take care of your fucking teeth.
And once more, for the folks who don’t get it…
Take care of your fucking teeth.
This, but also your knees.
Any body part with a double E really.
In addition, take care of your fucking joints and your hearing. They will never get better, you can only slow the degradation.
My joints have always been terrible, I have much to look forward to I am sure
Start saving for retirement now. You can make literally millions by putting away 10% of your income early on. Do it automatically so you never even notice the money gone.
If you are worried about making the wrong choice and your company doesn’t have a 401k, open an IRA somewhere (Fidelity if you need someone to make the decision for you) and pick a date targeted fund. Set up auto deposit. Never look at the balance.
You can always make it better later but for now the best thing to do is start. Don’t let analysis paralysis get in the way.
I don't want to come off as insensitive, so I'll try to phrase things carefully.
If you have even the slightest spare money per pay period, like $30, and a 401k or 403b is offered to you, you really need to do it.
That money comes out of your check before taxes, so you will be investing more money than what actually comes out of your check. By deduction 6% of a $15/hr full time job, you're putting in $36, but your paycheck will only go down about $30-free money!
Many places will match you some, say half of that first 6%, so now you're saving $54 while only being out $30. You've almost doubled your money in one week!
Come tax time, you've saved $1872, and you've been given a free $936. It doesn't stop there though, because now you only are paying income tax on $29,328 instead of $31,200. If you get a tax rebate now, you will get even more back!
So now you're saving $2808 a year at age 20. Let's put that in one mutual fund, a SP500 index fund. Over the last 10 years, that has returned 12‰, but let's be conservative and call it 10. If you never make a cent more per hour, by age 65, you will have saved $84,000 and your job has chipped in $42,000, over a year's pay! But with that 10% compound interest, you have $2,000,000! You are a multi-millionaire for $30/wk!
If you get a raise or get a better job in the future, this number can be even higher.
Please keep this in mind. Even if you can't do it now, do it ASAP. Here are the same numbers, but starting at 30 instead of 20.
Still amazing, but seeing this difference is why we older on ones tell you not saving earlier was our big regret.
I hope this was helpful and doesn't get taken as a "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" thing.
Question: If I had money saved in a 401k or Roth IRA, what if I died before I retired? What would happen to the money? Would it go back to the government or to a close relative?
You can (and should) assign a beneficiary for the account. They receive the money if you die.
You declare your beneficiaries when signing up - it goes to them, I believe.
It's easy to believe you're invincible in your twenties. Or "later me can deal with it.". As that later version of me, I'm not a huge fan of that earlier version in a lot of ways. It's fine, I'm who I am for what I went through, and I'm righting the ship. But the more cans you kick down the road, the more you have to deal with later and the harder they are to deal with. Physically, mentally, financially. It's ok to try to live life freely, but definitely be aware of this and consider kicking one less can every chance you get.
So much this... Despite trying to drive defensively I have been involved in two major car accidents. The first one I walked away from, but the second one put me on Flight for Life. Despite the accident itself being pretty bad, the only physical issue was a broken leg that took a couple years to heal properly. However the REAL issue took longer to realize -- something from that accident has caused me to have continued sleep issues since then. I'll be on medications the rest of my life probably, and even then I still have trouble getting restful sleep if I've been physically active.
Yeah it's easy to feel invincible when you're young, and your body can heal from a lot, but just remember that those things can also fuck up your shit in ways you might not realize until years later. Things you take for granted now (like sleep) can really screw up your enjoyment of life when they don't work right.
It's ok to try to live life freely, but definitely be aware of this and consider kicking one less can every chance you get.
Got it.
If you're working in the attic, under the house, around dirt/dust/debris wear a mask/respirator. It's so nice to be able to take deep breaths without coughing later in life (and outclass your peers in the stamina department) 👍
Pro tip: Even though they're bigger and bulkier respirators are much more comfy than masks.
Wear hearing protection. Tinnitus blows.
I took the aftermarket stereo out of my car in my mid 20s so I can hear bass well still but I often read people's lips because that mid range hearing is not close to how it used to be if there are any ambient noises at all.
it really does suck. mine started since I was 14, like wtf
rrreeeeeeeeeeeee.
Thanks all those concerts I went to in my 20s.
The random aches and pains you start waking up with are here to stay. Learn to embrace them.
And drink more water.
And get your eyes checked once in a while. For a while I would get massive headaches by early afternoon. I thought I had a nutrient deficiency. Bloodwork came out ok. Turns out I needed stronger glasses.
I'm 36.
Do yourself a favor. Dont drink alone.
Sound like a tall order? Work on that. Your liver is important. You'll be alone a lot. You get in that habit now, it'll be with you when you're 40, and your liver will not be a fan.
"Work on that" what do you mean?!? -- you get home from a shit day at work, or you stop at a bar on the way home. You get drunk to numb the calcified agony of the working life. -- that's what I mean. There are other ways to numb thatee less maladaptive, they just take more effort and take affect less quickly. Move toward it for me tak health.
Do you spend hours on the couch scrolling on your phone? Try to go on a 2 mile walk every day. 4 is even better. Your heart will thank you. Your hips, knees and ankles will thank you. Listen to a podcast. You can still binge content, just... Get your body moving. And get your eyes to focus on the horizon every now and then. It's good for your eyesight long term.
Get yourself out of breath, heart racing from pushing yourself physically at least once a week. Preferably nearly every day.
Take up an artistic hobby. Write bad poems. Write bad stories. Write bad songs. Draw dumb cartoons. Draw bad portraits. Sing your best, but sing. Dance.
Stretch.
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Floss.
Do planks.
Side planks too.
Drink water.
You should be able to do 20 pushups.
You should be able to touch your toes.
Sprint as far as you can at least once a month.
Just don't get complacent being complacent.
Invest $1 for every $1 you put in a savings account. Put $1 into a retirement fund for every $1 you put in that savings acct too. Oh, and $1 in a Roth IRA at the same rate.
Got an extra $100? $25 to savings $25 to investing, $25 to Roth, $25 to 401k.
Do that til your savings ~= 6 months living expenses. Then stop that fund and split it 3 ways for investing, retirement, retirement.
Use your investment (and if things go south, savings) for a down payment on a house to minimize your mortgage.
Edit: in debt? Have more than 1 source of debt? Focus on the biggest one. If you can make minimum payments on all and have money leftover it goes to the largest debt/worst interest. Pay em off one at a time til your chins above water.
Yeah regarding the drinking alone; it's an easy escape from whatever is happening right now (45+ yrs here). Not an alcoholic but I definitely have a bad habit (that's what all alcoholics say, right?) during non work hours to disconnect (not sure from what to be honest..life?)
I'm not good by what I suggest lol.
Trying to get them young because these habits die hard.
It is easy to say you're not an alcoholic. Have you read what defines alcoholism? I qualify. I wouldn't assume I do.
Here's the cold slap in the face for us all. Count up your points...
Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a > longer period than was intended.
There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.
A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects.
Craving, or a strong desire or urge to use alcohol.
Recurrent alcohol use resulting in a failure to fulfill major role obligations at work, school, or home.
Continued alcohol use despite having persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by the effects of alcohol.
Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of alcohol use.
Recurrent alcohol use in situations in which it is physically hazardous.
Alcohol use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by alcohol.
Tolerance, as defined by either of the following:
*A need for markedly increased amounts of alcohol to achieve intoxication or desired effect.
*A markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of alcohol.
Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
*The characteristic withdrawal syndrome for alcohol (See the “How is alcohol withdrawal managed?” section for some DSM-5 symptoms of withdrawal).
*Alcohol (or a closely related substance, such as a benzodiazepine) is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms.
Remember alcohol is itself a central nervous system depressant. I do drink in moderation (2-3 a week) but everyday is a bad idea, even outside of any harm to your liver or whatever, because it can make you depressed and downers of all sorts (including Benadryl) accumulate damage over time that can contribute heavily to dementia risk.
If you are worried about it, that seems a clear enough signal, you don't have to label yourself as anything, cut down if you can. Going to the gym or yoga class after work can provide the same wind down in a healthier way. I do understand wanting a separation - it is so nice to come home, sit on the porch with a drink, to separate work from home life, but most days I go to yoga instead.
None is better than some, some is better than a lot.
Spend quality time with your parents (assuming you're on good terms of course).
I lost my dad when I was 30, after a short and unexpected illness, and I regret not spending much more time with him when I could have.
This hit me like a truck. I lost my father at the beginning of the month due to some tragedy that occurred.
We weren't on speaking terms (a decision I made), but I'd always planned to one day see if I could turn things around, which will never happen now. Never in a million years would I ever have expected it to come down to this.
Aw mate... I'm so so sorry 😔
That's a really hard situation, and I hope you're doing ok. Take care.
- Get an exercise routine now and keep it
- Take care of your teeth
- Invest in your retirement now
- Keep your mind sharp
- Eat right most of the time
Wear earplugs at loud concerts and parties and at work if you have a noisy job.
People will make fun about you, but believe me, permanent tinnitus really sucks.
Plus, if you preserve your hearing you'll be able to hear all the high dog whistle frequencies that everybody else won't be able to, and you'll feel just a tiny bit superior for no good reason.
Yeah I am in my 40s and I when its quiet I hear that squealing and I really cant hear what I used to.
Smoking, drinking and gambling never ends well. Stay away from addictions.
Don't try to proof how manly you are to your friends/girls. It rarely pays off. Its ok to have a veggie dish at the restaurant instead of a bloody steak. Its ok to not speed with your car to look cool. Its ok to wear whatever the fuck you want as long as you like it, it fits well and its practical for you. Do what you like and be proud of it.
Always save time for your hobbies. Growing up doesn't means you can't have fun. If you are in a relationship make sure your partner gives you enough space and time for yourself.
Travel. Try new things. Eat food you've never tried before.
Get into the habit of reading. Actual books, not just things like lemmy.
Realize that literally every person you meet is a walking story, just like yourself
Brush your fuckin teeth.
Also: Floss. Seriously. Take care of your damn teeth. They're important.
Take care of your damn teeth. They’re important.
I'm 34 and I already lost half of my teeth. By 40 they'll probably all be gone. It's definitely genetics, but also very much the lazyness in my youth that caused this.
If someone in their twenties reads this: Brush your fucking teeth, seriously. I had a phase in my life where I was living with constant pain for almost a year and almost went insane. Nobody should have to live like this.
Also don't brush your gums too hard, I did that a bit when I didn't know better, and my gums receded slightly. Turns out those things don't come back. Make sure you brush that area though!
My electric toothbrush was an amazing investment. It flashes red lights if I press too hard while brushing. You'd think after 10 years of this thing that I'd develop an intuition about how hard to press, but it still yells at me to back off all the time. It's made a huge difference for the health of my teeth.
Don't eat between meals to re-establish your saliva microbiome and pH. This will do a lot for prevention of carie growth.
Working hard is for suckers.
Getting paid is what the whole song and dance is about.
I’m 43 and gradually coming around to the fact that as long as my managers aren’t actively talking to me about not doing enough, then I’m doing ok. It’s worked wonders for me being anxious that I’m not doing what’s expected of me.
It’s fine to do the bare minimum as long as you’re not fucking things up for your colleagues. You get paid to cover the minimum of your job description, not to work yourself to death.
Fuck I needed this. I am at the point where I am about to talk to a psychiatrist about this because I have such bad anxiety about whether I'm doing okay or not at work.
Moisturize, use sunscreen. Protect your skin and you'll look young even in old age.
Sunscreen sounds unmanly, but think about how you’ll feel with half your nose excised. Put it on your face especially!
And your neck. Golly, that sucker does weird things later in life. Or is it moreso for women?
Mine is modest; but practice being mindful of your emotional reactions.
If something upsets you, interrogate why, and whether your reaction will help. 90% of the time it won’t, so learn to appreciate that you are upset, but don’t let it control you. Because if you don’t you’re going to start seeing the world through incredibly negative eyes.
For example, I used to be a nightmare behind the wheel, always getting angry with shitty drivers and red lights. But I began trying to catch those thoughts, and asked myself whether they would stop other drivers being shitty, or whether it would stop me getting caught at red lights. Would I still be angry in ten minutes? The answer is almost always no, so to expend that energy feels like a waste of time to me now.
Sure, I still get pissy, but I don’t sit with it for longer than I need to. You wouldn’t sit in acid, so why sit in anger?
University isn't intended to get A grades, university it's for you to make connections with other people. A grades are good but a good business partner can save you life.
Also regarding university figure out your reasons for studying whatever it is you’re going to study before going into massive debt for it. Too many people my age went to university a bit aimlessly because going to university after high school is what was supposed to happen. Then they spend the next decade or two kicking themselves about their debt and how they were naive about what they studied.
Now days you can get your college courses paid for by your employer if you have a good one. A "foot in the door" full time job might get you a free Masters or better depending on who you work for and their benefits. Many companies will reimburse your college degree while you work for them. Be picky about who you work for.
agreed, but usually those that get A stick with those that get A and from my experience you don't want to do business with those...
Don’t rawdog a rando
Wearing a rubber every time unless you’re in a committed relationship greatly reduces your chances of an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.
STDs are sooo much more common than people think because often they don't even know they have them.
The best raise you can get is by changing jobs. Businesses are not going to be loyal to you, there's no benefit to being loyal to them - add either a customer or employee. Embrace and welcome change.
When you get a pay raise immediately increase your 401k (or equivalent retirement fund) by at least 1%.
Enjoy your 20s, they don't last long but the person you are today is who you will feel like you are in 20 years. Don't rush your life. There's plenty of time to get married and have kids. You and your kids will benefit from you having an extra decade of experience before raising another human.
Listening to other people, especially to women, is a skill. Don't spend silent time in a conversation waiting for your chance to speak or be smart or witty, stay quiet and really process what you're hearing. Imagine yourself in their situation. Accept that what they say is exactly how they feel.
The less time you spend talking, the more your conversational partner will tell you, and the more you will start to understand them, their lives, their goals, and their anxieties.
Knowing and understanding other peoples' experiences will help you not only make better decisions in your own life, but understand why other people act and think the way they do. You'll be less likely to snap-judge or make assumptions about others. And knowing more about your loved ones, co-workers, and neighbours will allow you to help them effectively if they need it.
And travel abroad as much as possible - listen to people from other countries and cultures. The human experience is wildly varied and endlessly fascinating.
Don't push when you shit, hemmorrhoids suck
+1. I used to think it was just something that happened to old people, until it happened to me
- Don't be afraid of loneliness; don't be afraid of too many people around; don't be afraid of sharing your life with an SO you think you don't really know. As you age, these phases tend to blunt and blend together, like the seasons. The only thing you really have, in the end, is yourself.
- Adult life is a lot more about compromising than fighting. Don't make other people's life shitty on purpose, neither allow them to make yours shitty.
- Get your regular medical check-outs.
- Leave a place if you positively can't stand it any longer, and start from scratch. It'll be okay.
Use sunscreen and lotion up. That's the best way to prevent looking like an old catcher's mitt by the time you are 40.
My partner played lots of outdoor sport in his youth so he has some skin damage but from his mid 20s when I met him I encouraged proper sun safe behaviours and to moisturise. We live in Australia for Christ sake, this sun is not fucking around.
He's got mates of all ages but some of the blokes in their late 20s seem to think looking after their skin is a feminine trait and they play outdoor sports. When he's been out with these guys, people think he's the youngest despite being over 10 years their senior.
It's so silly. Put some sunblock on and moisturize. It's not that hard.
Protect your back. Use proper form when lifting heavy weights. I let my back go round while pressing a few hundred pounds on an inverted incline leg press in my 20s, bulged a disk, and ever since my mid 30s it has been my Achilles’ Heel. Goes out without warning. Completely lays me up when it does. Rubbish. Wish I could go back and undo that.
I came here to say that, and I'll add wear ear protection if you're anywhere loud. Who gives a shit if you don't look cool wearing a headset or ear plugs. You know what else isn't cool? That constant ringing in my ears because I was an idiot for years. I have to sleep with two loud fans now.
Omg yes the ear protection. I never paid attention to the warnings, it was just a loud club on a random Thursday after all. I was too young to realize the compounding effect. Even now I look back and feel like my partying and exposure to loud fun was mild, yet here I am with partial hearing loss and a portable white noise generator.
Man, I'm fortunate enough to not have any lasting/recurring pain (so far) but I was working harder than I should have and sprained some ribs. I didn't even know that was possible.
That was the single worst 3 days I have ever experienced. It was like being water boarded with pain. It hurt to breathe. I couldn't breathe deep at all and occasionally had spasms where all I could do was stand and focus on getting oxygen.
I couldn't lie down either so I couldn't sleep. What little sleep I got was sitting up on the couch with my arm propping up my head on the arm rest.
Start a yoga practice and keep it up. In 20 years, you’ll thank yourself.
Or GMB or any other mobility-oriented practice!
Learn to trust your gut.
You’ve seen this advice many times and it’s sounded silly every time and so you’ve ignore it.
The advice is, stop ignoring this advice. If you don’t know what it means, ask questions.
Well it's not that I'm ignoring the advice, it's that sometimes gut tells me it's a fart but then it's way more than what my pants bargained for.
I dunno man, my gut says everybody secretly hates me, I'm an imposter at my job, the world isn't worth saving and having kids is a fallacy because they'll just grow up in the resource wars, among other very negative things, I've learned to trust my gut maybe half the time
Beauty is fleeting but crazy removed is forever. Choose your relationships wisely.
Try to take the time to care for your mental and emotional health when you need to, then, instead of stewing for years and years. I made the mistake of rolling with it, turned 35, and I'm lucky to still be here at 40.
Still struggling. Wish I'd spoken with someone years ago.
Yeah seconding that. Try to find a way to deal with your monsters. Forgiveness or accepting that you won't get justice, whatever. But don't drink poison thinking the other guy will hurt. We all need to learn to heal, the process takes s long time. The earlier you start the better.
I'm 39, but this is mine: do you just feel kinda "blah" all the time, don't enjoy anything including things you used to enjoy, and can't motivate yourself to do anything? That might be depression, and it might also be undiagnosed ADHD. The sooner you learn about that and get help with it, the better you'll feel and the more effective you'll be (and the less you'll let down the people you love).
This is me at 42
When things are great, even small things like a cup of coffee with a friend or a quiet morning, take a minute to say to yourself, "this is really great." Say it out loud. Years later you will realize those moments are as good as it gets, and if you don't mark them they just disappear. Bad moments stick around in your head regardless, but the good ones need to be memorialized.
if you don’t mark them
This is why, whenever I’m truly happy, I whip it out and pee in the nearest vaguely vertically-oriented object.
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You will get fatter unless you eat less and less for the rest of your life, probably starting around 32
The healthier you eat, the more difficult it will be to become and stay overweight.
A McDonalds hamburger with a medium fries and medium drink is 1,200 calories. This is almost trivial for most people to eat.
Conversely, 1 lb of lean ground beef, 2 cups of rice (when dry), 2cups of vegetables with a dessert of two cups of fruit is also 1,200 calories, yet represents almost 3× the amount of food when fully prepared.
Eat healthy raw foods, and viciously limit your intake of highly processed foods, and you will likely remain decently slim without even trying.
Also, unless you're one of those people who legitimately doesn't care if food tastes good or not, learn to cook. You don't have to be good a cooking everything, but develop a repertoire of food that is healthy and you like to eat.
The age where you could depend on a wife to be a good cook for you are long past.
Think it very thoroughly if you want kids
As someone nearing his 40s, I really do want to have kids, though I'm really afraid my sedentary body won't keep up
Find a way to love yourself, and to enjoy your own company.
Drink more water, listen to your body, don't give more to someone then they give to you, respect yourself, and your time.
don't give more to someone then they give to you
I tend to disagree on that one. Random acts of kindness/selflessness to people, even complete strangers, can bring bonus satisfaction to your life (and sometimes will be paid back). Make it a habit to give to people, when you have the chance, especially if it is low effort.
If you have people around you that just constantly leech off of you, then I agree: don't let yourself be sucked dry.
I was more referring to your final statement. Those who take and take and never give back to use you with little regard for your own happiness or safety.
mid 30s guy also learning from most of these comments
Start saving some of your money. Whatever you can but have damned restraint and dont spend it
Countering on a 20's side:
On the other hand, would you be at the same point in life if you would save every penny?
Having savings could greatly help you now, but what if you'd never experience whatever you spent your extra on? Maybe it was something new, or simply something that helped you deal with a compounding stress, or maybe you can simply remember your carefree times with warmth in your heart.
It might not be visible at the first glance, but it is important and it might have changed a lot more that you think in retrospect.
You are in 20's and haven't got into a habit of saving already? Maybe sue your parents, teachers, etc for failing to give a sound education.
Yeah, I earn so much more now in my 40s then in did my 20s. What I'd saved then in a year I can save now in a month. But I still cannot have the fun now that I had back then.
Restraint is good. Having some reserves for troubled times is extremely important. But living is also important.
If I hadn't saved, I probably would be dead right now. The US doesn't really do healthcare or mental care, and I no longer can sustain myself. Long COVID is a removed and doctors usually ignore it.
But if you're banking on never having an emergency, go for it. There's a balance to hit, at least in less developed countries like the US.
Everything you said i have lived. I say this because of what to have said. 100 a year if that's all you can plan for, 10 dollars when. But keep adding too it. I've had to show out my entire savings before. Which granted weren't much worth mentioning to be honest, but i do regret not having had something put aside
What iearned for myself is to put together a rainy day fund, and when you fill that up then put the rest into an untouchable(but not really. Invest or just save, however you want to do it, but there are times you will wish you had started thinking long term a lot earlier
Nobody’s suggesting to save every penny. Just save enough to make sure you’re not homeless or hungry when your body and mind aren’t capable of earning an income beyond that of a Walmart greeter.
Take care of your back and your teeth, they start hurting like hell the older you get.
This couldn't be more true. Don't fucking lift that two man lift at work that you can totally do it by yourself because you're young and strong and maybe you've done it a dozen times before. Just don't fucking do it. I'm fucking begging you to learn from my mistake. One time was all it took for me to have a lifetime of problems since my 30's. I know the exact moment I ruined my back. 30 years later I can remember how that pop felt. It didn't even hurt bad enough at the time to need time off work. I thought I was still just fine. Ten years later, nope. And now that I'm fifty, everything hurts. It hurts to lay down in bed. It hurts when I get up in the morning. I lifted a 1gal. bottle and was bedridden for a week. My own kids had to watch me spend ten minutes crawling up a flight of stairs to my bed; they were crying and scared that the guy who was their Superman couldn't even stand up. I promise you, it can happen and you're rolling the dice every time you do it.
Edited to add more
Take care of your health in general, but take extra special care of your core. Your back will thank you in 20 years.
Back and teeth are haunting me already at 31. Take care of them, it's crucial for your quality of life!
Especially if you have an office job. Get a really good and really expensive office chair with a flexible back and adjustable arm rests so you're not sitting in the same position every time.
And also, take a walk every day. I do that every time on my break and haven't had back problems in years.
Have fun, chase your dreams, make sure you always have "fuck you" money for when shit hits the fan, and be kind.
Oh and the sunscreen thing!
Do all the cool physical things you want to do now, like mountain climbing, martial arts, skiing whatever. You can still do all of that at 40 but it's harder to find time and you're much more injury prone.
- Stay out of debt
- Strength train (5/3/1 three or four days per week)
- Avoid substance abuse
- Only settle down with someone who is a HELL YES. If you're lukewarm about them, it's a no
- Make time to do something creative like music, make it a habit
- Say no if you're not interested in something or someone. Its ok to say no to shit
It's fairly hard to create one-size-fits-all advice since everyone will be in different parts of their lives in different circumstances.
Less time on the internet and definitely away from the big social media sites does one good. Avoiding the 24/7 news cycle does as well. Instead, read a book for something you want to learn or read fiction for some period of time a day on most days.
Listen to Baz Lurhman's "everyone's free to wear sunscreen". And I mean listen to it. Every single line is true.
A career is about skill mastery. Pick something valuable, that you enjoy or can tolerate, and just keep practicing at it. If you're smart enough to go to an engineering school that's the right track. Otherwise welder, electrician, plumber, tree trimmer, lineman, whatever. Just master the skill. Don't do the bare minimum to get a paycheck. Master. The. Skill.
A career is also about building and maintaining professional relationships. Keep in touch with former colleagues. Avoid burning bridges. Carefully choose which hills to die on.
Also there is no shame in trades. I've met far too many engineers who became product managers because engineering is boring. Only software developers actually work "with their hands". They just also do the engineering part before that. You might be really into soldering or building stuff for your garden or 3D printing your own cad designs but somebody else will do the actual building part. You'll not create something start to finish. And if that's what you're into, you'll probably be more successful at a trade with the knowledge that an engineer has (at least partially) than an engineer who wished he could actually get dirty.
At least in Germany trades offer an extensive educational track where you can further develop your skills and actually have the paper that says that you are more than blue color physical labor. If you look around here in my area at suburbs, a lot of the properties have while vans in front of it. A self employed electrician (for example) can be incredibly successful financially.
54m here, can I join in?
Pay yourself first. You pay rent, you pay a car payment, add paying yourself first. That payment can be as little as $1, but it goes into a savings fund AND IT IS GONE, just like any other payment EVERY MONTH. When the savings fund gets to an amount that it can be rolled into something that makes more interest, do it. But that money is GONE, for all intents and purposes. When do you use it? You will know, when you can pull it out for something that is not an emergency, but rather something that will last the rest of your life. No, cars don't count.
Cars, trucks, etc.... Here is the thing about cars and trucks. THEY ARE A COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU STAY ENSLAVED TO MAKING PAYMENTS ON EVERYTHING ELSE. But wait Canopyflyer, you say with a roll of your eyes, I HAVE to have a car, because there's no public transit where I live. Dude, I live in the United States, no one takes public transit here, I fucking know. So thanks for dropping anchor there admiral obvious. Buy the most reliable and cheap to run car you can possibly find. That doesn't mean an old shitbox. Buy a car that's a couple of years old that has a reputation for reliability and has already lost that first year's depreciation. I currently drive a 10 year old Camry LE, that I bought with 7k on the odo. Using a car to show how big your cock isn't, is the epitome of stupidity and is disastrous to your future financial health. If you're driving the latest SmallCockMobile with a $1k payment +... You are a complete fucking moron.
CAVEAT ON VEHICLES: If you can have someone else pay for it, then sure, go buy that ego mobile. That includes the company you work for, or if you're in a business where you have to have a certain type of vehicle. I have a great deal of respect for a person that works with their hands and needs a truck to carry their tools.
OK, maybe that's two bits of advice, but both are financial, so I'm sticking with it.
Don't think you're grown and will only make smart decisions now. I only started making the right decisions yesterday. And I'll say the same thing tomorrow.
you're *
Grow up!. /s
Take care of your health. Any unhealthy habit you develop now is going to be kicking your behind later. Also, hang around people that get the best out of you. Not just party people. Cause when stuff gets tuff your party buddies are going to be nowhere to be found.
That thing you want to learn but keep putting off? Jump in and learn it, by the time you're 40 you'll be amazing at.
DOn't quIT
Also: being old doesn't mean you can't learn anything new. Sure, it would probably have been easier to have started earlier, but there's no such thing as "too late", unless it requires heavy physical exertion
If you want kids, don’t put it off for too long. I waited till my late 30s because I was never ready. Here’s the thing you will never feel completely ready. As long as your life is basically stable (job, housing, and no serious issues) you will be okay.
Kids are hard but super rewarding. If you have them young then you’ll get to see them as adults in your 40s. By the time my kids are adults I’ll be pushing 60 and hoping that I live long enough to meet a grandchild.
People have successfully (shades of grey here I know) been having kids for a long time. You’ll never feel “ready” but rest assured you’ll figure it out.
37, close enough. Invest invest invest. Start a 401K with Acorns or something, I don’t care. Just start putting money away for your retirement yesterday.
Save 5% now so you don't have to save 50% later.
I don't know if this goes for all guys. Your balls will kinda drop again at some stage. If you have a desk job you could end up sitting on them for a while before realising what's happened. Adjust the way you sit, what you wear down there.
I notice immediately when I sit on mine. And everyone else in the room notices too due to the sound I make.
When you move things, lift correctly (safety videos are online). I’m only 35, but because of all the moving I did in my 20s, without thought of safety, I have frequent lower back pain and it doesn’t take much to hurt it.
- If you need medical care, get fucking medical care. Seriously. It will get worse if you ignore it, whatever "it" happens to be.
- Following the above, have at least one trusted advocate (partner, family member, friend, doesn't matter) who can explain any chronic issues, typical medications, etc., and who can and will advocate on your behalf with medical professionals in e.g., a hospital setting as and when necessary.
Enjoy your health and exercise. I thought I was in pain in the 20s and 30s but then it's worse in your 40s. I wish I ate better and exercise more.
Be somewhere you want to be, doing something you want to do.
With people who support you and improve your life
Go to the dentist. Get a little exercise. Find a way to reduce calories over the next 20 years, spend as little as possible. Borrow a little money for your car. Stay away from credit cards until you make enough to pay the cards in full every month. Keep track of every skill you learn on the job, using that information to transition into higher-paying jobs. Get a savings account. Spend as little as possible without skimping on food quality. Save 1 months salary and keep that in checking. At the end of each month, transfer everything above the target funds into savings. Save 3 months salary for an emergency fund. Once this financial foundation is established, divide additional funds into two buckets: one gets invested each month, the other is for major purchases and travel.
Do whatever you want.
Edit: Be genuine and honest with people. Be open. You'll meet the best people this way and have better relationships. You'll also discover who you shouldn't waste time with quicker, and you won't waste theirs.
Lift with your legs
Brush your teeth
Eat healthily
Exercise regularly
Wear ear plugs at concerts
appreciate what you have now. take your time, you have tmie right now, don't worry about finding your dream situation in live be it work, love, living, whatever just experience life. you're young, you hopefully have some money, so experience it if you can. If you're going to drink, do it now cause when you hit my age hangovers last 2 days and after one or two beers you're pissing up a storm.
Don't complain about a week taking forever and you hope the weekend comes soon because once you hit your 40s all that "time" snowballs together and you'll be begging the days to go by slower. Things start speeding up and people start leaving you and you have no choice but to go along for the ride and hope for the best. You're still in your 20s, cherish the time you have. hold onto it. apprecaite it. Take as many photos as you can, take as many videos as you can and save them. Friends and lovers will come and go but those memories from your 20s will last forever. make it easy to remember them.
Appreciate the fact you can force your pee stream further now. I don't know when I lost the ability but I do remember when I tried to and nothing happened. It was a shocking reminder I was getting old
Im a hair over 60 and peeing is no longer a voluntary activity. Have spotted my jeans a few times trying to make it to the head before the hose let loose
Get in shape. Lift weights, do cardio, eat healthy. Cut garbage food out of your life completely; no cheat days ever - it needs to be a complete lifestyle, not a "diet". Learn what macros are, and follow them. Take up running, and make it a habit so that you run every. Single. Day, sun, shine, hail, or snow. (Yes, you can get snowshoes for running in snow. I like barefoot shoes, since that's easier on my knees and back, but they take a long time to get used to.)
Get an education. Go to school. DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR PASSION; get an education in something that you can stand doing and will actually be employable. Following your passion and trying to make a living doing it leads to burnout. Let your passion be it's own thing, instead of something that you try to make money from. EDIT - an "education" can also mean going to trade school, if you can't stomach the idea of sitting behind a desk all day for 40 years. Yes, take English lit classes and art classes if you're passionate about it, but do that for fun. Depending on a fun thing for keeping a roof over your head quickly leads to fun not being fun anymore.
DO NOT FOLLOW YOUR PASSION
Fuck this. I'm a computer guy who didn't finish high school (credits wouldn't transfer) and got a GED so I could start college early. I didn't finish that either. I got a job among CS grads at one of the most prestigious tech companies because I spent a ton of energy learning about computers because that shit was exciting to me.
I'm bored and lazy as fuck about it now. I'm still learning new things (started a new homelab again two months ago) but it's nothing like when I was younger and had a ton of energy to stay up until dawn learning. I had no future and it still worked out because I pursued my passion to the fullest degree.
If your passion isn't marketable, perhaps this makes sense. But the all caps "this is a truth" way that this was presented really rubbed me the wrong way.
I love and support education. Go to school. Get an education. Most people will likely not build a career without that. But holy shit, if you're hardcore about a thing and that thing can make you money, you might be able to do without the education only because your education comes from spending every minute of every day educating yourself outside of the system.
Ok, going back to bed. Apologies if any of this is muddled.
Relatable. I've been working in IT for over eight years now. I didn't study it because I didn't qualify for university and people constantly told me I am so bad at math that I would never work in the field. Here I am, doing exactly that, just because I was really interested in computer stuff in my youth and learned something new almost every day just by myself.
I was also able to study at a design school for two years. I have already used this knowlege to design brochures, logos and various other things for customers successfully. My art teacher in school always said to me I would never be able to do something like this because she just didn't like my art style.
I'm glad I never listened to all of these people and did indeed follow my passion. The added bonus is that I actually like my job (most of the time).
Counterpoint to all the young people: Never listen to ANYONE who tells you not to follow your passion.
It's better to try, fail and learn than it is to grow old and wonder what could have been
Trying and failing with a lot of passions means a lot of debt and lost time. Student debt happens to be debt that you can't discharge through bankruptcy either.
But you ignored the central point - for most people, taking a thing that they love doing for enjoyment and turning it into something that they have to do every single day or risk being homeless sucks the love right out of it.
Exercise more. Does not apply to all of the 20s, but to quite some.
I'm 50 and a woman, but my advice for the hell of it is be nice to your knees and back, and don't waste your time on relationships that suck.
Dead on, and applicable to nearly everyone.
Forgive others and yourself quickly. You're going to make a lot of mistakes and so are the people around you.
Don't let others control your life. If someone is only making you hurt, cut them off clean.
This especially is for blood relations! Only scared old people say that shit about obeying your elders! If your family or immediate "friends" only use or abuse, get out fast!
There's always a place and tribe for you, don't let assholes dictate who you are or "should be".
It took 30 years and most of my physical health to learn that one! Injured spine, nerve damage, financial issues ... All from the group I grew up around being hideously toxic.
I've been free of them for about 5 years now and am finally healing, both physically where I can and mentally. Financially too, just slower.
I now have loving girlfriends, an amazing and healthy daughter, and I've been able to start reconnecting with the people that really clicked with me but were forced away by my family and their friends for being too different from them. I barely got a year and a half with my best friend I'd list touch with before he suddenly was diagnosed with and died from pancreatic cancer.
Don't waste your time on people who drain you with nothing to return! You and the people who improve you don't have the time and energy to spare!
Research your professional value and have the courage to go after it if you are not being paid what you are worth.
I worked 17 years for the same company. I was promoted 4 times during those years and received a few extra pay increases along the way, but I was underpaid as soon as I took the first promotion and the gap increased with each additional promotion. I probably walked away from more than $100k in lifetime earnings, plus interest, by sticking with the company.
I should have changed companies at least once and probably twice. You don't have to be on a promotion path to run into this. It could be you were underpaid on day 1, but you needed the job or you didn't have experience. That's fine, but once you have the experience and have proven yourself, find out what the market rate is for your role and ask for it, be ready to show your research. If you don't get it, start applying for other jobs.
Don't be afraid to talk to your peers about salary. If you are making less, you know there is a gap you can go after (just don't name your coworker when you ask for more, do market research and make it impersonal/just business). If you are making more, pass this advice on to your coworker.
If you are being paid fairly for the work you are doing, but know you can do more, start looking into what it takes to make a move. For example, you might be the best fast food or retail worker the world has ever had, but the job only pays so much. What else might you be good at? You could look for training in a trade or try to find an entry level role in a company that has a wider set of tasks available that offers a growth path.
I agree with a lot of the comments here about saving and investing and keeping expenses down, but growing your earnings is typically easier than shrinking your rent. It still isn't easy though, especially if you need to relocate to earn more.
Project yourself 20 years into the future. Imagine yourself saying this to present day you. Then act on that advice. Much of these suggestions can apply to anyone at almost any age.
Not meant as offensive at all or any way to discredit you, but this is horrible/useless advice. Because humans mostly don't think longer term, especially with younger people. A LOT is about the short term satisfaction. E.g. a lot of people know alcohol is so damaging but the short term benefits are just so big
Jerk off every single day. Your prostate will thank you
Save money and keep in shape.
I'm 2 months from 36 so I want to weigh in, behind every great man, is a good partner. Don't waste your youth chasing flings and living it up, find your person, someone who will help you build yourself in a better person every step of the way. Not controlling but supportive, and do the same for them.
Get somekind of workout and stretching routine going on. It's much harder to build the habit later when you've got maybe a family going on and probably more work responsibilities.
Look after your back and neck. Floss. Drink more water. Find out if you have family inheritable disease risk and adjust accordingly.
But also, take advantage of some of your best years, and the freedom which comes with not being tied down.
Exfoliate, moisturizer, sunblock
Be prepared for age-related farsightedness! No changes if my aging body irritated me as much so far. I think mainly because of the abruptness of how that set in. It felt like an almost instant change, people showing me things on their phone and I couldn't read it anymore. Taking pictures of fineprint to zoom in etc.
Compatibility is probably the most important quality to look for in a romantic partner.
Forget one piece!
Put money into your 401k. Learn more about personal finance than video games. Lift heavy things with proper form and put them back down again a lot. Give all people respect and kindness even if they’re being snotty. Brush your god damn teeth.
Invest in yourself.
Increase your skills, weather it's university, an apprenticeship or on the job training. Your skills compound over time.
And as another poster said, take care of your teeth.
(44) look, listen, you don't have to figure everything out right now. There will come a time in your late twenties and early thirties that you'll feel like you've missed the boat, that you're lagging behind, that it's too late to still start or switch... And then you'll get over it in your late 30s again. Finally realise that life doesn't end and in fact that there is a lot left after 40. And that's when they call it the midlife crisis, it's not a crisis. The crisis is in your late twenties and early thirties.
Antidepressants can be life changing, for those who need them
Go to party every day. Use all the drugs. Fuck everyone you can (that consents).
AND WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM.
I wish :-(
I'd say from an introverted perspective: you don't have to go to every party just because you were invited. You can just say no to a drug offer if you don't want it, people are usually just like "no prob dude, more for me"
The starting gun has already fired. Don't be idle and wait for life to come to you, you need to go get it!
Meet with a trusted financial advisor and plan your retirement ASAP
The old don't stick your dick in crazy is actually good advice but also, unwanted pregnancy can change your life in s very negative way.
The sex in your imagination is never going to live up to reality. Porn and even just popular culture paints a picture that's impractical irl.
Which part of the picture you are talking about is impractical?
ITT 40 yesr olds tell you to put 10% of your non-existent savings on retirement funds. Good sdvice tbh but they failed to account for landlords and shit
You gotta walk your own path.
Most people know exactly what they have to do to obtain a skill, start a business, make a friend, experience and adventure but simply don’t out of fear of the unknown.
The Internet is helpful but you got to put stock in your own lived experience.
Recover
Control your sex drive or it will be used to control you, and invariably very much against your own best interests.
I got lucky, and found my own partner quite early on (28 years together, now). But I did not stop observing other couples around me, and those men who failed to adequately control their own sex drive were the ones who almost always were taken advantage of and manipulated against their own best interests.
Ironically, RP (and to an extent, BP) information is a great base to understand how you can and will be manipulated, with MGTOW a good framework to insulate yourself against manipulation. Just understand that blaming others is a toxic and counterproductive path, seek to improve yourself to make RP/BP truths work with you and your best interests, and not against you.
What do all these abbreviations mean?
Recommending Men Going Their Own Way doesn't bode well in regards to your opinion, so... OP, please disregard.
Recommending Men Going Their Own Way doesn't bode well in regards to your opinion
So working on yourself and improving yourself, building self-respect, setting personal standards that you refuse to compromise on, and focusing on intrinsic motivation is somehow “not boding well”?
What a weird way of punching down.
And for decades now, women have been screaming at men to “leave me alone”, for men to not bother them or approach them or hit on them or engage with them in any way unless engaged with first… yet you have issues with men who do exactly that? You have problems with men whose entire philosophy is to ignore women in exactly the ways that women have been demanding?
Again, what a strangely hypocritical criticism.
The entire point of MGTOW is to give men a path out of “incel-dom”, to show them that there is an alternative path to fulfilment and peace and effective happiness that is entirely self-achievable because it does not hang on the sharp hooks of female approval. That any man can fully divest themselves of this cycle of bigotry and external blame and the bigoted societal expectations of men to focus on what truly matters - themselves.
And in our society where ¾ of all suicide victims are men, we desperately need more men to focus on themselves, first.
Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.
Don't get married before you're 25
Around 30 years old your body stops healing, injuries are just things you live with forever now, and old injuries you thought had healed come back as forever pain.. just keep that in mind when doing stupid shit... This includes injuries to your lungs and mind from things like smoking and drugs.
If you want to help people in any way, get rich first. No one will pay you enough to live off of for helping people... Better to bring your own wealth to the table and hopefully be able to help people for real with it.
If you don't already know how, learn to code asap... In 20 years, programming will be one of the few jobs left... Maybe
I ain't trying to scare you, but if you live a statistically average life you're about to hit a downward trend in your mood which will last a couple of decades. By the time you're thirty you'll likely have a boss, a spouse and kids, all of whose needs will have to come before yours. Things start to improve again at age 47 when the kids have moved out and you're at the top of your career.
Maintain your friendships. It's so easy to make them a low priority, but having good friends and being a good friend to them is the way to make it through.
This is shallow, but here it is... When you are dating to marry look at the womans mother to see what her weight will probably be like after having kids. If her parents are big, she will probably be big.
Start listening to Dr Michael Greger. You'll thank yourself at 40.
When making your worldviews, difficult as it might be, consider listening to the news from original source. Say, for China related stories, look up Chinese publications, translate them to a couple of other languages you know. Ask yourself what each narrator or writer wants you to think and do after listening to their side of the story. This habit will make traveling a better experience in many ways.
Write a journal everyday. Write a meal and snack journal everyday and include any alcohol, drug as well in it. Review them every now and then. Never miss any vaccine. The journals will come in handy for everything from planning weight loss, effectiveness of any diet or exercise, sicknesses, mental health issues, to helping your doctors help you better. Course correction will get simpler and ever easier.
If you ever think of kids, do consider stopping with one. This boiling, frying planet we have made ourselves need not be inflicted on any more than one little one of yours.
