What is something people you encounter at your job say that makes you want to scream? (Job, person & quote)
Job: cashier
Item doesn't scan
Customer: "That means it's free, right?"
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Only about 4 weeks in as a cashier and I've heard this enough to last me a lifetime.
“These Samsung appliances look nice…”
Yes they do— and that’s all they do well. That, and break in expensive ways, often and early.
Avoid Samsung appliances.
Edit: I sell appliances
Note for those reading -
This doesn't apply in Europe, or large swathes of the planet. Samsung appliances are excellent.
The US has virtually nonexistent consumer protection laws, so companies will get away with selling poor quality, because they can.
See the Hyundai scandal. Only happened in one country, because it could
Breathe easy, EU folks
That's disappointing since Samsung is such a big and well-known brand. Good to know though, so thanks.
Even as an iPhone guy, I’ll say that their consumer electronics are just fine. Very good, even.
But their appliances are crap. Apparently, they used to be quite good, but once they got a bug up their ass about sticking a bonkers amount of tech into them, they started cutting costs on build quality, so they just don’t last more than a few years before parts start crapping out.
Companies like LG and GE are much better at balancing tech, quality, reliability, and price points.
I am surprised to hear this. I have not had any issues with my Samsung devices. I have a fridge, washer, dryer and television.
My entire Samsung appliance experience is one dishwasher but it was so shit that I was happy when it broke after 18 months and I will never buy another Samsung appliance. Didn't clean things and smelled like death if we didn't manually clean it once a week and run it empty on sanitize and never leave the door closed. Searching the internet told me it was widespread and people were considering class action lawsuits.
It looked nice though. And was quiet.
Any recs for something halfway decent in the US?
Can you get Bosch? Or Miele if you're flush.
The only Samsung products I have never had not fail on me is RAM and ssds, and the only reason the ssds have not failed on me is that I've not bought their latest ones that have sudden mysterious failure issues.
Every single Samsung product I have ever owned has broken, and almost always when it's not actively in use. I go out of my way to tell people about this and to attempt to dissuade them from using Samsung products because of this.
Ironically just repaired my samsung dryer. Two drum felt gaskets, and the belt since it was disassembled. Front gasket failed and tore out. After examining all components, the torque of belt drive pulls on one side of drum, this puts extra pressure one one set of the drum rollers (Rh side). The rear one is near the hot air duct so it gets more extreme working conditions. bearing has worn shaft slightly and plastic wheel was partially fatigued, so looks like that rollet was dragging and so belt pulls down more front of drum pinching seal from extended weight and torque. The paint was worn off the housings in this section so felt gasket had more friction in that zone. The rear roller near the heating generator duct is a bad design. especially since it hangs off the back housing which is quite flexible in that area. Thankfully the repair was simple, other than completr disassembly , but not convinced it will last long.
Worked IT .
Everything is working
"Why do we even pay you guys ?"
Something is broken
"Why do we even pay you guys?"
I was gonna say "I worked desktop support for years...so pretty much everything" 😂
This is why I became a Linux admin.
We send out a monthly internal newsletter to management summarizing what we did that month in layman's terms.
We also include info about major security breaches, hacks or system failures that affected other companies along with a short explanation about why it didn't affect us.
It still goes over the head of management, but it gives them the feeling we're smart, on top of things, and important.
IT PR good managers do to sell the team and keep them off the block when layoffs happen because of say poor investment decisions like commercial real estate as that market plummets
I can't imagine. Must be so aggravating.
Im a locksmith.
Customer: Do you make duplicates? Me: Yes C: How much? M: Depends on the type of key C: The normal one M: -_-
Or, after opening a customers door who was locked out:
C: Why so expensive tho? It only took you five minutes! M: -_- (Thats exactly why you dumb fuck, and I told you the price beforehand)
I also hate when people tries to haggle the price because I know for a fact that Im the cheapest locksmith in the area.
Who are you and how did you get in here?
Im a locksmith and... Im a locksmith.
never gets old.
That reminds me of the joke where a factory has a big machine break down. They call in a specialist to fix it.
The specialist looks at the machine for a moment, hits it with a small hammer and it starts working instantly.
But on being told that the repair cost is $500, the factory owner is outraged and asks how that can possibly be justified for less than a minute's work.
"Well, it's $5 for use of the hammer, $495 for knowing exactly where to hit the machine."
“Well, it’s $5 for use of the hammer, $495 for knowing exactly where to hit the machine.”
Same thing with working in IT
"You just sit and hit buttons all day"
Yeah, but it's knowing which buttons to press
Tbf I'd be kinda pissed (at the situation not you) if I called a locksmith and they just whipped out a Carolina roller and got in in .3s lol.
"Goddammit where can I get one of those?!"
(Internet of course. I already have a long and a portable.)
Job: Welder
Customer: "Hey I need a welder to fix the railing at my business."
Me: "OK, I can start work after you close for the day."
Customer: "Oh no, I'm not staying late. I need you to fix it during business hours."
Me: "OK then, it's dangerous work so I'll need to rope off the area and erect screens to protect the general population from weld flash and grinder sparks."
Customer: "Oh no, this walkway needs to stay open for customers during business hours."
Me: "Again, this is dangerous work. Somebody is going to get hurt if they're permitted to walk through the work area."
Customer: "I don't know why you're being so difficult, just zap zap and you're done."
Me: "No, it's going to take a lot of work. The railing is rusted through so entire sections need to be replaced. It also needs to be level, up to code, cleaned for safety reasons, support the weight of an average adult human, and painted to prevent corrosion. We're talking multiple days of work and it's not cheap."
Customer: "Repairs are not in the budget, but I can spread the word and tell all my friends about you. I have almost two hundred followers on Facebook."
Me: (silently gets up and walks away)
Customer: "Look at that, another lazy Millennial who doesn't want to work. Typical. No wonder this nation is going down the crapper."
Classic example of what would happen if we didn't have standards and regulations.
You had me until that last part
My executive saying "Revenue is up 30% YoY! [...] Due to budget cuts we're limited to a 4% raise+CoL adjustment this year."
The places where corporate decides to penny-pinch is truly infuriating.
That sounds like a dream. Last place I worked aa an employee, we got "col" 9which was actually less than 1/3 the government-declared col) plus as much as 1.1% merit increase.
Typical raise for a high performer was around 2%.
Well, I'm glad you don't work there anymore!
Me: Software developer. Other person: Sales guy.
Sales guy: Have you finally fixed the XYZ bug?
Me: What XYZ bug? Never heard of this before.
Sales guy: The bug that impacted our project A, B, and C! It is there for years!
Me: No, I have not fixed it. Because I just heard about this issue now. Nobody told me about an XYZ bug, or problems with projects A, B, and C.
Sales guy: What? Why didn't you know about such a bug? This cannot be possible! I'll talk to the boss about your incompetence!
Me: Because none of your team found it necessary to inform me? Maybe we should talk to the boss about this.
Open a goddamn ticket.
I will go and open a ticket and I will put two words in it, and require you to contact me for more any information, and then I won't answer the phone for 6 weeks. Oh and don't bother leaving a voicemail message or sending me an email, because I never check them. However despite my complete unresponsiveness, I am nonetheless going to insist that it's marked as high priority even though I don't understand what high priority means - Every Employee Ever
But tickets take too long.
Indeed. And yes, they know how to do that.
Patron using the computer: "Your Google is broken! No matter what I search, it just shows me books!"
Me: "...you're typing in the library's catalog. This isn't Google."
I was going to suggest putting signs up that clearly state the search bar isn't Google, but I realized that even if you did, they would likely get ignored. You may even already have them up.
I worked in a office supplier at one point. People would enter the office, put some documents on the first desk they see and look at the guy sitting there. No hello... No sentence... Nothing... That is usually the point when we knew what was up. The guy would look at the documents and say "you aren't at the right place. Wrong floor. Wrong door. " They would look at us in shock. Sometimes complain that you couldn't tell where you are. It was always the same. They wanted to get something from the government. They had an office in the same building. There were multiple big sign. There was literally 2 signs outside telling you which floor. Obviously our office had a sign too. They passed at least 3 signs in an office building while they were looking where to go... People don't read signs.... They just don't.
Used to work in this exact environment. This tormented me daily.
Along with crap like "You look pretty smart." or "Hey I bet you're a genius."
Or just typing their email address into the URL bar.
Or just barking at you "PRINT."
Or "Why this no work, I click 'E' for 'internet'." (We had a stubbornly archaic IT lead who insisted on keeping Internet Explorer around for ages.)
Can you change the report for this one customer who has a nonstandard completely fucking stupid set up that none of your collection points account for and goes against the entire point of this report?
Well, maybe not those exact words. It's more like:
I hope this customer is being charged for these orphaned systems. They'll care more if it's costing them money.
My husband did report-writing for a few years. #GIGO
"Can we integrate AI into this app?"
"Can you do a browser version of this high-end VR training application?" somehow makes a browser version "Why isn't this running on my iPhone 3GS?!"
To be fair, WebXR does make VR stuff possible in a browser. But I guess that wasn't what they wanted.
I think their point was that it's just never gonna run on a phone that came out in 2009.
From many years ago, in a previous career.
Job: IT
Issue: hardware of some kind is broken
Customer, incredulous: "...but it wasn't broken yesterday!"
Yeah, no shit. That's how things break. They're fine, then become broken. Why is this even being discussed?
Job: cashier. Not my current job, but definitely the one that racked up the most irritating quotes.
Customer: "Now, don't you try to double scan my items. I'm watching you."
I heard this one constantly when I was a cashier at a grocery store. At first I assumed that they were kidding. After all, it's such a stupid accusation to make. It was only after about 100 elderly people had said it while staring daggers at me that I realized they weren't kidding.
I assume there must have been a news report in the 1960s about store clerks charging you twice for an item and then taking the extra cash, and a certain kind of person had been paranoid about it ever since. Except this wasn't in the 1960s, it was the 2010s, and such a scam couldn't even work anymore. The cash register isn't just a lockbox like it was in the 60s, it's a computer and it knows exactly how much money should be in it. And if it has less than that in it when your shift ends, you're screwed.
Plus, you're paying with a credit card, Gertrude, how am I supposed to steal your shit when you're paying with a credit card?
I think the thing that made it so irritating was the fact that they are willing to whip out this assertive, domineering attitude at you based on information that hasn't been true for about forty freaking years. They have a mistrust of other people because they don't know how the world works anymore, yet they think they've outsmarted you.
The way you described then makes me think of the "make sure your man double-bags" scene* in Shawshank Redemption.
*WARNING: Major spoilers for the movie if you haven't seen it. In which case, you should really go see it. It's one of the best movies in existence.
Sometimes the scanning technique can mean an item is accidentally scanned twice. It's a bit of a faff around to have to go to the CS desk to get a refund, so I can understand them wanting you to not make any mistakes in the first place.
I work retail. People walk up to me like I'm a robot.
"Duck tape??" They just... Bark at me. I have gotten to the point that I refuse to tell them where something is until they treat me like a human being and ask a very simple question, "where's duck tape?"
You're gonna hate me for this but since it's your job you might want to learn it's "duct" tape.
There is such a thing as duck tape though, It's a brand of duct tape
Not what they asked for. Duck tape is a brand, and is in my department. Duct tape is in plumbing which also does HVAC products, and is actual foil tape with a peel off backing, actually used for ductwork.
But that's not what the customer asked for.
Makes me think of this guy.
When someone doesn't understand a process and asks "can't you just do XYZ?" Usually management. "Just" is actually a 2 week project and tons of hours and trouble shooting
Can't you automate around this edge case that we told you during planning could never happen due to controls on our end?
That's easier for us than sticking to our word.
What do you mean that it was a key requirement of your design, like you told us in advance?
I'm currently in a software development project which was handed over to a different department with little software development expertise, and fucking hell, I hear this so often.
Can't you just run the tests against against a database like normal? Why do you need to automate the setup of this database? (I do not know what "normal" means, they did not elaborate.)
Can't you just switch over all the code to go directly against the database rather than also supporting in-memory.
And then five minutes later: Can't you just hook up the database connection where we need it and use in-memory for the rest?
Like, I'm trying to appreciate the critical questions, because hey, maybe there is something I'm missing. But always this "just", and them being dissatisfied when you tell them it doesn't make sense or would be more work, that's what kills me.
Developer I used to work with had a policy where if anyone said "just do something", they were now the sole person responsible for implementing it.
"Just redo the front end in react". "Cool. Thanks for volunteering"
I'm currently a medical student in my clinical rotations....
Me: "So it looks like we're due for our (blank) month/year vaccinations. Have those been done already or do we need them today?"
Parent: "Oh, we're not vaccinating."
Me: screaming internally
I was going to say the EXACT same thing. People even are refusing the vitamin K shot in their newborns
I've heard the neonatologists say that they make the parents repeat back, write down, and sign a consent form that says "I understand that refusing the vitamin K shot significantly increases the chances of bleeding, including brain bleeds that can lead to significant disability or death."
Not many people seem to want to sign that form for some reason.
All i have is OccupartionalFirstAid Level 1 and it drives me absolutely insane with frustration to think about what things real health professionals worst fears might be.
You must get that a lot in the Midwest.
Especially after Trump's antivax BS during COVID.
"X is down/broke." No, Kelly, the internet isn't "down." You typed the URL wrong in your browser.
People will state it like the entire company has lost internet connectivity, or an entire department cannot access files or run a certain program, when actually, only a single user is having a problem.
Also people not knowing the difference between log out, restart, and shutdown. Even after explaining it to them.
It's frustrating when you know there's a huge gap between your comprehension and theirs, but they think you're the idiot.
At one point, I had to explain to my dad that we're paying for internet access, not for all servers to be available and sufficiently fast. He was not happy about that.
I can't really sympathise with you here. You're clearly an IT guy, so the difference between log out, restart and shut down is as natural to you as breathing. For the average person is not that intuitive. For many people the computer is "on" when they press the power button and enter their username and password. And the blurring of the distinction is increased by most people having a smartphone where just lifting it up to your face wakes it up and logs you in (technically) at the same time.
I know you're explaining it to them, but if that's not something that they live and breathe, they're just going to forget the explanation. I'm a molecular biologist, so to me the differences between genome, transcriptome and proteome are bleeding obvious, but I have a colleague who's not a scientist but needs to become familiar with these terms. I explained them to her last week in an meeting that lasted an hour, but this week I had to do that again. She's not stupid, it's just all very abstract to her.
If people too stupid to use computer, their computer license should be revoked, because they clearly cheated on the test
I'm mean, it's literally in the name. These are not concepts that require a degree to understand, much less an hour long meeting.
Logout means ending your user session, restart means your computer turns off and then comes back on, and shutdown means it turns off and stays off.
The buttons are all in the start menu, they are clearly marked, and these concepts have existed for 30 years at least.
It's like driving a car for decades and not knowing what the difference between reverse, drive, and neutral are.
People should know basic concepts about tools without which they can't do any part of their job.
Your colleague will learn this terminology at some point. I'm sure her job isn't litterally juggling these three terms all day every day, otherwise I'd expect her to already have come in with that knowledge too.
Yes but you see if I close the lid, then it's off. And that's why my system has an up time of 208 hours.
208 hours.
Those are rookie numbers. I've had users that didn't ever shut down. A power outage was the only relief that poor system got.
Ive already said it on another comment here, and i no long work support so im a user myself now but, FUCK USERS!
At my last job as a project manager, I had a director that I worked with that I absolutely despised. On a regular basis we would have this (abridged) interaction:
Director: I don't understand what this report is trying to say. Take out abc and include xyz. Me: Ok. includes changes in meeting notes next meeting Director: What is this? Why does the report look like this? I don't even understand why you would make it look like this. Change xyz and include abc. Me: But... Director: No buts, this is my team's project. Me: ...Ok. includes changes in meeting notes next meeting Director: What is going on with this? I don't understand what's going on. Why does this report change every time I see it? Me: ... Bruh.
This happened so many times that eventually I had to start including my manager in meetings with him, because this dude was insufferable and did not want to accept it when his ideas and changes were shit. He'd always deny he requested changes (even though I documented them in the meeting notes), and everything was everyone's fault except his. Luckily another director that I got along with really well requested me to work on their projects and I got transferred.
Sounds suspiciously like a director way out of their depth and has little or no idea wha they're doing.
In order to feel like orlook like they're adding value to the business they request changes they're incapable of understanding themselves. Then get even more confused when things "magically" change: because to them it's voodoo/magic.
That's actually wild lmao, the only thing I had similar was when a director requested a change and was confused why something changed until I reminded him that he requested me to change it and then he said something along the lines of "oh, alright then, no problem".
I wonder if it's like, some of these directors are just older than dinosaurs, and even when they ask for change they are incapable of handling said change, or they are just forgetting that they requested said change? I'm not sure...
I kinda think this particular guy would get flustered and extremely frustrated whenever something would go wrong or there was a tight deadline, so he would take it out on everyone around him (dude would regularly threaten to have people fired for small mistakes that could easily be fixed). And since we were in an IT department with aging equipment/tech, there was always something broken or an effort to upgrade going on. It also didn't help that he thought and firmly believed that he knew better than everyone else. After I got transferred, my manager had to take over his team because the rest of the PMs were either full up on bandwidth or just straight up didn't want to work with the guy.
I get this with a young (30's) CEO at a small business. Dude has literally zero follow through, he will ask for things, you will do them, he will forget he asked for them, and then complain you didn't do an entirely unrelated thing that he never asked for. I am genuinely astounded at how he makes it to the office the few days he's actually here.
Remember that Black Mirror episode where they would record everything with their eye implants and play something back as needed?
100% this guy would have turned it around to make an issue about me recorded his meetings lol
Job: Cook
Person: Manager
"No one wants to work anymore"
No one ever wanted to work motherfucker. That's why we're fucking paid to be here. If you weren't paying us we wouldn't fucking be here. But you pay us the bare fucking minimum and expect us to work like we're paid immense luxury wages.
Take a sandy brick and insert it as a suppository.
I kinda want to work. (Developer) Or, at least, if I wasn't working for money, I would be developing stuff in my free time for myself or something.
"Do this as a temporary measure. We will code it properly later" ---> code that is hackish and will never be replaced.
"We need you to do this one time because of someBullshit" ---> congratulations, your team had to do this thing outside of your specialty, even though there exists a team dedicated to it, and now we're just going to make you do it over and over again (despite, again, a whole team dedicated to that existing).
Do this as a temporary measure. We will code it properly later
I'm always blown away whenever someone says that they like some language or framework because it's "great for prototyping."
Like, what magical fairyland software company do you work at where your prototypes are not immediately put into production as soon as they kind of start to work?
You should tell them this is not 'Nam. There are rules.
These are older lessons and I'm generally pretty effective at pushing back on those now. I'm not a manager, though, so I can be overruled.
Back from my IS analyst/reporting days...
Sends email asking for report. "Terminations from last year". I run it and send. The next day they reply...
Them: "are these from last calendar year or last fiscal year?"
Me: "Calendar"
Them: "I needed the last fiscal year"
Me THEN WHY DIDNT YOU FUCKING SAY LAST FISCAL YEAR!?!?!
It'll probably be something super obvious and I'll feel silly for asking, but "IS"?
Information Systems
“I’m trying to identify a source of truth”
As someone who had to work on syncing multiple databases of customer and order data this was actually very important for me to know. Turned out that it could vary on a field by field basis and could also depend on the type of customer and where they came from.
To sync up our new and shiny SAP CRM with several Access databases and our customer-facing software I ended up writing a script that would collect all data field by field with varying hierarchies and writing it back out to everything. Worked surprisingly well.
I think that's better than one department (with the clout to do so) going "this is going to be our source of truth" while completely unprepared for what it means.
They literally spent over a year in talks with the whole rest of the damn company about what that would mean and what level of responsibility that would entail, delayed the go live multiple months multiple times... and they still can't do fucking basic data validation.
Leading and trailing spaces. Names randomly in all caps.
Oh, there's a shit ton built off the requirement that this field is one of these options? Surprise, we silently added another option without telling anyone, after we agreed in planning that option was invalid. Not our fault, your fault for building shit based off the idea this was a source of truth and we actually took requirements seriously.
Why is everyone coming to us to correct this data? Why can't you just correct it downstream like you used to? What do you mean we were warned? I wasn't paying attention during that meeting that you held specifically to warn me about this in advance because I was too busy ignoring all the other warnings people were telling me!
What do you mean that the thing you warned us would be consistently be delayed until next day because of how our source of truth works can't be done on demand on the same day? Huh, we signed off on it being okay, along with every other relevant department?
It's supposed to be a good practice ... in theory. In practice nobody knows what exists and who's in charge of what and there's exceptions and exceptions to exceptions.
Speaking for software engineering perspective. I see in other comment you're doing process engineering, I assume the term is used in a similar way
Wait, do you work at my company?
"I come to work to get stuff done!"
Yes mate, but you're not getting paid enough to hurt yourself cutting corners.
I hear this all the fucking time from people who want to rush ahead and show off how productive they can be for a boss who has no idea they exist. Drives me mad.
I was working at a tool checkout in my shop for a while, and the sheer amount of ignorance and repetition blew me away.
People would come in, see signs stating things like "Don't throw your hazardous waste in this trash can!", and people would straight up ignore it. Things got so bad that we had to stop offering a trash can in our part of the shop.
A lot of people would also just repeat the same statements, day after day, week after week. For example, we have iPads that contain maintenance manuals. We have to update those manuals every week, on the same day. Without fail, the same people always forget which day Update Day is, and have to ask.
The worst ones happen when people come to turn in their gear before end of shift. Most people are fine, but every toolbox has to be thoroughly inspected before being scanned back in. Often, somebody misplaced a tool, left garbage in the box somewhere, or there's some other undocumented discrepancy.
Most people are cool about it, and willing to make things right. But, some people act like you've purposely screwed them over, or react with total apathy and disrespect. I don't make the rules, man, I'm just trying to do my job.
I don't make the rules, man, I'm just trying to do my job.
I feel this so much.
Job: Software Dev
Internal stakeholder or C-Suite: presents nebulous idea for workflow/product/feature with no actual end goal
“We have a CRITICAL need for this product. It will REVOLUTIONIZE everything we do here. The stakes could not be higher. THIS MUST BE COMPLETED ASAP”
My boss: Okay. We will move heaven and Earth to get this done for you.
Me: Works 60 hours a week for two months to ensure the new product is successful
Also me: checking usage statistics six months later…last used by me during go live testing
I hate my life.
The more urgency an idea is promoted with, the less need there is in real life for that idea.
Job: IT Support
New Outlook exists
Customer: "I hate change, can't you just put it back to how it was"
No, I can't. You can use Classic Outlook, but that won't have the features you want, and it's going out the door so you have to change. No, I can't program the Ribbon to look like it used to, that's just what Billy Microsoft decided.
"Why do we even pay you?"
Fuck users!
I do tech support on the phone.
When I can't take remote control, the person on the other side is not following instructions, and they just keep repeating "no, not working!" while trying multiple things one after another, that I can't see.
Like, I can understand not being good with technology, I'll be patient. But if I tell them to try loading the site in a private/incognito window and they're telling me "but I tried in Firefox and it's not working", it's not what I'm asking them to do. And if they're like "wait, I'll try again in Chrome" then repeat "nope, not working!", it's still not what I'm asking them to try!
On a related note, error messages. When I ask you what it says, tell me what it says, not what you think it means. If it meant what you thought it meant, you wouldn't be asking me for help.
I got a ticket for a remote site that said "there's an error message and the computer doesn't start" . there was no clarification what the error message actually said.
I spent about 20 minutes driving out there, turn the computer on:
"System battery voltage low. Press F2 to continue"
I did not have a battery with me. If they just said what the error was, I would have brought a battery with me. Now they have to wait for another tech to be scheduled to drive out to this location which could be a week later.
When I used to do phone support I stopped telling them the entire picture and started saying things like look in the left hand side of your screen what do you see there...they say blah blah blah and I go click on blah blah blah then I move on to the next step what do you see on your screen now. Seemed to get me to my goal quicker then OK I'll have you open a chrome window and do xyz because they won't do that.
I always wanted to ask someone in tech support: is there a useful shorthand to indicate "I have a decent understanding of how to operate my computer, and I'm calling you because I don't have the security clearance to fix this myself"?
I have no problem following the specific instructions I'm being given, but we could speed this along if you know you can just tell me to "open command prompt" instead of explaining the steps of how to do so.
It's been over 20 years since I did phones, but I don't imagine it has changed that much. The "techie" callers fall into two categories: Those who actually know what they're doing and those who think they know what they're doing. The latter group are the worst of all callers. I'd rather be on the phone to an 80-year-old who has trouble finding the start menu than with a caller who thinks they know more than they actually do.
If you honestly do know what you are talking about, the way to get this to tech support is to tell them what prompted you to call. An actual competent caller will open the call with something like:
"Hi, this is Cile. I'm calling from ______. My UserID/AccountNo etc is _______. I'm having a problem with ___________. The error message is [EXACT MESSAGE]. I have done a, b, c, but that resolved it."
For your example where it's an access matter, adapt the above accordingly. Something like "I need to do ________, but I lack the access to [steps you would take if you did have access]".
Finally:
Unless you are experiencing something super weird, the tech support people have probably seen this problem before and know how to solve it. Follow their instructions even if it's something you wouldn't have done. Even if their way seems less efficient. There will be a reason why they're doing it that way, and it won't always be apparent to you.
If they waste my time ignoring my instructions, I return the favour with a lengthy response on every infraction with "the need to follow a structured troubleshooting methodology in order to be able to resolve the root cause at hand, including strict adherence to each individual step in the provided action plan, such that we can progress toward blah blah blah..."
After a few tries they usually get the message that it'll be faster to just follow the instructions 😄
Maybe a niche issue, but "that doesn't scale!" In the context of software development.
We're writing software for usually very well defined user groups, but so many of the architects and seniors want to build a second Netflix, which costs 4 times as much as the simple solution and in the end usually isn't even better, because those morons have no idea how to do that.
Currently, I'm in a project where I fought tooth and nail to avoid having a micro service architecture for a batch job that inserts less than a million entries per day.
premature optimization is a root of all evil.
also when those morons decide to do 'microservices' but end up creating glorified SOA with one messy DB where half the tables are not even used by anything, updates in place are the standard and there is nothing like one team per service, but instead everyone is expected to navigate millions of lines of spaghetti code with poor documentation, barely any reuse and inconsistencies all across the board with this oh too-fucking-common entity service anti-pattern.
and so much fucking coupling that you better start deploying your dev cluster just right after waking up so it maybe is up and running by the time your daily is over.
Fun fact, I used to work at a company where a lot of projects use Elixir and a bulk share of my coworkers have been outspoken critics of microservices precisely because OTP manages to power fault tolerant and scalable systems but not by insane levels of complexity like kubernetes does but by CoC that rarely gets in your way.
Wow, Elixir and OTP. I envy you.
so many of the architects and seniors want to build a second Netflix
Good old Resume-Driven-Development
I wouldn't even call it that. It's a weird lack of a sense of scale combined with organizational hurdles.
They basically can't estimate, how much resources a proper app would need and they don't know how to manage teams to work on a common codebase. So they simply draw a diagram of the functionalities, spin out each block as a "Service", assign that to a team and call it a day.
I've talked to several of them about this and I had to do very simple math directly in front of them to convince them. I've had to explain to a grown man, an experienced engineer, that 16 cores and 96gb memory are more than enough to handle a million simple inserts per day in a batch mode. He wanted to split the job into 4 services, each essentially running 10 lines of actual business logic, each using the resources mentioned above. Absolute madness.
When I was first starting as a server at this one restaurant, I swear every other phrase out of my coworkers' mouths when they saw me during the entire first 2 weeks was, "you having fun yet?". And everytime, I'd give a half-assed smirk and say "oh you know it". So dumb. That phrase still irritates the shit out of me to this day.
I once had a job in an office building that was shared by several different businesses. One of them was an accounting firm that seemed like an incredibly boring place. And I swear, every time two guys from the accounting firm passed each other in the hallway, they had to say to each other, "You having fun yet?" or "Are ya workin' hard or hardly workin'?"
It must have been a requirement. Literally company policy. I heard it so many times in just a couple years, there's no other explanation. Like, if you didn't say it, the manager would ask to see you in his office, and he'd be like, "Hey Phil, someone tells me that you and Dave passed each other in the hallway, and neither of you said 'you having fun yet.' Now you know we like to have fun around here, and 'you having fun yet' is part of our company culture, so I'm gonna need you to make sure that you say 'you having fun yet.' It's for fun. And we like to have fun. It's mandatory."
So.....
You having fun yet?
Go fuck yourself
When I worked in retail, I had this wanker of a middle manager who would ask how I was getting on, and when I said fine, he'd always say "It's not rocket science, is it?"
He was mid twenties and only a few years older than me. He used to call female employees "babe".
One time I watched him get a withering telling off from a customer. The customer wasn't in the right, but it felt like a little bit of retribution for all us "babes".
Me: Linux Sysadmin
Co-workers: 2 Linux sysadmins with 15+ years of experience.
They pronounce URL as Earl.
My husband (a 55yo DBA) does that. 😬 He also says nu-cu-lar and en-tree. I've brought it to his attention but he's just so used to it and after 23 years together it's a battle I've opted out of. As long as he knows how he sounds to people like me, it's on him.
The probably started using it ironically and it fell into habbit.
There was a proto-meme back in the day along the lines of "URL? Who's Earl?"
Holy shit. That's horrific and would drive me to quit.
It's been Earl since at least 1997 when Sun introduced their mascot for Java: The Duke of URL
We do that, too, because it's funny.
When I join into a call with one if our software vendor support teams and they waste 45 of my minutes cause they dont know wtf is going on in our SaaS environment they control. Like get it the fuck together or let me host it.
My husband is a DBA and I hear him on his work calls sometimes. Same shit, weakest link on the call holding up everybody's work day.
"We're in code freeze, so no more changes are to be committed until release! Also, the management needs this change to be fast-tracked to be included with the release, so let's make it happen, people!"
I just read your comment to my husband and he said, "Every fucking month! Oh my fucking god." (He's a DBA.)
I'm in testing and almost ever fucking week I'm trying to QA a release cycle while they're pushing three last minute features and fucking with the backend, meaning all the frontend stuff I've already tested needs done again.
Yep.
Job: frontend developer
PO: customers are receiving a lot of errors! I need you to investigate this ASAP!! We are losing business
The error: "the backend application did not respond"
Definitely seems like a problem with the page mr PO, thank you for calling me on my day off.
I do HL7 interfaces between healthcare systems. Almost weekly the same people contact me saying "the interfaces are down".
Me: "Things are up, and messages are flowing"
Them: "But we're not seeing updates in the other system"
Me: "Did you reach out to their support?"
Them: "They'd just tell us to check out side first"
Me: "We'll weren't actively sending messages"
Them: "But I'm not seeing the status change we documented"
Me: "What patient did you document on?"
Them: "Pt XYZ"
Me: "Yup, we sent that message 45 minutes ago and the other system acknowledged/accepted it"
Them: "Then why arent we seeing it?
Me: "Check with their support..."
20 minutes later, yeah there was an issue in the other system. This was a weekly conversation, same users, same applications, same results.
But my favorite variant of this conversation is the one where they eventually realize that the reason they're not seeing data in the other system is because...the nurse never documented on that patient. Happened too many times
Every time
I’m an event planner. People won’t return my emails or phone calls about the most basic things. Oh, you want a full stage crew to be at your show? And you’re only telling me this the day before your event starts? Gee, it’s a good thing I’m good at my job, and already planned for your last minute request.
Because when I asked about your labor needs two months ago, a month ago, three weeks ago, two weeks ago, 10 days ago, 7 days ago, 5 days ago, 5 days ago, 5 days ago, 4 days ago, 4 days ago, 4 days ago, 3 days ago, and 2 days ago, you didn’t seem super enthusiastic about giving me an answer. But now it’s suddenly the most important thing in the world, and I’m expected to just pull an entire show crew out of my ass to have at your event. Believe it or not, those workers are people with their own lives, and they appreciate being told more than one day in advance if they’re going to be working.
We’re on the same side here. I want your event to go well. I don’t want to be bothered with off-hours phone calls because your event is a dumpster fire. So help me help you. My entire job is to help you get in the door, and make sure the (adequately staffed) crew has the right gear for the job. But I can’t do that if you won’t even tell me what type of event you’re planning, or what time it starts.
I couldn't do what you do, holy shit. Even if you didn't do weddings, I'm sure there are bridezillas in all event categories.
"Are you guys still serving breakfast?"
It ended 5 hours ago! It's 3 in the afternoon and breakfast hours are clearly posted on the sign. What do you think??
OP, I'll have you know that I pull that joke every single time it happens. And I make sure to throw out a great, heartfelt laugh and slap my knee just to make sure you get the joke.
It's great.
I was once cleaning outside and had a customer tell me "You missed a spot!" He then proceeded to laugh his ass off the entire time he was walking away from like it was the funniest joke he ever heard.
I wasn't even mad. If it brings you that much joy you do you man.
What's sad is that I may have said the same before I started cashiering. I don't remember, but it sounds like something I might say. 😬
"It must be the network"
-- Webdev who doesn't even understand DNS
"its probably the front end node"
The duality of Man
Open source business: we support free/open/ethical source software Also business: we use Slack, Google GMail, & Microsoft GitHub for our communication & collaboration Also business: we have a social media presence—which is limited to Instagram, Twitter, Google YouTube, & Discord
Job: Supervisor
Customer pays with a $50 or $100 bill and the till requires that I check it
Customer: "It's good, I just printed it this morning."
Some days I just had to pretend I didn't hear them.
Pro tip: if you have a "go to" joke you always say in a given situation, guaranteed the person you're saying it to has already heard it several times this week. Just don't.
And before anyone responds with "they're just trying to improve your day" they're not. If I don't find the joke funny they get offended, that means they aren't doing it for me, they're doing it to show off how great and funny they are.
Pro tip: don't tell someone a joke if you're going to be offended if they don't laugh.
I used to reply to this on occasion, "Oh then I have to confiscate this. Got another one?"
So glad they don't have us check the bills where I work, because if they did, I'm sure I'd be hearing this one all the time.
Cashier: presents EFTPOS machine Cheque, savings, or credit?
Customer: Savings... More like SPENDINGS, amiright Cashier!? Wooooo! High five for the amazing joke! Up high!
You are legally obligated to high five me. Comply. Comply. Comply, or I get your boss.
Omg I'm so sorry.
Job: tech support/warranty.
*spare part for repair gets delayed by delivery company by 1 working day (super specific part air post to another country) *
*Item ordered online arrives damaged by courier *
*Out of warranty product is not covered anymore by warranty (suprised pikachu) *
Customer: I did not expect this from a reputable company, like yours. I expect a refund, compensation and a kiss on the ass cheeks from your CEO. Also I will post this on social media and nobody will buy your product, because I am so important and have god like influence and power so better get me free stuff.
Where I used to work, the 1-star reviews were always about the company not accepting returns under certain conditions, even if the policy is clearly stated in the receipt and posted on signs at the registers.
While I agree with the sentiment, return policies on receipts is a pet peeve of mine. On registers is fine. Even better if they also post it at the entrances. But if it’s only on the receipts, and you can’t read the policy until after you’ve made the purchase, then it’s a fundamental power imbalance between the consumer and supplier.
See counterargument tho I've had multiple cashiers try to scan a thing that wasn't in the system and just throw it in my cart so it DOES happen. Lmao
What I do is find a similar item that costs less and use that for that item.
Whenever you raise a problem with a process or setup the general answer is "It is what it is". No! Your laziness can jump, you can fix the damn problem you are not going to get away with inaction with a platitude.
People asking me if I've tried turning it off and then turning back on again, sometimes while seeming to imply next I should try reversing the polarity, inserting blinker fluid into it, and giving it a good talk like it's a homegrown tomato or something.
Did you try burning sage?
"That's literally the first sentence in my email"
In Australia, if it scans higher than the price on the shelf, it is free.
Maybe that's the policy at some stores, but according to the ACCC, it has to be sold at the cheaper price, or not sold at all.
Correct. However, Woolworths, Coles, Aldi, and some IGA stores are signatories to the voluntary code of practice for computerised checkout systems in supermarkets.
Generally, this means that if an item is scanned at the checkout at a higher price than it says on the shelf or as advertised, a customer is entitled to receive the first item free and all multiples of the same item at the lower price.
So not all stores, but generally speaking it's a thing. I've seen it in action with a cocky teenager demand his coke free, and got it.
When I used to work in a supermarket, I hated the stupid customers. This is a classic example. One of the soft drink companies fairly regularly gave away 50% free.
Therefore, for the same price, the bottle would be 3 litres in size rather than 2.
The amount of people who didn't like that.
"Excuse me, where's the 2 litre bottle?" "Oh, it's the same price miss, you get an extra litre for free." "But I don't want 3 litres, I only want two!" Sigh!
I'm with the customer on this one. Soft drinks only stay good so long so having them in a larger container works against you. Also, having a larger container means needing more space to store it, and it is heavier and more unwieldy to carry. For some that extra litre of cola might be more like a white elephant than a boon.
Yeah, when I hauled my groceries by bicycle, I wouldn't want the larger sizes... But I also wouldn't be removed out the person who isn't involved in the decision process...
To be fair, if someone is trying to cut down on how much soda they're drinking...
...well, in that case, they probably wouldn't be asking for a two-liter bottle, but...
"You didn't teach us this."
“This is a business!”
I feel there's some dots and squiggles missing from that title.
