1y ago

When you're a kid, you don't realize you're also watching your mom and dad grow up.

110 comments

As a dad, I think about this fact so much.
I still feel just like a kid with no clue about everything, but I still have to do stuff, because I'm responsible for my own kids now.
- I feel the same way often. And the kids look up to me with the absolute confidence and trust that their dad knows what he's doing and will know what to do when they have trouble. I know that's how it should be so they can be children. But at the same time I know it's just not true and I'm just winging it.
  
  my kids have a pretty good grasp that i'm also just finding my way in the world, and that it's okay.
  i feel like, anyone who comes across as though they have it all figured out are likely just unaware that the catalyst that brings it all crashing down is never really THAT far away.
  
  You need to be a little more generous to yourself, friend. Compared to a kid, you do know what you're doing, and thankfully kid troubles are mostly not a big deal, so you probably will know what to do. From a certain point of view.
  
  Ngl wing it with confidence and reassurance and when they grow up it'll be even more impressive
  
  Was out with my daughter and her friend, and we found a wallet on the ground. The friend picked it up and immediately handed it to me, and now I'm 'what am I meant to do with it?'. But only in my head, because I'm the grown up who just can deal with everything.
- That’s why I think people shouldn’t have kids until they have at least a couple of hundred years of life experience.
  
  People should have 10 years of experience with having a kid before they're allowed to have a kid
  
  I realize that's a joke, but we waited until our 30s to have a kid specifically so we could have life experience and more financial stability before taking on that responsibility. I think that's the best way to do it. Being 46 with a 13-year-old is a lot easier than it would have been for me 13 years ago.
- I'm a mom whose kids are all grown, and I still feel it to this day. 😂
  
  Lmao I'm a grown kid who's helping teach my dad a lot and it's so funny to see the back and forth, to see him excited about his work softball team or messing something up. He's one of those "always need to look fully in control" types so it's refreshing to see him actually be human sometimes
  
  I'm glad to read that!
- I’m almost 40 and still feel this way. My kids are 15 and 7.

Oh my god this is so true.
I recently heard “Another Day in Paradise” by Phil Collins, which I hadn’t heard since the 80s when I was a kid. It immediately brought back memories of being at home and Mom playing that song a lot, with just the two of us in the house, after Dad left.
Looking back at those memories through my adult eyes (I have a nearly-photographic memory and can vividly remember even ancient memories as if I’m still there), I can see my mom’s sadness and loneliness.
And then I realize she was my age. She had a little five year old boy. She was alone, unsure what to do. Putting on a smiling face not just for me but for herself too, cleaning the house with that song blasting. Like, I can watch the memories like video and I can see the heartache I couldn’t see back then.
I just want to go back in time, wrap my arms around her, and hold her tight.
- These are the comments that make Lemmy great.
  
  OP has posted some actually a showerthought and hence we are getting great responses as well. I am seeing a lot of communities not sticking to their true usage, hopefully this is a start towards it.

The worst thing is growing up and seeing them less and less to the point where once you do end up seeing them, they look WAY older than your mental image of them. Cherish your parents while you have them
- My mom will be 89 in a couple of months and it's so hard to watch her get so frail when her mind is still so sharp. I recently started recording her stories, like how she became a Univac programmer in the 60's. I cherish every minute because I hear the clock ticking and it's SO loud and never goes away. I'm going to miss my mom so much. It's like my heart's already breaking under the weight of losing her.
  
  Sounds like you're kind of grieving in advance, which is natural and healthy so long as you channel it into something constructive like you are.
  Everyone's parents will leave, yours is the best case scenario.
  
  Your mum was a programmer in the 60s? She must be incredibly in so many ways!
- My dad had cancer last year and though he's got through it it's aged him so much.. gotta hold on to the good memories

When you are a grown up you don't realize you are watching your parents die.
- I definitely started to see my parents decline in my early 20s. They're still going, but age is coming for them fast.
  
  Even when my mother was in a hospital bed we’d brought into the house, thin like a toothpick, I was still wondering what her odds of survival were. It’s so easy to be in denial. Then one moment she just stopped breathing and that was it.
- Man you didn't have to say that.. :(
  
  Life is short. Time moves quicker and quicker and you always think you have more... It just occurred to me last month that my mom will turn 70 next year and just how little time I have left with my parents.
- Yeesh that's a dark hard truth I've begun living. All three parents on their own glide slope and it's just one mild crisis after another.

It was really weird for me to have some honest talks with my parents once I was well into adulthood. It took me way too long to realize they are people with their own problems to solve and a life and preferences, a personal history and all that. It's weird how you tend to see your parents differently from other people until they deem you old enough to open up.
- My parents died when I was young. Seeing other people's adult relationships with their parents is so foreign to me. My parents are frozen in time in my memories, and I can't imagine what their lives were really like or what kind of People they were.
  
  Same. My mother died when I was 26. My step mother is now 70, and her mother just died a couple months ago.
  I can’t imagine my mother still being here, and still being here until I’m old.

I always thought the universe did a nasty by making the ideal breeding age for humans to be when it really is one of the worst times mentally/emotionally. 20 or so yrs later when more experience (and hopefully wisdom) has been gained, the eggs are shrivelling and the bullets are misfiring.

This makes me sad. I just realized that I could be part of it but I spent most time away drinking, partying or playing vidya, and not caring
- If you really feel like getting sentimental, check out this Wait But Why, specifically the “Relationships” section. There’s also this awesome Kurzgesagt video which was inspired by it.
  
  Don’t watch that video if you have to focus on something else in the next hour. That shit fucked me up.
- Imagine that first strand of DNA trying to replicate in the young Earth against all the odds. Successfully changing and growing more complex, gradually improving over billions of years. All that toil and struggle will end with you unless you spaff into a fertile hole.
  
  Such elegant wording
- Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans
- It’s never too late mate. Maybe you could still do something about it.

Please don't just start posting the top 100 shower thoughts from reddit.
- Just came here to say I swear I've seen this at least once on reddit before smh
  
  I've never seen it before

My dad didn't grow up. He just got older.
- felt this

It was weird for me when I was finally older than my parents when they had me, and I was still a barely functioning human being. Props to you, mom and dad. You did the best you could and I appreciate that you brought me into this world (most days).

It’s hitting me kind of hard watching my folks in their mid-60s. Their health is starting to slip a little bit in small but noticeable ways. I never really saw it until recently

I just spent the last 2 hours before bed playing Minecraft with my 7 and 5 year old and I ate chicken nuggets for dinner... I may never grow up....
- Mate, that sounds like an awesome night. I'd call that a win!

So is this community just going through Reddit and verbatim reposting old threads?
- This place needs content, can't have your cake and eat it too. Just unfollow the reddit sub if you don't want to see it.
  
  What do you mean with the cake thing in this context?
  
  That is honestly such a pathetic content goblin retort.
- Just wait until the bots get here, hoo boy.
  Followed by ad companies making shower thoughts about their products.
  Followed by Propaganda accounts having shower thoughts not about Tiannamen Square.
  
  I'm hoping bots won't be too much of a thing, because farming account karma isn't a thing. There will be some, but hopefully it's not literally everything like Reddit was by the end.
  
  Followed by Propaganda accounts having shower thoughts not about Tiannamen Square.
  Lemmygrad seems to be full of tankies and has been here for a long time...
  
  Let me make it feel like home: “triscuits are just savory shredded wheat” ™
- Reddit front page was also a bunch of old Reddit threads/memes getting reposted. Feels just like home.
  
  What do you think the name is? (I have already) red it!
- Yeah
- Fine with me. The posts are new.

This one hits home. One day you just start seeing your parent/guardian as a frail old person who needs your assistance and love (obvs if it was a positive relationship). It makes me feel important but it also scare me knowing we’re reaching the end. I know, no one has life guaranteed but you know, growing older just pushes you towards that end anyway.

I hit me hard when i did the math and realized how old my grandparents were when I was a kid.

Middle aged man baby with a lovely wife with aspirations of having a child here reporting in. Not having read any comments.. this hits hard and goddamn you OP 😖

As a newish parent, this resonates with me. I'm flying by the seat of my fuckin pants over here.
- Most terrifying thing about becoming a parent, as raising just how little of a clue my own parents must have had to start with. I mean, all that time I was feeling safe and really, is a marvel we didn't all die in a bath tub fire event!
  
  Bathing your children in vodka is not hygienic if you plan to drink the vodka.
  
  Great observation. I always wondered how it was so easy for my parents until I realized no, it wasn’t. I always felt that if the house were to burn down I would be safe. Never thought twice about it, totally took them for granted.
- Yeah. We had our boys in our early 20s. To say we grew up with them is to be honest. But I sure wouldn't change a damned thing.
- Around 5 years into it is when I felt like I finally hit my stride. Maybe it was because she went to kindergarten.
- When my mom turned 70, me her and my dad went out to dinner. On the drive there we were discussing something that had gone wrong in my life (one of many) and I asked her if we ever feel like we have life figured out. She just sadly shook her head no.
  This is a highly educated woman, retired as a VP of a large hospital while maintaining an RN license the whole way. She always seemed like she knew what was going on.
  So then I thought if this woman felt this way, what hope did I have? And it sort of settled me and made me realize it is okay that I feel lost most of the time.
  Though I am glad I don't have kids. They would have been through hell with me.

Because society and our parents themselves gaslight us into thinking they're perfect. It kind of annoys me that not seeing one's parents as flawed human beings is treated as a failure of the child. I knew my parents made some bad decisions. It wasn't my idea to give them absolute power over every aspect of my life.Yeah, they're flawed human beings like me, but I'm the one who suffered because they wouldn't admit to their flaws and reconsider their decisions. It wasn't me who couldn't tell they weren't perfect.
- I'm raising a kid right now and he has some really bad takes, but I make it a point to talk through his choices with him. Definitely still feel like I have a lot to learn.

when we had our first child, we are borderline bankrupt , our bank account has only two digit numbers, we are out of work, relying on family to provide us food. Eleven years later with lots of hard work we have bought our first home. I am forever thankful to the people who helped us get us through

And when you are an adult you could still see the kid side in you parents.

Yeah seriously. If you are in your 20s now, you just have no idea. As you get older you realize how accurate this statement is. My parents are getting really old and it's crazy to think that I am there age now.

Brilliant! I sure was child when I was raising mine but I really didn’t think of my own parents like. I have to mull this over

… and now I’m kind of sad.

If they have kids in their 20s, yes.
My mom had me when she was 40 and I feel better off for it.

I watched my mom and dad grow old, not sure about up.

Good stuff mate 💯🧉

My mother has complained for years how her adopted parents didn't do a good job raising her. At the time they had three kids of their own and then adopted my mother and her sibling who are their nieces. One day I did the math and pointed out to my mother that her adopted parents were only 25 when they took on 5 kids and did she think their age had something to do with it? It blew her mind and gave her a whole new perspective ... for a few minutes. Then she jumped back on the whinge wagon. Sometimes what we want to see is more important than objective observations.

Pretty sure you watch parents grow old unless they had you when they were in junior high.

Pfft, I've been aware of my parents' growth since before I could even shit on my own

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