4d ago

Honestly, we're just looking to go in a new direction with different positions.

120 comments

Thats because they are afraid you're going to lose it and verbally, physically or mentally abuse them.
- I had a friend call me one night because she said no to a guy and he started threatening to kill himself. Like damn. That's some insane guilt-tripping, manipulative bullshit right out the gate. And this wasn't the first time this happened to her too.
  
  It would be so hard me not to say "do it pussy."
  
  It's happened to me. I called his friend and they came and collected him and his stuff.
  
  If you live in a civilized nation call the police immediately. If it is a real they will save him, if it is not, he will get prosecuted (threatening to take ones life is a form of black mail). Also the necessary people who can help you and him will get informed.
  A friend of mine actually did this and it resolved the situation. He had a talk with the police, admitted the mistake and never did something like that (to her) again.
  
  That reminds me of one of my ex’s, she did far worse things but that shit still fucked with my head a lot too.
  
  I have several such cases among my friends
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjcuqX1_WYE
  
  don’t be a doormat, proper response is ‘ok’
  *edit for clarity, I’m talking about the guy threatening to kill himself, she needs to hard cutoff that guy
  
  Wait, aren’t women the ones more likely to use emotional manipulation though?
- "men are scared women will laugh in their face, while women are scared it's their lives men will take"
- Still sounds like HR
- They have police, cutting people off, & public shaming for that.
  
  Ah yes, the police, the institution that is widely respected as being effective at ending domestic violence, filled with people who would never perpetrate such domestic violence themselves.
- Yeah yeah all men are shit./s

One girl dumped me after a few dates, nothing special, and she was super apologetic. She said she'd understand if I called her a fucking removed and blocked her. I was so offended by that comment. I'm not one of those insecure guys who flips out when they get rejected. I can handle being dumped! I can't believe she thought so lowly of me! Fucking removed!
- Self fulfilling prophecy?
  
  That's the joke.
- What a cunt! Fuck her!

I think this person broke up with ChatGPT
- There are scattered reports of women using LLM bots in the dating process.
- Indeed
  
  Jaffa kree!
- Eh, the AI will get over it.

Rejection is the antecedent for many behaviors, which are often dangerous. So we try a lot of ways to make it impersonal, kind, soften the blow…etc.

So, ghosting is bad and evil. At least tell the man you aren't interested! Men are suffering due to ghosting! But also, don't put him down when rejecting him. Men have to suffer so much rejection, so their ego is easily hurt. Let him down gently!!
Oh, you did? Well let me mock you for being TOO nice and diplomatic about it 😂.
Damn I'm so happy I'm not dating anymore. Feels like no way to do it right.
- Fair enough statement about some of the comments here, but at least the original poster in the screenshot is taking it in good stride like you're supposed to with a polite rejection.
- There isn't a way to do it right. Dating doesn't work. People are too garbage for it.

Hey, it's polite and a response. Pretty good in my book
- I got a message soon after I started talking to someone where they said they wanted to see where their current thing went with somebody they'd met a few times, and like, yeah, thanks and I respect that. it seemed genuine. I was happy to get that message instead of chats just disappearing when it seemed like it was going well.
  
  because chats disappearing is the easy way out. it takes a mature person to not ghost.

Y'know, I'm fine with it because it is at least professional. Better than getting ghosted or them being rude about it.
- The last thing I'm looking for in a relationship is professionalism.
  
  Well this person is no longer in that relationship so that works out.
  
  You're not looking for someone who has good communication skills?
  
  Whoever dated you in the past dodged a bullet.

I'd rather get something like this instead of seeing it die off slowly and then not getting a straight answer or getting blindsided. Just rip the bandaid off—be honest about what's going on. If you can't learn to handle these situations and handle your emotions in a reasonable manner, then maybe you shouldn't be dating yet...
- Jesus. It's just a funny message because she sounds exactly like the HR lady.
  
  Ok, but look at all the other comments besides mine. They're getting all antsy about it.

Is it really all that surprising that when
Dating, especially with apps, has become for so many such a soul-crushing impersonal numbers game
Enough people (but mostly fragile men) become menacing upon being rejected
Enough people keep complaining about how bad it feels to get ghosted
someone would end up sending this?
Jesus Christ, try and get into other people's shoes from time to time.
- Honestly yeah, this is better than ghosting so good on her
- I'd love to.
  But I'm EU39/UK6 so chances are I'll trip and fall when I'm in other people's shoes.

at least they sent a message, good on her.

I'd pick this any day instead of the one where both sides verbally abusing one another leaving lifelong emotional traumas.

Men: crash out when they get ghosted
Also men:
- Looks like the guy is in good humor about it, at least.
  
  Didn't see the emoji. Glad he's not being salty
- Yeah I was going to say if you're going to get rejected then I'd far rather a response like this than just getting ghosted. In fact as far as rejections go, I can't think of a better way of doing it.
  What do other men expect, a consolation blow job?

Trying to prevent you from getting threatening and nasty due to the threat to your "masculinity".
- It’s hurtful that they think I’d even be threatening and nasty. That they just immediately assume I’m some kind of monster. It makes me feel like I have no value.
  
  You don't know that anyone who responds this way actually thinks this. There are a limited amount of ways to communicate that they're not interested and over-explaining and hedging their niceness would also just backfire. They gave exactly as much explanation as needed. It may come off a bit stiff because the tone is neutral (and they only use "I" sentences - speaking only what they know to be true instead of projecting with "you" sentences).
  You may want more validation and that's fine. But nobody owes it to you. You say "they just immediately assume I’m some kind of monster" - but you could be doing the same thing in assuming their motivations when they only speak neutrally.
  
  I understand stand how you feel, and it's important to realize both that this behavior isn't a reflection of you, it's a reflection of society, and that they don't think of you as a momster, they just feel they have to be cautious. People love to be dismissive of these feelings, but it's important to share and talk about them and not give you ahit about them.
  
  #notallmen. spare us the crocodile tears

As someone who lives in rural Scotland and is old enough to have got married before the prevalence of these apps, I genuinely never expected to find the way most people hook up these days to be so utterly alien to my own lived experience.
I honestly don't know how I'd cope with having to curate myself for some dystopian line-up so that, if I'm lucky, I can end up on these depressingly transactional dates, only to get these polite but impersonal rebuffs.
In my day people just got drunk enough to speak to the opposite sex, and if you clicked and miraculously still liked each other the next day then you'd start 'going out' with each other.
I can see how that might sound awful to many of this generation, but it was pretty much normal for us. And as a pretty plain guy with a reasonable sense of humour it worked out pretty well for me.
- That's still how it works often. You're just on Lemmy/social media, which is full of terminally online folks and content.

Find an HR person to begin with. Sign off that you watched the videos and stuff like this won't happen.
Be sure to watch the videos.
- And you have to score 80% or better on the quizzes!

For women, bluntness and honesty is treated as assault.
For men, retaliation is unremarkable and unnoticed until it's too late.
- The message is fine. It's the tone that is comedy.
  Thank you for an excellent interview last week, and for showing interest in me. I have had many highly qualified applicants, and I regret to inform you that I have now decided to move forward with a different candidate. If a position should open up at a later date, please feel encouraged to apply for a position with me again in the future. Let me also take this opportunity to wish you a most wonderful day.

Sounds like adulting to me.
- but, as we all know, adulting is can be hard.. even as an adult

"Damn girl, I don't even get a severance check?"
- Ok but can I still get like 3 months to still be listed on your website to help me with my job search?

I'd prefer her to just tell me she didn't like my petrified broccoli tower.

"If you require any further information, please check our FAQ section before inquiring"

When two people are both trying to give bad news nicely they end up sounding similar.

Merger rejected.

At least you got that. Some people just ghost you.
- What is better:
  Get ghosted
  get AI generated text back
  
  Definitely 2.
  Not even close

This a symptom. But that funny to see guy discovering

Fake niceness is nauseating.
- Why do you think it's fake?
  
  It reads as very inauthentic. Just like HR workers who pretend to be nice (and on your side) while prioritising the company's interests over yours.

Reminds me of this Little Joel video from a couple years ago
https://youtu.be/bNfxgYWVtoc

AI gf are monogamous?

my experience is that the language is far more overtly psycho than this.

Either they get ghosted or they get the placid HR lady forged in the hell of emotional abuse and violence. I'm not emotionally shutting down because I was taught expressing feelings is on par with exposing my belly to the blade, you are.

Then they get offended when they become another man's starter wife.

She's in her hoe phase and you were just one item on her list. Move on.
- Tell me you are a "nice guy" without saying you are a "nice guy"
  
  Tell me you're a simp without telling you're a simp.

120 comments