I hate it when I tell the people in the stagecoach I'm robbing to put their baubles in the bag, and then when I get to the hideout and check the bag, it's halfway full of trinkets instead. If I wanted both trinkets and baubles I would have said so, feels like I spend more time sorting this shit than actually robbing

If one of you happens to be the owner of the hardware store I buy Lao Gan Ma from, please restock it, I'm close to running out

I think that when they remove a name from one of those Victims of Communism monuments because it turns out the person was the bad kind of nazi, they should be forced to put that name on another monument across the street. Maybe call it something like "Gotta Hand It To You On This One of Communism" monument

My real Expedition 33 awards take is that it should not have won the best music category. Not because the music was bad, it was mostly pretty great, but because they committed the worst music crime, giving the main theme lyrics that are just the title repeated over and over.

I just hit myself on the knuckles with a log while getting firewood, and I have a big zit on my forehead, so now I can't go out in my cool-ass jacket or it will look like I've been in a street fight

You eat salt even though the chloride ions in it are well known for literally STEALING electrons from innocent sodium atoms?

Before 2012 only verified experts voiced their opinions on the internet

It sucks so much that these people are true believers in this AI shit, at least if they were grifting they could answer this like "haha maybe double check"

Cryptic crossword clue:

Popular Hexbear figure banned first in AES struggle session? (6)

There is apparently a TV show called Landman that looks like shit (the first words of the metacritic summary are "Based on the podcast"!!), and the poster has an oil pump on fire but from the tiny thumbnail I thought it was a crashed plane.

For a moment I thought I lived in a much more beautiful world where they made a show about a guy named John Landman who crashes a plane.

Did you know that the Great Wall of China is the only manmade structure?

I feel like the collapse of a silly auteurist view on entertainment that was common a while back has gotten a lot of people stuck in an equally goofy way of viewing it, where the auteur is some kind of Art Stalin solely responsible for all the flaws of the work while contributing nothing to its successes

I can't believe my liege's death poem is this cringe, there is no way I can deliver this to his next of kin with a straight face

A university professor told all his students to bring in a fruit or a vegetable with their name written on it. He then gathered all of them in a big plastic vat, and started beating them with a hammer, just absolutely going to town on all fours. The students looked confused, but then the professor said "the lesson here is that I am coming for all of you fuckers and there is nothing you can do to stop me"