5d ago

i don't know if my ex really did like me.

we just broke up, and i more or less feel like she didn't want to feel bad so she dated me. i'm highkey tired of people who only like me platonically getting with me because it's only them who try to date me, then they realize they don't like me or didn't like me all along and just played with me because they didn't want to feel bad.

i can't help but be upset and i do not wanna see my ex at all, but she's such a nice person :(

and i'm tired of never "clicking" with people because it's always their damn reason for being hesitant or breaking up with me, i never click with anyone because i'm so damn weird and different and they just feel so bad for me for that.

yes, i need someone to talk to. please be nice and don't be rude or anything like that, i'm not in the mood right now.

14 comments

Sorry the breakout happened, but this opens the door to find a partner that is the same way you are. It took me a long time to find someone who is like me, but now we are in a eight year relationship and it improves every year. We both commit to us and improving our relationship and I hope you find that special person. Good luck.
- yayyyyyyy!!!! that's amazing! i will!!

That's hard... I'd first suggest exploring the "not clicking" aspect. It's easy to get focus on that part instead of focusing on being the best you possible. That confidence will bring folks who do click into your orbit and vice versa.
Stop worrying about being good enough or clicking, you will never click if you are trying to click.
Good luck!
Edit: as for the being used part, don't make yourself so available all the time. Done rush to be the solution machine when it's always something involving your time or money. Your time is valuable and you can't just drop everything to accommodate.
- she was the one who said it and i thought “we won’t always be best friends immediately but it doesn’t mean we won’t be friends ever”. A lot of people seem to think that though.
  
  Hey, I'm going to straight up tell you to let her go from a friend perspective..... trying to be an ex's friend especially after feeling taken advantage of is a great way to feel like you've been taken advantage of again....ask me how I know haha, it hurt like hell at the moment but if your ex wants to be your friend they will be...it doesn't take work.
  For example my best friend growing up...haven't spoken since 05 right after college (I'm old)...I moved to his area and reached out ...it was like no time had passed....
  Best way I can put it, a real friend is willing to help you move for no other reason than they like you... would she help you move?

highkey tired of people who only like me platonically getting with me because it's only them who try to date me, then they realize they don't like me or didn't like me all along and just played with me because they didn't want to feel bad
can't help but be upset and i do not wanna see my ex at all, but she's such a nice person
These are some awful feelings with which to grapple. The need to be appreciated, cherished, and nurtured is why we enter into relationships.
There is opportunity for you here to find people who fulfill your companionship needs. However, the corollary is: out of all your past relationship failures, the common thread is you. There is something in your interpersonal template that attracts you to people who treat you badly, attracts such people to you, or some combination thereof.
I hope you can find healing, growth, and the companionship you crave.
- thank you so much!! i know you can't say for sure, but does it sound like i have been used?
  
  Its ok to feel angry. It doesn't even have to be justified. You don't have to take out your anger on people, you can just feel it. It is a part of the grieving process.
  
  Not enough context to say. And really, my opinion one way or another is (and should be) worthless. If you feel used, your perception here is necessarily valid regardless of how grounded in reality.
  The key here is to examine your own interpersonal template and remedy whatever it is that results in these relationship dynamics in which you keep finding yourself. If you weren't actually in an exploitative relationship, it's up to you to address the thought patterns that led you to believe that. If the relationship was exploitative, then it's up to you to address your traumas and lack of boundaries that precipitate these relationships.
  I'll close with: all relationships are transactional in one way or another. The exchange might not always be immediately apparent, yet can be utterly benign and mutually beneficial. Just because someone wants something from you doesn't mean it's nefarious. You need to define your boundaries and needs, then be explicit about that with potential partners.

I’ve been there and it’s a rough feeling for sure and it really made me feel like a chump. I’d prefer people to just be honest more than doing that being nice thing they think they’re doing but it’s just not respectful to the individual and not very considerate in my opinion. Sorry you’re going through that, the subjective feeling of it will eventually become more objective and it’ll get easier for you with time. Hope you can find someone who accepts you and appreciates the way you are.
- thank you so much, i feel so used

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