Guys where did I put my wallet

bro your literally posting this from your wallet. smh my head dude

Have you checked your butthole?

I once saw a duck steal a wallet out of a woman's bag and waddle off with it.

The same could have happened to YOU.

Should've had grapes

Have you tried calling it

Fr tho, I love these Airtags and Samsung tags they made, maybe bad for privacy and its kinda shitty they force you to use their ecosystem, but it's great if your pets are mischievous and wants to hide and/or escape, and you don't want to oay a monthly fee or change the battery every week. (Don't get the Google Tags, those are unusable)
I hate iOS, so Samsung is the only other devil there is in town if I want to track my items (and my cat). (I know they are the devil but their shit works, so... 🤷‍♂️)

Have you checked the last place you look yet?

Pro tip: Check here first to save a whole lot of looking.
I like to keep searching for something after I found it so that this statement isn't true. My wallet was actually at the third to last place I looked.

gnomes are holding it ransom until you right the wrong you committed against them

You ate it out of hunger and forgot about it. Happens to the best of us.

Wait, are you Wally? Of the Cincinnati Staplers? Here, take my wallet!

Did you leave it under the hood of a car you were working on?

Have you looked in the hood of a Ford Fusion in Minnesota?

Are you walking funny .... ?

Prison wallet gang!
- 😄

Have you tried utilizing A* algorithm as a basis for your search pattern yet?

My son once took all the cards our of my wallet and put them in the printer/scanner that we never use. I only found out 2 years later when I finally went to print something and there was a jam, opened the scanner lid to get inside and boom.

Could be there.

You left it where you put it so you can easily get it when you need it.

If you find it, can you also check for the remote control of my fan?
The wallet knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't.

I've found my wallet is often where I first looked, just covered in other junk so I didn't see it. Also, if you drive, check the crack between the seat and the door. Hope that helps!

Check your laundry. And places where you might set things down when moving laundry around.

Drawer No. 42.

By the shitter?

We are now supposed to call it "X" sir

Did you leave it in your car?

I legit think I tossed my wallet in the dumpster one time while scrambling to get ready for a backpacking trip. I never ended up finding it, and we lived in a fairly small apartment so I think it indeed ended up in the landfill. Anyways, good luck!

check the fridge

Slid between the bed and the wall.

Did you leave it in your other pants/purse/jacket?

Have you looked in Nature's Pocket?

Somewhere special that you've never put it before, so you wouldn't forget where it was

Did you happen to leave it under the hood of a car you worked on earlier?

I don't know, but annoyingly my wallet/keys/phone tends to always be in the last place I look.

Of course they're all in the last place you look. Why would you keep looking for the thing in more places once you've found it?
- I usually find stuff in the last place I could possibly look.
- I mean, whenever I lose something for a while I tend to default to looking for it even after I find it.

Wait, that was yours? Oops...say if you see a transaction record from Gritty Down Under just forget it

Elsweyr, have you checked? Might be there, might not.

If it's not here, logic dictates that it must be Elswyer.

Mine was down the side of my nightstand for two days, check there?

Well this isn't helpful, he can't check your nightstand if you don't post your address.
- Oh, right
  501 S Hudson Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90020

Is it in a car?
\ Is it in a bar?
\ Is it in a bag?
\ I'm sorry you've hit a snag.

First things first. You need some food to sustain you while you search for the wallet. Do you have a leather belt or some shoes or anything like that you can boil and eat? It's only a temporary fix, but trust me, you'll have a much clearer head after you get some tanned animal hide into your system. Next priority: finding that wallet. What you need to do is go to the last place you had it and then retrieve it from there. Most people never realize that one very simple and effective trick, instead spending far too much time searching places where they had their wallet slightly-to-somewhat before it was lost.

Finally, always remember to troubleshoot and isolate the root of the issue. If you need your credit card, and you reach for your wallet only to find your wallet is missing, you have two separate problems. Your wallet can be found by following the steps I shared earlier, but you credit card might be in an entirely different place and it's the credit card that you needed right now. Keep your eyes on the prize.

it fell out of your pocket when you sat down

Did you check your pockets?

clearly it must be in the dishwasher

Check your car between the seat and the door, or the seat and center console. This happened to me once, then a couple years later to a neighbor, so I was able to help him find his.

We're on lemmy, we're all commie, so we don't have neither wallets nor money, and collectively re-appropriate what she capitalists stole us when needing something.

It's part of term of use, you had to throw your wallet away before joining

This happens to me two or three times a week. Check your other hand.

Try the couch cushions

JD Vance: “It’s not there. I was poking around and didn’t find it.”
- Whelp, time to burn that couch.

If you're not at home, did you leave it at home this morning? If you're at home, have you checked the laundry pile?

Check under the sofa

Between the cushions too

The troll under the bridge took it.

U Mad Bro?

Mine once fell out of my pants while I was sitting at my office chair. It ended up perched on the bar that connects the seat back the seat bottom. There is a 3 inch gap between the back and the bottom otherwise. It took me a week to find it, and right before i was about to cancel everything. I only found it because i bumped the chair and it jiggled free.