sus

in case anybody who doesn't know, poly doesn't mean everyone is dating each other. Someone in a poly relationship can date someone who has no interest in dating their other partners. ofc a good rule of thumb is that everyone in this metaphorical web should be able to sit down and have dinner with each other without being mean or violent with each other.
- While this is certainly a valid form of romance, it's more accurately described as "non-exclusive simultaneous relationships" than a single "polyamorous relationship".
  Some people really do live in multi-partner committed households, but those seem most often to be dominated by a single person, such as fringe Mormon polygamy. And the most common form of "polyamory' is probably "affair-tolerant monogamy."
  It's a big complicated world, and variations of how humans with form intimate relationships fills all possibilities when there is no enforced legal prohibition. (And,.sometimes, even then.)
  
  I engaged in the "affair-tolerant monogamy" variant when I was younger. I discovered there's a positive curvilinear relationship between amount of drama and number of romantic partners. I am sometimes barely able to handle my own incidental drama, so it didn't last more than a few years.
  
  As a poly person: no, it is not a "affiar-tolerant monogamy". That is an open relationship.
  Polyamorous partnerships are far more committed. Also, sex is not always a part of it.
  Of course there is the concept of a primary partner, but there are lot of poly folks that thislike this idea.
  But what all of those relationships have in common: there is no case where only one partner is poly. All is about communication and consent.
  And to the core topic: There is this thing like a polycule. A network of people with somehow connected relationships. Breakups in those structures are often consensual and no big fuzz. But if it gets dirty, at least in my experience, the offending member of the polycoule gets shown the door. And most of the times, those are the new ones. People that think the could convince their partner to get monogamous because they are the only one that is needed.
  Sorry for the long post, you hit a nerve there ;)
  
  Like a walrus
- So it’s like de-federating
  
  Explain relationship between people using the Fediverse. Please and thank you.
  
  Fuck, I'll never be able unlink federated social media and polyamory in my head now.
- La Vie Bohème!
- I know people living in a "polyamorate" or something, so they are as a group of people in a relationship
- Yeah people not dating their partners partners is much more common than everybody dating everybody.

There are a lot of different types of poly relationship structures and different names for them. The base unit of relationship is a standard couple where 2 people are together. Add another person in and they can either be in a relationship with only one of those people and form a "hinge" aka "V" or be in a relationship with both of those people and form a "triad" aka "throuple". As many people as those involved consent to can be added this way.
Most of the time it's one person who is in a relationship with multiple people who are each in relationships with multiple people. This forms a "polycule". Where you have the people you're in relationships with aka your "paramours" and they have the people they're in relationships with aka your "metamours". This group of relationships can take many forms and can be drawn out into a cool diagram like a molecule, hence the name polycule.
The people you're in a relationship with can break up with you like in any other relationship and vice versa. It's more complicated when you add in housing situations if you're all living together, multiple people are all dating each other, or if two people are married.
Using one of my breakups as an example:
I've been in a triad where one person broke up with the other. I was then put in the middle of their breakup drama. I set a boundary of not wanting to deal with their drama/shit talking of the other. One of them kept breaking that boundary, so I broke up with that person while still being in a relationship with the other. Luckily I was living with the person I stayed with or that would've been way more complicated.
- Man I can’t even form a diatomic bond and y’all mfs getting polysaccharides and shit
  
  I dated a free radical once. Nothing but broken bonds left in her wake.
- if only STI’s weren’t a thing, polycules would be great….
  but, i’d rather be single than have to deal with pustules on my genitals for life….
  ….
  i bet they’d all be cured by now if idiots didn’t see it as some divine retribution….
  
  Yeah, anyone practicing safely can avoid that issue.
  
  You know we can test for those things now, right? As long as everyone remains faithful to their partners its not an issue.
  If 300 people all get tested and are clean, they can all get together every night for a massive orgy and there is zero STI risk. As long as none of them sleep with anyone outside of the group that hasn't been tested.
  
  I am unsure if that is completely true as my past experience in the lifestyle was that everyone was very on top of regular STI (think you meant this not SDI) testing and safe sex practices to protect all involved, whereas normal dating there is a lot less of that plus secret polycules you are not even aware you are in (cheating). Not seen a study on this but this was my observation at least.
  
  Watch out for those sexually dransmitted illnesses
  
  STIs are all curable, treatable, or preventable

gets voted out
slowly takes out an immunity totem i found in a charity shop.
- the immunity totem is the part of the lease where it says your name and not everyone else's
  
  it must really suck if sudently 2 boyfriend, 3 girlfriends, and 3 non binary partners decide to risk homelessness rather than stay with you.

Imagine getting broken up with by 2 people, both with non-binary haircuts. I'd probably jump into a river and become a trout
- I dove into the desert and became a sand trout.
- B E C O M E T R O U T
- This vaguely reminds me of the song Fish Sticks by The Heligoats:
  You were baptized in a river
  I was thrown off a bridge
  Then I landed on a crab you slept with seahorses
  I started having seizures, you started having kids
  You found your inner self, I found my inner fish

It is pretty rare for my partners to date each other, so most breakups are usually “normal“. Even when they do, one breakup only concerns the two people involved, unless something really bad prompted it, which has never happened to me directly.
- Yeah honestly it's pretty normal. Imagine two friends were dating and now they're not. It's not like you all aren't friends anymore
  
  It's because the (western?) default image of a break-up is a messy one. You don't just "remain friends". You fully cut ties and try not to even think of them until 4am.

I wish Caprica wasn't cancelled. I liked their portrayal of a poly group.
- I can't remember if the show did it, but in The Expanse books poly relationships were part of Belter life, especially on smaller ships
  
  On Earth too! One of the main characters (Jim Holden) was raised by a poly family with 8 parents on a ranch in Montana.
  
  The show briefly showed Drummer in charge of a small poly crew.
  
  It did: they gave Drummer Michio Pa's story in the last couple seasons.
- Is it worth watching? I liked Battle Star Galactica very much but wasn't convinced enough to watch Caprica
  
  I'd say no. I liked it well enough. But it's frustrating with all the unresolved plotlines.
  But it's been a really long time since I've watched it, so maybe there's some awesome stuff I forgot.
  
  It was good and had potential but was cancelled way too early. The finale was a montage to try and wrap the story up. Very frustrating.

Is there a poly equivalent of something like the Magna Carta?
- I have heard of something called the “poly bill of rights” IIRC
- Lemmy needs an out of context community
- Man, I have enough to deal with enough rags written by dead slave owners to want to add more to my dynamic

Sigh... Another thing I really doubt I'll ever get- a throuple of myself, a femboy and a tattooed anarchist punk with green hair, who's just rlly cooooool.
🙄
- That is a highly specific matchup you are aiming for. Might happen if you loosen the hair colour or tatoos criteria.
  
  Haha yeah ofc ofc. It's just uk... a fantasy...
  Basically, I have a crush on this fellow from a comic I really like.
  Might happen if you loosen the hair colour or tatoos criteria.
  Really? I always figured that throuples were very rare (where all partners love each other equally without there being a "main couple" dynamic). Like... How do you even go around dating for a "throuple"?

<serious>
They mostly don't. Poly people think they do, but you see far, far more relationship volatility in polyerotic relationships than you do in monogamous.
Edit: I see that I'm getting downvoted by the people that are in non-monogamous relationships. Fact is that when you talk to sex-positive sex and relationship counselors, they will almost universally say that functional polyerotic relationships are the equivalent of post-doctoral work, while most people have relationship abilities equivalent to a barely-literate middle school level. It's not that multiamorous relationships are bad or wrong, or that the people that engage in them are wretched examples of humans (...although there are certainly more than a few of those) or anything like that, but to be functional that type of relationship requires a far greater level of self-awareness and honesty than most people are capable of. Hence the reason that they tend to be so volatile; more moving parts, more chances to fuck up.
In my personal experience I have found that most multiamorous relationships are more casual and less emotionally intimate (e.g., more shallow) than monogamous relationships. The people I have personally observed, including my own partners, have had less time to spend with any single person, and were more likely to jettison relationships rather than putting in the hard work to fix problems.
- I feel like there's too many poly relationship structures to be able to generalise them all like that.
  There's plenty of people who have open relationships, where two people have a very close relationship (sometimes married) but they aren't sexually exclusive with each other.
  I'd also wager that some poly relationship structures would be more stable for lgbt people rather than heterosexual people, solely on the idea that everyone could participate more equally.
  
  None of what I said is restricted to any specific form of multiamorous relationship, or any sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. Most of the people trying to engage in polyerotic relationships--by which I mean the overwhelming majority--are people that have signed up for an ultramarathon before they can successfully complete a 5k fun run.