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Lemmy Be Wholesome @lemmy.world

ickplant @lemmy.world

17h ago

Supportive boyfriend

40 comments

This is a man who refuses to make the same mistake twice.
- Yeah I generally don’t like it when people make Boomer-esque gender observations but this is definitely the result of a fight once and him trying to correct behavior to be more supportive/meet her where she needs him
  
  There exist relationships where needs are not communicated through fights but through speech. I'm implying she might have just told him about her emotional needs instead of blowin up on him when they weren't met.
  
  I'm going to make my own Boomer-esque gender observation here: people generally don't like having the fact that they conform to a stereotype about their sex pointed out. This woman would probably not be laughing if she thought she fit the stereotype, and especially not if she had ever made herself vulnerable by explicitly admitting that.
- This is a man who still views human relationships as procedural and logical and consistent.
- Never make the same mistake twice.
  Make a new mistake to learn from.

I would love to be able to do this. I always jump right to problemsolving mode. At best I realize my mistake halfway throgh.
- Keep working on it, it takes so much effort on my part to be like "man that really sucks" or "wow that sounds really frustrating" for the most part my SO knows the solution and just wants to be heard.
  I've overheard her talking to her mom on the phone how supportive I am and how good of a listener I am. This is the first relationship I've managed to do these things and we're getting married in 4 weeks :)
  
  My wife has heard a similar one that she uses - "Do you want me to listen, get mad for you, or help you". I think sometimes "do you want real talk" can be part of it once they've processed a little bit because the truth can be harder to hear. .
  
  It can also be nice to ask “what have you already thought of” once you reach the solutions stage. Offers another chance for connection and making them feel like you are not assuming they haven’t thought of anything yet.
  
  Congrats!
  
  Congratulations!
- Something tells me she can solve the shwarma conundrum on her own.
- It takes practice, but it can be a game changer in a relationship.

I would definitely be like this
- Like the boyfriend or like the shawarma that fell apart? Cause I'm more like the latter.
  
  The boyfriend being supportive while also humorous

Autistic partners checking in.

It's good to check in about what kind of support folks want!

I can ask the question, sure, but what if the answer is wrong?

This one is hard. Only after having had every possible reasonable solution rejected, reaching the domain of frustration, do you realise that that perhaps they don't even want help. No words. Just nods.

My wife explained this beautifully to me with this video: It's Not About The Nail (Youtube, 1:41)
- I'm more confused now than I was before watching this.
  
  Thanks for the review, I won't watch it now.

The feelings stage can be simplified into two scenarios.
Does the person just need to vent?
Does the person need to feel supported/ understood?
When I’m unsure I ask my partner if they need to vent, feel supported, and/or solve the problem.

40 comments