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76 comments
  • Not wanting to look like Douchebag McDouchebagface is what's stopping people from looking like that.

  • Walking in with my pants rolled up to mid-calf and the knees busted out like I've been giving head at the local truck stop for the last three weeks. I've got a full head of hair, yet I insist on shaving everything but the crown. I absolutely cannot grow a beard, and I refuse to get a proper shave. I'm wearing a watch in the year 2025, purely to show off how much money I can throw at one of the only allowed men's accessories. Neck. Tattoos. There's a 50/50 chance I'm wearing socks.

    The entire cast of the Jersey Shore is lining up to get my number. Everyone else is staying at the distance necessary not to smell the patchouli.

  • Because I'm 55 years old and would—shockingly—even appear more of a buffoon than they?

    Seems like a fairly good reason to me.

  • Junk too big, I'm too fat, and it's a douchy style when taken to the extreme of the photo. Wearing well fit clothes is good, but this is something else.

    I regularly have trouble finding pants where the crotch doesn't crush things or make it look like I'm smuggling sausage, the waist is wide enough, and the legs don't look like they're parachutes. Usually settle for two of the three.

  • Guy on the left looks good to me honestly. The other three take it too far for my tastes but Lefty's hot

76 comments