No Stupid Questions @lemmy.world drbollocks @lemmy.blahaj.zone 6d ago

why do some straight people deny their loved ones’ homosexuality? (keyword: SOME)

some straight guy i was friends with was obsessed with me. he only cared if i liked men and had a bf for some reason, and would ignore that i liked women. he would act like i was straight and that if i dated women, that just meant i was single and obviously interested in him.

34 comments

Bi erasure comes in all flavours. Gay guys around me also often don't believe guys can be really bi, just gay in denial, or closeted gays living a straight life. The B in LGBT+ might as well be the bigotry in the community for how prevalent it is.
- Ironic because bi is the largest queer demographic but also the one that can blend in the easiest which hasn’t forced people to advocate for acceptance.
  
  And is also a spectrum. Most people would probably be bi, if social pressure didn't exist. It's honestly weird to think that anyone would be 100.00% gay or straight.
It's 2025, yet I automatically assumed Dr. Bollocks was a male. Not because of the doctor honorific, mind you, but because of the testicles.

I will try to be more enlightened moving forward.
- the character it’s based off of is male, it’s based on someone mishearing a name
That's just narcissism. Can't comprehend someone not being into them.
- ahhh, tysm
  
  The funny thing is I bet he's also the kind of guy to call a straight woman a lesbian if she rejects him too.
  
  But regardless, anyone who does what he's doing to you isn't a friend; they're a predator.
Tell him he should smile more.
- he also told me “i love what females smell like, especially during sex. i bet you smell nice” or something like that :,)
  
  That whole comment is creepy as fuck, but using the word "females" especially sets off my ickometer.
  
  You should put as much distance from this fella as possible...
You make it sound like this is your first experience with human beings.
- nah, just upset me a lil
Sounds like a combination of homophobia/gay erasure and misogyny (I know what women want, not them) to me
sounds like hes one of those, that " can i turn her straight for 1 day and have sex with er" types of people, its definitely creepy. porn has given people too many wrong ideas.
he was a friend or a loved one? No one I have been really close to has been gay that I know about but certainly had some acquaintances and I can't imagine just ignoring a girl is gay and trying to get into her pants. some folks don't find marriage much of a turnoff though so maybe they would find gay not much of an impediment. Although your saying he was concerned if you had a boyfriend so I guess that was important to him. I have had gay guys suggest stuff but it always seemed in jest and not creepy.
- he was an online friend who was attracted to me
  
  personally I don't take online things to seriously. not sure if I can say anyone I have not met in meatspace is a friend. just acquaintances really.
I mean to me, if I’m trying to get with you, or while I’m with you, all I care about is if you like me or not.

I think a lot of guys think that it would honestly be perfectly ok for you to go on having gay sex in your straight relationship. They aren’t threatened by another woman because that woman isn’t fulfilling the role they fulfill: sex with a penis. They also probably think you’d be missing out not to have both in your life if you are bi.

Or they are just erasing. But sometimes the same behavior can come from completely different ideas.
- I can see this. The draw of lesbian porn is no penis except the one in your hand.
  
  I guess the TLDR is just that men are generally only jealous of other men.
Homophobic.
I think the simplest answer is that we humans can hold two contradictory opinions at the same time. There are people who can support free speech and then censor books willy nilly. There are people who believe strongly in a religion but brazenly violate its rules of conduct on the regular. There are people who know homophobia is wrong but still are homophobic. And if this man has the hots for you at the same time this may be his way of squaring that circle.

I don't know you. I don't know him. Insert heaps of salt here. This doesn't sound like a good friendship to pursue.
some straight guy

Based on everything else you said, I'm unsure about this.
- 😂
Yeah, that sucks. I've had the same thing happen with one of my (former) gay friends; he just wouldn't drop it. It was really uncomfortable, and I eventually dropped him as a friend because he refused to respect my boundaries.

I mean, yeah, I get it; you don't really have a choice over how you feel. Some people experience limerance, and it's not a choice, but how they act is. I've had the displeasure of experiencing limerance a number of times, and each time I've found that it was more productive to cease contact with the person than to, well, do exactly what your online friend is doing.
Mostly bigoted indoctrination they are either unwilling or incapable to deconstruct

34 comments