1y ago

FOUR whole parking spots

282 comments

ProTip: you can easily deflate a car's tires by placing a small pebble in the valve cap before screwing it back on
- I used to condone this, but people are stupid and can drive on the flat tire until it explodes, potentially putting other peoples lives at risk.
  Not worth it for some petty revenge.
  
  That's why you gotta do all four.
  
  You're right. Better just pull the valve cores so they're obviously flat.
- Direct action person right here... love it.
  These people seem to forget the classic FAFO maxim, looks like they need to be reminded.
- I keep a few screws in my car to prop up under the tires of people who park like this.
- Good way to get shot by the owner
  
  only in murica
- Better yet, with a valve core removal tool, you can flatten them all in seconds and make it harder to fix.

Well, that guy is clearly a massive prick, but let's also talk about how fucking ugly that truck is. I don't know when everyone decided that land yacht pickup trucks were the bees knees, but they're not. They're just dumb and so. goddamn. ugly.
- You mean their Emotiional Support Truck.
  
  Pavement princess
- Also partly responsible for an increase in pedestrian fatalities.
- There is a lot of anger, frustration, and unacknowledged insecurity going into vehicle purchases in the US.
  
  I agree. The amount of unrequited hate is disturbing.
  
  There is a lot of anger, frustration, and unacknowledged insecurity going in the US.
  FTFY
- For real dude, there's no decent sized mid sized pickups anymore. I drove my '99 dodge Dakota forever and loved the size! It even had a V8 compared to most of the newer land yachts with 4 bangers and v6s.
  I don't need a block on wheels, I just need a smaller pickup because I camp and haul shit enough to justify needing one vs a car or suv.
  
  So, I don't know if it's still an issue but I know the whole land yacht thing started because of emissions standards. The US used to (they might still) set emissions standards based on wheel base rather than vehicle type. The larger the wheel base the looser the emissions standards. The thought was that vehicles that needed a larger wheelbase like large work trucks would always have higher emissions so they wanted to take that into account. But what actually happened is manufacturers just started making larger and larger vehicles to take advantage of the more lax emissions standards.
  I think the wheelbase based emissions standards thing has been fixed now, but I don't know where I heard that so it might even still be a thing.
  
  Buy an Aussie import ute. They're exactly what you want and not common in the US so you have a fashion statement.
  
  That's why I got the Honda Ridgeline. It is basically a Honda Pilot with a bed. Small by truck standards but is great for someone that just needs to haul stuff in the suburbs and will never take it off-road. I don't get all the people around here that think they need a lifted full sized truck to drive to work on city streets everyday.
  
  I had a '93 F150 for a few years. It was a v8 5.8L with an extended bed. Until... I let my friend borrow it and he... redlined it for several miles in first gear, (accidentally put it in 1st gear instead of into drive, and didn't noticed the extremely loud engine and the fact that he couldn't go over 20mph... yes, he is that stupid lmao) until it began smoking and he pulled it into a random driveway. And then as if that weren't bad enough, the genius homeowner popped the hood and hosed down the engine which, if you know anything about cars or metal, was the dumbest thing he could've done. Cracked up the whole thing. 😭
  But that thing was a fucking beast man. These new trucks can't even fit a fucking 2x4 or a sheet of OSB in the bed. They are useless.
  
  I drove an '04 Dakota for years (last year of that body style before they started making them bigger). Loved that truck, perfect size for camping or hauling band equipment.
  Sucks that the mid-sized trucks now are bigger that the full-sized trucks from back then.
  
  Safety regulations has a lot to do with it too. They have to squeeze in airbags and all the safety tech which would leave no room to sit in that older Dakota.
- Just check the bed. If there’s a liner, chances are the truck is needed. If it’s clean, it’s a vanity truck.
  I own a 350 and am very aware of just how big this truck is. But I do need the pulling power for work related things. I’ve also used it to help people that have broken down.
  
  I haven't seen a new truck without a bed liner in decades. I apparently thought they were standard equipment.
  If you need one, you need one, but I'm confident that a tiny percentage of these things are used for actual work. Also: still ugly. Sorry.
  
  I drive 3/4 or one ton trucks for work. They suck to drive. You feel every bump, they sway on corners or with wind, and parking is a nightmare. I have no idea why somebody would drive them around for vanity.
  I piss off my teenage son all the time using the outlander sport I bought for him. For driving around town it's awesome.
  
  Yeah that sounds about right. My liner is already marked up and I've had it since March lol. I haul large items almost daily for work.
  
  My DMax is a pretty truck but the beat to crap box, without bedliner, is under a tonneau cover so you can't see it. Another thing you can do is check the receiver hitch, if it's scratched / rusty inside then you know its being used to tow something. 🙂
- That would be the US EPA and whomever influenced them in the Carter administration to classify trucks as regulated differently than other passenger vehicles. It unironically financially encourages SUVs over vans and bigger bodied trucks over smaller ones.
  It's killed the work truck, the small truck, and literal pedestrians.
  Their intentions were fine at the time and it has resulted in average miles per gallon within their class going way up but it needs to be amended. The shifting of sales eats into any fuel efficiency gains. Regulate them the same as any passenger vehicle and give me my utility back.
  
  I wish small pickups were still a thing

Don't be too hard on them, maybe this was all that was available when they pulled up.
- Upvoting for the effort
- And so the cycle continues..
  When will it end?..

My favorite thing is to just leave a note that says, "I'm sorry about the scratch."
- 2nd option: "I saw who broke into your car. Call me at (leave fake #)"
  
  is the rickroll number still operational?

In the old days, a friend of mine would carry some paper(?) stickers(?) (labels?) that said something like "I park like an asshole" and superglue it to one of the windows of someone parked like this.
If you wanted to be nicer, you could get some proper pre-printed stickers (most online print/sticker shops should have them) and place them. Wouldn't cause any damage but would maybe make them think about it a little bit.
I also saw a post recently where someone replaced all the tire valve caps with bright orange or pink little dick shaped caps. This would cause more inconvenience and embarrassment, but not be damaging or dangerous.
- I knew a guy that had a roll of custom-printed "I park like a jackass" stickers. They weren't very large -- I think they were originaly labels for folders or something.
  But they were on tamper-proof stickers, the kind that were metalic and broke into a bunch of tiny pieces when you tried to peel them off.
  He'd slap two or three of them on the driver's side windshield and window out of the main line of sight, but you couldn't miss them when driving.
  They're a pain in the ass to get off. I know, because he put one on my car that said, "I lick sweaty ballsacks".
  
  That story took a quick turn haha
  
  Well, is it true at least?
  
  Wow what an asshole
- Holy shit I just found penis tire caps on AliExpress, definitely buying some lol
  Edit: I realized I don’t have the courage to actually do this to someone in public and risk getting caught, so I didn’t end up buying any, but they are readily available from your preferred discount app if anyone else wants to
  
  Upvote for the honesty, rofl.
  
  Haha, nice! Here, I found the post, in the old "R" site. I try to avoid posting stuff from there, but this is in the interest of science: https://i.redd.it/idl8jj50fg6b1.jpg
  I guess they were red, not bright orange.
  
  There's also a link to them on thingaverse somewhere if anyone has a 3d printer and wants to make them.
  
  For those with the capacity, they can be printed also. Files are available in the usual places.
  
  Get the stickers. Faster to apply and less worry about getting caught.
- I have an STL somewhere for the penis valve caps.
- Place a giant FTP sticker over half their rear license plate.
- I’d put the i park like an asshole sign on the rear window where maybe they don’t notice it for a while.

Four of the best parking spots, too, judging by the handicap spaces nearby.
- That's what gets me on these things. If you want to be a dick and make sure your car isn't hit go park or in the boonis! Nobody goes out there, don't have to worry about carts, take as many spots as you want! Shoot for a record of you want try to get 6! But why tf are you doing it in close parking spots?
  
  They're purposefully doing it to be an ass, taking the close parking spots and causing more inconvenience 8s part of the point.
- Yup, pretty much right by the door
- You can see on the next line over, there are a ton of empty spots right up front. This is probably some place that's not open to the public or whatever, or else they just have way more parking spots than they actually need.

I don’t actually mind this IF the person parks in the back of the lot. I get that they don’t want their precious hot wheels monster truck to get dinged, but as long as they park in the back of the lot where there’s no other cars, it’s fine. However, this person is clearly an asshole as there’s handicapped spots next to them, so they’re right up front taking spaces. It should be legal to vandalize their vehicle if a person does this.

Keying this car is a moral imperative.
- Ah yes, the Categorical Imperative!
  "Key only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time elude pursuement by the law." - Kant
  My philosophy may be a little rusty...
  
  it's universalizable. I'd be okay with someone keying my car if I purposely parked like an asshole, so it survives the ax murderer paradox
  
  Same here but that sounds about right from what I can remember.

What a rookie. Could've taken six by parking sideways

Mildly?

This is what stonetoss fans fap to
- Plot twist: he’s literally hiding in the back seat just jackin it
- u aint wrong

My move lately has been to stand their windshield wipers up. You're not doing anything criminally damaging to their vehicle, but in my experience, anyone this self-important will be really bothered by the thought of some random person putting their dirty hands on their precious baby.

Trucks are generally excessive for most people anyways, them taking up 4 spots only compliments their mentality.
- What I don't get is why they're built so bulky? It's not necessary. There's just a bunch of empty space under the hood.
  
  EPA regulations are designed to encourage better gas mileage, but they are based on vehicle size. So instead of making more fuel efficient engines, auto makers realized they could just make bigger trucks with the same shitty engines to meet the guidelines.
  
  Most pickups in the size range offer multiple engines, with the bigger engines filling the space.
  My f150 does not have much room under the hood, and it’s got the v6 eco line motor.

surround it with carts
- Zip-tie surround it with carts.

A local business has any vehicle that does this towed by his cousins tow company. That company is 3 towns over about 50 miles. Guy has signs everywhere that warns anyone doing it. He still gets one or two a week.
- Easy money doing the lord's work.

This is when you put a small pebble under each of the tire valve caps and screw them down tight enough to depress the spring, open the valve, and let the air out all of the tires
- Hey Satan, how's it going?

MILDLY infuriating?
- More or less. It's extremely douchy behavior but only indirectly harms the person that took the photo, so mildly infuriating feels about right.
  
  I’m more of a livid and get them towed mindset. Lol

Moose sex pheromones. Hose the car down with them. Let nature take care of this one.
- Yeah idk if that’s gonna help in PA lol. Deer maybe, but they aren’t gonna attack a car
  
  Fly attractant on the tire?
- hard to find that, but you can absolutely get a syringe full of deer piss between the window and the rubber stripping that's meant to keep the rain out of the door. doe-in-estrus urine is available at almost any outdoors shop, as hunters use it to attract bucks.

Magnetic wheel weights. Throw a few on the inside of his rim
- What would this do?
  
  Unbalance his wheels

This should be a felony
- I have a full size truck and I agree. You don't want dents. Park all the way in the back in one spot or park on the street. This person can suck a bouncy castle full of dicks.

Nice truck, sorry about your dick!

This is a parking job screaming for a keying!

I have to imagine this is actually going to make it MORE likely that this vehicle gets damaged. Just not accidentally.
- Looks like a perfect space for every lazy person to push their shopping cart into.
  
  Cart Narcs will understand.
- “Oops, shopping cart slipped right out of my hands.”

The driver is a very wide load and needs the space.

That’s an invitation. He wants to be keyed.

I guess there wasn't an EV charger available.
- Is that the lightening?
  
  No, they just like to park at EV chargers** to "own the libs".
  
  No, that's a Toyota. I think OP was trying to say that the type of dickwad who would park like that is the same kind who would ICE an EV charge station

How are there not visible key marks in the paint?

Protip: pepper spray on door handles is a great way to sabotage a vehicle without damaging it.

I finally understand why you still have the death penalty.

This is a job for 4 mini coopers!!
- 6 smart cars, all around

Squeeze in right next to the driver's door so he can't get in
- I drive a shitbox, I would definitely do that.

I hope someone with an old rust bucket parks in one of those driver spaces

Four spots
One asshole

Most people who park like that in a stupidly big vehicle, at least park far away so they're not stealing high frequency prime spots.
- Seriously. The funny thing is actual work/farm trucks tend to do that, it's the pavement princesses that park like assholes.
- Yeah, but not this asshole. Right next to the handicapped parking, which is as close to the building as you can get. Fucker.

Grab some zipties and two shopping carts. Ziptie the shopping carts to their door handles.
- The handles probably have no where to loop around these days. But you’d still get the same effect just surrounding it with shopping carts like right up against it. Ding city and the whole town plays along.
  
  A quick glance at the image shows that it's possible to do that there, there's enough room in the handles
  
  A lot of handles are actual handles these days.. Including this truck.
- Why not to the wheels?

Keying the fuck out of this, every damn time....
- I'm surprised it's not keyed all the days long.

de-stress. park in back and walk a little. for your health. driver has small dick energy and suffers
- I park in the back during work, but I always end up with UPS and Amazon trucks parking next to me, and they leave their engine running the whole time that I'm eating lunch...

Time to draw and quarter that monstrosity.

Easy fix, wire snips to the valve stem.
- I've never considered this. This seems like a much safer way to "slash" a tire.

Clearly needs a ring of shopping carts around it for additional protection
- Zip tied together to make sure they don't roll away

I doubt these trucks can be driven around in European or Asian roads. They seem so humongous. Even cargo vehicles which transport goods across the city are much smaller than these in India. Why are trucks so popular in the US? Does everyone haul things often? Are cargo trucks not rentable?
- The US government's standards for fuel economy paradoxically push car manufacturers to make bigger vehicles. The few mid-size pickups still available are now as big as full size pickups once were.
- It’s a cultural thing, mostly. Some people do work as contractors and need large truck beds though.

Clearly the parking space is too small, lets petition our gouvernment to increaste them, like a football field per car, or something like that... or else please use public transportation
- Public transit ? What kind of filthy commie are you ? Why do you hate America's car manufacturers?

No touchy. No touchy!

That car officially belongs to the first person who can hotwire it.

MICROPENIS

Are they a fire chief or something? See a firefighters emblem on the front plate. Barring an emergency still no excuse for parking like a dick though..

He's trying to play car roulette it seems :D

Could'a been 6. Dudes a rookie.

Dude's thinking he drives a flying car 💀

Don’t you understand? He can’t risk any scratches on his pwecious wittle twuck
- His pavement princess.

Doesn't even fill them all. Must be a compact truck. I'd still squeeze in with my car in front of him, across those two spots.

282 comments