2mo ago

The Divine Dick

126 comments

I don't think He/Him are neopronouns as the prefix neo- means new. Surely His would be old (paleopronouns), or timeless (aeternuspronouns), rather than new
- Relative to eternity, the invention of the english language is pretty new
- Out of curiosity, would you say My pronouns are neopronouns? I use capitalised pronouns too. And I'm also a god. Not a capital-G god, just a regular polytheistic kind. Does the acceptance of our current society play a role in whether they're neopronouns? Are they new when I use them, and old when Deus uses them?
  
  you need serious help
  
  Newness is the quality of having been recently created or having started existing recently. The deific pronouns surely came before the standard canon of human/mortal pronouns, just as their subject deities predate humanity, perhaps both having always existed. It doesn't have anything to do with societal acceptance.

In mormonism if you don't do their special ceremonies and have multiple wives, you lose your dick for eternity. I learned that in Sunday school when I was 12 lol.
- Mormon theology also pretty much just cuts the Gordian knot proposed in this post by saying, "Fuck yeah he's got a dick. Uses it ALL THE TIME." I believe that a "perfected body" was the verbiage I was taught in Sunday School. Tritheistic heresy, Shmitheistic Shmeresy....
  
  Begins pissing in a whirling dervish
- Kid: “Then I won’t do the ceremony because I never wanted a dick in the first place.”
  Mormons: “No! That’s not how you play the game!”

You should know how much time Christian monks spent reasoning about the foreskin of Christ.
It's a lot.
Long enough to postulate that once the Jesus ascended, his foreskin ascended as well and become. The. Rings. Of. Saturn.
Sky will never be the same, won't it?
- At that point it's just Greek mythology all over again.
  
  Yeah but with significantly less blackjack and hookers and significantly more foreskins. Cause you didn't think there was only one foreskin on display for all those pilgrims, did you?

The weird thing is that a lot of christians (including the Catholic church) affirm that God "the Father" has actually no gender.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_of_God_in_Christianity
- Does Jesus have a gender tho? As stated above, Jesus has a fully human body and nature (or else you are deemed a heretic by the council of Chalcedon). He is described as a man and several churches and rulers have historically claimed to hold a piece of his foreskin, so he must've had a penis. Therefore:
  Either Jesus was agender despite having a penis, therefore penis doesn't imply male gender or
  Jesus was male. So either:
  Jesus and God don't have the same gender, so they aren't the same entity, which the councils of Nicea and Chalcedon would deem a heresy, or
  God can manifest as male or agender, making Them genderfluid.
  
  Rulers have what now?
  
  I know people like to call the holy trinity absurd because of the multiple entities being 1 entity, but I would like to direct your attention to plural people. Holy-trinity-like situations actually occur in real people. Even with different genders.
  
  Jesus is not god.

Technically, you can't say that He/Him are God's preferred pronouns because the capitalization doesn't appear in the oldest texts. They are more a matter of tradition than of reality. However, you could say that's even worse because Christians have embraced these neopronouns on God's behalf.
- What if He came out as trans in the 19th century and influenced the scholars to change His pronouns through dreams?
- I can't really call something that's literally as old as writing a "neo-" anything. Non-standard, perhaps?
  There's some interesting conversation about this topic though.
  https://ell.stackexchange.com/questions/83130/does-the-word-god-get-the-pronoun-it-or-he

Considering how consistently the world gets fucked, yeah, I'd say there's a divine Dick out there doing all the fucking.
- Are earthquakes the planet having an orgasm?
  
  I'm more inclined to call it indigestion...

Oh there's plenty of Christian nationalist men thinking about "divine dick"

I wouldn't call them neopronouns, they're more like archeopronouns.

That's it, I'm using He/Him pronouns now.
- And I bet when You do this, You'll expect us all to use the pronouns that You want us to-
  Fuck.
  
  Thank you for respecting people like Me.
- One of Us! One of Us!

God never addressed themselves as him/her. They referred to themselves as I am.
- There are definitely He pronouns in the bible
- And the equivalent of we/us, as I think you’re alluding to.

Captain Kirk: "What does God need with a penis?"
- Masturbate while watching you
  
  Thy will be done
  On earth as it is in heaven
- "Well I get bored on my starship, same as you."

I would love to see the prompt that generated this ChatGPT response.

There are several other gods and goddesses named in the old testament, so I'm willing to buy that the Christian god has a dick, and it's for inserting into goddesses. And given the personality on display by said diety, I'd wager said dick could pass through the eye of a needle and still have room for the camel.

The whole capitalization of pronouns thing was pretty much entirely made up around the 19th century anyway (as well as the capitalizing the word "Lord", which the King James version invented outright), so you can argue that protestant churches are following a woke plot to change the pronouns of the christian god as well.
- LORD vs Lord does hold some distinction in the source material. IIRC LORD is for uses of the divine name whereas the other ones are not. But then you have the whole, El, Elohim, tetragrammaton, god, lord, etc. mess with them probably not historically referring to the same entity to begin with, but that whole book is a mess.
- As a capitalised pronoun user, I can confirm they're woke.

I mean it was up in the sky about a month ago. The last time it was visible was apparently in ancient Egypt. If you missed it, to bad. The news said it wouldn't be visible again until he gets a prostate exam in over a thousand years
- The onion is back, baby!

If you ask about gender in death, people will just look at you weird.
There's compounding evidence that a lot of religious canon was simply written by mankind as a kind of societal control.
The living should be kinder to one another.
💙
- Not Mormons.
  After death, men get their own planet to rule over. Women... get to be their wives.
- Societal control is the name of the game, friend.

Is God cut or uncut?
- Cut due to Jewish tradition of circumcision.
  
  That only applies to humans. So Jesus was certainly cut (and uncontroversially), but if God the Father has genitalia, he may not be; same for the holy ghost.

Now I’m wondering if God has a belly button….cause that would imply an umbilical cord
- Nah, that would be silly.
  God is more like a platypus. No nipples or bellybutton (but could surely produce milk if they felt like it), venomous, and hatched from an egg.
- OR an unbiblical cord?

According to Mormons, god is literally male, with (perfect) male genitalia. There is also a god--the-mother, who is female, and is both secret and sacred (they really don't like talking about her), and also utterly subservient to god the father, because of course she is. According to Mormon theology, both gods were once mortal, and were raised up to godhood by their godly parents; Mormons--if they're good enough--can go to Mormon super-heaven, where they will also become gods in their own right. Before everyone was born physically, they were born spiritually, in... More or less the same way babies are born now, except in heaven, to a heavenly mom. And there were hundreds of billions of spirit babies, so I guess that god the dad and god the mom really like sex or something? The implications start getting really, really weird, very fast. Which is part of the reason why Mormons don't usually want to talk about stuff like this with people that aren't Mormon.
I believe that the quote is, "As man is, so once was god. As god is, so man can become," or something like that.
Source: was Mormon for >25 years.
- Congrats for getting out I guess?
  
  To paraphrase Nietzsche, that which doesn't kill you psychologically scars you and leaves you with a lifetime of therapy bills.

This is excellent:
If God has no cock, then being male doesn't need a cock to be real.
If he has a cock, then does he only use it to pee? Or does he use it to both pee and fuck? Does that mean he had sexual relations with a minor who was also married already?
Does the Trinity have a cock? Or is it only the father or is it only the son? You can clearly see that the son had a cock. But did he keep it as a ghost cock? Do they have 3 different cocks? Or do they share a cock?
Since they supposedly are virgin, do they have to jack off? Do they jack off at the same time? Or does one have to hide somewhere to jack off? Or are they okay just jacking off in front of the others?
What do they pee? If you take a shower in god pee, do you smell good? Or bad?
And why all these questions about pee anyway...how about poo? Is God poo good or bad? If it's bad, doesn't that mean that God has bad things inside of him? Does that mean they gotta eat something? What do they eat? Can we eat it too? How come God let's people die of hunger if he has a source of God food?
- Pretty sure the official position in most sects, including Catholicism, is that God is not "male", but singular male pronouns are nevertheless the only "correct" pronouns for "Him".

God created both men and women in his image, so he must have biological gender traits from both.
- Intersex God!!!! That implies intersex people are divine! Now if only Christians would stop trying to "fix" God's most divine creations...
- Divine full-package futanari confirmed

I would assume since gods are omnipotent, their dicks are always the perfect size for the situation. Or perhaps they are inconceivably huge. Since they seem to like swinging them around so much.
Pronouns? God don't need no stinking pronouns. God got dick.
- We assume omnipotence from Gods but it's not wholly true. Most gods out in the world of myth are limited in their reach and ability. If they are in a pantheon then often that implies that they have no direct power over each other and thus they are not all powerful.
  Interestingly omnicence or omnipresence is not something claimed even by the monotheistic religions. No God is actually all seeing. Plenty of times in script things have been hidden from God or something has to be told to God to bring it to his attention.
  This has nothing to do with his dick persay... Just the assumption of omnipotence. If the Christian God exists he coulda just be lying about what he's capable of and what human is gunna be able to check the math? Guy seems like the kind of dick who would pull that shit.
  
  The gods were omnipotent to humans, not always so much to other gods perhaps. In polytheistic religions the pantheon was often comprised of siblings of some sort. But the top god, like Zeus or Odin, where all seeing and all knowing if they wanted to be. But they often did didn't really care that much as long as they were fat and happy.

I can follow this, up to
they are neopronouns
I believe that that's a decision made by translators of the bible. Hebrew doesn't have lowercase letters, and the Greek versions of the New Testament that I found don't capitalize as much. And are they distinct?
- Yeah, it’s more of an act of reverence or deference. However, it is a pronoun (cis-gendered, and preferred) which some people believe never occurs in the Bible.

Want to know why life is always fucking you? If God has a dick, his dick would be omnipresent therefore you're constantly being dicked by God.

Well the church is Christ's bride so we can only assume it's going to get dicked down.

Well the Holy Spirit 100% has a dick given he was the one that inseminated Mary.
- How do you know he didn't use in vitro fertilization?
  
  In vitro means in an artificial environment. What would God make that could be considered artificial?

You see, god stoked his divine dick and then, there came a big bang and billions of galaxy came out of the ejaculated foam.

Couple of fun facts about this :
so God themself while referred to in English as a he refers to themselves as ' I am ' technically I think we should be using they them pronouns but English was traditionally a gendered language.
Jesus on the other hand 100% had a dick. Whether he kept that or not, post ascension that's up for interpretation but Jesus was 100% biologically male.
- Yes, and the church went nuts displaying the "Holy Relic" that was his supposed foreskin for many, many years, in many churches... At the same time. It got so out of control that people started to wonder why the church was so obsessed with Jesus's dick. So the Pope finally got a clue, commanded a stop to the practice, and threatened to excommunicate anyone who spoke about it afterward. Ah, Christianity. Good times.
  
  In the late 17th century the Vatican librarian Leo Allatius wrote a treatise entitled De Praeputio Domini Nostri Jesu Christi Diatriba (A Discussion of the Foreskin of Our Lord Jesus Christ), claiming that the Holy Prepuce ascended, like Jesus himself, and was transformed into the rings of Saturn.
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Prepuce
  The article also contains this gem:
  Most of the Holy Prepuces were lost or destroyed during the Reformation and the French Revolution.
- Jesus on the other hand 100% had a dick. [...] Jesus was 100% biologically male.
  Oh did they find his body?
  Wouldn't it be more reasonable to conclude that the probability of Jesus being biologically male equals the human average of males being biologically male? Ie 99.5%.
  Couldn't his radical compassion for outcasts and the downtrodden be related to personal struggles growing up with gender dysphoria?
  If you believe he was conceived in a virgin, wouldn't it be MORE likely that he had XX chromosomes?
  
  He is circumcised according to Luke gospel, so the dick biblically accurate.
  
  We are discussing biological sex as in the parts we are not discussing gender.
- My personal head canon is that Jesus was a transgender man (no Y chromosome). The “this is my Son, in whom I am well pleased” marks when God finally accepts his Son’s gender identity, and lets him start his ministry (and hooks him up with HRT).
  He could still be intersex AFAB. PCOS/CAH are both extremely common and you can end up with a clitoris that looks pretty close to a peen0r. Admittedly, that doesn’t make the circumscision part that much better - but well realistic, it’s gotta have happened at some point.

Can god sling a dick so big even he can't rub one out?
- I thought that's where the biblically accurate angels come into play?

I think this is very relevant to this discussion https://youtu.be/qUb0JnEsOHQ
- I was thinking of the exact same video.

Hits the Blessed Waterpipe of Panaji
Under Trinitarianism, God would be a they/them, because they're literally several people.
According to the common understanding of the doctrine of virgin birth, Mary got impregnated through the Holy Spirit rather than The Father rawdogging her. This suggests that the Holy Spirit is a dick and thus probably male.
The Father is, according to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, not a man or a woman. That being said, neither Hebrew nor Aramaic nor Koine Greek have gender-neutral pronouns (except perhaps calling The Father "it" in Koine Greek, which would be hilarious but sadly would not be approved of by a killjoy like Paul).

...i like the way you think

Baphomet is an occult archetype for the Supreme Deity, composed by both the male and female principles. The commonly found art/statue of Baphomet has both a phallus and breasts, representing the interconnectedness between these principles, just like Yin and Yang from Taoism are complementary to each other.
The same duo happens across various belief systems, such as Ancient Egypt (Isis and Osiris, Nun and Nunet), Brazilian Tupi-guarani indigenous people faith (Tupã e Jaci), some esoteric branches of Islam (Alaat or Al-Lat, the female principle of Allah), and so on. And there's also Luciferianism, where there are Lucifer and Lilith sometimes seen as complementary, sometimes seen as "enemies".
Regarding the Christianity, the Holy Ghost is a feminine name in Hebrew, so it'd be the nearest to this female principle of the Supreme Deity, a.k.a. The Mother Goddess (Asherah as others correctly pointed across the comments).
While we tend to see the male-female principles as phallus and vagina, the reproductive organs are actually just a representation on the physical realm from spiritual, energetic polarities. Everyone has both male and female energies (i.e. a man has also female energy within him, a woman has also a male energy within her), and we shall seek to balance them, seeking equilibrium between our inner man and our inner woman.
The patriarchal society tried to erase the figure of the Mother Goddess across the centuries, trying to make us forget how the first belief systems worshipped a Goddess instead of a God (Venus figurines, for example) but it seems like that this knowledge is being rediscovered nowadays.

In Exodus, Moses asked to see God's face, and was not allowed to. God told him he would allow Moses to see his "back" instead. When I was a boy at Yeshiva, the prevailing wisdom was that God showed Moses the back of his neck, and his Tefilin knot. The Tefilin contains passages relating the Shema, and my Rabbis connected it back to how God has a devotion of his own to Israel in his tefilin (which this source also does).
The tefilin is a rite only permitted for men to practice, so I guess that's ones thing for this meme. But the word used for back, אֲחֹרָ֑י, is more accurately translated as "butt." Now why would God need a butt?
This is old Testament by the way. The J source for those who care, who often portrays God as a little earthier than the others.
- Imagine going into a cave to see God and it's just him bent over showing hole

"The sword of God, the blood of the lamb, vengeance is mine, millions of dead motherfuckers, all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. 'You believe in God?'
'No.'
BANG Dead.
'You believe in God?'
'Yes.'
'You believe in my God?'
'No.'
BANG Dead.
'My God has a bigger dick than your God!'"
-George Carlin

It's not more heretical to claim that jesus wasn't entirely human, quite the opposite in fact. It's a very old theological debate of homoousianism vs heteroousianism vs homoiousianism (same substance, different substance, similar substance). This debate was settled in the 4th century and Arianism (heteroousianism) was rejected
Homoousianism - god the father is of the same substance as Christ, is the most prevalent vision nowadays, which means that christ is purely divine and not human

Why should every part of God need a purpose? What does efficiency mean in the face of unlimited power (palpatine.jpeg), or simplicity in the face of omniscience? Why does God have a penis? Cause he wanted one I guess. They are nice for peeing too.
- Peeing implies waste, which implies imperfection. If god were really God, his body would be 100% efficient and he wouldn't consume anything he didn't need.
  
  Nah, in its internal logic, Chalcedonean Christianity doesn't have this problem. Jesus is defined as fully human and fully divine, and peeing is just part of being human.
  
  Maybe the pee is not waste, but spontaneously created to God's will. " I want to pee, sure would be nice if I had a penis right now" - a diety that does not plan ahead, probably.
  
  One man's waste is another man's gold...

Does that mean God has a neodick?

These good Mormon boys have wrapped your answer up in a nice little song
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mKB_W4Fv_vY

This is why it makes more sense to believe in more gods.
More gods == more rational

Weren't Asherah and Yahweh a consort pair? Wasn't Baal their son?

Hey christofash men, if everybody is entitled to their own personal and private relationship with god, and you should love god as he loves you, it’s totally legal for your wife to think about god’s massive peener while you’re having sex strictly for the purposes of procreation. Just noodle on that for a bit.

Fu̇nilı inu̇f, ð Moṙmėnz ƿᵫd hæv ð lıſt tceu̇bėl ƿið ðiſ ƿėn. Ðıṙ vṙjėn v ð greıtṙ ſpıritcuėl wṙld hæz ė hevenlı mėðṙ tu. Ėkoṙdıŋ t Knowing Better, C'z n ſupṙ impoṙtent, b ð Moṙmėnz þıŋk it'ſ nuıſ t no C'z aut ðeıṙ.

Capitalised pronouns ARE neopronouns. I use them, and I wrote an article on My blog about it: https://medium.com/@viridiangrail/introduction-to-capitalised-pronouns-f5140e722b48

126 comments