I hope you don't have any plans this evening.

Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.

Better yet, if you get enough people to listen to you, start saying you're Jesus.

totally not cult behavior

Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.

Maybe this in Julian calendar?!

That means we only have 247 years left!! REPENT!!
- Can't I fuck off for 246 days and repent the day of? I mean, I just bought this bag of coke and another one of oxy. D:
My favorite month in the dual-year. Junetobuary.

But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.

Matthew 24:36.

RTFM, noob.

"Read The Fisherman Matthew"?
- Read the fucking moom
Does this imply that the rapture won't happen on any day any man or angel predicted it, and suggest that these crackpots are either delivering a "no rapture today" message from the Lord Almighty or else embarrassing Her into putting it off?
Reginald, The Fingerless Mittens!
RTFB

It's almost 9pm where I am and there's no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.

Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.
- Maybe that's been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.
- Maybe they're the filthy sinner and got left behind
19th here, I think I got left behind.
It's happening on the 9th of 18th month, we've still got some time.

Hi guys, its the 19th here in Australia already and I can confirm that I have been Left Behind to suffer heck on earth for being a sinner and Im super over it already.

You sure everybody got raptured and you're not just in Australia?
Nah mate, that's just fuckin Thursdy.
- Aw fuckin' hell!
Party time!
Everyone is dead. Everyone except us.

https://youtu.be/_lOrs5crSlo

Jesus better fucking come I've been jerking him off for like 20 minutes

Jesus, King of the Edging!

It's currently September 19th

Dude, you're already part god. You don't get to be raptured.
- I also don't want to go to work

It's true. I'm getting raptured right n

Well, well, well. Look who became a gentile and got themselves raptured.
- Okay, you got me, I'm still stuck here with all of you heretics

I MISSED IT!?

No, they neglected to put the first part of the year, it's happening in 2124.
- Whew ok..... Just 100 more years and I can learn to rap

~~9-18-24~~ ~~9-19-24~~ ~~9-20-24~~ ~~9-21-24~~ 9-22-24

I mean...if they keep this up they will be right eventually...right?

Eventually.
- Like my wife, every day for 17 years, "That tree is going to fall down."
  
  Tree falls down.
  
  "I told you so."
- LMFAO
- Why is 2038 missing?
They were always right about the date. They just were wrong about what Jesus is looking for.

Not again

Afraid so. Hope you enjoy the great snatch.
- sigh - Days without thinking about her: 0
- From snatch you came, and to snatch you shall return.
- What happens if you have a Sinful Thought during "The Great Snatch"? Do you get un-Snatched? What if you immediately Repent? Do you get Snatched again? Will there be people bouncing back and forth indefinitely?

so nobody can know the date of the rapture, and if someone figures it out god'll change it?

what if I make a website that just says "the rapture will be [current date +1]"

checkmate?

nonsense, there are only 12 months

They may have screwed up their ISO date format. They really mean it'll happen on the 9th day of the 18th month of 2024.

It tracks

Never mind the old flippediroo of the day and month. What I want to know is why is there a dash in front of the date. I thought the separators went between the things to be separated.

So I was justified when I left those dishes in the sink. Thank goodness. Thank you, Jesus.

The lord works in mysterious ways!
Some archeologists get paid to dig up old kitchen tools from early human history. You’re just leaving stuff for the archeologists in 2424

Oh, shit! Who will water my plants?!

It's your lucky day - I happen to run a post-rapture plant watering and pet sitting business - I'm sure as shit not getting raptured.
- Great Scott! I was so busy packing, I forgot about the dog! Quick! What are your rates! Nevermind - here's my bank info - I won't need money anymore!!
- I'm guessing you haven't had many customers yet?
  
  Also, you think you're not getting raptured but you are literally offering a good thing for people that won't even pay you. Pretty sure Jesus would think you were dope.
Jesus. Obvs.
- Pretty sure pouring wine onto plants will kill them.

What mental gymnastics do you think the sign maker will have to perform, when nothing happens today?

Mysterious Ways ™️
This is someone who is clearly winded after light mental calisthenics.
But imagine how foolish we all would look if this would happen. 😁

Good thing I tried pegging for the first time tonight then! Ticked that one off the bucket list just in time!

Congrats on the pegging, happy for you.

It's probably a coded message. Read it in the order of colors.

Jesus is rapture - 9-18-24 will on coming the happen.

It all makes sense!

JESUS IS THE RAPTURE

COMING WILL HAPPEN ON 9-18-24

sigh… if you insist
JESUS IS A RAPTOR
- This image is stained on my occipital lobe

Post-Rapture looting anyone?

Why do you think I still live in Texas?
- If you already live in hell, nothing changes?
Why not Pre-Rapture looting?
- I feel like that has a higher chance of getting oneself beaten up (at best 😂)
Everyone gets a new phone!
- Woohoo!

Haha! Yeah right, this is like the ten thousandth time they've s

Oh no, they were raptured mid-sentence! How nice of the angels to hit send before dragging them away.

God, I wish God would actually just end this cringe already.

Still the 18th here. Anyone know where I can buy some inflatable sex dolls and helium at this hour?

Why helium?
- To inflate the sex dolls.. He prefers doing chicks when they're high.
- Maybe so the sex doll will go to heaven too
- So they float, of course.
  
  This is an old internet joke.

Can we go ahead and get the rapture over with so the rest of us can get some peace and god damn quiet?

We should sell tickets.

What timezone is the rapture in?

Trying to decide if I should stay up and get some photos

Sorry, gonna have to miss the rapture, I have DnD this weekend.

I didn’t get raptured, too much thc and alcohol in your system makes you too heavy for the angels to carry I think.

If all the good folk are gone though I sure hope for less traffic on my road trip this weekend. Praise jeebus? 🤷‍♂️

May you be toughed by thy Noodley appendage! - FIFY

Can we reschedule? I have plans tonight

Jesus is having sex today.

HAPP EN

The miracle of prophecy is not related to the miracle of proper kerning.
- The kerning looks okay - it's the font that's weird.

"WILL HAPP_EN"

"Yes! I have the foresight to predict The Rapture^TM, but not the foresight to fit the words onto a cardboard sign..." lol

WTF! I missed it? Did every single Jehovah's witness drink the juice so they could fly into the spaceship or what? Postponed?

Fun fact: Jehovah's witnesses think only 144,000 men go to heaven and then all the good JWs get new bodies on Earth.
- Funner fact. The Jehovah's Witnesses calculated that the year would be 1844, and someone did start a religion that year claiming to be the return, but that was in Persia, so they didn't know. They decided they must have miscalculated, and recalculated the date multiple times until 1900 at which point they basically just said, "he's late." They were literally started to look for the return of Christ, and because it didn't happen exactly the way they thought it should, they gave up and claimed that God must be wrong.
  
  I have fun with JWs when they come to my door.
- Shit! I had it all wrong! Okay but now that the rapture is over and not gonna happen anymore, then maybe everyone can go back to their regularly scheduled Friday?

Spoiler alert: it's already happened, and all the virtuous people already ascended to heaven.

I REFUSE to believe gahd has put me on par with Karen by leaving both of us on Earth! I demand to talk to his manager!
That explains why I'm still here.
My nipples are on fire. Send help. 😢

There were 666 likes to this post. I ruined it by turning it to 667!

Do we need any more proof that the rapture is over and we missed it?

Is this EST, PDT, Australish? Need to plan my pooping.

again?

It's an ever-occurring rapture. People stop being alive all the time.

Shit, I missed it.

Shouldn't have taken that nap.

c/agedlikemilk

POV: It didn't happen

I hope it's during work hour. Would be shame to do whole days work just to get eaten by the rising dead.

I think the rapture happened a decade ago and this is hell

Purgatory.
Everyone is a sinner. Especially the religious types.

Time to paint a new sign, methinks.

Seems like the planning for this was the same planning they put into making the words fit on the sign.

THE RAPTURE WILL HAPP^EN

Oh man I'm here just waiting to look at jesus and say "Fucking took you long enough!! wtf you doing up there while I was working my ass off you fuck? I hope that linda removed is not coming with us!"

I'm pretty sure my plans are fine. Jesus is going to take one look at us and turn around.

I'm glad it didn't happen because I got to pet a cat while the world was supposed to be ending.

Batting .000 here religious sign guy.

Imagine if what qualified to get raptured were believing in it. The world would be so much better without all those people!

Is that why there's an abandoned pair of shorts in the parking deck? And here I thought someone was running around pantless.

Oh come on! I was gonna get a haircut today.

I would get letters from my grandma - long, winding beseeching me to come to the Lord or whatever, with often a specific date predicted in the near future of the end times. I never kept them because I was embarrassed. She was lonely and mentally ill, and probably trying to manipulate people into visiting her, but she also believed the shit she was saying, even though it kept changing, IMO.

I think that's a little bit of what is going on with these signs

Welp, I have only now seen this post on the 19.09.2024.

I guess I did not only miss the notification, but also the rapture itself.

The rapture probably did happen but nobody on earth was worthy.

According to their own book, no man will know the day or the hour IIRC. So anyone who says they know, at all, is by default wrong, and you can guarantee that it won't happen at that time.

The ~~Jehovah's Witnesses~~ 7th Day Adventists figured out that it was supposed to happen in 1844. According to The Baha'is, they were right but wrong at the same time.

ah fuck i missed the rapture again. guys how was it?

Kind of boring actually.

It's gonna be 10:12pm so we have time for a last meal still if you want before Jesus chucks everyone in the woodchipper. 😊

He's got the wrong date.

To quote late musician Peter Steele:

April 2029, the final time The end my friends is not near, the hour in fact is quite here ... It's a Friday 13th of course you won't live, to see noon. ... Are you paranoid what's on the asteroid has got your name tattooed on it? This stone's called Apophis And it brings apocalypse.

Jesus came, broke my fridge, and didn’t even leave a note. Asshole.

I wish

Oh please yes!

I think the Rapture was going to be happy before it was to happen.

Surely MORE letters will fit in the same space! Haha, this is the first thing I thought of https://youtu.be/GMp-MVI6xDs?si=-fws95UURq5_ziRt

wordington rapture

Fuck no it ain't gonna happen, I gotta finish my studying so I can actually work fuck that

Meh.. I prefer the Zorp scenario