4mo ago

What was the hardest part of schooling for you?

Post-secondary or grade school.

78 comments

The racism, discrimination, and segregation. As a Native American in a white school, it was frequently traumatic. Frequently assaulted and threatened by teachers and the principal to cut my long hair. Then had to sit in class to learn about how all those things I was actively experiencing were in America's past was bullshit. <30 years ago.

How dumb it all is. Seriously. The highly regimented structure of curricula and examination is a shitty way to learn. It’s optimised for making teaching and grading easier. And also teaching young people to be obedient facile production line workers.
But intellectually and academically, it always seemed obviously bad and boring to me. And I’ve since gotten to understand a number of academic topics relatively well to know how true this is. Proper understanding, intellectually, and skill in application, are things that are far more organic and purpose driven than the shitty curricula that pencil pushing educators spit out as though the human mind were an excel spread sheet.

I didn't realize it at the time, but in hindsight, not getting diagnosed with ADHD was the hardest part for me. I guess at the time, there were still a lot of misconceptions about it, so my parents and teachers never recognized it for what it was. Because I was placed in a "gifted and talented" program when I was young, my slipping grades were just attributed to laziness instead of a disorder. That spiraled into many other problems in school; failing classes, getting into trouble, and several lifelong anxieties that still follow me many years later.
Honestly, my whole life would probably have gone in a much different direction if I had actually gotten the help I needed as a kid. I don't blame anybody for not recognizing it, but it does suck having slipped through the cracks like that.
- Indeed. It got worse as a got older and the rails were peeled away, peaking post college. It got easier as my wife and I divided tasks based on strengths. Got diagnosed 2 years ago when she mentioned she thought I might have adhd, brought on by my distractability around our toddler. It really makes the rest of my life understandable
  
  How was the process of getting diagnosed for you? I tried seeking a diagnosis a while back, but was told that it would be difficult to do without any kind of prior assessments from childhood. With mental health being so poorly covered by insurance, I've been hesitant to go through a lengthy evaluation process.
- Your story sounds exactly like mine.
  
  Yeah, I think a lot of us that grew up in the 90s/00s went through a very similar experience. Kids who excelled early were assumed to be advanced, but a lot of times that "advancement" doesn't stick. And it's compounded by the fact that those of us who went through this never really learned how to study; we were able to pick up on concepts very easily early on, so we never learned how to actually take notes or read material in a way that reinforced knowledge retention. We were able to get by with "skipping" the actual learning part.
  So when we reached the grade level where we can no longer just effectively "wing it", we're trapped because we don't know how to properly study, and teachers won't teach you how because you "should have" already figured that out several grades ago, and if you passed those classes already then surely it's because you knew how to study all along and are just getting lazy with it now, right?
  This video by Dr K articulates this concept a lot better than I can: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUjYy4Ksy1E
  I strongly recommend watching this if any of you were considered a "gifted" student. He touches on a lot of things that were very eye-opening and felt eerily similar to my own experience, so I feel like the things he talks about here probably apply to many of us.
- No, no. Blame them. It's ok to realize that it's not your fault. As children, we're placed in the safe and lovkng hands of those that raise us.
  And when those hands are not only unsafe, but also incompetent, it's perfectly natural to feel cheated at life.knowing that YOU are not the problem. Society picking those people to raise you is the problem.
  It's the reason I don't have kids. I don't feel like I'd raise kids the right way. I don't want to ruin my kids life.
- I’m still salty about the GT program in the 80’s and 90’s. I got great grades, actively asked questions, and felt like learning came easily to me. But every day, a teacher would come into the class and take the GT kids to do whatever it was they did, leaving us schmucks to toil in the mines. I mean, how demoralizing and unfair is that? I acted out and ended up in detention or the principal’s office.
  So then in high school, I always assumed I was one of the dumb kids. Took the easiest classes and they bored the shit out of me, but I assumed that’s just the way it was. My senior year, I signed up for a GT physics class even though I wasn’t one of “those people”. It turned out to be the most amazing class I ever took, and while difficult at times I excelled and learned so much.
  Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had I been one of the Chosen Ones. That whole program is bullshit from both sides of the equation.
- Hey there, kid who was diagnosed back in 1993 here...
  Depending on when you were in school might not have helped at least being diagnosed. Accommodations were basically non-existent for all of my schooling career and meds, while situationally useful, were diminishing returns. The system just wasn't designed for us in mind and from what I have seen from my friends kids current accommodation is at times lackluster and spottily applied.
  Schooling is kind of designed for adults to teach rather than kids to effectively learn since even neurotypical kids have cycling attention spans that aren't all synced up. So while it sucks we didn't get good help you also may not have missed out as much as you would think.

All the fucking assholes

Gym class. Why that exists in class format absolutely stumps me.
- I thought so too, until i got to know someone who never had any decent physical education. It's scary to see the lack of coordination and balance some adults can have.
  
  Was it because of the lack of coordination or was that because of the lack of physical education? I know people like me who had that but never got anything out of it.
- At the start of my freshman year, they hadn't finished building the "new" gym, which was to be used for the gym classes, so the cheerleaders could practice in the old, big gym.
  So the cheerleaders practice on one side of the old gym, and a bunch of horny teen idiots on the other. Dear God the shit they would say, unapologetic and just the worst; "i can see your pu$$y! removed just did the splits and left a hickey on the floor!"
  Beyond "Hur dur", this was straight up verbal assault. A few days after the worst of these comments, we were told to go to a portable classroom where we learned health crap out of a book, then i went up four flights of stairs to the actual health class.
  No idea where the hell i was going with that, other than it seemed to be a way to tire us out, until the comments landed us in class, then it seemed just a way to keep us occupied until the gym teacher could follow her true, Lesbian Passion ®, girls volleyball coach.
  
  That would happen to me just by waiting for the bus.

Undiagnosed ADHD until I was almost 30.
- Something similar, I've had sleep issues since I was young, wasn't until I was 40 that I was diagnosed with insomnia disorder. Middle school is when it really took over, and I didn't make it any further than grade 10. I got my GED at 25 and was admited to University as a mature student. These days I'm on a disability pension.

Going without motivation.
I graduated college the first time with straight C's and major that didn't have much headroom. It was a struggle and I was a terrible student. Always late, always bargaining with professors for extra time, always "faking it". I couldn't find work fitting a degree, went on to do landscaping work, field surveying work, security, all minimum wage.
Then I got into firefighting, then wildland firefighting, then saw how computer science and geospatial data played in, and the motivation clicked.
I saved my money from a pair of very very busy fire seasons (lots of OT and hazard pay), Went back to school for CS and GIS with straight A's, found the whole experience easy and enjoyable. (Not that I wasn't challenged and had late nights). If you've dug ditches for money and don't want to do that any more, the asks and challenges of college are comparatively trivial. Even in upper division classes the teachers are crystal clear about the expectations, the schedule, the tests, all of it. If you approach classwork like a job, it all falls into place in ways it never did when I had competing interests and really just wanted to fuck off, drink beer, and go skiing.
Everyone else wants to go do whatever during office hours ? Nah Im there. Every time. Etc etc
Motivation made all the difference, even when content was hard for me (linear algebra after 5 years of no academic math? Fuuuck that was some late nights for my dumb ass. )
- If you don't know what you most enjoy after H.S., finding your motivation is a really great idea for many kids. if you give it a quarter and still aren't inspired, outside work could help with that. College is expensive; but it's worth it and -much- easier once you know why you're there! You're story is a perfect example, thanks for sharing.
  I'd add this (from my experience): if you start out doing well, but your grades start slipping in the second year? Take a quarter (or a year) off to figure out why that's happening. Maybe that major isn't for you after all. Maybe things in your personal life need getting past so that you can can get your focus back. The college will still be there when you're ready ... unless what you need is ... another college !!
  
  Yep. No point worrying about redoing life. It happened, everything is ok.
  I wish I had going the fire crew right after highschool, did that for several years, then started taking a few classes at a time between seasons.
  Then dive into a full degree

Was bullied constantly by other people in high school. Caused a lot of trauma I'm still trying to solve...

Getting up on time

Sitting still and not being bored senseless. I was a hyperactive kid with adhd, having to sit anywhere for more than 10 minutes was the bane of my existence.

Personally, I really liked school. Even high school. It would have been easier if I'd had more mental health resources, but I learned a ton and had a lot of freedom in terms of electives. I was taking college-level history courses as a senior in high school and absolutely ate it up.
The only nuisance was that I am a good singer and my parents forced me to skip a writing course and advanced biology my senior year because someone the chamber choir had selected instead of me decided to quit, and I wasn't assertive enough at the time to tell my parents no when the choir director called my mom and convinced her to make me do it, so my last semester I performed with the chamber choir and absolutely fucking hated every second of it. (Though I did put my foot down on weekend travel competitions, so at least I didn't have to give up weekends for that shit.)
My only other regret is of the time-travel variety. A former schoolmate was high up in the RNC when Trump was elected, and I wish I could go back in time and intervene somehow.

I hated school as a kid and went back as an adult. The experience is a whole other level and actually really nice.

Math. I sucked at math since 3rd grade and that shit was a struggle all the way through college. I'm lucky i can even count, I swear to God. Had to pass THREE remedial math courses just to be allowed to take the course that counted for actual credit towards my degree. Lately I've been contemplating going back to college for a second degree, but I realized I'd have to take shit like pre-calculus for the degrees I'm looking at and I just don't think I could do it. My brain is such a letdown.
- Right there with you. Suffered with fractions in 4th grade, did okay from there until trig in high school (sophomore year?), then failed hard in calc 1 over the course of 5 undergrad tries. Finally got it, but damn, my brain could not handle the theoretical stuff. Maybe methods have changed in 20+ years, but that shit sits with you.

Not being able to take a “mental health” day off, in both high school and college. In high school my parents wouldn’t let me (though I don’t fault them for that), and in college it was hard to keep up if I even missed one lecture. As an adult with a job , if I need a day to decompress, I can decide to take off tomorrow and nobody can tell me no. In school it was hard to keep on going with the tank on empty.

Not getting to have "schooling". I was "homeschooled", in that my parents kept all 8 of us kids at home and didn't bother to provide much in the way of education beyond reading and basic math. The lack of real education I was able to overcome, but the gross lack of any socialization has left me struggling with poor social competency to this day.

The pledge of allegiance in US schools

Having undiagnosed autism and parents not believing in it. I fucking hated school
- I was diagnosed a few months after school ended. Same year as well. Parent still refused to believe it.
  
  I was diagnosed a decade after I graduated and was married. My wife suggested for me to go since she saw the signs.
- I grew up in a time when autism was diagnosable, but only if you were in the extreme end of the spectrum. I don't even know if Asperger's was a thing.
  Many, many days of my adult life I've wondered if I'm on the (lighter) end of the spectrum. There's still at least a two year waiting period to find out. So many "clues" I can point to from my childhood, but they could also just be coincidences.
  
  It was diagnosable.... But my parents didn't bother to get me diagnosed.. my brother is 100x worse than me and they still deny it.

Sitting still and I wasn’t the only one, I didn’t have ADHD or anything, I was a boy who was in a class with a bunch of his friends and was told to sit still and quiet for 8 hours a day and if we were lucky we got a 20 minute recess but now of that was lining up and walking outside and back inside. Also, from the Midwest so odds are it was cancelled and we had to stay inside and read because it was too hot, too cold, too rainy, or too tornadoey outside.
I still get into arguments with my mom to this day about this. She told me I was “always getting in trouble” but it was because I was bored out of my mind and having to sit still all day. Me and most young boys are out into a lose/lose situation with modern schooling.

Grade school, just how slow and boring it was. Waiting, nothing to do.
High school - bullies, the stupid rules, and also trying to write essays in the days before the Internet.
College - juggling parenting, earning money, and school. Also finally getting classes I had to work at to pass.

Well right now it's that my prof speaks excruciatingly slow and makes sure to read the entirety of each slide of the PowerPoint.
This class is already boring. He doesn't need to make it worse.
I'm usually just trying to stay awake.

I didn't struggle academically in grade school at all, with the exception of mathematics. And by that, I just mean that I had to put in a moderate amount of effort to learn it.
But when I started college/university in a new city, I was alone, wholly unprepared, and paralyzed by severe (and untreated) anxiety, depression, and ADHD. I didn't know how to make friends by myself. The thought of having to interact with my dorm mates would send me into a panic.
Not to mention, I was not only having a crisis of sexuality, but I also convinced myself that I was an ugly, gross loser whom no one would ever want to be with sexually or romantically. (Jesus.)
I took a break for a semester because I was very suicidal. I started therapy again/taking Zoloft—the latter of which saved my life—and went back for another semester. But I knew, even before going back, that it just wasn't for me. It really didn't help that I already knew college in the US is a scam.
So yeah, I ended up dropping out. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, now.

I found school incredibly inefficient. There were subjects in which I did so well that the standard curriculum left me feeling uninspired and bored because I wasn’t being challenged enough. In other subjects, the class moved too fast and I got left behind.
Also, physical education was often neglected in secondary and post-secondary in favor of more academic subjects. Given the cardiovascular disease epidemic, I think that was a mistake. How can you have a healthy mind without a healthy body?

The damn 6 miles daily walk. From grade 4 until 12. Not in the USA, BTW. A shithole 3rd world country.

the fucking grift of it all.
tpaying a $60 license fee to pearson just to be able to submit fucking required homework.

Putting the work in.
- I had a long hard think on changing my career and decided that if I did, it'd be to teach history at the college level. I know myself, though. There's no way I could handle the accreditation necessary for the field. I have passion for history, but not homework. It's a shame. I think I could hook one student per semester on the excitement of learning history.
  I live in the tech world quite naturally, where my being self-taught isn't a barrier. It's a living. I enjoy it. But it'd be cool to have done the history plan.
- I desperately wish someone had explained to me why putting the work in mattered.
  I never tried, because I could get the grades without it.
  Now I still don't really have the habits the "busy work" are supposed to teach you.

Switching from 5th grade at a little red schoolhouse, where the only homework assignments were reading and projects/presentations to 6th grade at a college prep middle/highschool with homework assignments every day.

Waking up early. Also the harest part of my work - trying to complete complex work while I can barely stay awake.

Getting out of bed.

Homework, I always did fine in class and on tests but as soon as I stepped off campus I wouldn't usually get home until dark and half the time I'd leave my backpack in the gym locker so id fail because of the homework assignments. I even remember a teacher calling me out because I was the only one who passed a test but I'm failing the class to make the rest of the kids feel bad.

The 80km walk, in the snow and burning sun, bare feet on broken glass, uphill in both direction. - My dad

I loved math and was good at it until we got to integrals. I could do algebra, geometry, trigonometry, probability, and derivates...and loved all of them. But my brain went splat against integrals.
I barely passed Calculus levels 3 and 4. Honestly, I should have failed them. The professor wasn't very good, he knew this, and he took pity on me. But it was ultimately my own fault.
It was kind of humiliating. I'd always done really well at math, and even tutored other students. Then I just hit a fucking wall with integrals. At that point, I fully understood how other students who struggled with math had felt all along. I had been empathetic to them. But now I suddenly knew what it was like.
I sometimes wonder if a virus or some other unknown medical situation broke that part of my brain. It kind of felt like it. Or maybe it was just beyond my natural abilities, period.
- I never understood integrals either! I don't know if we covered it in a math class in high school but I got to college and took physics and encountered it. I was like "What in the fuck is this shit?!" I take that back. I think I did encounter it briefly in high school physics but the teacher was like, "don't worry if you don't get it right now, you'll figure it out." My fucking ass! That was college physics from like week 2!!!!
  I tried to figure it out from the text book and that didn't work. I went and bought a math book to try to figure it out, that obviously didn't work. This was before YouTube and the internet getting big on any kind of instruction so it was just like," well fuck me I guess I'll fail."
  What I should have done was gone to the teacher for help. They always said their hours when they were open but I never thought they would have time for me. I know better now. They would have been happy to help me but ignorance and probably low self esteem and all.
  Still don't understand that integral shit. I eventually went back to school but become an English major instead of that shit.
  
  I hate it, because I like reading and watching videos about physics...but when they throw formulas up there I can't read them. I can read music. I can read code. But I can't read advanced math.

Depression.

Any writing. Grammar, punctuation, and spelling were always easy, but I never knew what to write.
Also, I often skipped homework and believe that I was right to do so. Even though I've been out of school since 2008 and have no children, I still maintain that the school has zero right to assign anything to be done outside of school.

Foreign languages. Never got a handle on it.
Now, with Google Translate and AI I don't have to!

Grade 12. Absolute waste of time. Like... "I taught myself HTML/JS/CSS, instead of listening" levels of a waste of time.

School just sucked. I was popular in school but still hated it and everyone knew I hated it. Every teacher said how college was different and shit. Well I dropped out of two colleges and joining a trade union was the best thing I've ever done.

Hardest class - teacher straight up lied to us and failed 80% of the class on a test. Did it again next test. Didn't give the slightest shit about any of us Dr Richard lastname, you were truly a Dick. It's been 20 years and I still hate you.
Hardest thing - finding a job. School did not teach me how to actually find a job. Just told to network. What does that mean? It means network. Fucking hated them.

Literature Review. God, scientific papers are so bloody dull to read.

Not day dreaming or doodling in class, and doing homework.

Everything felt like they didn't last nearly as long as they could've. You were shuffled a lot during a school day and you had so much crammed in to do within those 8 hours that you're there.
I never liked school for the courses and all that. I liked school because of who I hung around and some of the memories I got through them.

Adhd didn't exist back then.
- Lucky you

Getting off work in time to make it to class.

The hardest part for me was the way the criteria for success changed between high school and college.
I aced high school because high school requires one to be smart. But I barely scraped by in college because college requires self-organization and discipline.
Nobody really sat me down and raised the flag on how bad my habits were, before college. The message I always got was about how “gifted” I was and how the world would be my oyster because I’m so smart.
The only person really striving to teach me discipline in high school was my track and cross country coach. For that I’m eternally grateful, because it could have been a lot worse.
But most of my adult life has been spent struggling to develop consistent output, struggling to keep promises, struggling to show up consistently.
Don’t know if that’s gotten better since I was a kid, but if I could change one thing it would be to do a lot more to train kids to fit into a structure where others are relying on them to deliver things on time. To keep working when things get hard, and not to rest too heavily on being “smart” as a plan for future success.
Smart is like 1% of success. The rest is conscientiousness.

Art and music class in middle school. Literally useless. Fortunately, we no longer do such useless classes in high school. I pretty much lived my life through middle school without friends, so I hated the art class even more because we sometimes got grouped together to make some "art".
- Oh my God, I was so happy when we finally got art class in grade 7. It was elective, though, you didn't have to take it. I think art and music are part of education - they are such human skills, and tech you to think in a different way.
  Group projects are nonsense though, on that we agree. I hated them so much, and have no problem at all working together with people as an adult. If your grade is individual your work should be too.

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