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  • Good morning all!

    Thankyou all for your responses yesterday, they were too many and varied in nature to respond to individually in the detail I would have liked to give, but thankyou for taking the time and for your support.

    I arrived home last night to be greeted by a very humbled, remorseful and apologetic Mr Peeler. The fine gave him a big shock, and when I saw it I could see why. A good mate of his had ripped into him about it before I got home, saying 2 kmph more and he would have lost his licence and gotten an $800 fine.. and then I probably would have pretty understandable grounds for a separation.

    He has been seeing a psychologist about his depression & anxiety, which he was considering discontinuing due to the emotions it was dredging up. It was on the way home from one of these sessions that the speeding occurred. At my insistence he will continue the therapy and discuss what has happened and talk more productively about strategies to manage those feelings, but take time out after the session and sit in the park or take a walk before he gets behind the wheel, take time to decompress.

    Today he will arrange for installments to be taken out of his fortnightly money, and I made it clear that, given all the other support ihave already given I am drawing the line very firmly on this one.

    I also made it clear how disgusted I was about the drink before picking up the kids, and he knew given the circumstances there was no point arguing. The friend he visited is a flagrant alcoholic with a death wish, and he can visit that person after he's dropped the kids at home or on the weekend, but absolutely not during the day. He also needs to discuss this with the therapist. Visiting this guy is like a trap, everyone ends up drinking there. It's why I don't visit him anymore either, and I used to count him as a friend.

    Finally, I asked if he felt I was being unreasonable in any of this, and he said no. I then told him that, given he agreed its fair and reasonable, if any of these things are not done, then I will end the relationship. Let's see how it goes.

    Oh by the way I did my exercises, day 26 and I think 9 or 10 of tummy, I lost track. And I'm still off the grog. Have a lovely day everyone!

    • Good on you for being clear and firm!! Sending you gentle love ❤️

    • I also made it clear how disgusted I was about the drink before picking up the kids, and he knew given the circumstances there was no point arguing. The friend he visited is a flagrant alcoholic with a death wish, and he can visit that person after he’s dropped the kids at home or on the weekend, but absolutely not during the day. He also needs to discuss this with the therapist. Visiting this guy is like a trap, everyone ends up drinking there. It’s why I don’t visit him anymore either, and I used to count him as a friend.

      Good on you for trying to move forward. I'm not sure i could given this. Battling mental health I can stick with, shooting yourself in the foot whilst you already wounded I can not. Dont expect him to pull himself up by his boot straps, but I would expect him to avoid triggers.

      • That spiral of self sabotage is a real dark and slippery one. Especially with brains that gravitate towards self destruction to deal with overwhelming emotions such as stuff dredged up after therapy. But I agree, others have gotta draw a line at people going out of the way to get sucked into that vortex, especially when such actions directly impact the safety and welfare of dependents. Guy needs to be more forthright about his tendencies and get help on how to hold space after therapy/emotional spirals.

    • I am so proud of you for standing your ground on this. Sending you love and good vibes, girl! 💜💜💜

      Amazing stuff on the exercises too!! 🥰🥰

    • Buckets of care in whichever form you would prefer it.

    • You have handled this with a level of dignity, clarity and patience that I wouldn't have been able to manage, especially with kids in the picture. May you continue to access that strength and groundedness for whatever comes next.

    • Good on you, it sounds like you've dealt with the situation really well. Fingers crossed for both your sakes that he takes the opportunity to improve himself.

    • Well done sister! I'm glad he's trying to get better. He'd do well to avoid said friend until he stops drinking. AA has helped me realise how alcohol is at the core of so many problems. Other people's drinking can have terrible repercussions on those around them.

      • Alcohol really messes your brain up in ways it is really hard to see when being influenced by it. I'm at about 18 months sober, and in hindsight I can really see how much of my depression and other problems was being caused by the alcohol, but at the time I really could not see it. So i spent years stuck in this endless spiral of drinking to relieve the depression and anxiety, which was being mostly fueled by the alcohol. I knew I should stop drinking, but trying to deal with the depression without it seemed impossible.

        I only managed to stop because I told myself it was temporary - just a few weeks so I didn't have the covid vaccine side effects at the same time, then a couple of weeks more because it was nearly Christmas and I didn't want to be hungover at the family gathering. Then I aimed for three months because some articles said that's how long it took to reverse most of the damage of long term drinking. I guess they were right, because by then I was not feeling like I needed to drink to deal with things.

  • Was gonna head out to a gig but I'm not travelling 1.5hrs each way by PT only to buy an $11 melbourne bitter and pretend everything is okay.

    Instead I'm doing sushi.

  • Interview done, I think it went well. Even if it didn't, I was still cute so it's fine (im trying to be positive about my looks ugh).

    Cousin invited me to go to the european food market thingy tonight, so I suddenly have Friday night plans yay!!

    • You smashed it out if the park. They going to offer you 15k more than Ur asking to make sure they got u

    • It's surreal thinking about cousins being friends. I see my cousins maybe at Christmas and then at the occasional funeral or wedding. It sounds nice though.

      • I wish we were closer, but I'm an only child and they are the eldest of 3 siblings. So they're close to each other, tho the middle one just moved interstate. We're the kids of 2 of 4 siblings as well, so Sunday lunch at nanandopas has always had aunts, uncle, and a subset of cousins.

        I do see them individually, as mates, occasionally. This is one of those occasions.

      • Yeah. I rarely see then but it only used to be every so often so I’m not sure what it would have been like to have been really close with family.

        Maybe not with my cousins specifically but maybe it would have been nice to have spent more time with some members of my family doing things.

    • Yay. Hoping for some good news

      Also enjoy the Friday night plans and have fun.

    • Cool andd good luck. 🤞🏻

    • Hope for the best, expecting the worst is what I always say.

    • Oooh I forgot that was on

    • Fingers and toes crossed for you!

    • Good luck! I hope you get the job, and in these situations I tell myself that at least it’s interview practise if I don’t get it

  • So update on the unplanned emergency chips I did last night.

    Didn't have white vinegar to put in the water for parboiling so subbed with apple cider vinegar and it was the same.

    Also chicken and cashew is a good emergency main even if you don't have cashews.

    • I prefer cider for most purposes aside from cleaning. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • I'm starting to get sick of online communities (present company excluded) - namely how much people are willing to complain about something while continually consuming it. Two recent cases come to mind:

    1. Diablo IV - people were upset with Blizzard that it was online only, and then they were upset about it being so heavily monetised, then they were upset with its recent updates (sending the user score on Metacritic below 5). And yet they STILL continue to play it, constantly. Blizzard won't give a shit about your complaints if people are still consuming it.

    and

    1. Reddit - particularly, the new r/Places that has opened up. The complaints in there about how it seems that bots are destroying the very essence of the "game", and that mods are sabotaging anything against u/spez... as if they didn't think this would happen anyway after the last few months. And yet people still continually use the platform.

    • Perhaps more people will leave when constantly bombarded with whinging commentary on the reddits. I still try and recruit now and then on Reddit through various techniques.

      • I need to get myself out of the habit of defaulting to Reddit. I use it for some news sources on particular areas I love, but ultimately maybe 12% of the content is useful while the rest is just rage bait, or click bait, or our-right false information. If others want to keep using Reddit then fine, but I really need to take a good hard look at what benefit I actually get from it.

    • It is not just online platforms. I have quite a few people at work who will constantly complain that the conditions are dreadful compared to everywhere else, who seem to believe they could earn more money stacking shelves at the supermarket or doing some other "easier" job. And yet they have been working there for years and show no signs they ever plan to leave.

      • Those racist people who complain that immigrants and First Australians get privileges and all the government money

        but when challenged, when asked if they would swap places, they say no.

      • God, isn't the the truth. Everyone has a soap box (and I realise the irony give my complaint), and seems like complaining about certain things while doing absolutely nothing about it is not only a right but a responsibility.

    • People complaining about Diablo IV while continuing to play it are fucking idiots. You're right, Acti-Blizz won't change anything as long as people keeping playing and paying. It shits me up the wall, Stephanie Sterling fucking called it years ago, that microtransactions were awful and would become a cancer, and it has. I am tired of Acti-Blizz games, I am tired of fanboys defending Acti-Blizz; if they weren't going to boycott bc of the sexual harassment issues in the company, then they were never going to boycott over MX.\

      Ugh!

      • I bought Dave the Diver last night and was having a blast with it. I switched over to Rimworld after a spell and had more fun. Then I realised I'm having so much fun with these more "indie" titles, and that things like Diablo IV are purely FOMO when it comes to wanting the game. I think it's an exercise in avoiding the online hype (although in saying that, holy shit Baldurs Gate 3 looks fucking incredible).

        Also, fuck MXs. The day they became an industry standard was the day AAA videogames took a turn for the worse.

    • I haven’t look too closely into Diablo 4 despite being a huge fan of the previous entries but the slippery slope could be seen with Diablo 3 then the Immortals game.

      No surprise that they’ll fine a way to generate income beyond the game release itself.

    • Ok but i reserve the right to scream vile invectives at this damned lynel colosseum

  • Normally we drink Pure Blondes but tonight we thought we'd give Aldi's Natural Blondes a go and it's turned out to be a big big fucking no no. It tastes like it's been filtered through hay. Luckily we have back ups. This is a PSA. Don't make the same mistake guys.

  • I knew this day would happen. Forgot my ADHD meds at home, so now I'm feeling very... Not focused. Ugh.

    Good thing it's not too busy at work I suppose.

  • I've got just over 2 full days left before the big move. It's a lot easier to cope with now that I've been to the house a few times, know it's not a shithole and I've met the lead tenant mentor people and know they're alright. I'm still a bit annoyed by the whole being forced to move in before I'm ready thing, but I'm trying not to think about it too much because it's kinda just a waste of energy and emotion

    There's 1 other kid there at the moment, and he was meant to move to a different place today, but then the supreme beings of child protection changed the date yesterday, because of course they did. So my move in was pulled a week forward, and his move-out was pushed a week back, but from what I've been told (I haven't been able to meet him), he seems chill and does stuff most of the day, so things should be alright. But if worse comes to worse, he's only there for 4 days after I move in anyway

    • Seems promising! Is your furniture going to fit?

      • I hope so. I got to pick out all new furniture for this place, so I'm not taking the furniture from my current place. I also get 2 bedrooms rather than just 1, though they are on the smaller side. I think it should fit though

    • Best of luck. Hope this is the start of a great new chapter in your life.

    • Hi, have seen some of your posts and hope you’re ok. Is it ok if I ask what you mean by being forced to move? What kind of living arrangement needs a tenant mentor, and what is a mentor? Maybe I have missed some of your updates but also I don’t mean to ask anything intrusive. Just hoping to increase my understanding of the system.

      • Oh, please don't apologise. It's okay. A small part of the reason why I do share my updates here is to educate people a little, and I could yammer on about this for the rest of the night. I'm not sure exactly which of my posts you've seen, and how much you already know about the system, so forgive me if I say some things you already know

        Basically I currently live in residential care, so rather than living with my parents I live in state care (it's essentially a modernised and lower capacity version of an orphanage). There are workers here 24/7 who do most things, cooking, cleaning, washing, dishes, etc, etc.

        Lead tenant is for people in residential (or in some cases, kinship/foster care) care 16+ to essentially act as a transition from residential care (where everything is done for you) and total independence (18, when most support ceases). There's a "lead tenant" (although some organisations just call them "mentors", but I call them both) who are volunteers that live there and are supposed to guide/mentor you to build independence. They are more like helpful roommates, rather than full on workers. Dinner, washing, dishes and the rest are all left up to resident.

        Technically lead tenant is optional, although as soon as I brought it up, they'd already started packing my bags (metaphorically). What I meant from being forced to move before I was ready was essentially just the above. The first meeting I had with the lead tenant program leader was on the 14th of June, and on the 2nd meeting a week later I was told CP wanted me in there by the 14th of July. 3rd meeting, I was sick, and I couldn't make it. I asked for an extension until at least the 1st of August, and they got back to me saying that the best they would do was the 24th of July. I didn't end up seeing the house until a couple of weeks ago. It also wasn't really about the date, more about my control over the situation being taken

        Hope this helps, let me know if you had anymore questions

    • I’m so excited for you!! I know it’s nerve wracking right now, but I can’t wait till you’re past the scary change, and you’re loving your new life. It’s gonna be fantastic 🖤

  • All is good with the world when one gets a haircut.

    • How light does one’s hair feels from a cut? Oooo so light!

    • Except when you’re sitting in the chair getting the haircut and the horrible overhead lighting makes you uglier than you ever have been in your entire life.

      I got my hair done today as well. Speaking from experience.

    • Does the reverse apply? I haven't had a haircut on years, I'm hoping that is not a source of evil in the world. How many hairs do you think I need to cut to ward off evil? I'd hate to be the cause of something horrible happening in the world. Like Trump being re-elected or something.

      • I think it's only when you look in the mirror and the first thought is "I really need a haircut" and then you start to see the things a little brighter.

  • I was just sitting here thinking about what I'll do this weekend. I might go dust off my golf clubs and hit a driving range. I haven't even looked at my golf clubs for... I honestly don't even know how long. Has to be approaching a decade though. There's probably going to be spiders in the bag....

  • The university system to let you connect with other students in not working properly to upload photos for my avatar, so I have had to use the system to draw my own.


    \ It is still better than the default avatar it gave me, which looked a bit like Donald Trump.

    Edit: I've been saved! I discovered it has an AI art generator.

  • Part 2

    Well I think I may have to resign myself to letting my partner just discharge herself though I’m worried about how she’s going to make her way home by herself in such a fragile state

    Arguably there are some downsides to having someone who is slightly stubborn and a strong will even if it does seem broken at the moment.

    Been trying to convince her not to discharge herself because I think we lose all the aid of home services we organised but it might be for the best.

    sigh

    For context she’s been stuck in hospital for 3 years or more and she was about to go home but got told she has to stay another week and got her hopes dashed again of going home so she’s been very emotional today after having the high of going home then having it crushed to deal with another medical problem where we’re not I a position to treat it at home due to cost.

    Edit: a nurse overheard a phone conversation we had and has organised for my partner to wear a security bracelet so she can’t leave.

    • Far out, you're a great human for being there for someone through all of that. I had a partner many years ago who at times became a ward of the state. It's pretty tough to witness. I can understand her venting at the very person who cares the most.

  • Good bot. One of these days you'll know how to use these 📌📌📌📌📌📌📌

    I'm going to sleep to Eno again tonight. Cleared one out of five work backlog jobs thankfully. Yay!

  • Wakey wakey everyone! It's Friday! And even though it's cold, there's only a slight chance of a shower and the wind will be light. So with a bit of luck we won't freeze today.

    • Very good news - although the original forecast for a sunny day today would be better. It looks like that has been put off to tomorrow (which is good news for those who work standard days) so I will put off my garden work to tomorrow too.

    • ⏰🥊

  • how can an official soundtrack have some songs that aren't available for streaming? - eg. ::: spoiler Bladerunner 2049

    ___ :::

    • Yeah, I feel like as consumers we're slowly starting to see issues with streaming services. I have my own gripes, especially with the amount of It's Always Sunny episodes that are missing on Disney+.

      Bonus points though for calling out Hans Zimmerman's best work, in my most biased opinion. Fuck me that sound track slaps. It adds an incredible amount to a movie that is already so rich with content, while playing such a pivotal role in setting the overall tone alongside the visuals.

    • Licensing drama or some kind of physical sale bonus.

  • Its a rare two coffee kind of day but I realise it sometimes is like trying to change gears or pedal response or one of those things that make you zoom faster... but the low fuel light is still on and your oil filter is clogged 🤪

    I just need to make it to the servo (weekend) after doing all my deliveries (stupid damn emails) ... Even if I'm limping along at the end. I don't want to think of this shit for the next two days. Still need to work out a way forward with my boss too

  • Marketplace sale finalised, paid for and in the mail. I really love technology and how much easier it makes these things. Having started off in the days of the Trading Post where everything was slow and difficult I am constantly impressed by how things work now. Being able to take photos of an item, share them with an offer to sell (for free, with no word limit!) and have the item sold, paid for and posted the next day is an amazing advancement. Being able to print a postage paid label at home (from the money the buyer gave me) and provide a tracking number for the buyer to get updates, with services linking together pretty seamlessly, is just icing on the cake.

  • Got some old school dysphoria back last night. Lets just say I used to think I must be an alien. Cried like shit. I was around 21 then. It's still affirming to know I've always been like this, but sometimes it bashes into my brain in unexpected ways. Today feel amazing though, walked 10ks and realised my boobs have got a nice boob shape. 143 days hrt, I kinda hope they don't grow too big but most of my family aren't small breasted women. Still, euphoria quickly replaces dysphoria.

  • I've just got an offer for a free month of Stan. I might have to see if there is something I want to watch.

  • Microsoft Word turned one of my dot points red, and I have no idea why. I've just submitted the assignment with one random red dot.

  • My tax return can go jump...I knew it was going to be low, but Jesus.... I was counting on a little bit more to help.

  • I am doing a terrible job of studying today. It is nice and sunny outside, so I think that I'll go and do some weeding. That will obviously help me get in the right mindset to study and is in no way another avoidance tactic.

  • Sometimes that broke uni student meal of instant noodles and tinned tuna really hits the spot

  • Did my boring but important stuff regarding Medicare claims. Decided I needed a treat after some of the shenanigans of the week so it was a night off cooking and Red Rooster for dinner (our local one isn't too bad and I've been good with eating healthy all week and taking my lunch to work instead of buying something on the way). Mr Peeler sorted installments out for his fine, to be deducted fortnightly. He's been like a quiet little lamb and seems to be coping well without the drink. As long as there are cups of tea to be had.. tea fixes everything. I've always found that if you have a cup of tea as soon as you get home from work you don't get the urge to drink alcohol. I've got so many different types of tea that I'm almost scared to count. Ok, I will.. (goes to kitchen and counts) well shit, I counted 19 different teas. Admittedly there's some duplication; 3 are different types of green tea, 2 are dandes and about 4 of them probably count as herbal supplements, but still.. that's a lot of tea! And I'd still like to get more!

  • Ugh, slept like shit! I kept waking up and then when I was asleep it was that type of sleep where you're dreaming and all but deep down you know you're mildly awake.

    • I had a pretty crap one too. I went to sleep stressed and with a headache radiating across the entire left side of my head. And then I woke up 3 hours before my alarm but couldn't get back to sleep because the stress didn't evaporate

  • No tax return for me yet, but I have just sold another Marketplace item. Quite a bit of interest, so the price must be in the fair-low range. Which is good, I find it's not worth the hassle involved in trying for the maximum price, I'd rather have an easy sale than a few extra dollars.

  • My partner is away for the night in Brisbane to see a gig with a friend. A bottle of red wine down and considering getting into the Kava that I purchased when in Fiji….

356 comments