Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition @midwest.social

7mo ago

Is this a crime? Thoughts?

152 comments

It's about what I would expect from the kind of person who buys squeezy jelly.
- I buy squeeze jelly because the campus-affiliated market that I have a meal plan for only sells jelly in squeeze bottles. Though it's nice how it saves a spoon, it's a bit of a pain to operate. Especially the grape flavor.
  
  Shake the everliving shit out of it beforehand. Get all your aggression out. And if it's still being ornery, squeeze from the wide side.
  
  A... A spoon? Why not use the knife you're using for the peanut butter?
- It's Welch's though which actually tastes good and IIRC is owned by a growers collective not a megacorp.
  
  Found this
  National Grape Cooperative Association, a co-op of grape growers, since 1956
  
  Good company can still do marketing and make silly products.

GRAPE-jelly in a squeezy, ketchup-style plastic bottle mixed with plastic bottle peanut butter in a standard-issue IKEA bowl, only then applied between two non-wholegrain, untoasted toasts.
Can someone add a YEAH, a guitar, an eagle and the US-American flag as effects?
- Nope, that's not American traditional, and you can't put that concoction on us.
  Also, it's really a stretch to call peanut butter "infamous sugar cream". It's got like 3g of sugar per 30g peanut butter. That's pretty close to just plain peanuts. It's not Nutella with it's 50% sugar content.
  You avoid eating too much peanut butter because peanuts are basically little nuggets of oil with the minimum amount of fiber and protein required for them to be a solid.
  
  Yeah, I remembered the PB sugar content wrong (I guess I was flabberghasted that they even added sugar in some PBs).
  
  Only children prefer PB with sugar added. Get Adams brand or "old-fashioned" style PB, no added sugar.
- Do you toast your pbj bread? Before or after you apply the pbj?
  
  Not op, but absolutely yes. Toast first, apply PB and J while still warm. If you have a toaster oven, stack the bread so the inside stays soft but warm.
  Just like witn fried PBJ, you should use less PB than usual, it can get larynx glueingly sticky if you use too much, ask me how I know. Self heimlich is worth knowing.
  
  Square bread belongs in an upright toaster before applying any topping, always :)
  TBH, I've never seen a toaster oven.
  [Offtopic] TIL There's even a movie about a toaster: The Brave Little Toaster 1987
- I hear you. That said, Skippy makes a traditional (must stir) version in a glass jar. It's decent, by our available standards (I've never had foreign pb). But the last time I bought Smuker's strawberry spread it had hfcs instead of cane sugar. :( So I went back to raw honey.
  
  Peanut butter is actually less popular outside of the US than you would imagine, given how much of a staple it is here.
  Countries that don't grow a lot of peanuts tend to eat way fewer of them, and places that do, largely central and southeast Asia, tend to go more of a saucy direction with their peanuts, or chopped and crushed.
  Having had the gamut of different peanut butters, I really don't think the small amount of oil and molasses used to keep everything integrated is bringing down the quality. Needing to stir it doesn't make it better for me.

I put some peanut butter on each slice, to “waterproof” it before applying the jelly. That way, the bread doesn’t get soggy and gross.
That’s as advanced as I get with my PB&J engineering. Forget this mixing nonsense.
- Just toast the bread a bit
  
  I've found that gets rid of the gentle softness that I'm wanting out of a PBJ.
  Grilled peanut butter sandwich is great though, but jelly demands soft and cold.
  
  toasted PBJ on the griddle
- I just eat it faster than it gets soggy
  
  You gotta let it sit on the windowsill for at least one to two weeks before eating it.
- Try butter first then PB then jelly. So good.
- I do this too, but I make sure one side is just a thin layer and the other side is the actual peanut butter layer.

Every day we stray further from jod.
- Choosey mons choose GIF
- *Every day we Skippy further from Jif.
- Meh, still better than peanut butter in the fridge.
  
  That's a sin that shall not be forgiven
  
  nawp. adams smooth, in the fridge. yeah it's a pain you gotta stir it boohoo. best damn peanutbutter ever.
  JIF tastes like reeces practically. technically peanut butter but mostly stabilizers and preservatives.

My biggest problem is that bottle of supposed jelly.
- Artificial grape flavor is just the worst... And that's from somebody who likes black licorice.
  
  Maybe that’s why you hate delicious fake grape flavoring
- Yeah it's not wobbly at all. How would you even put jelly in a bottle???
  
  I take it you're from the UK?
  It's jam, the spread for toast, not the wobbly dessert that shouldn't go on toast.
  It's a liquid when it's hot and it thickens into a spreadable gloop when it cools.
  This is a cheaper brand meant for quick kids lunches, not a "high end" one. There's nothing stopping anyone from putting a "good" one in a bottle, beyond it just Not Being Done.

Wouldn't be surprised if it actually changed the flavour a bit.
That's one way to make the "secret sauce" for burgers. Just ketchup, yellow mustard, mayo and sometimes relish. Mixing them before adding to the burger changes the taste considerably.

My grandma used to mix the PB & J together for me when I was a kid because I didn't like peanut butter. I still kinda like it that way because it reminds me of her.
- That sounds like a completely acceptable reason to me! Grandmas are awesome!

No one does this. The person who posted that was just trying to make trouble
- My father did this when I was growing up all the time
  
  Yeah he did that right after he came back from getting some milk from the store.
  
  Sounds like he wanted to start a fight.
- When we had field trips in early grade school, this is how they served the supplied PB&J's. I guess it kept the jelly from soaking into the bread while the sandwiches sat in a cooler for 4 hours.
  
  Yup, it's better for when it's gonna be sitting
  Source: I've eaten an ungodly amount of PBJs in my life
- I mean…
  
  That not really meant for sandwiches though. That's meant for eating straight out of the jar with a dirty spoon at 4am while your standing in the kitchen in your underwear.
  Or so I've heard
  😰
- I'm gonna try this and if it's satisfactory, start doing it myself.
  
  Please report back to class with your full breakdown. We are anticipating your results eagerly.

Smucker's Goober be like...
- Some mechanical engineer went to a lot of effort to make that shit dispense into the jar in a stripey pattern instead of letting it mix.
  
  That's true. I have a friend who works at Smuckers and he says there's a lot of engineering and testing. Even the regular peanut butter has to be checked for consistency... they use a "penetration tester" tool and he has to keep from laughing because it looks very inappropriate.

This pic is some dystopic stuff. How can you eat those fake mixtures full of chemistry? Is this what people in USA eat? Even the bread looks like it would never spoil.
- https://www.labeladvisor.com/showproduct/?id=31393&section=ingredients
  The palm oil is a problem ecologically, but healthwise is actually pretty decent as far as common fats go.
  The bread is a shame and there's a lot higher quality available, same with jelly, though the squeeze bottle is convenient.
  This kinda bread goes bad in about a week if kept air tight, or a few hours if left out.
  https://www.welchs.com/fruit-spreads/concord-grape-jelly/
  The jelly is made with corn syrup, but otherwise doesn't contain "scary chemicals". It contains pectin, citric acid, and sodium citrate, which are completely natural things to be in jam or jelly. Pectin is traditionally boiled from apples, citric acid traditionally comes from lemons, sodium citrate is essentially just lemon juice and baking soda.
  The only dystopian bits are the corn syrup and the scale these foods are made at. Calling them "fake mixtures full of chemistry" just makes it sound like you don't know that all food is chemistry.
  
  Idk the only jam I eat is one made by my grandma from fruits bought from farmers on the market so there is that. I once tried the supermarket one and they are all horrible and kinda synthetic
  I don’t really care if ingredients are theoretically safe no more than I would eat a theoretically nutritious protein powder daily.
  I avoid food that was made in factory generally it always feels synthetic and like a cheap, horrible substitute compared to the rich flavour of the real thing.
  So it is kind of dystopic for me to see such poor substitute for ‘food’ being the only choice. You could as well as go all in and eat some flavoured nutrient NASA pasta.
  What else is fake in this world of ours we don’t even notice anymore? How much fakeness one can take until it’s no longer life but only survival?

the real crime is using sugary peanut butter in a PB&J
it's so much better with regular peanut butter, the jelly is already sweet enough. I'm convinced people who use sugary peanut butter in PB&J just want candy.
- It's true we do.
- What to you is sugary peanut butter?
  Straight ground peanuts will have about 2g of sugar per serving, and standard jif has 3g of sugar.

I mix it in my mouth with the bread, like the good Lord intended!
- Just like the mayonegg from Arrested Development

I'll do this every once in a while, this person hardly used any peanut butter though. Either that or the dye in his jelly is crazy, cuz when I do it it ends up looking like a slightly darker peanut butter. Unless I don't mix it enough? Cuz I like leaving little clumps of jelly. But then yeah, you just dip little bits of bread, or crackers, or if you're as insane as I am you just eat it like a snack.
Know what's REALLY insane though? Mixing cottage cheese and applesauce. That shit is delicious.
- I’ve been feeding applesauce and cottage cheese to my toddler and mixed it one day by accident. Surprisingly good.
  
  You might want double check and make sure that isn't the lead-tainted applesauce.
  
  Have you checked how much added shit is in the apple sauce?
- Cottage cheese and fruit in general, but I'm partial to pineapple chunks. So good.

Not a crime. I used to mix peanut butter in my low fat, unflavored, Greek yogurt and then mix in jam. I did this after weight training as a high protein breakfast. The jam just added some flavor and sweetness.
- I do stuff like this too and love it.
- Yea but that's different than mixing it before putting it between two slices of bread. Definitely a crime

now sell it for 18 usd in a café

Never even considered the possibility of doing this.
- it actually sounds rather pleasant just not worth the additional effort and dishes

I did this when Smucker's "Goobers" first came out and my mom wouldn't buy it.
It's just a waste of time; doesn't affect the taste. It is however better than Goobers; it's super weird and almost plastic tasting. They did something to the jelly and use an almost candy-like peanut butter that makes it worse than the cheapest individual PB & J's. Absolutely hated it when I finally got to try it.

I like it like this sometimes
- Me too. But that looks like too high of a jelly content to me, but each to his own.

If your jam comes in a bottle…
- Yeah, I mean mixing good quality jam is one thing, but this can't be it.

I do this - it makes it taste better if you emulsify the jelly into the peanut butter. Qualitative differences ftw!

Skip the jam and mix peanut butter with maple syrup. Works better on pancakes but in a pinch toast will do

A crime because they're not using strawberry.

When we were kids, my sister and I used to mix and microwave them

More like a misdemeanor

Its like peanut butter and jelly but with extra steps

No, but I should try it. Mix in some bananas or honey.

This is bizarre, but I would try it. Assuming it wouldn't be good though. Just super high calorie weird jelly

Never tried it, but seems like it would taste the same. Would be a different consistency. I'll allow it.

They forgot the vanilla ice cream.

There is a commercial product made something like that

I can't place what is wrong with this precisely, but like, man, something...
- Well first of all is grape

Probably an unpopular opinion but jam/jelly seem unnecessary if you’re using a high sugar peanut butter like skippy.
- At least try it before saying something like this
  
  I’ve separately eaten both skippy and pbj before, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to hold the opinion that this is wasted effort. Skippy’s packed with enough sugar to suffice as a fat/protein/carb macro dump.
- Agree. That’s like Pringles compared to regular potato chips.