9mo ago

Pick 3 Rules

I'll choose 3, 5, and 7.

234 comments

I choose pink, my favorite drink is water. More water per water!
- !hydrohomies@lemmy.ml
- I would be content even if it gets chilled and tastes like filtered spring water.
- But water is already my favourite drink tho
  
  Sparkling water in mine, so drinking water without having to sodastream it makes it even better!

TWENTY WHOLE DOLLARS
TWENTY BUKAROONIES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TWENTY O' DEM BIG ONES
- Awwwwh, but I wanted a peanut!
  
  Money can be exchanged for goods and services

Doesn't face hair technically include eyebrows
- Hmm technically yes. So this will be more of a monkey's paw type wish granting.
  
  You can do makeup that looks like eyebrows and it's less of a hassle than shaving constantly.
  Besides, with the center pill, you could look like an unkempt troll and the people you find attractive would still like it; the lack of facial hair is thus for your convenience, like not needing to shave.
  
  I honestly think it makes it better. Then you can just get tattooed eyebrows and never have to worry about them.

the black pill is 100% just amphetamine u ain't slick genie
- *Not valid in people with ADHD.
  
  No, its just the threshold for traditional stimulant responses is typically significantly higher than those without the condition, to the point of accute cardiovascular problems.
- Not you can't sleep, just don't have to. Def some amphetamine though.
- That will really cut back on how much copper you have to steal to keep the train rolling, so to speak

Blue, Brown, and Black seem like the obvious 3 best to me.
You can go out on the town and fuck all night because people find you attractive and you don't need sleep, then you can talk to their cats afterwards.
- Idk, you're running the risk of brown backfiring if cats are dicks or don't have anything interesting to say. Purple gives you a potential income stream, at least
  
  So does Brown, you could be the cat whisperer. There's plenty of money to be made there. You could even potentially solve crimes, asking cat witnesses what they saw.
- You just keep repeating that to cope with how shit your homemade pizza is.

$20
Pizza master chef
No need to sleep (as long as I can still if I so desire)
I'd also choose a reverse body hair pill if that was an option. I want to grow wicked 70s sideburns but my genes say no.
Edit: also water tasting like beer or coffee would be weird so I'd avoid that one
- I don't really care for cats, but if you could talk to them you could make a fuck load of money. So I'll stay up all night making perfect pizzas, then go inform all the cat ladies why their cats hate them during the day.
  
  Fuck yeah - same plan here. Except I like cats, i do cat rescue. We could team up and be an odd pair and get a TLC show

why does the estrogen have the beats by dre logo on it
- breasts by dre

Yellow is pretty terrible, people don't look very good without eyebrows.
- Just draw them on!
- What are looks compared to the thrill of competitive swimming?

Why is $20 even in consideration with the not needing sleep pill. Hell I'd probably choose the not need sleep pill over $20 million. It's effectivity massively increasing your lifespan, but without making you outlive everyone you know
- Bro, sleeping is like a free sample of death every night, why would you give that up? With that $20 I can buy like 3 gallons of gas!
  
  The pill doesnt stop you from sleeping just makes it so you dont have to

I would choose the estrogen if I could but I'm still gauging family and friends to see if it's safe to come out
I wish there was a trans god who could magically change the bodies of trans people including me to their chosen gender identity so it was like they where born that gender
- I have long given up on the thought if getting everyone to accept me. I grew up in texas. I am not trans, but I have chosen to start presenting more feminine.
  This will be a very fun christmas when I visit because I have gotten to the point of no longer valuing any of that negativity. It turns out when you are an adult you can just say “that’s a shit opinion you shouldn’t share” and move on!
  It’s especially effective if you don’t even let it affect your tone. Being cheerful and being myself seems to infuriate my mother in a way that makes her show her ass, so I’ll just let her do that.

5, 8, 9
Water already is my favorite drink.
- And tastes like water, as how I like it.
- Heh, same here but 6, 8, 9. I'll just woo the ladies with my delicious pizzas

Are we, uh...taking this at face value or monkey pawing it? Cause some of those seem great on the surface, though one small twist and that shit becomes a curse.
- At least 20 dollars is 20 dollars, worst thing that can happen is it's fake money and not really 20 dollars.
  
  One of your loved ones gets in a horrible accident and the 20 dollars is the insurance payout (straight from the original monkey's paw story)
  
  That's how you get turned into 20 dollars
  
  You try to cash in the $20 but it's fake and the store owner calls the police on you and the police chokes you to death for it despite your pleas for air.
  
  It can be printed by the Federal Reserve and 100% authentic but that ain't gonna stop it from being literally fake.

5,7,9 all the way. I'm happily married, but people are typically nicer to you if they find you attractive and I have a pretty low bar
- Yep. Totally agree.
- 🤝

6, 8, 9. Anyone that chooses something else is crazy. Experienced pizza maker can make $40 an hour in my neighborhood (high CoL) the cat thing I could change by the hour! And nobody else doesn't sleep! I could take advantage of that in many ways.

I'll take 60 dollars.

Black, brown, and purple. My cats and I are going to open the greatest 24/7 pizzeria.

I get the facial hair, but what will you do with no body?
- Existing as a disembodied voice sounds neat
- Be made of only body hair.

$20
Don't Sleep
People Find You Attractive but I destroy it so that its dark power can never be used.
P.S. Jokes on you I'm already a master pizza chef, water is already my favorite drink, and my hairy body is perfect.

Alright, Cat build lets go. GImme the ears and tail, the catspeech, and the no sleep.

So you could become a hairless cat with $20.

Black and blue because I live in a capitalist wasteland and need the competitive edge. Water is my favorite drink and I already talk with cats so I'm not sure what my 3rd pick should be.
- Do currently you talk with cats? Or talk to cats?
  Because if you're not successfully working with your cats as cat burglars, you're only talking to cats.
  For what it's worth, I picked the same 3
  
  I'm selective when it comes to burglary and unfortunately I have yet to meet the cat of a billionaire.
- Become the pizza master chef
  
  Working in the service industry is so rough though....

All my life I wanted blue ( We're all sexy here ) but recently my libido has gone through the floor. It's like I still like I still like cute people but my brain doesn't know what to do with them, so I pet them like I do my cat.
- If you're a guy then you probably have low testosterone - it happens with age. I do and the injections seriously help it.
  Otherwise I have no idea, see your doctor.

As a master pizza chef and cat whisperer who doesn't need to sleep, I could easily make enough money to buy estrogen and laser hair removal.

2, 3, 9 are all I need

Can I choose $20 three times. If so, then I choose that. I really need $60.
Otherwise I choose $20 and the pizza chef one. I’ll sell enough pizza to earn $40 and then quit.
I’ll pass on the third thing.

Blue, pink, and brown. Because it's nice to be liked, sugar is bad for my teeth, and cats... know things...

Yeah waiting for Rick to de-curse these pills first
- If anything Rick would make them even more cursed.
  
  No, he is not a sadist, he would do it to screw with the original creator just to show he is better. He would though put his own mumbo jumbo for his own experiment, like remove the ability to be unable to sleep until you die from sleep exhaustion and make you a slave to his sleeping consciousness, or the ears and tail pill he would make you an anime extra backup dancer to his new single; "how to score puss in boob world"

I don't need 1, I already have ears

Pink pill makes water taste like water

blue, brown, black. do the cats talk back to me in a human voice, or can i just understand their meows? either option works, but I like meows bc my cats all make weird sounds and I've grown attached.

Grindset: purple, brown and black

wait there are people who don't pick 8? what is wrong with y'all? I am more like 8, 8 and 8
- I wouldn't pick 8, but I am a dog person. Oh,and I just don't want to be insulted by cats all the time.
- Do you have cats? Had have you ever had cats?
  There have been times I've wanted 8, but only because I wish I could explain to them why, or tell them how much I love them. But I'm also convinced that, like a 4 y/o, you could explain why without them either caring or really understanding, and I'm also pretty sure now I know how to let them know I love them in ways they already understand. And I think I already understand most of what they're saying. So I feel as if 8 would be a waste.
  
  I lived with domesticated and street cats for most of my childhood. Where I am from is filled with cats basically. It is indeed easy to understand basic stuff but the range of cat characteristics is so varied that I always imagined it would be really fun to be able to talk to them.
- I mean ... they're still cats with cat brains -- you're not going to be having deep conversations with them.
  The vast majority of their language is body language and you can figure out what they're "saying" by just looking at them. Also, they're cats: even if they know what you're trying to say if it's something they don't like they won't care.

Bottom row.

6 three times.
Suffer the wrath of the Pizza Overlord, mortals.
- Oh fuck

u dont need purple, pink or brown if u're willing to learn and if u're a master pizza chef that understands cats and can trick ur own mind u also wont need blue :3 and maybe that attraction will also get free laser sessions so u wont need yellow! :D

3, 8, and 9. I already have estrogen and already am a master pizza chef. 5 is unethical, it's basically mind control
- 5 doesn't force them to like you, it just makes you attractive to them. I don't consider it anymore unethical than plastic surgery.

3?!? That isn't even difficult then. Red, brown, black.

Black and Blue are OP everyone should take them.
I pick the water thing (pink) but totally get if you want to talk to cats or have a tail or whatever.

Jokes on you, water is my favorite drink!

Blue. Three times, just to be sure.

Brown, purple, and black. We unstoppable.

Black, blue, and purple. It's not even close.

I'll take the column on the right. A pizza chef who doesn't need to sleep or shave sounds like all my problems taken care of in one go!

I already got estrogen, and $20 is $20... I'll take the $20 three times please!!

imagine making decisions i’m just taking triple estrogen

Red, yellow, and purple.
It's catboy pizza time!
- yellow
  Wouldn't you lose the fur from your ears and tail though>

Do they find me as attractive as I find them? I'm pretty sure I think my wife is much cuter than she thinks I am.
- Asking the real questions!

5, 8, and 9.
1 is entirely useless to me, so is 7 because water is my favorite drink. I do not wish to become a girl so 2 is also out of the question. 5 is useless, because it's just a tautology. EDIT: I read that wrong (as "people who find you attractive find you attractive"), oops. 4 is only marginally useful, and 3 and 6 could be good but pales in comparison to the rest.
8 is basically a superpower that nobody else has.
9 would give me so much more time to do the things I like doing.
After rereading 5, it's the best one out of the bunch. I cannot find any romance in my life, and this would get me 99% of the way to fixing this problem.
- 8 does not say cats will want to talk with you. Hell, cats could already be able to talk to us but chose not to.
- I think you lose having 7 if you don't lick it cuz I'd say the same making 7 and 9 my choice and no interest in any of the rest. But if can get my hands on Yerba Mate & Meth/Addies then the whole note is useless like 7.
  Hell, at the crack, if we get a choice on what the pill actually is, I'll take 4-MMC>Meth easily.

No need for sleep = [a lot more] remaining useful lifetime!
- You don't have to, doesn't mean you won't want to...
  
  Xlnt point! But sleep because it feels good seems better than dying otherwise!

These all have monkeys paw potential, but assuming there are no negative repercussions or ethical problems:
Ears and tail, 20$ and general mutual attraction
- I'd change 20 dollars for pizza chef, you can probably easily sell $20 of pizza, and then it's all upside

hell yea tail
someone else can have the others idc

234 comments