It’s like a different language

My wife's old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said "it's like an angel pissing on my tongue"
Talking about how many children she had "your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I'd get pregnant"
- Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma
- it's like an angel pissing on my tongue
  That is an old Dutch saying, I was gonna ask if she had Dutch heritage, but than I re read your post.
  
  We have that one as well in Bavaria:
  Als würd' dir ein Engelein auf die Zunge bieseln.
- Is angel piss supposed to be a good thing?
  
  It's up there with the eucharist. But carbonated I guess.
  
  It's just below goden shower in the hierarchy.

"How're we gonna fuck this pig" is my favorite. Means "how are we going to start this unpleasant task".
Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!
- David Cameron is a redneck?
- That's also Letterkenny.
  
  Rural Ontario is Canada's "South". Not Alberta. Not Saskatchewan, rural Ontario.
- It's this why they put lipstick on the pig?
- Haha nice. In Dutch you say you're gonna "wash the piglet"
- Just don't mix up the "are" with "about". 🤌🏼

One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent removed on a day raining dimes.”
- One from my childhood in the south, would occasionally hear the adults say "my ___ hurts worse than a removed's knees on nickel blowjob day"

My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying "I'm so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck"
- Aussie slang is weapons grade language. They're not here to fuck spiders
  
  They truly have mastered the language and then elevated it to obscene heights.
- I have always enjoyed "I could eat the north end of a south bound skunk"

One of my favorites:
"It's hotter out here than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire"
- "fawx" and "fahr", for the unfamiliar
  
  That made all the difference hearing it in mah mahnd.

My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:
“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”
“I gotta piss like a race horse.”
“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”
- "Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades" is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They're out of Chicago, so I don't think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I'm from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
  
  Was going to say the same! Although I like Hot Water Music’s cover Radio a bit more than the original.
  https://youtu.be/VoiriTImRt0
- We have variants of those in northern England too. Shaking like a shitting dog and pissing like a police horse.
  
  Southern US, heard police horse but racehorse is more common. But my family's was always "gotta piss like a pregnant woman" and "gotta piss so bad my back teeth are floating"
- I once heard a coworker say: "if brains were gunpowder, they couldn't blow their nose".
  A friend will occasionally say "that'll make you take back shit you never stole", which apparently means the thing (whatever he was talking about) was good.

"like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" in reference to watching your ass.
- "Like a blind man at an orgy, I had to feel my way through"
- I feel like this could work for so many things. Like a nails on a chalkboard noise, or a bull in a China shop situation. A bull made of nails amd teeth.
  
  No, it's referring to the nervousness of said cat, not the sound it makes.

"colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra"
- Asking friends if they could carve my initials into my glasses when they get pokies from cold weather is the best. No matter their gender lol.
- extended version: ...doing pushups in the snow.

And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying "even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick" to an unlucky person isn't that unique to us.
- But, equally as revelatory, perhaps.
- I've heard "he's so dumb he could fall into a barrel of tits and come out sucking his thumb"
  
  I like this one - it's less about bad luck so it only applies to me half the time.

this is Lemmy's finest thread to date

My wife's granny in West Virginia: "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers"
- “I wouldn't push her/him off the bed” means they’re fuckable in German.
  Original: Ich würde sie/ihn nicht von der Bettkante schubsen.

I have a pretty mild one that I've used all my life: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise." I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn't do what he'd asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn't really ease the angst of the situation...

I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao
- You’ll love these from little bubby child https://youtube.com/shorts/z9lv4UunN2k

My Grandfather- "I'm hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk"
- is your grandfather the angry video game nerd by any chance?
  
  Lol he probably died before that kid was born.
- In Canada, I've heard (and used) that as "I'm hungry enough the eat the ass out of a freshly fucked moose"
  
  I'm so hungry I'd eat the south end of a north facing horse.
- ‘I’m so hungry I could crawl up a hogs ass and make me ham sandwich’

"you look like 5 pounds of shit in a removed's lunchbox"
- But... They don't carry lunchbo— Oh.

I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, "it's like going around your butthole to get to your elbow" -- the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂

Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad's old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain't seen you in a coon's age!
- Fur others that become curious, captive raccoon life expectancy in the wild is 3.1 years. But, have been known to live up to 20 years in captivity.
  Wikipedia
  
  Deleted
- I kin heer tha "sheeeOOOT!" from here.
- Deleted

"the road was slicker than cum on a gold tooth"
From Southern wrestling legend Jim Cornette
- Legend is a stretch to describe a transphobic sexist abuser.
  
  You're one of those people who reads a rumor on TMZ, takes it as fact and never even bothers to look up if it's true

I like the Newfie sayings: "She's tighter than a squall of shit through a tin whistle"

Y'all gotta check out this artist "lilbubbychild". He creates these incredible animations of southernisms. As a lifelong southerner, I can attest that most of these have been said by someone in my life.
https://youtube.com/shorts/z9lv4UunN2k
- Here's a link to the normal player and with the site tracking removed: https://youtube.com/watch?v=z9lv4UunN2k
  I am not a bot, and this action was performed manually.
  
  Nice. I like that template.
  From a now-deleted post:
  
  Just delete from the question mark on

My favorite is when it's raining "...like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
- I've always heard it said "raining like a tall cow peeing on a flat rock"

"The Man on The Moon couldn't see that!" (Still not sure what this means) "Tighter than a fish's pussy" (Self-explanatory) "I was no more good" (I was shocked and surprised/amused) "Hand me that 'little chicken' over there, would you?" (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)
- The man on the moon is likely the "face" of the moon (if you try, you can kinda see it). And since the moon has a really good point of view from way up there, if he can't see it, no one can.
  i.e. the man on the moon can see all, but not [that]
  This is my understanding.
- 'The man on the moon couldn't see that shit' means the exact opposite of 'Good enough for government work'.
- I once worked with a Dutch guy who would use the word "dinggus" (pronounced sort of like dingus, but without the emphasis on the g) in place of any English noun he didn't know. Took me a couple of days to work out that it was a placeholder word and that it could refer to something different every time he used it rather than being a name for a specific thing
  
  Could be „Dinges“ = thingy. Works similar in German.

I also very recommend southern Italian for this. It is comical.
- I remember a phrase someone taught me in college, it basically translates to telling someone to go fuck a donkey

My southern friend says "It's hotter than the hammered down hinges of hell", which I just love.
- "hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock"
  
  Especially when the drawl stretches out "woool" and snaps shut on "sock".

I do like "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon" in reference to a bad smell.
- I'm from the south and I've only ever heard it as "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at twenty paces" in case you were missing the end of it.
  
  I've never heard that part but it makes more sense.

I once heard someone say that something was scattered "all over hell and half of Georgia". I use that all the time now.
- These are great because it's anyone's guess what they actually mean.

"Flatter than piss on a plate."

I had a guy tell me once that his boss was so mad that was, "gonna shit down one leg and kick it off with the other." He was perplexed at my laughter.

They are descended from Scots-Irish immigrants, many of whom came over as indentured servants. Of course they have poetic souls.

Sex is like Chinese dinner: it ain't over 'til ya both got yer cookies.
- Fortune cookies are a north american invention, right?
  
  Californian, to be precise.
  
  Well, so is orgasm

Hornier than a three peckered billy goat.
Busier than a one legged man in a kicking contest.
- "butt kicking contest" is the way I've always heard it said.

"Smoother than hammered bat shit"
"Slicker'n two eels fuckin in a bucket of snot"

In the South of England if something happened fast we say "like shit off a shovel!"

You have to respect the originality of it, though.

The southern simile

is that good luck or bad luck?
- It’s bad if you’re not into dicks in your face, or good if you are

Do the needful
- Kindly

Somewhat related: https://arstechnica.com/science/2024/02/british-comedian-inspires-linguistic-study-of-slang-synonyms-for-getting-drunk/
British English has an inordinate number of slang terms for being drunk, and given the right context and intonation just about any phrase can be made to mean "drunk"
- Pissed, hammered, spannered, rat-arsed, bollocksed, badgered, smashed, away with the fairies, banjaxed, tired and emotional, battered, can't lie down without holding on, comfortably numb, drunk as a Lord/Judge, steaming, twatted, wasted, three sheets tut wind, lagered up, leathered, legless, pickled, off your tits/face/trolley, out yer tree, pissed as a fart, wellied, sayin hello to Mr Armitage, shit-faced, trollied, utterly carparked, etc, etc.

Australia has some good ones too.
Are you busy? "flat out like a lizard drinking"
Should we start? "I'm not here to fuck spiders"
"going off like a gumtree on a gas line " was a common saying in our school, but I'm not sure how wide spread that one is, referring to how damn flammable they are.
I also love that "a bees dick" is a valid unit of measurement on most construction sites.
- Are you busy? "flat out like a lizard drinking"
  That lizard sounds both extremely busy, and also... not busy at all!

- I don’t live in a rural area, and I don’t see a problem with them either!
  Edit came up with my own southern saying: some people are sweller than the stomach of a contestant after a pie eating contest :D
  
  Well ain't you as swell as my belly after a pie eating contest

Cajun French is just bad French, but Cajun English is wild sometimes... "Mais, gotta make the groceries, me."

Southern Spain is also famous for sayings like these, some that come to my mind that I've heard from some friends:
"Hungrier than a snail on a glass" "Has less fat than a goat's knee" "More leg than a box of shrimps" "This is harder than sweeping the floor upstairs"
- Only like one of those makes any sense.
  Why would a snail be more hungry on a glass surface than any other surface? Or for that matter, why is it hard to sweep the upper stories of the building than the ground floor?
  
  Yeah, upstairs it means sweeping the staircase upstairs direction
  
  There isn't anything for a snail to eat on a clean pane of glass, as opposed to a typical rock outside.
  Goats don't have fatty knees.
  Shrimp have have many "legs".
  
  It probably doesn't translate over that well..

ladrun

"Busier than a three-peckered goat

When your car runs like ass: sounds like Satan spray-shitting hammers and nails into a sheet metal toilet
- Just like a dick, there's such a thing as too long to be worth it.
  
  From above; sounds like 2 skeletons fuckin on a tin roof

American prudes discovered internet?
- I don't think you know what prude means. Judging other people's cultures as less than theirs would be considered prudish.
  
  Isn't it ironic that you have no comprehension of the English language?

What exactly is wrong with those sayings? Are they racist or something?
- Nah nothing wrong, just highlighting the poetry of an apt simile that's rare in common parlance
  
  Thank you!
- Yes. Everything poor people do is racist, sometimes you just have to get creative and assume bad faith to figure out exactly how.
- Lights are on, but nobody's home, huh?
  
  Hey now with all the saying I know and find out have racist origins and shouldn’t say that shit anymore, I dunno why you’d dunk on someone trying to be better
  
  Project much, cupcake?
- Bless your heart
- It’s just fucking unnecessary vulgar
  
  Vulgarity, jackass 🤗
- People are giving you shit but all the racist ones have slowly died off or aren't said publically lol.
  They'll get you in trouble with HR pending who you say it to though.
  https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/06/us/racism-words-phrases-slavery-trnd/index.html
  https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.rwjbh.org/documents/ending%2520racsim/Say-This-Not-That.pdf&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwiKwbC58d-EAxWov4kEHQOhDJYQFnoECAkQAg&usg=AOvVaw35fHh1dstnRtwm0MWcfDjc
  
  Thanks!
  From first link:
  In 2014, the programming language Drupal replaced “master/slave” terminology with “primary/replica.”
  Says a bit about the writer's understanding of the matter.