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The Picard Maneuver @startrek.website

1y ago

The sounds of morning

30 comments

I feel attacked.

My girlfriend says she knows when I'm ready for bed or going to work based on if she can hear me trying not to throw up in the bathroom while brushing my teeth.
- Why are you even getting close to throwing up while brushing your teeth?
  
  My gag reflex starts at my teeth. To answer for real though, I can't brush my tongue. Things touching my tongue, aside from food, makes me gag very hard. I'd never make it in Miami.
  
  Gross bro, you don’t brush your tongue? Or do you not have a gag reflex? 😏
- Open your eyes as wide as possible, it basically blocks the gag reflex
  
  😏
  
  Oh really??
  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  
  can confirm, stuck my fist down my throat and no gagging
- Sorry but do you actually have such little control over your mouth and face muscles that you can't avoid gagging on toothpaste?
  
  I know i don't, sometimes.
- Same. Mint triggers my gag-reflex hard. It's uncomfortable, but such is life if you want to keep your own shinys.
  It has made me throw up so many times. And then I have to start over. It's not a great way to start ones morning, I can say that.
  
  It's not even the toothpaste, but the brush itself that bothers me. Same thing happens when I get throat swabs by the doctor, throw up a decent amount of the time from it. Pretty much anything touching my tongue or throat makes me puke.

Then spend the next 20 mins dropping an epic duce; or as I like to call it, "dropping my latest rap album"
- "My shits fire!"
  "We know, dad."
  "No, I'm having a serious medical emergency!"
  "That was the title of your last one, too!"
- It's brown, it's down, and a helluva sound

Was this posted by my kid in another universe where I have kids?
- Just get fur baby.
  Childfree here but I'll def get a dog when time is right.
- Nah You losing nut privileges is a canon event
  
  Could still be an adopted kid.

Then how about you don't wake me up at 5 a.m. you little shit!

Could you be my long lost brother?

30 comments