1y ago

What happened to dancing at weddings?

I was born and raised in America, and for some reason I have this classic notion in my head that people should be dancing at weddings.

However, now that many of my friends from earlier in life and college are getting married, when I go to those weddings, the dance, if they even have one, is on a tiny dance floor, maybe even just a small part of their reception hall that they scooted the chairs and tables out away from.

And it turns out, many people simply don't know how to dance. Sure, not everyone is a competitive ballroom dancer, but even my non-dancer friends in college would still go to swing dancing night and mess around on the dance floor.

Now, however, people just stand on the dance floor and sway or shuffle. I am loth to even call it dancing. It just seems like people are uncomfortable and not really having fun.

What happened? Did people stop dancing?

PS: Please check out the dance community for more dance related content. I just created it and would greatly appreciate some help with getting it off the ground!

Edit: "am loathe" - "am loth". STT is a b.

39 comments

I don't think that your experience is the standard norm. I've never heard of swing dancing in my city, let alone friends that are all off swing dancing at night. Not sure if you're in a much older demographic but the younger generations are not into that sort of stuff? I think COVID may have also affected a lot of group socializing growth in general too.
But if I had to guess it would be one of two things, one: people just aren't really into it, socially or culturally. Two: you may have meant well but it comes across very negative, and I'd assume many people don't dance because of people like you and your opinions and judgements in regards to gatekeeping what is dancing and what isn't. If I went out on a dancefloor and looked over and saw disapproval and judgement from your eyes I'd feel pretty uncomfortable and remove myself from that situation.
- The younger people are totally into that kind of stuff where I am (Seattle). Go to any dance class, and there will be as many young people as old. Well, except waltz. That's still mostly older people.
- I just graduated college, so I'm in my very early twenties.
  When I went to the first of my friends' weddings, one or two years ago, they announced the start of the dance, and no-one participated for the first two or three songs. I was kind of disappointed, because I was looking forward to dancing the night away. Luckily, some of my friends from swing dancing night were there and we helped get people comfortable on the floor. At one point we even organized a line dance! But at first, it was like pulling teeth.
  The next wedding I went to didn't have a dance at all.
  I guess I'm just sad at the perceived loss of culture I never got to experience, which is a negative emotion, correct.
  
  I'm late 30s, and formal dancing like this isn't something I'm into or have any close friends who are into - so this isn't something that's just happened suddenly with your generation. I don't think my parents know how to dance in any formal way either. This isn't some sudden loss of culture.
  Most of the Western weddings I've gone to have a 'first dance' (where often the couple may have taken some lessons beforehand and which will therefore be more formal) but then after that the band or DJ will play pop/rock/hip-hop/disco music and everyone else will dance along to that. But that's dancing in the sense of how the vast majority of people (who have never taken lessons) know how to dance - i.e. the informal way we all learnt to dance at school discos or student parties or nightclubs - not the more structured dancing styles you're describing.
  It sounds like you're quite into dancing as a hobby, given you mention having friends from swing dancing nights - but most people aren't, it's a bit of a niche. So you're disappointed that your hobby isn't more mainstream, but I wouldn't go blaming that on your fellow wedding guests. I'm quite into Star Trek, but when I go to weddings I don't grumble that the bride didn't walk down the aisle to the TNG theme.
  My advice would be to accept that your hobby isn't something that most people are in to and not to judge other people for that. Instead seek out clubs and societies for people who do share you interest, where you can ballroom dance the night away together.
  
  I highly doubt were about to have a sad ending to Footloose take over everywhere. People probably dance more when they are happy or maybe when things are really bad as a way to cope. Things haven't really been great for a giant portion of the population. Inflation, food/gas prices going up, interest rates etc. If things improve people will be happy and go dance. In the meantime I think people are pretty stressed and drained from day to day life. End of the day I just think you may have confirmation bias mixed with maybe a narrower world view on why people might not want to dance like you expect as well as many people feel completely opposite to you personally. To each their own.

Do you want people to participate and make themselves look silly or stay off the dance floor unless they’re professional dancers because you give both opinions in your post.
- Not at all. I think you may be referring to the part where I said "I am loth to even call it dancing." I am referring to when people simply stand on the floor without making any attempt to actually engage.
  As I said in the post, even my non-dancer friends would still happily participate in a swing dance night without having any sort of training. It seems that people at weddings don't even attempt to make an effort.
  I'm a huge fan of being silly. I am not much of a swing dancer myself, but I will still throw myself on the floor with gusto. It's fun!
  
  I am referring to when people simply stand on the floor without making any attempt to actually engage.
  The shuffling and swaying that you dismiss as "not dancing" IS their attempt to engage.
  Dancing isn't as common anymore. A lot of people have no idea how to dance. Swaying to the music is how those people dance because they don't know any actual dance moves and don't know how to make it up.

I've never been to a wedding reception where people don't dance, so I'm not sure where this is coming from. Now, I was born and raised in Miami, but I've been in New England the last 12 years. So I've definitely seen a drop-off in terms of ability, but people are still dancing!
- I think OP is specifically referring to people not dancing the way he wants them to. Or professionally. Honestly, I don't know how to dance but I know how to move my hips, and I love just moving to a beat. But it sounds like with this dude around I'd probably stay off the dance floor because he might want some organized, swing dance competition.
  
  Thanks for the comment!
  I have been to two weddings. The first one, nobody danced for the first two to three songs, and then only a few of my swing dance friends started encouraging people to give it a try, which people seemed to enjoy. After my friends got tired, people reverted to standing around uncomfortably.
  The second wedding didn't have a dance.
  Both situations seemed strange to me.
  Hopefully this clarifies the question.

I do not like dancing because I’m not good at it, so I don’t want to participate in it. I’ve been mocked my whole life for how I move, so putting myself out there where the whole point is movement is just a bad experience. I in fact considered not getting married because I didn’t want to dance in front of people. I think my experience is a little more extreme than other ones, but not far off. Why seek out an experience you hate?
- I'm so sorry that other people have been so willingly cruel to you so as to make you hesitant to experience whole class of expression.
  To me, dancing is a way to relax and experience music. One of the things my teacher taught me is to smile, "and when you make a mistake, smile bigger."
  
  Haha - I'd smile a lot bigger if people weren't so awful to me about how I look! Even dance instructors told me to stop trying, so it's pretty discouraging and I don't want to relive that kind of experience. I'm sure I could improve at dance if I took classes now, but it's not something I'm that interested in. And it's not like I don't have other ways of enjoying music - I worked as a pro musician up until 2017 so that'll always be there. It's great that you've had better experiences than me in dancing, but try not to judge other people harshly for not having the same talent or interests as you. It's that kind of attitude that makes me - and others like me - avoid all settings with dance involved.

I've been to dozens of weddings and never seen anyone swing dance once in my whole life. Lots of dancing, but never swing dancing. In college my friends weren't going to swing dancing night to be silly, they were going out to get hammered and try to fuck sorority girls.

When we got married we did country dancing (English) with live band and caller think barn dancing if you’re American? The idea was that everyone could have a go, irrespective of generation, everyone would be equally crap and it was a good icebreaker as you swap partners frequently.
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- I went to a wedding once that had a ceilidh, which was great fun. But otherwise, I (late 30s) have never come across swing dancing or ballroom dancing at a wedding of the sort the OP is describing.

A bit unrelated. I was a bit drunk in Kmart one night around Christmas. I tried on an elf hat that played music and started dancing. My wife thought it was funny and took a video with her phone. Well.... she posts it on Facebook and it is seen by some people I rather would not like to see it. Lesson learned. Never do anything in public that you don't want everyone to see.

At my wedding my mother in law insisted that we do the Tarentella. Allegedly it is a traditional Italian dance. Not being remotely Italian i said ok whatever. When the music came on everyone looked at her to show us what to do. She didn't know how to do it either. "There was just always someone else who knew how to do it!"

@Hatchet Bands are crazy expensive. DJ's aren't cheap, either.

Not born and raised in USA here; wondering if your question directed only at Americans?
- I don't live in the United States anymore, so no, it was merely to establish why I had some mild expectation that there would be dancing at matrimonial events.
  
  Well, from my perspective, no wedding has dances. It's not a thing where I am.

My hot take: Weddings are solely a patriarchal event to make it public whose inheritors are whose.
I would be good at dancing, I think. My older relatives are professional ballroom dancers. I just don't like to do it...the whole contact thing. I prefer US country line dancing since it's single but i loathe the music it's done to. With COVID now i literally can't even begin to care to seek out events where dancing would happen.
It is a good observation tho that VERY few people even know how to dance nowadays. But swing style takes atheticism and training that not everyone has access to.

39 comments