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What happened to dancing at weddings?

I was born and raised in America, and for some reason I have this classic notion in my head that people should be dancing at weddings.

However, now that many of my friends from earlier in life and college are getting married, when I go to those weddings, the dance, if they even have one, is on a tiny dance floor, maybe even just a small part of their reception hall that they scooted the chairs and tables out away from.

And it turns out, many people simply don't know how to dance. Sure, not everyone is a competitive ballroom dancer, but even my non-dancer friends in college would still go to swing dancing night and mess around on the dance floor.

Now, however, people just stand on the dance floor and sway or shuffle. I am loth to even call it dancing. It just seems like people are uncomfortable and not really having fun.

What happened? Did people stop dancing?

PS: Please check out the dance community for more dance related content. I just created it and would greatly appreciate some help with getting it off the ground!

Edit: "am loathe" - "am loth". STT is a b.

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39 comments

  • I don't think that your experience is the standard norm. I've never heard of swing dancing in my city, let alone friends that are all off swing dancing at night. Not sure if you're in a much older demographic but the younger generations are not into that sort of stuff? I think COVID may have also affected a lot of group socializing growth in general too.
    But if I had to guess it would be one of two things, one: people just aren't really into it, socially or culturally. Two: you may have meant well but it comes across very negative, and I'd assume many people don't dance because of people like you and your opinions and judgements in regards to gatekeeping what is dancing and what isn't. If I went out on a dancefloor and looked over and saw disapproval and judgement from your eyes I'd feel pretty uncomfortable and remove myself from that situation.

    • The younger people are totally into that kind of stuff where I am (Seattle). Go to any dance class, and there will be as many young people as old. Well, except waltz. That's still mostly older people.

    • I just graduated college, so I'm in my very early twenties.

      When I went to the first of my friends' weddings, one or two years ago, they announced the start of the dance, and no-one participated for the first two or three songs. I was kind of disappointed, because I was looking forward to dancing the night away. Luckily, some of my friends from swing dancing night were there and we helped get people comfortable on the floor. At one point we even organized a line dance! But at first, it was like pulling teeth.

      The next wedding I went to didn't have a dance at all.

      I guess I'm just sad at the perceived loss of culture I never got to experience, which is a negative emotion, correct.

      • I'm late 30s, and formal dancing like this isn't something I'm into or have any close friends who are into - so this isn't something that's just happened suddenly with your generation. I don't think my parents know how to dance in any formal way either. This isn't some sudden loss of culture.

        Most of the Western weddings I've gone to have a 'first dance' (where often the couple may have taken some lessons beforehand and which will therefore be more formal) but then after that the band or DJ will play pop/rock/hip-hop/disco music and everyone else will dance along to that. But that's dancing in the sense of how the vast majority of people (who have never taken lessons) know how to dance - i.e. the informal way we all learnt to dance at school discos or student parties or nightclubs - not the more structured dancing styles you're describing.

        It sounds like you're quite into dancing as a hobby, given you mention having friends from swing dancing nights - but most people aren't, it's a bit of a niche. So you're disappointed that your hobby isn't more mainstream, but I wouldn't go blaming that on your fellow wedding guests. I'm quite into Star Trek, but when I go to weddings I don't grumble that the bride didn't walk down the aisle to the TNG theme.

        My advice would be to accept that your hobby isn't something that most people are in to and not to judge other people for that. Instead seek out clubs and societies for people who do share you interest, where you can ballroom dance the night away together.

      • I highly doubt were about to have a sad ending to Footloose take over everywhere. People probably dance more when they are happy or maybe when things are really bad as a way to cope. Things haven't really been great for a giant portion of the population. Inflation, food/gas prices going up, interest rates etc. If things improve people will be happy and go dance. In the meantime I think people are pretty stressed and drained from day to day life. End of the day I just think you may have confirmation bias mixed with maybe a narrower world view on why people might not want to dance like you expect as well as many people feel completely opposite to you personally. To each their own.

        • Yeah because tbh if I went anywhere and someone went "let's have a line dance!" I take that as my cue to leave. I think there just may be less people into swing and line dancing then op wants to admit. I mean go to a club or the right type of bar and you can find dancing no problem, even line.

          Though every wedding I have been to there was at least some dancing, though I would guess it depends on the size and the people, if they don't wanna dance they don't gotta dance. Not to mention that in most weddings I have been to the music is more intended for couples dancing, which makes dancing even more awkward if you don't have said couple to dance with, excluding a portion of people I would assume.

          • I agree with you. Also an observation (not positive or negative in any way) a lot of the younger people I see under 20 persay are seemingly very quiet and reserved, that might be just a social thing and they are much more outgoing in other situations. I've heard that drinking alcohol is also much lower, so if you have quite a few people that don't feel comfortable dancing, are more used to being social online, and drink less then I would assume that dancing might be a little more rare. I think op might just have been in a bit of a bubble growing up where culturally it's was more open to dancing.

39 comments