1d ago

oh come on (edit: yes this is real)

127 comments

The Onion Journalists right now:
- Okay, unrelated to any of the absurd Trump nonsense, what movie is this from? Is that Mark Rufallo? Whoever he is, that character is my Spirit Animal
  
  This is Pablo Escobar played by Wagner Moura in the show "Narcos". The first season was great!
- Ooo I wonder if this will lead to be if the few serious articles

It is real!!??? Actually real??!
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-patriot-games/
Tbh this is probably something Trump, 79, will forget he said in a week or so and no one will take any action.
- Oh no, there's going to be all sorts of government contracts paid out for this. THEN nothing will be done.
- "There was no indication the Patriot Games would pit competitors against each other in a fight to the death, as of this writing." Lmaoo
  Funny thing is, if they decided policy this way I'd guess it'd be more representative than the House of Representatives for California.
  
  It will be for the poor immigrants to stay in the country. We already know the rich ones need to just pay up.
- yeah like that ball room
- Wow, now even Snopes has the “give us your email for access” bullshit?! How disappointing.
  
  I even turned off my adblocker for a bit to read this and there are so many pop ups after closing each one. The enshittification continues.
  
  give us your email for access
  No thanks
  
  This is what happens when everyone uses adblock
- Well he didn't say it per se, as he had an AI version of him announce it officially. Wish I was joking.
  
  Trump is the first virtual president
- They're giving Trump and his family busy work to do while people like Stephen Miller and Pete Hegseth do more heinous things. It will be as pathetic as their military parade.
- It will happen…it will just be partisan, shitty and tacky when it does.

If I were an Onion article writer, I'd probably have a mental breakdown. Who can come up with anything more Oniony than this??? (Wait until tomorrow for the answer, I guess.)
- I read the headline and thought for sure it was the onion at first
- Onion needs to rebrand and just be factual, real reporting now.
  Nothing they can create is more absurd than this bizarre world we've found ourselves in.
  
  We actually need them to be journalists. The mainstream media are fooking kneelers

- It just never stops being relevant does it

Is it a satire? At this point I seriously can't tell
- i had to look it up too, he actually announced that
- Nope
  
  Yeah, of course it's a ...
  WHAT?! THIS IS REAL?!
- At this point if anything says Trump is doing something so ridiculously stupid that nobody would really do that then it is true because it has been 100% of the time.
  Sometimes I notice such a thing posted by the Onion and figure they found a way to predict the future.

Lord Fuckwad has decreed “Some of you may die, but it is a sacrifice I’m willing to make”
- Ohwow
  Farquaad (from shrek) == fuckwad
  How have I missed that til now?
  
  As I understand it, the head of Dreamworks at the time used to work at Disney, but had a falling out with the animation chief there and based the entire Farquaad character, and name, on him. Professional level pettiness.
  
  Congrats on being one of today's lucky 10,000!

It's the Torment Nexus over and over and over again. In fact, the re-inventing of the Torment Nexus has itself become a Torment Nexus.
- The torment nexus from the book, "Please dont ever build the Torment Nexus"? That Torment Nexus?
  
  Yes, and the sequel, "Not Building the Torment Nexus is Woke."
- The Tournament Nexus?

With 50% men and 50% women? Isn't that woke nowadays?
Oh, I see... Young women... Now, it makes sense.
- Eh, Highschool age is probably too old for Trumps interest.
  Judging by the photos and how handsy he was with Ivanka, he probably likes them much younger.

These people shouldn't be allowed within 100 feet of any teenagers.
- Or any of the rest of us.

That’s some reality tv-ass thing to do.

are they going to be forced to kill each other or something? survivors get to be his sex slaves?
- Nah, they would already to old probably. Remember he likes them on the young side.
  
  See the mistake you made was assuming the ages wouldn’t be toddlers.

So he specifically included Puerto Rico and Washington DC?
- Surprising, since inclusivity is woke.
- Well the Guamanians or Samoans are gonna kick everyone's asses.

The Mara lago look definitely looks like the capital people in the hunger games
- Worse than in many cases.

"We start with a little walk..."
- Enjoyed the book, looking forward to seeing what they do with this movie.
  
  Never read the book, movie was surprisingly good

I'm releasing this offensive photo:

I've made it SFW
- I approved it for public release
  
  What SCP is this?
- No you didn't, you left the neckussy visible.
  
  I'm sorry, that was on purpose. Nobody is gonna know! Who's gonna know?

Can he just die already?
- President Vance might somehow be worse.
  
  Vance may be worse, but I don't think he would have whatever voodoo control it is that trump has on the deplorables.
  
  More than willing to find out.

Sure isn't those Epstein Files we deserve.

This is not at all the worst idea he's ever had
It actually sounds kinda nice.
Where's he getting the money for it though?
That. Is the question.
- if it wasn't fascist bread and circus then by itself it isn't a bad idea.
  in the context, it's a shitty idea, especially when the economy is collapsing, pedo files are illegally held, and ICE is at war with American cities.
  
  fascist bread and circus
  My new band name

How is he going to pay for it?
- You are
- He is not. A Trump never pays his bills.

Why? Just why.
- Ever since the island got raided, he's needed a new venue to find little girls.
- What do you think football is for? A vehicle for bribes and keeping people from grabbing torches and pitchforks

As a European, this is a "The Onion"-Joke, right?
- I mean, it is, but somehow it's also actually happening.

Isn't there a really bad Clancy book by that name? Yeah, I just read the plot summary and it sounds as deranged as something trump would write.
- Stephen King wrote it, like in the 70s or something, apparently
  
  Nope.
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriot_Games_(film)
  You’re probably confusing it with Running Man, or with The Long Walk, mentioned in the comments here elsewhere.

Surely they'll forget about bread if the circus is entertaining enough, right?
- They'd starve to death if it means owning a lib.

Something something cautionary tale
- Good thing those scientists were able to build the torment nexus!

He knows the mouth-breathers will go wild about this.

GUAM NUMBER ONE!!!! 💪💪💪

Looks like the books and movies are about to become historically accurate.

tbh, I was expecting the purge to come first. No guns for the wrong ethnic groups, though.

Squid game part #2

This, the oil tanker and the new trans care nonsense seems pretty obviously timed to distract from the Epstein files BS

There's this one roblox game where you would farm and buy upgrades for thw farm and there was like 5 different ways to make money

Feel free to correct me....
Everyone I know has been roasting the patriot games, but... it sounds sort of fun??? Given how bad Americans are at exercise, socialization, and community, some sporting events might be fun and good?
Like, I could see this being an absolute dream for high-achieving student athletes.
However, this is all tempered by the fact that the announcement itself was steeped in transphobia. If that weren't the case, Id be less skeptical.
- Ladies and gentlemen, this is how fascism arrived.
  Sure, it’s all in good fun, and the ballroom is just an upgrade for the people, and the illegals dying in detention, aren’t dying because they were detained, just coincidentally dying in captivity. Let’s always look for the silver lining in the sturmwolke.
  
  the ballroom is just an upgrade for the people, and the illegals dying in detention, aren’t dying because they were detained
  Wat.... when did I say any of that....
- Just go do the myriad already existing fun sports and physical activities instead of dancing like a trained monkey for this shitty administration.
- The problem is that under any other administration, it would be a potentially good idea. Under this one, it's a grand event for dear leader to show himself off and his country like North Korea does. It's more ego padding, that if it happens will be so ineptly run it'll be a disgrace to those who participate. You'd have to be die hard MAGA to want to perform for glorious leader who thinks physical exertion just kills you faster.
- You think it's actually going to be executed perfectly like that under this administration? Also, something something hunger games
  
  You think it's actually going to be executed perfectly like that under this administration?
  Maybe not, but I never said it had to be executed perfectly. In fact it's probably fair to say the first one might be a little clunky.
  Until it's revealed that the participants will be killing each other, the Hunger Games comparison is a funny gag, but I dont see how it seriously applies.
- It’ll fuck over the serious athletes, as they already have a full card training for an Olympic cycle. It’ll be a poorly-run festival of mediocrity.

I think this sounds fun? Would make for a fun "state pride" thing and would be fun to watch. Kind of like a mini Olympics.
Calling it "the hunger games without the killing," is a lot like saying "the Boston Marathon bombing but without the bomb." Just a fairly normal athletic event.
I don't understand why people are up in arms over this. Is it maybe a silly thing for the president to be pushing for? Sure. But I'd rather him work on this than almost anything else he's prone to work on.
- Yes. Theoretically.
  Problem is:
  It has eerie parallels to the Nazi's glorification/politicization of youth athleticism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Socialist_League_of_the_Reich_for_Physical_Exercise
  Similarly, it might end up tied into this: https://www.whitehouse.gov/america250/america-prays/
  It's classic Trump TBH. A good idea in an innocent way, if one totally ignores history and gives it the absolute benefit of the doubt. And his followers can use it to troll people who point out potential danger as 'hysterical'.
  
  I mean, "the Nazis glorified youth sports" feels like an empty argument to me. Hitler liked dogs. That doesn't make me morally obligated to hate dogs.
  And yeah, Trump has abhorrent policies in other areas that could taint this. That doesn't mean this idea in particular is bad.
- It's just a little on the nose with the one boy and one girl from each state. And let's see how the diversity in these boys and girls will be, it's probably gonna be some white ethnofascist bullshit parading around the perfect children. But let's see.
  
  I mean, I assume that the states would be able to nominate their competitors themselves.
- It's stupid on so many levels.
  No way a tiny state like North Dakota can produce two world class athletes, while powerhouses like California and Texas with have a plethora to choose from.
  But say it was actually fair and balanced. How do you set it up? I can't think of a place in the country that's ready to have a mini-Olympics on short notice. Do you know of any arena with a fifty lane track?
  And what sports are we competing in?
  It would take a smart person a couple of years to make this happen. Donnie thinks he can snap his fingers.
  
  Idk if you've read The Hunger Games but yeah that's kind of the whole idea
  
  I mean, you could say the same about the Olympics. There's no way a small country like Jamaica could possibly beat a huge country like the US.
  But sometimes they do. That's what makes it so exciting.
  And what are you on about a 50 lane track? Does the Olympics have a 200 lane track for all the countries? You do it in heats. Have you ever watched a track and field event? And practically every state has a facility that would support a track and field event with around 120 people. That's not absurdly large.
  I assume it'd general track and field, though it's a little odd if you just have 2 competitors per state to do all the events. Though I think that actually makes it a little more interesting. Kind of triathalon-y.
  I don't think this is as hard to organize as you seem to think it is. Yes, it requires coordination and stuff, and is more than just a snap of the fingers, but if you assigned a qualified and well funded planning group to it, I'm confident you could get it put together by summer.

127 comments

WHAT?! THIS IS REAL?!