Skip Navigation

ADHD memes @lemmy.dbzer0.com

Stamets @lemmy.dbzer0.com

2d ago

What I'm thinking during your important meeting

61 comments

Someone should email the Vatican and ask. Not because I think they have the answer, just because I think it'd be funny.
- XxXda_popeXxX69@hotmail.com
  
  The Pope is so straight edge. Well, except for the wine I guess
- Are they on social media? I wanna see this conversation.
  
  Do do it in person. You'll be sent to the Vatican catacombs to spend the rest of your days.

Probably stand still otherwise that walking on the sea part of the Bible would have been hilarious as Jesus flips all over the place in the waves as the disciples yell, “Oh shit! OH FUCK!”
- Jesus did surf the first wave and lo, it was hella gnar
- Let's be honest, he probably used a glass bridge, and got some disciples to swim underneath it to convince his followers to like and subscribe to his teachings
  
  It found a sand bar and made the most epic and consequential dad joke ever.
- I think saying "Jesus Christ!" It's warranted

The answer to the question depends on if Jesus walks over water or on water. I think the idea of him not being able to bath without disabling his habilities is funnier so he would go down the river as if it were an icy slope, behaving as a drop of a highly hydrophobic substance.
- What happens if it rains? Does he ping pong off the raindrops into the sky or dose he get a water bubble around him?
  
  The water falls around him without wetting him, if it rains hard enough it would look like a water bubble so yes.
- I can imagine the soles of his feet being hydrophobic, but I don't see why the rest of him needs to be
  
  It would look cool under the rain
  
  Because he could slip, and then become submerged.
  Do you have any idea how slippery water is? Which is begging the question how one can walk on water when there is hardly any friction.

According to the lore, he's a god so he can do whatever the fuck he wants.
- I mean, I figured it was more a case like Hercules where he's half god and thus is human with superpowers.
  
  In the middle ages you would have burned at the stake for that heresy!
  Jesus isn't half God, half man. He's all God and all man, and there's only one God.
  Therefore he's also his own son, and he had to truly die (but only for 3 days) as a sacrifice to himself, to convince himself to forgive you for being the way he created you.
  Then he came back for a bit before his human body physically rose up to heaven, where he sits at his own side.
  But he'll come back again very, very soon. He just didn't get around to it in over 2000 years.
  Get it right!
- Ugh. I hate soft magic systems. It's so unsatisfying!

How fast is the current?
Is there a flow threshold where he does start moving, and is that threshold relativistic?

What if he slipped and accidentally turned it all into wine?
- Could he still walk on it?
- His followers would drown.

"Look, it's an important unresolved question. We are all in dire need of doctrinal clarification. Does anybody know the Pope's phone number?"
- 1-800-ASK-POPE. 5$ for the first minute, 1$ for each additional minute.
  
  Man, the price of indulgences is outta control.

Does Jesus impart weight on the water at all? We have to assume not, because otherwise he would create a depression in it. This means he could stand on the flow coming out of a hosepipe that he himself is holding.
With a long enough hosepipe he could fly over buildings.
- With a long enough hosepipe he could fly over buildings.
  Just wait for rain

He'd stand still, so effectively on a fixed point relative to the planet.
Otherwise there'd be reports of him wobbling with the waves in that accurate and trustworthy book some randos wrote decades after he ~~went back to his spaceship~~ died...
Also, is this an European river or African river?

jerry seinfeld dated a 17-year-old named shoshanna back in the 1990s. sorry if this is how you found out. seriously!

He stands still

How many lands does he have left? Do I have any counter spells left? No way I'm allowing zombie jesus to walk on water, I got goblins to double on his ass.
- Water walking is fine, it's islandwalk you need to watch out for.
  
  Lol good point!

dude imagine a water slide
- shit dude a wave pool?
  jesus just chilling on his phone and only moving up and down in the middle of a wave pool

Whichever he willed.
- Did he have eye lasers?

I would have to assume move. Unless this ability could be material specific or be disabled at will, he would have to still be in contact with the surface because otherwise if he was actually levitating at some minor level he wouldn't be able to walk regardless of what he was standing on.
- Well the story of him walking on water was of him walking on the sea during a storm, so it definitely had a current, so I think he would stand still
  
  It doesn't actually say whether he was bobbing up and down on the waves.
  Although I suppose the canonical explanation would be, He controls the water so that the part around His feet holds still. Because he's also known to have calmed the storm.
  
  In that case though there's active motion to move, and the ability to do so implies friction to push off against a surface. If he stood still then that same friction should carry him downstream.

Whatever he felt like doing.

Calm down. It was just that one time!

If thoughts were agenda items, I’d be banned from meetings permanently.

he has a point though

jesus was just surfing a hole. he's not going anywhere.
- Ah, the missing butthole surfer!

61 comments