I refuse to look at the comments for my mental health. I've spent my life being told my existence is wrong. I don't need to see transphobia (that is what it is no matter how you dress it up) by fellow trans people and Communists. As a genderfluid butch I have gotten shit from everyone.
But because I know its important I want to share my experiences.
I have been beaten and physically harrased by men and women.
In high school I was chased down and attempted to force make up on me by girls.
Guys didn't know what to do with me and I would often get harrased a lot that way. Books slammed near my head. Etc
Girls slammed my head on the side of the bus so hard it knocked my tooth out.
What I wore has constantly been made fun of. Even if I did wear girl clothes or make up it wasn't the right kind or correct way.
Dad was constantly on my case. I was white trash for wearing the same clothes as him at home. I was to fat. Etc
I could go on. All of these experiences had to do with my egg ass being GNC.
Toxic Masculinity exists but so does Femininity. Any time you do something to adhear to the system not because you want to but because you are "supposed to" is part of it. (Of course safety is a issue that doesn't count) There are many women out there who do things or don't do things because they are trying go up hold this idea of white patriarchal idea of beauty. I know because they will just tell you that. "Yeah I wish I didn't have to do this, but women have to". Like it really sucks honestly. I'll see my wife doing her nails or wearing a skirt and it makes me happy because it genuinely brings her joy. And she doesn't wear make up, because she doesn't want to. That's awesome. That's how it should be.
I bring this up because its not really talked about in the lens of the patriarchy. Honestly there is a lot to be discussed about the intersection of it all. Sadly we are often stuck in very rudimentary concepts.
I have had trans people look me in the face and tell me its easier for me or that masculinity in women is celebrated despite the hell I grew up with. In reality I'm accepted no where and get hate by everyone. I am not a women and I am not a man but I am and I am neither.
What is masculinity to me outside of the toxic? Its quiet contemplation. Its no mess clothes that are comfy. Bring the one to encourage my friends. Finding a balance between "strong" and "emotional'. Its feeling my anger but putting it aside. If I'm honest without knowing I've always saw Ashitaka from Mononoke as a role model. Its about inner strength. Comfort in existance.
I'll end this scatter shot of points by saying this. Which I think is so important for understanding trans liberation that so many people fail to grasp.
What is good for the daisy is poison for the cactus.
Liberation for me means no make up. While make up to someone else is the most important thing. Both are true and don't contradict each other. Life is wonderful and complicated like that.
It happens when you are disabled. I have gotten so many "oh you are the youngest one here!" at this point.
Also, glancing down, came_apart_at_kmart is right. There is a lot of bad things happening on the public health department. I have a LOT of friends who need to go to the doctor regularly but don't because either they can't or their doctor trauma makes it very difficult for them to go. Hell, I have a great doctor now, but even for me the day is shot normally because I get so anxious because of previous bullshit i've had to deal with.
All of this to say, don't take it personally. It's good that you are there at all and it might mean that you will last longer now then you would have if you didn't go at all.
This is how boomer minded people think the world works. There is always a quick fix. First chemicals don't work? Get more, get variety. Double down. Don't stop that would admit defeat.
Fox killing your chickens? Don't evaluate. Just kill the fox. It still happening? Kill all foxes in a 3 mile radius. Etc
Nothing matters other then what they want. And want they want is a quick easy fit. If they throw money at it, that means it should work without them having to do the work.
