is it a red flag to make sexual and romantic jokes to others but not your partner or no?
it might not be, but my recent ex did that with others. she said she found out she was aromantic but while we were dating, didn’t have feelings for me and didn’t make jokes or flirt with me but she would with others.
In an effort not to fall too hard into the classic Reddit trope of proclaiming that everyone's partner is a bastard in these kinds of threads, I think there could be some yellow flag reasons for this behavior.
People are strongly conditioned to perform certain behaviors in social situations. Her actions could have been a result of that conditioning, especially if she is trying to be perceived as femme. That is, she's performing "flirty, fun, sexy" in non-intimate situations because it's how she wants to be seen in those moments. That doesn't necessarily mean that she's lying about being aromantic in her more intimate and less guarded interactions with you.
Disregard this advice. Delete the gym, hit the lawyer and Facebook up.
Yeah hate to say it but I think aromantic was a way for her not to feel guilty about it.
probably, that would make sense
Yeah, yellow flag. That's weird, but I have no idea if it's a bad weird.
Fair
It's a red flag but not a dealbreaker. I flirt a lot at work because, well, I'm a waitress, it's part of the job. But my wife is the only one to whom I show my real feelings, good and bad.
It sounds like your ex trusted you with her real feelings. In this case, that meant the relationship was doomed, but isn't that better than stringing you along or manipulating you?
Aromatic means little to no Attraction to others.
But she’s flirting with everybody else, but not with you, she talked about having sex with others. She’s lying. And she’s just using the term aromatic an excuse. And it’s a piss poor one to be honest.
Aromatic
Aromantic and asexual are distinct, but often confused.
Aromantic/aro: an individual who feels little or no romantic attraction to others. These folks may still have relationships or hookups, but generally don't find those evolving into long-term romantic love or monogamy.
Asexual/ace: an individual who feels little or no sexual attraction to others. These folks may still have relationships or hookups but generally don't feel a specific drive to engage in sex or other physical intimacy with people.
Anyone on either of these spectrums can still have relationships of any type, and anyone on either of these spectrums can still be an asshole in those relationships. Aro people generally don't form individual romantic bonds, but unless they're also ace/asexual they are still as sexual as anyone else. As a result, it might appear that they are a bit of a player (sex without long term attachment).
If she is indeed aro but not ace and is in a monogamous relationship, she's likely not in the best situation for someone with those leanings. It sounds to me like she wants out of the relationship but isn't willing to be honest about it and is trying to get OP to end it.
Fair enough
“ well i know them, idk you so i can still feek attracted to them”
you agreed to be my gf.
You were never dating her. If she never had feelings for you. She just claimed you two were dating
now she’s claiming to have feelings for me and saying im so nice but she could never say she loved me and she ghosts me
ok so she didn’t see me that way at all and just wants to be friends
Alot of people now and days have a twisted form of dating. Just move on to the next and enjoy the idea of her (the good times if any) as a memory. She seems low quality and no one will probably have a happy or successful romance with her overall.
People in this thread are killing me..
Yes it is red flag..
She found out she was aromantic while you were dating? Wtf
Not necessarily an immediate red flag, but would be one of those things where it may potentially fit in to support other red flags, should they exist.
This would be one of those things where, in a respectful relationship, should be addressed with her directly
im gonna sound like a fuckin boomer here but why date someone if you are “aromantic”? just get a ps5 and leave other people out of it.
I mean, I'm aromantic and have a partner. It's not like I don't love them, I do, intensely. I simply don't understand what the difference is between romantic and platonic love.
Like, what's different about the love you have for a romantic partner than the love you have for a friend? Is it simply the addition of being sexually attracted to someone? So romantic love is friendship plus sexual attraction? What happens when the sexual attraction fades? Do you stop romantically loving your partner? Do you then break up because you're no longer sexually attracted to them? I just don't get it, frankly.
Sexual attraction for me is so, so fickle, it comes and goes and never stays. If I tried to build partner relationships on sexual attraction, well, I'd never stick with one partner for long, I'd be breaking up with people constantly, and that sounds like a miserable way to live. Especially since I've found a person I get along great with, we have similar long-term goals, senses of humor that mesh great, they're everything I want in a life partner. I really don't think it's unreasonable for me to be married to this person, we've built our life together, why would I throw that away just because I don't really "get" romantic love?
I've had many many conversions where I've tried to get people to define what romance means, and so far nobody has a satisfying answer. It seems like everyone thinks it should just be obvious what is meant by that word, and can't or won't pin it down in a way that describes what's unique about that kind of love compared to other kinds of love.
The dictionary definitions are also highly circular. It's like, romance is "the desire to be in romantic relationships", and romantic relationships are "oriented towards expressions of romance" and so on.
I've started to suspect that the very fact that I'm unable to determine what romance even means is a hint that I'm probably aromantic. It's a very strange thing though.. how can I call myself a word that means "not romantic" when I don't even know what it is that I'm not?
Yeah, it's sex + love. "Romantic" as a descriptor was always a euphemism. Sexual desire waxes and wanes, and varies between people and over time. Always has been. But it would be a very weird kind of categorization if you had to redefine your feelings constantly based on the present moment.
ive been with my partner for a couple decades and am still sexually attracted to them. i dont know what to tell you. im just saying from my perspective if i were to be dating i would not want to be involved with someone who is "aromantic" because it would be pointless. maybe i just dont understand the kids these days.
Not everyone values the same things in relationships. Just because someone doesn't want romance doesn't mean they don't deserve or desire intimacy and connection with others.
Flirting can mean a lot of different things and it can be taken differently by different parties, it's going to be tough for anyone here to diagnose it beyond the fact that you don't seem to feel comfortable with it. That's what's important.
For future reference:
If you find out something about your partner/relationship that doesn't comport with your original understanding, and you're not OK with it, you need to re-evaluate the whole relationship.
Whether that's infidelity, lifestyle changes, identity changes, secrets, lies, values, kinks, etc... You need to either leave or figure out some ground rules you can both live with.
Best of luck.
Yes, most likely. What exactly was she saying to them? She could have been joking, but to not flirt with your own partner shows she was not attracted to you, probably.
That she was gonna kiss them and I think have sex and such, mainly. I also heard she was flirting while I wasn’t there and IDK what she said.
SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE TO MAKE HERSELF FREL BETTER. (I’M NOT YELLING AT YOU, IT’S MY SIGNATURE TYPING STYLE.)
This is dumb. (I'm not insulting your typing style, it's my signature snark style.)
Are you for real?
Reality is just improv practice
ARE YOU PART OF THE_PACK? AROOOO!!!
I AM YELLING, CARL!