4mo ago

Use this science wisely.

142 comments

My dumbass thought it was a slipper at first.
- Oh. Ohhhh
- Also works for slippers.
- I thought it was this:
  Put your right foot in, take your right foot out. Put your right foot in, and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about
- Dancing in your slippers, right?
  RIGHT?
  
  First, keep your left foot firmly planted! Cock your right foot up like you've seen Michael Jackson do.
  Next, spin your left foot around 360 degrees while jiggling your right foot like your heater's on the fritz!
- Ditto. The comments enlightened me.
- Thank you.

Huh? I just see a bunch of blue arrows on a blank yellowish square.
- Its gotta be somewhere…

my dumbass trying to figure out why you'd want to rotate your house slippers:
(this is why I'm single isn't it)
- Yeah, same. I chalked it up to the homosexuality, but I'm not sure after reading some of the comments.
  
  i have the lesbian flavor of homosexuality you'd think that'd help me realize lol

Step 1: inspect
Step 2: push hood up
Step 3: rotate clitoris counterclockwise 360 degrees
Step 4: spin clitoris around central axis left and right.
- Congratulations! You spawned the Hydra in GTA:SA
- Open the maintainance hatch, unscrew the old clitoris and swap it out for a new one.
  
  Might as well check the oil while you are at it
- Up up down down left right left right B A B A
- step 1: bop it
  step 2: twist it
  step 3: pull it
  step 4: find a new partner
- For more information check the (wo)man page clit(1)
  Or the Arch Wiki
- If the mouse isn't going anywhere, either adjust the sensitivity or buy a new nub
  quick cheap option is my shameless self insert post here:
  https://lemmy.world/post/34593380
  (Oh wait... you were talking about that other clit???)

The real cheat sheet:
- Was doing this on an old girlfriend and she busted out laughing her ass off. WTF?! The guy before me gave her our secrets!
  
  Or she has another girl secret.
  
  "you forgot the R, you halfwit!"
  
  Previous was from a culture with a caligraphic languange.
- Remember though, capital letters. Don't dot the i.
  
  Jeremy Bearimy?
  
  ...also j
  
  Wherefore?
- I've been doing this on a daily basis since I broke my ankle. It's surprisingly challenging.
  I was hoping to cover the fact of this up with a factual, innuaden-lavey way to make this funny by the time I was done typing it, but no, today you just learned something about my routine.
- Nice moves!
  
  I can't help thinking the Cyrillic alphabet would be better suited, though. BRB, have some research to do.

All of this is useless if you don't exite her nuber one organ for sex, ger brain. You get muuuch more if you find what's the mood she like what is the scene she wants. This is an extra in comparison.
Look guys all I'm saying is useful to know how to get girls horny but better is ahow go get your girl horny.
- Do I reach in through the nose or ears?
  
  If you ask Walter Freeman he’d tell you to go through the eye
  
  Both, preferably
  
  Neither.
  Ask her to close her eyes.
  (Probably does not really matter whether she does or doesn't)
  Using your finger, gently trace lines around the neck, jawline, down to the collar bone, around the breast, along the sternum, follow the bottom of the ribcage, cross to the hip... you get the idea.
  Ideally, be somewhat unpredictable, teasing, double back a few times, mix things up ... labor or modulate the instensity of your own breath a bit.
  Pay attention to her own breath modulations, her twitches or squirms.
  Also obviously works better with lighter, or no clothing.
  Think of this as maybe drawing arcane runes, casting a spell... tell a slightly different story every time.
  Remember the wise word of Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
  Antici-
  .
  ..
  ...
  -pation.
  If done correctly, the uh 'slipper'... should be extremely eager to meet you by the time you get to it.
- You need to go to the hospital right now. You're having an aneurysm
- Bro... Are you ok?
- Her nuber one organ for sex: ger brain.
- minor spelling mistake
- But brains are so icky!

I spent way to much time thinking that was a pink slipper. The first two made sense but then I was lost.
- Ditto, I figured it was one of those dance step guides.
  
  Ditto
  
  Kind of is.

I saw loss before I saw anything else, I seriously need to touch grass
- When you do that, you'll feel like you're recreating the steps of loss, one panel at a time
  
  Bursting through the doors OUTSIDE in a panic.
  Looking at some random shocked person pointing toward the park.
  Rushing to the park to see grass.
  Sobbing uncontrollably feeling all the grass.
  (I'm doing this joke from memory instead of looking up the original comic for reference lol)

Better yet, ask them what feels good, and establish communication of pleasure. Your partner, regardless of genitals, will have a better time, and so will you!
- That only works if they actually answer. Sometimes it's just easier to gauge reactions.
  Sometimes they can't talk coherently wink wink
  
  Communication doesn't need to be verbal - and I'm more talking about setting the precedent for communicating about pleasure as a practice. Being able to communicate about pleasure takes you a lot further in mutual pleasure than having a "trick", yknow?
- Completely agree. Communication is the basis of all good relationships and interaction, especially intimate interaction.

What a strange diagram of some slippers.
- I thought way to long about slippers.

But not too much. It can get overstimulated if you lift the hood and lick directly. When in doubt, you can hand her the reigns so she can find the sweet spot. For example, if you apply a wide and flat tongue and reduce movement, she can work her hips until she finds the angles she needs.
- Oh, that's what that was...

What am I looking at?

I was once with a girl who wanted me to literally bite hers as hard as I could. 😵‍💫
- CHEW ON THAT THANG
  
  I thought it was more of a catchphrase than an actual technique. Angangangang
- The human jaw is easily able to bite through soft flesh, so I hope you didn't...
  
  Yeah, no. I knew I could end up biting through if I actually bit it as hard as I could. When I said I eat pussy, I wasn't being literal. So there's at least 1 person I know for sure I have been with but didn't satisfy.

She still does not like it.
- Some women just don't enjoy receiving oral. Not when it is done wrong, not at all.
  Also some men don't enjoy blowjobs.
  
  Imagine a life in which 69 is just a number.
  
  That explains what the arrows are for then. They seem quite misleading, I thought it was some sort of advice for animations until reading comments.
  
  I thought it was for the finger.
  
  Pretty sure I got myself one of those.

Took me a minute to figure out what this was. If I ever hook up with a man that has one, I'll put this info to good use.

I kind of made a dumb image in my head that isn't physically possible but the motion indicators in the image made me imagine a guy with his dong already in and he's somehow spinning while connected. It's funnier in my head, I promise.
- I can see into his head, it's pretty funny.
- 🚁🚁
  
  "You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby..."

Explain
- Clitoral stimulation
  
  What's hilarious about this meme is that Konami delivered the code that unlock these secrets over 30 years ago. Up up, down down, left right, left right, B A B A, start.

Why is she standing in front of a blank sheet of paper?

When I saw the first two steps, I initially thought it was a guide for opening pills. I was like, "I wonder what hey will do with the powder inside... hold on, this isn't a pill".

My brain immediately skipped to that episode of Friends where Monica learns that Chandler got advice from Joey about licking the alphabet.
- The alphabet is good advice, but more for finding the right "letter" for your partner and—this is crucial—sticking to it unless it stops working (sometimes things just shift and you gotta adapt).
  
  I'll never know, but I trust your judgement xD
- American Pie (1999) Sex Bible
  (edit oh yeah, you got to realise the person is looking for information from their relatives who then directs them to the library — because it's the 90's)

Peter?
- clit.
- Info guide on how to lick a clit. Top is the clitoral hood, bottom is the clit itself
  
  i thought it was about hour up make slippers fit. amazed how far I was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7790iQ6a4Q
- I don't even need to watch this to know exactly what this is. Motherfucker gave the best advice in the universe 30 years ago and it has improved my technique 1,000%.
  
  I know it's not the video(s) I'm thinking of, because that wouldn't be on YouTube... But there's one or two educational "porn" videos that were so fucking helpful for me.
  One about giving oral in general, and another specifically about hitting the g-spot. That shit got me laid quite a bit in my 20s lol
  
  Is it Robin Williams?
  
  I wonder if he ever got to realize that his lasting contribution to humanity was going to be improving the sex lives of several entire generations.

"the move" from Seinfeld finally revealed. But you are supposed to end with a swirl.

What kind of animal just does counter clockwise.

142 comments