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Stamets @lemmy.world

6d ago

Make it fucking stop

90 comments

Joke's on them. Ignoring it is the easy part. Guilt doesn't help. Meds do.
Meanwhile, constant anxiety kills you young. Imagine being so obsessed with being useful that you don't live long enough to pull it off.
- taking meds so my anxiety is controlled enough for me to procrastinate till the last minute
  
  Its sad how well this life-hack works, until it doesn't. IME, of course.

I've had a weird arc. A number of months after I graduated college and started working, it finally sunk in that there wasn't always something I needed to be studying or working on, as had been the case for like my whole academic career. I had a job that I wasn't allowed to do outside the plant, so when I went out the gates I was done. Over the years I got promoted to positions of more and more responsibility and, even though I tried hard to keep work and home separate, at some point it was unavoidable and there was always something I needed to be doing, always emails I should be answering.
Then, after 40 years, I retired earlier this year. I had a lot to go through with selling a house and stuff, but it's just starting to get to the point where I don't have something I need to be doing, as had happened 40 years ago.
- I think that's a pretty normal arc. You work your butt off to get through school, then when you start working, and you have limited responsibilities, you don't really ever work outside of work. As you become more senior, you will have more to do than can be done in the ~8 hours during the day, M-F and you start feeling like you need to work while you're at home or whatever.
  Then when you retire, every thing falls away.
  I probably won't get to retire, so, I'll never get there. I'm glad you get to experience that again.
- I just dropped from a lead position to non-lead because of this. The only work time is office time+travel for work. Outside of that work does not exist.
  
  That's a big quality of life change. I wasn't super enthused about going up the chain for a long time, but then found I really enjoyed the strategic planning and organizational stuff, so went up a couple levels of management. The money was a quality of life change, too, of course.

The neat part is that "chilling" is one of the things you need to put on that to-do list and make time for too!
- Might work for some people, though that has never worked for me. Budgeting time to chill just leaves me feeling like the clock is always ticking on my chill time. And that stress ends up making my chill time less chill.
  It's like going to bed when anxious. You're worried about not getting enough sleep for something stressful the next day, but then that added stress about not getting enough sleep keeps you from sleeping.
  
  If anyone figures that one out, please let me know.
  I'm so tired of being tired for things that I need or want to be awake for. Work presentation? can't sleep. Road trip? can't sleep. Concert? can't sleep. It's not even always negative anxiety: That thing I'm excited about tomorrow afternoon? up.all.night.
  I can self-medicate to a degree, but even that is hit or miss. I used to caffeinate myself to get through these, but have cut things like coffee since the pandemic and now only very rarely use them.

If you do get some time off, you can always fill it with worries and anxieties!
- As a wise meme I saw the other day stated, worrying about things works: 95% of the things I worry about never happen!

A 20 year old that I worked with asked me what I did over my weekend. My response was basically a list of chores and errands.
She responded, "Nice, you were adulting hard."
I responded, "Unfortunately, I'm just an adult."
- Hobbies are important to mental health.
- "I need an adult."
  "You ARE an adult."
  proceed to get kicked in the nads

At one point, I was in a couples' therapy session and I had recently been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. I realized (and said) in that session that I would never have a break again. Vacation from work? Still have cystic fibrosis to deal with.

Of course, this is different from person to person, but for me, a lot of anxiety comes from me putting it off. I found that taking care of the shit as soon as possible gives me the time to truly chill until the next wave of shit comes.
- The never ending chill boulder up the hill.
  
  Haha, exactly. Wasn't Sysiphus's story about finding joy in a never-ending, repetitive process? I'm wondering if I'll ever reach that level of enlightenment.

I know it against the spirit of the post but I have to go on a rant here.
"adulting"
I hate that word, its so stupid. It implies self infantilization, when in reality its use is just indicative of one's attitude towards work or getting anything done. And wanting everyone else around them to take care of things.
Every roommate I've had who used that fucking word did not do fucking shit around the house. They were always the victim when some disagreement happened. They sometimes got mad when I asked for their portion of rent. Just absolutely manipulative narcissistic perpetual victims that expected me or other's to do everything for them.
As soon as I save up and move I will be so happy to finally live alone for the first time in my life. Rent will be more expensive and I'll save way less but at least there will be fewer human variables like that to deal with.
- Rant away, you are speaking for many of us who just fucking try.

Part of being an adult is knowing what you can ignore for a while and what you can't. So I don't really see a problem there.
- It's like juggling balls. Some are rubber and you can drop and pick up when they bounce up. Some are crystal and if you drop them they will shatter. You gotta learn which ones are which.
  
  Dropping them sounds like a surefire way for figuring out which is which.
  
  And sometimes the crystal balls really weren't as important as you thought. Sometimes you can get by with fewer balls.

I'm convinced the ruling class figured out how to reverse the wins the middle class made between 1945 - 1980. We're back to being indentured servants but with the illusion of free will because we can somewhat choose our masters and sometimes work our way up to better conditions provided we help keep the lower class in line.

Especially when you own a house. It never ends.
- At least you are empowered to make long term steps to make it better.
  Source:missed out on buying a house 2 years ago, still devastated.
  
  I dunno. A lot of times my house (first one) feels like a gigantic golden shackle. I can't easily move, I can't easily leave the country, I can't easily get jobs elsewhere, I have much more expensive obligations. The fact that I have a loan and not a lease means I can be massively in debt. There are random unexpected costs which makes it hard to budget, some of which are huge. It gives you more space, which you inevitably fill with useless garbage that just ties you down even more.
  Home ownership is kinda overrated. I have wished for years now that I was back in an apartment. Am debating selling this, but it sucks that it would be such a financial loss (another thing you don't have to worry about with apartments. If my home value goes down by 100k, im basically trapped there for life).
  I think having a house is worth it if you are really sure you want to "lock in" the current settings of your life for the next 5 years, minimum. You gain a lot of freedoms with what you do with the property, but you lose a lot of freedoms everywhere else.
- I've had the opposite experience lol. Don't have to call the landlord several times to repair the same broken dishwasher that's been repaired 4 times before. I can just grab a free one from classifieds and install myself.
  As long as the roof, foundation, and plumbing are good I'm not required to do shit.
  
  As long as the roof, foundation, and plumbing are good
  The bane of my existence. Water was not meant to move through a wooden house. God has punished me repeatedly for my hubris.

I have to say, there is an established solution to this problem: having a functional and comminicative extended family/social network. Car trouble? Your uncle and cousin can help you fix it tomorrow. Paying rent/mortgage? Not when you live in the big family home with 3 other generations of people that's been paid off for the last 50 years. Cooking dinner? Grandma and aunt Bethel do it every night with help from the kids. Doing your taxes? Family friend Joe is an accountant and is glad to answer a few simple questions for you.
Unfortunately, most peoples' families are annoying as fuck.
- Unfortunately, most peoples’ families are annoying as fuck.
  People are generally annoying. The trick is to remember that you are also people, and to handle the eccentricities of others with grace.
- I come from a culture where multigenerational homes are a thing and me and my partner have done the unthinkable to break free from it. We have been shunned and ostricized for not following on the traditional way and as painful as it can be I will not subject my child to the burden of it. I know that te dream of having a solo home is that for many, just a dream, but multigenerational homes are a different kind of hell.
- Mormons, eh?

Nobody on their death bed ever wishes they'd spent more time working.
- That Titan Sub guy probably had a millisecond of "Oops, probably should have revisited hull integrity one more time" regret.
  
  i don't think they did since they'd probably pay more attention to it in the first place if they even did so much research as playing Subnautica for a couple hours

https://developers.cloudflare.com/cache/reference/csam-scanning/
ehm why was the photo flagged as csam by cloudflare??
i'm from Italy, is this an eu thing?
edit: ok if i open the post from lemmy.world the image is there, so maybe is a lemmy.zip thing?
- I think its a .zip thing. Unlike you I can see this particular post for some reason, but most images are currently blocked with the same error for me. Even thumbnails of news articles are blocked, not just images uploaded directly to Lemmy.

You 100% must learn how to not give a fuck sometimes. I’ve found that alcohol helps with this.
- Ah yes.
  The cause of, and solution to, most of life's problems.

I wish they had something to like shut my brain off and just do the shit I need to do without the significant amount of effort it takes. I just don't care about so many things that need to get down and I'm nervous to do half of them for no good reason.
Adderall helps me actually pay attention. And stay quiet.
But Jesus all this other shit that goes on makes everything insufferable.

Hang in there, it gets worse

Here's the great thing about TODO lists: I control what's on them. So I know what is completely safe to ignore and what's going to ruin me. In most cases, I have a lot of notice about important things and can plan accordingly.
Honestly, if you can get your finances figured out, most of the important things can be automated.
- Honestly, if you can get your finances figured
  The difference between "call a plumber, the sink is leaking" and "I'm dedicating my weekend to DIY a pipe repair" is measured in dollars per hour.
  My life changed when I move up a tax bracket. Knowing I had the financial flexibility to hire a professional (or afford a maid once a month) when I needed help really changed how stressful day to day chore routine has been.
  
  Sure, but my point is you don't necessarily need to move up a tax bracket to be financially stable, you need to carefully manage your money to maintain an emergency fund so you're not screwed if something goes wrong.
  Making more money makes this easier, but it's possible at most income levels.
  If you can keep up an efund, you don't need to rely on predatory lenders or pay late fees, which dramatically improves your ability to keep that efund filled. Having access to cash helps make more reasonable decisions, maybe you'll still spend the weekend DIYing a fix, but it'll be a choice.

country music talked about that years ago ... I still enjoy quoting an old song from Hank Williams from the 1940s
"I'll never get out of this world alive!"
https://youtu.be/JyR8b_05HFc
- Would've been ironic if Hank Williams had later become an astronaut.
  
  I think several of the astronaut crews were fans of Hank Williams ... I pretty sure one of them played this tune while floating in space looking down at the earth.

Well... That's poor/broke adulting. When you're born with a golden spoon in your ass, you're whole house (read mansion) is run by what is called the help. You pay people to sort your shit out. Your kids are raised by nannies, and for the weekend you go to your seaside house on a semiprivate island in your private jet.

I'm just always cutting the grass and staring at my overgrown garden.

I'm in my 50s and I'm about to throw in the towel on this thing called life. I'm never going to retire. My entire life seems to be putting out fires from the week before. The world in general just seems to be getting worse.
I no longer see the point like I did when I was a young romantic.

You become aware of the futility of existence, how in another 50 years if youre lucky none of this will matter in the slightest because you'll be dead, just as life becomes the hardest to cope with.
So anyone 25-40 and still pretending to smile - youre a fucking warrior.
I cant find the relevant SMBC.

Yeah dude, the most important part about chilling is shutting off the worry tap and fully ignoring it for a while

ouch. I'm reading this while chilling.
- BIG chillin over here. I've discovered that giving myself at least one day every other week of mandatory not giving a fuck actually makes me fare more able to deal with the shit that needs to be dealt with the rest of the time.
  
  For me it’s Sunday. Mon-Fri is work, Saturday is chores, Sunday is big chillin. (Except things like taking out the trash and whatnot of course)

God I feel this in my core.

You were brainwashed to think that you are supposed to be hyper individualistic - you arent.

Yeah, like at my age, I should have a girlfriend, settle down, and have kids. But that is not my problem. I can barely take care of myself so what if I add more responsibility i didn't ask for lol.

I just constantly ignore my to do list because otherwise I would never relax.

Meh, not really. Things to sort out come in batches and are spread out.
For me the surprising thing about adulting was how many exams there are. I genuinely believed that once I got my degree I would be done with studying for exams but no, there's always another one to pass. Language exams, professional certifications, license exams for different hobbies. This shit never ends.
- I graduated almost 15 years ago and have never taken another exam lol
  
  Maybe it's just me then :(

Depends where, the personal circumstances, and how much money one has. In "civilization", it's so horribly easy to succumb to existential dread and chronic anxiety.
There are places where your waking life is figuratively or literally flipping burgers, constantly bombarded by requests for something to be fixed, and you're given little to no time to pause except for which to go home, eat and sleep. Then there are places where you could wake up one morning and just walk out into the beach, trying to figure out what to do next.

Thats why procrastination is such a big thing

I feel like thinking this just speaks to the level of dysfunction with which we were raised. We are taught that the point of life is to go do things or drive a car or watch Netflix. The point of life is to survive and reproduce. Everything else is supposed to be secondary.

Is there always something that needs to be sorted, or are we all just monkeys with OCD?

I don't see it that way. If there's always something you have to be doing, then that's the life you chose. Yeah, there's some things that are usually necessary. Your job will take a third, sleep another third and the rest is up to you to decide. If the remaining third is spent doing things you don't like doing the majority of the time, then change it.
My life is fucking boring, but I can say I spend my third doing exactly what I want. There's odd things in there that come along and take time away but they aren't a constant. Want to live this life? Say no, do less, chill more. Life is what you make it.
- If the remaining third is spent doing things you don’t like doing the majority of the time, then change it.
  "I would simply not be poor."

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