Anyone know why this weird CD won't fit in my CD drive?

What you have there is a hard disk drive. In order to fit it into the CD drive (or Compact Disk drive) you need to first compact it! A hydraulic press is the preferred method.

Too big, use this:

You have to sand it down to fit. Easy mistake to make

Have you tried pushing it really hard?

In all seriousness, I've always thought the platters were extremely thin inside a HDD, but never actually had one open. That looks quite thick actually.

It's a common misconception to try this in the cd drive. You actually have to insert it in floppy drive slot (nowadays only really old computers have them). You might have to push it in with a bit of force though, because they tend to lock up if you haven't used them for a while...

Did you try microwaving the CD?

You have to use toothpaste (if I remember correctly).

They make really good spin fidgets.

That's a mirror sir

You goof, you need to put it into the floopy drive!

That’s a drinks coaster.

They make excellent coasters and those magnets ensure things will NEVER fall down

Use a hammer.

Put it back into its CD drive, the one on the table that you took apart for no reason at all, and it’ll work a treat, I promise.

Putting it in the freezer might shrink it down a bit.

Seems you accidentally made the inner hole too big, just make it smaller with some duct tape and you should be good

Weird, try blowing on it

Because it's the wrong size

It is too hard to fit

Because they are prefab ninja stars.

You have to lick it to get it to stick to the laser.

put it in the freezer for a couple hours

Poka yoke?

Have you tried a dvd player?