3w ago

Been there

33 comments

I got one co-worker that's a low talker and I've had to ask her to repeat so many times, most of the time now I just politely nod and say yeah hoping she wasn't asking a question and laugh when she laughs after finishing a sentence.
Either way I look like a dick.
- Maybe give her a talk when you're not discussing something important and tell her how hard it is to hear what she's saying and that you're not trying to be mean but you still can't really.
  If you do it outside of other discussions, maybe she'll better remember.
  That said I feel for you. That stuff can be annoying and I know that feeling of not wanting to be a dick but looking like an asshole.
- Oh god I worked with someone like that, a whisperer. When I asked her to speak up, she would make exaggerated mouth movements as if I was a lip-reader. Later on she moved into broadcasting and I was pleased to see (and hear) that they had taught her to use her vocal cords.
- It’s the same rules as when someone over-estimates your fluency in another language. When I was first learning Spanish, I asked people to slow down all the time because I couldn’t keep up. It seems most people are good at honoring that - at first. But at a certain point, they go back to their normal speed (or volume.) So I had to either constantly ask people to slow down, or just smile and nod through clumps of words that sped by in a blur and hope I interpreted the speaker’s tone correctly.
- Can you politely tell her that you have trouble hearing her often and that she may need to speak up whenever she communicates with you? You can blame it on your own hearing to prevent offense.
  
  Brace yourself for them suggesting you get a hearing aid instead.
  
  It's been 3 years lol

My rule of thumb has long been:
try to listen to what they say.
if I don't hear/can't understand initially then ask them to repeat it, but only once.
if I still don't hear/can't understand just nod and smile as if I did understand, and listen to the next things they say to try to figure out what I missed in steps 1 and 2. The key is: if you do figure it out that late, mask that revelation and instead pretend you knew along.
You'd be surprised how infrequently I've been called out when going past step 3. I've reached that point a few dozen times over the years. But I've been caught out... maybe once? If they ask a follow-up question I just bullshit my way past it and then try changing the topic.
- As someone prone to mumbling, I often notice when people get to step 3, but there's really no point in calling them out - that only makes it more awkward. The problem is not 100% on their side (closer to 100% on my side, actually), so I just move on. Usually it's not that important anyway.
- I've been caught out by really stupid questions like 'You don't like me, do you lol."
  "YES."
  😮
- i'm very very mildly hard of hearing (tinnitus. i'm a musician and didn't protect myself in my teens. now i get to read lips to process about 1/3 of oral communication!) so i got that going for me. there's always a few pair of hearos in my bag now.

If you're talking too quiet the first time, I ask you to speak louder.
If you don't speak louder the second time, I assume you don't actually have anything important to say.
- You and my grad school advisor would have gotten along well.

Yay for audio processing disorders! This happens with phone calls, too. Sadly, there’s no escape from some of those.

I feel this very much since I have sensory issues regarding filtering and most people can not relate or understand that it also doesn't help to shout and I hear pretty well. Still can't understand them though.
So avoidance of these surroundings is my only option.
- Mood, put me in a louder more busy enviroment and I go borderline deaf when it comes to processing whats been said, annoying AF.

My general guide on this:
If you didn't hear me the first time, I assume it's 100% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the second time, I assume it's 50% my fault.
If you didn't hear me the third time or there after, I assume it's 100% your fault.
- I think everyone follows this guide, regardless of whether or not they speak more clearly on the repeats.

I initially thought this was about people being pretentious assholes at parties.
The comments suggest it is about sensory issues.
I can relate to both, but I’m surprised on the majority take here.
- "Sensory issues" as in, can't hear what someone is saying. Why would a pretentious asshole keep asking someone to repeat themselves?
  
  I was thinking the person talking is pretentious and repeating themselves. So the listener might sarcastically ask to hear about it some more (or throw themselves out of a window.)
  
  I have no idea, but this comic just got so much funnier to me
- I can't hear anyone talk in a room with a bunch of people talking. I used to feel bad about this but now I simply don't care. If I don't get it the first time I just tell them I'm sorry I can't process individual speech in a room full of conversation. I've wasted enough of my life worrying about it.

When 2 people who have 2 different native languages and are both not english, attempting to communicate via english

I'm in this photo, and I don't like it

I don't know how to get people to speak in less than multiple paragraphs sometimes. Like I'm still processing sentence 4 and they are on the next chapter. And it's a massive run on sentence so it's hard to figure out which who, what they, when them, did what to who and how there's entirely someone else involved i just find out about
If I ask then to slow down they don't use less words between pauses they just use them lavishly slowly, so I just keep asking them to repeat themselves.
Sucks when it happens, I'm glad I don't regularly encounter such motor mouths

I have wild tinnitus. Parties are miserable to hear people.
In an emergency, if you really want to have the conversation with that person, after the second "I'm sorry what?" You can say, I'm sorry I'm having trouble concentrating, do you know where the bathroom is? Go hide out for 30 seconds, wash your hands, come back, I'm sorry about that, what were you saying? ohh wait, it's really noisy here, wanna [go for a walk|move to another room|move to the other side of the room]?

If someone has to ask you a second time to repeat yourself, you should feel embarassed and apologetic, not them.

33 comments