5 actually got me ngl
5 actually got me ngl
60 comments
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Hot takes: unsourced bullet point advice is unlikely to fix your mental health.
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- unsourced bullet point advice is unlikely to fix your mental health.
I like that. Got any more?
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Hot take, bullet lists instead of numbered list, while everyone talks about number X is annoying as fuck
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That's a theory in a vacuum. The more failed solutions, the fewer the pool of untried ones remain, ergo: unsourced bullet points' chances of doing exactly that effectively go up. 🤌🏼
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would like to see a source or at least more information... otherwise this is just low-information vibes, a meme that succeeds by speaking to common experiences without necessarily being rooted in anything more substantive (i.e. a mirror rather than reflection or analysis)
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“The road to recovery includes seizing the means of production.”
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That's crazy! So similar to the road to Democracy™ that apparently includes seizures and meal reductions, among other benefits.
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Everything does happen for a reason. In many cases, it happens because some evil prick has not been properly dealt with.
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That is a very common reply when someone loses a loved one from a natural disaster or disease. Your child didn't die from cancer just to teach you a lesson, it was just an unfortunate tragedy (I will admit that sometimes that cancer was because of some evil, polluting, asshole corporation).
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The problem with #2 is if you don't love or value yourself first, you may choose a bad partner that takes advantage.
The forgiveness one is not about letting them off the hook, but you yourself stop holding the hot coal that is burning you... There's that great video by a monk about it. 1 hr 35 minute mark. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOZv5YZ0iUc
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The whole thing is rubbish. The trick is finding a balance between extremes. My balance isn't going to be your balance, but can be a useful gauge for beginners.
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I can see why it's listed though. I tend to try to improve myself ad infinitum, and never start living and making mistakes. I've heard this so much that I'm pretty sure it's one of the big reasons I haven't been dating for a long time, even though I should. Funnily enough, my therapist told me to stop thinking and improving and just try it out. And she was right.
So it's not a wrong thing generally to say, but sometimes people have a hard time wrapping up the healing process and just trying things. And that's when it gets bad.
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It should be amended to say sometgimg like love yourself, that love includes accepting you make mistakes
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I always took that to mean until u achieve inner peace u cannot effectively grow that close to someone without hurting them. If ur together for long enough ull end up sharing a few traits negative included.
Edit:obvs I don't think inner peace is like getting rid of negative traits entirely but if u truly love and accept yourself then u will accept ur negative traits too and thus ull be less harmful if someone grows that close
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Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It's deciding that the fact you were hurt in the past won't control how you react to getting hurt, or the possibility of getting hurt, in the future. It only applies to situations you decide to perpetuate. Resentment without "holding the hot coal" is a perfectly reasonable alternative when getting hurt; you can decide you will continue to react negatively to getting repeatedly hurt rather than accepting it, without holding onto it as extra pain on top of the hurt you experience. But we don't really have a word for that in-between, recognition/acknowledgement are maybe the best. But you can hold on to the fact that you are being repeatedly injured and acknowledge that.
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This monk has a good point at 1hr 35 mins https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOZv5YZ0iUc
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2 hits home for me. I always feel like I don't deserve to be loved because I hate everything about myself and until I fix it I deserve to be alone.
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That’s a form of perfectionism and it isn’t healthy. Perfection does not exist, it’s entirely imaginary. You may think “I’m not aiming for perfect” but l need to tell you something important, yes you are. Whatever your mental model of desirable is, whatever it entails, that is your version of perfectionism, and it’s unhealthy. It’s okay to pursue growth and change, but you also need to learn to accept yourself for who and what and how you are right now. You are always changing. You always have and always will. You can work with that. You can make it work. You’re worthwhile just as you are. When you make progress toward a goal, celebrate it, but if you don’t feel like you are making progress you can still celebrate the effort. Everyone does what they can, and doing what you can is what makes you worthwhile, not the outcome, but the effort.
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I'm kinda aware of my perfectionism and I'm trying to do things regardless of it, but I just can't stop thinking about all my flaws, real or not. Wherever I am I'm constantly thinking about what others may think of me and I know it's bs and most people don't give a shit about me but I just can't help it. It's like I'm just unable to do anything for myself anymore, no matter what I do I'm always thinking of other people's opinion and hoping someone would praise me for what I do. I've been nothing but constantly criticized by people around me and I no longer know if I do things correctly, because most of the time I get told I'm wrong.
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point 1: I disagree, everything does happen for a reason but sometimes the reason is Fuck You
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The reason may have absolutely nothing to do with you, not even “fuck you.” Just shitty random bad luck.
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Given the random nature of the universe, point 1 is the only one I am pretty confident is true. The universe is a basically a massive probability function.
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Isn't that a case against it?
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f(x)=uck you? who's been screwing with the laws of probability again
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My only regret is that I have but one upvote to give.
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7 should be on a t-shirt. Go hard. Team up with someone rocking a "Tell me to smile more. Please." shirt. Ignore all other humans while out & about. 🤘🏼
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#5 as a trans women fucking yes and I don't know why it just feels weird to hear
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When I was fresh out and brickier than a townhouse, I used to take my mom to chemo treatments where we'd both get told how brave we are. Like in both cases the alternative was dying.
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Yeah I suppose it's a "I'm just doing what I have to do". That and I'm just tired that existence is a thing I have to struggle through and I don't like the reminder
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I had a shitty childhood with as-yet undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Teachers didn't try to understand me, my mom outright called me "weird" and asked "why can't you be normal?" all the time, and classmates picked on me for any reason they could think of. But the phrase "You're very strong," is something I occasionally heard from random adults. From the first time I heard it (around age 11), I was confused at what people were talking about. I would think, "I spend every afternoon crying, how can I be 'strong'?"
When I became a teenager and friends talked about self-harm and suicide, I didn't get it. A school counsellor I talked to called me "strong" again in that context, but to me I thought, "I'm just trying to survive, and that's 'strong'? Not doing a thing I consider stupid and pointless is a strength?" I knew the word was a compliment, and I didn't get many of those so I didn't dig into it. But the way I saw myself was as a weak kid, who must be a terrible person since I was in trouble and picked on all the time without understanding why.
As an adult, I see it now. I remain "myself" despite the pressures around me. Becoming an adult and seeing how many people don't navigate with a strong moral compass, who are swayed by disinformation and hate with ease, who have little idea of who they really are, it makes more sense.
But as a kid? Those traits were liabilities. I didn't conform, and authoritarians (both adults and child bullies, AKA boot-lickers and mini-boot-lickers) have a big problem with that.
It's a strange compliment to get sometimes, but it did stick with me. I just wish those who use the term would explain a bit of what is so strong about the person they're complimenting. Trait and behavior-specific praise is the way to go. I wouldn't be surprised if many kids hear compliments like this and don't know what they really mean.
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Yeah I get this. I was wondering why I never had a major urge to commit suicide or self harm. If I had to give an answer stubbornness would be my first guess or that I'm too cynical to believe that dying would even be an escape.
I have always had quite a survival instinct even being concerned as a kid when I was given a sparkler.
But strength would never have been in that list
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I'd imagine it's a similar feeling to an army accountant being thanked for their service.
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"you're so strong" can be really annoying to hear
Counterpoint: I have a friend, who is tends to be shy, but I thought it was just because she is like that naturally, like me. But turns out she has a narcissist for a father, a mentally unstable mother, a former friend that tried to kill her, a few stalkers, an aunt who is also trying to kill her, a dysfunctional extended family and almost no one to rely on.
She told me all of those stories, and I told her "this is insane, it's not normal, and all of your issues are not bad habits, they are ways to deal with some fucked up things". I told her she was so strong and I meant it. And she said she never knew it was not normal, and she was happy to hear it, and I think it was really important to hear.
Of course "you're so strong" can be annoying, but it can also help someone get a grip back on reality. As a general rule, if it's only annoying to some people, it can still be worth doing. I'll annoy 100 people if it means I can be helpful to even one person that's like my friend.
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I mean, but when you have to hear it all the time, y'know, like most people don't, it kinda just... feels wrong. It's probably pretty nice to hear when you're in deep shit though.
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Yeah I can imagine if you get it all the time it's really patronizing in a weird way, but as someone who says it, I have good reason to still do it. Of course if you tell you don't like when I say it, I'll stop.
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Yeah I always thought all those stupid hallmark sayings were just stupid bullshit. Different situations and people require different solutions.
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Yea I'm starting to think 4 is defining my life at the moment.
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Personal gripe is hearing "I'm so sorry" which just reminds me how bad or fucked something is/was, often long after I've already made peace with it.
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What would you prefer that people say instead?
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Not OP but I’m partial to, “Damn, that sucks.”
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I have been the person to say that. Usually because I’m shocked by what someone told me and I feel the need to say something, anything, to break the silence.
I think you can go down the list though.
- “You’re strong!”
- “Thanks for having the courage to tell me.”
In truth, I’m not a therapist. I don’t have the training to talk to a person sharing their trauma with me. I usually just freeze, like deer in the headlights, and then I worry about how the person who just shared what they did is feeling.
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I’ll take it over ghosting. Cuz there’s a ton of cowards who will run to the hills so they don’t have to face your trauma as ‘something that bums them out’. Even family. So I don’t want to make it harder for them to even talk or think about it by laying out land mines to make them feel shit.
So someone says sorry or anything or even if they want to hangout and we don’t talk about it even is just fine with me.you learn who your real friends are in trauma. Even a sorry is fine from a friend. If Their intentions are trying to figure out how to be around you cuz they care and I wanna help them with that.
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The education of people in your life via the 'I can't love you until you learn to love yourself.' tag phrase simply reduces the amount of love the suffering person feels, making it even harder to crawl out of the hole they are in.
Also, giving them 'space' just let's them dig a larger diameter hole.
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- For some reason positivity is bad for interpersonal relationships and very good for leading a team.
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Wow #2 is like the most common thing I hear from people... That's pretty crazy
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Nagle not really.
60 comments
“True trauma healing entails addressing and dismantling the systems that perpetuate it”
Uhh, I don’t think I can manage global socioeconomic rifts, and I’d wager that the people who can do so would largely be disinterested in doing so
Yeah, I'll just end depression real quick.
As a treat
You're thinking on a global scale where the therapist is likely talking about the small systems of people immediately surrounding an individual
I will dismantle the petrol-car-alcohol-war systems that made a friend die of a car crash
Well not with that attitude
You don't have to think on a global scale to have meaningful impact on your immediate environment. Whether that be the friends that you keep, separation from a relationship or family, holding an abuser accountable, starting a labor movement at your job, moving out of a toxic community, working to fix a toxic environment, etc. All of society is a series of systems at every level.