4w ago

Any other neurospicy people get this?

45 comments

Doesn't socialising drain everyone? After a social event I need at least 1 or 2 hours by myself at home to decompress before I can be functional again, or even go to bed.
- Introverts vs extroverts. Introverts use energy to be social, extroverts gain energy and lose it being alone
- NT's tend to use socializing as a form of R&R
  
  Can confirm. Socializing (in particular with known people, not necessarily friends) is a great way for me to recharge. If I am on my own for too long (24h), I start feeling demotivated and sad. Same if overall I don’t socialize enough over the week. As far as I understand, that doesn’t have only to do with being NT, because I know a friend with autism with the same interest in constant socialization (they just have a stricter “balance” to keep between socializing as recharging and socializing while masking as tiring)
- I just feel like it's the same as any other activity, doesn't drain energy any extra

My coworkers every Monday: Did you do anything fun over the weekend?
Me every Monday: Yes. I slept a lot. It was awesome.
- I hate when coworkers ask me this, I do the same thing every weekend - recharge. Sleep. Catch up on laundry and vacuuming. Clean out the fridge. I wouldn't consider it fun, but necessary.
- Yep. I sit in the glorious quiet and don't talk to people

My wife, right after showing her this image: “I’m socially vegan. I hate meat-ing people”

Imagine being introverted, autistic, with social anxiety, being married to an extrovert ADHD person.
- Well hey there, other person apparently living my life. You wouldn't happen to also be ace would you? Lol
  My marriage is great but these are struggles. It gets easier over time as long as you both try to work together.
  
  Not ace :)
  We've been married for 20 years. Yes, there are struggles, but we learned that each one of us can have their own separate slices of life as well. While she goes to a meetup, I cook at home. While she goes to a party, i meet up with a buddy, jamming. I'm okay in smaller groups, especially if I get to cook :)
- I'd be glad to host their parties, but if they want me to be their +1 at a friend's party, I'd have to think about it.
  An interesting thing I learned about myself after I started running birthday parties (at the place I worked) is that I actually can enjoy parties - if I'm the person running it. Instead of a nebulous crowd of strangers that I have no idea what to do with, I have a role, the host. I can go around and introduce myself with a clearly defined reason to do so. I can get to know people by offering to refill their snacks and drinks. I can plan when things happen and when things end, including when people arrive and when they gotta leave.
  I enjoy doing things for others, and I can direct my usual-anxious energy into simply checking in on people and making sure everyone's having a good time. Guests appreciate it, and it helps reassure me that I'm doing something right. Crucially, I know other people are neurodiverse like me (especially if they're coming to a party of mine), so I make sure to set aside one room (when I can) as a sort of "calm room." If someone starts to feel overwhelmed, I bring them to the calm room so they can be alone for a bit. (It's better than hogging up the bathroom, which is what I tend to do when I get overwhelmed at others' parties.) I make sure they know that I wouldn't be offended if they chose to leave early, but also that they are welcome to take their time and return to the party any time they want.
  I've only had two friends take up the offer so far, but they were both super grateful for the option (and both returned to the party afterwards.)
  
  I actually enjoy cooking, and going to events or parties where I get to cook, now that I can manage.
  I'm okay in small-ish groups in general, and she knows that after a social event I need some alone time.

100%. I've managed to cultivate my "social battery" over decades to the point I can attend family events or work stuff for 4-6 hours, but after that I need to recuperate.

This does happen to me. When I go out to family gatherings, I am exhausted coming home, often needing to nap for a couple of hours before doing anything.
- Family gatherings specifically mean the whole day is done for even if they're just 2 hours long. I need the rest to recover.

These communities are really harmful because they take completely normal behaviours like laying on the floor for 45 minutes after a social outing and pathologise them. I guess everyone has ADHD now!!
/s gotcha dudes

Yes. It takes me forever to do anything and I feel like I never have enough time due to this, but if lying on the floor after work gets my dishes done 🤷

There's so many people that see socialization as a form of relaxation.
For a good number of neurodivergents, being social is work.
By the time I'm done a work week in an office where everyone is continually socializing, I just want to melt into my couch and become a part of it for the entire weekend.... I don't have the mental capacity to deal with anyone.
This is why I work from home.

That's a shutdown.

It's normal to be tired after a social activity, but 45 minutes of lying on the floor isn't exactly what I would call normal.
- Based on what? Although my usual is about 15 minutes.
  
  The people I interact with-- friends, family, coworkers, classmates. I know that metric tends to avoid the people most likely to exhibit this behavior, though.
- No that's very executive dysfunction coded

This tends to happen for me under specific circumstances. Like if its work related, or its a new social environment with people I don't know as well, or it involves social activities that require live performance from me of some kind.

Me denying all invites to social things week after week (yes it's a me issue, yes I try my best to be present when it counts)
recently told my friends to just think about me as the most asocial person you know except I like them and just get burned out going out

I get that for days sometimes

If anyone ever calls me that, we are not going to be friends.

This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger but I think I'm neurobland. It started happening less and less the more I socialized and grew into myself.

I don't lay on the floor but my recliner sees a lot of use after work

I rarely shower and just go to bed.

Oh do I ever ^^

Daaamn this Person socialze!i am usualla social for one hour and the Rest of the time i am masking...

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