hygiene

Dude was wiping down his chair more often than his ass.

Well yeah. Wipi g your chair isn't gay.
- is it gay to slip a finger in when the tp breaks? asking for a friend.
Septic masculinity
Even once is more often than never.

OP should ditch their imaginary girlfriend for another one less annoying.

80% chance it's actually his mom who's complaining.
- Better be careful to not break both his arms
LMAO
That is savage AF!!!

I could understand if it smelled like swamp-ass (sweat) from sitting there too long, especially in a chair made of faux leather, but it shouldn't smell like poop.

Wow really judgemental community here
- Clean your ass!
The trick is to wear clothes when sitting in it.
- Even sitting naked shouldn't smell like fecal matter...
- Or have a chair napkin if you're gonna insist on being naked
- Now that's going too far
Exactly, also faux leather is my bane that stuff is the worst. The texture is awful
- It really makes my anus sweat
- I have a real leather chair, but a spandex cover because I’m a sweaty boi and like to sit cross legged.

You know it smells bad when body-pillow comes alive to complain.

I also judge this guy.

I also judge this guy's dead wife.
- I also judge this guy's fake girlfriend

guys, need some help here. my gaming room smells like shit. like literally shit. the carpet used to be grey, but it's brown now because of the smell. I've been wiping my ass on the carpet because I saw my dog do it once and it feels good. my mom has been complaining about the smell for a week now and is threatening to come clean my room. I can't let her see the room because I've smeared my turds on the walls artistically for my viewers on twitch. any help to get the poop smell out, please! if I can't get the smell out dad said he's going to force me to get a job!

I didn't know Asmongold was on Lemmy!

I'l been sitting in the same (mesh) chair for >15yrs (Aeron) and have no such problem. That the OP's response to the GF's complaint is anger says more about them than they intend.

I think we're witnessing a murder after the fact
edit idk which way tho

TBH I don't know what that smell is but if it's related to sweat and ass fluid then cleaning should be fairly simple:

Start with a 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on its side and soak then compress / scrub, this step should ensure no bacteria remains and that it dries very quickly for the next steps. You don't have to rinse alcohol, it evaporates quickly.
Next we're going to try to counteract gastric and/or uric acids, which is to say hydrochloric acid, by scrubbing with washing soda. If you don't have access to washing soda then you can either use baking soda directly or turn the baking soda into washing soda by dehydrating it in the oven. Scrub with and rinse out the soda with water.
Final step, to counter any other contaminants, rinse with some amount of acidic cleaner such as vinegar. This will also help remove any soda from the previous step. Rinse out all of the vinegar with water, it does not evaporate.
Dry in a very warm place with lots of airflow.
Wash your ass with soap.

Worked at vet office, anything like urine or feces must be rinsed off thoroughly or it will smell. Obviously soap is needed too. Enough water and soap will get rid of it, although other cleaners incl enzymatic ones will work faster. No matter what, all that cleaner and soap has to be fully rinsed or it'll still smell.
He should powerwash it outside or at a carwash. Or, if in an apartment he could rinse it for a while in the shower.
I suggest a small alteration:
Start with 70% rubbing alcohol, set the chair on ~~its side and soak then compress / scrub...~~ fire.
Buy a new chair.
Wash your ass with soap.
- Ah yes, the GOP solution.
Rincing vigenar might be useful so the chair doesn’t smell equally bad again
- It was implied that alongside cleaners would be rinsing, except for the alcohol, but I guess expecting the readers to have ever cleaned in their lives was too much.

This makes me angry

Chill! This is a common problem that must people have.
- Being angry? That makes me even more angry!

Friendly reminder, wiping your arse with dry paper is not sufficient to clean it following a dump run.

A bidet (european style) is best.

no itchy/smelly bumhole ever again

Bidet crew checking in.
Mines got hot water. I don't mean that it's got a pipe for hot water, and you have to wait forever for it to warm up. I mean it's got a water heater built in. And a heated seat. And a hot air blower.. dryer? Butt hair dryer? It's nice, especially in the winter.
Clean your butts, people
- I've got a cheaper, tap-cold only version (mainly because that's the easiest to install without running new plumbing or electrical in that particular location). Honestly the cold water isn't so bad. It can even numb things up if you've been dehydrated and launched a particularly stressful cannonball.
- A cold Bidet booty blast in the morning will wake you up better than a cup of coffee.
A shower with soap is best, preferably after a different method. But whatever it's your house, you can shit direct to shower if you like.
If you got poop on you anywhere else. Dry wiping it would not be sufficient. Rinsing it off and patting it dry would not be sufficient. You would wash with soap.
That said, I have a bidet I use some of the time and plain old TP the rest of the time.
- yup, i sit on the edge of the batch and get it with warm water and shower gel usually
For some reason I am offended that you used a / between itchy and smelly implying that it will be both.
- if there is poo left there, it will be both
- It absolutely can be both
I use a portable bidet. It is a rubber squeeze bottle. I use it to wash my asshole and a little toilet paper to dry.
The thing paid for itself many times over in toilet paper saved.
- I like the idea of a bidet anywhere I go, as I feel like a literal disgusting caveman when I can't use one.
  But I feel like a portable one used in a public restroom would make me want to deep clean it every time I use it, and you kind of can't in public. Also what's it like to sneak it into a restroom discretely?
A proper diet would also help. Failing that, I just take a shower right after, as you put it, a dump run.

0% chance that guy didn’t shart on that chair.

I guess he forgot to scratch his back as well

He should do anal tightening exercises every other day to cut down on all that feces leaking out.

Nah, just needs the right butt plug.

"girlfriend" Ha yeah right dude

I know a flabby, sweaty, unhygienic dude with a diaper fetish who also RPs as a baby (???) on Discord who's been with his girl for about a decade. The world can surprise you, lol.
- She's into the diaper play, one assumes there's just not a lot of options or the grosser the better
He means his mom.

Simple case of bad biology luck or bad diet, resulting in smelly farts, combined with not standing up. Switching to a mesh chair would do wonders.

Standing up and eating better would also work I assume
Or just being plain nasty.
- Can't always help what you smell like.
You're giving this guy wayyyyy too much benefit of the doubt.
I do think it is possible even with decent hygiene for years of farts to absorb into certain fabrics

You gotta wash your ass!

Remember this from the Tony Hawk soumdtrack, what a classic!

What in the holy mother of skidmarks is happenin here

how the fuck a chair smells like poop?! Is he siting there without pants? Did he poop his pants in thr chair?!

5 bucks says he doesnt wipe his ass after shitting, or wash his ass in the shower, so has a perpetual skidmark, possibly even full blown melted toblerone.
- I hate the phrase, "full blown melted toblerone". Thanks for sharing 🤣

eating shitty food and farting all the time and not wiping your ass properly are probably the culprits so yea better hygiene

But... How the fuck is it getting on the chair? Sitting there naked and grinding it in!?
- If it's fabric then the smell will permeate into it and stay there. Certain things like vinegar and baking soda might get rid of or lessen smells though.
- The part not seen here is that the guy hadn't showered for over a week "because CSGO2 just came out".
- Farting while sitting on it would be my guess

Okay semi unrelated question, but do mens gym showers usually smell like poop?

Because I recently got a fancy gym membership through my employer that allows me to go to basically any gym in the area, and so far the shower in the mixed gender sauna areas has always smelled like poop, while the showers in the woman's sauna and changing room haven't.
Might just be a weird coincidence, but it's been like 5 different gyms of different chains and I've been really bothered by it

No. If I went to the showers and they smelled like poop I would leave that gym.
- yep, if showers smell like shit, its cause theres shit somewhere.
Maybe it's just terrible plumbing, that pushes shit below where those showers are.
We had an issue at work where flushing in the men's would cause the shit to pop up in the ladies toilet. There was a fair few arguments among the women over who was leaving floaters.
- That's horrible but kinda hilarious too. Wondering how the hell they tracked that one down.
  "Well this one had bits of corn and bean in it but only Bob had that today for lunch and I'm positive I saw him bolting for the men's room, so mayyybe..."
There are an awful lot of men that are so insecure and terrified of being gay/are so homophobic that they think touching their own ass to wipe/wash it makes them gay.. So they don't wipe/wash their ass at all.
And thats why they, the things they touch, and the areas they congregate, always smell like shit.
It smells like shit, because it IS shit.
- I worked at a foundry a while back and they had a locker room and showers so it was normal to have fully naked guys just walking around, this was fine, the problem was the guys that didn't wipe their ass properly and sat down on the bench by the lockers before showering... The benches were a light pine color, you could see spots of shit where people sat, just dried on there.
  I never sat on those benches, even to put my boots on, people are disgusting.
No they don't. At least mine doesn't. Probably because they clean their toilets and showers.
Find a new gym. If they're not cleaning the shower, what else don't they clean?
- As I said, it's been a universal experience in the 5 or so different gyms I've tried so far. I'm obviously not going into the bad smelling shower because the women's showers actually are clean. So idk if that can be blamed on the gym
No, they don't.
It's either a weird coincidence or in perhaps that the fitness chains areusing the same plumber and that guy is doing a shit job.
One possibility: Guys will keep the same crack-sweaty shorts in their locker and use them over and over without washing them. It doesn't take too many doing that for the aura take over the locker room. Some guys really have no sense of personal hygiene.
If it's specifically the showers, then the staff are not cleaning things up properly.
Could be just poop, but combining old man smell, body odor and mold will make some gnarly stench. Still someone needs to get out the cleaning supplies.

Aeron chair with a crumb tray under.the mesh. Empty the tray once a year and hose down the chair every other.

I just let all the cat hair collect there and it seems to do a pretty good job of holding on to the crumbs until I vacuum.
crumb tray
Grease trap
Wait are you suggesting I put a crumb tray under my chair or that my chair already has a crumb tray and I never noticed?
- Aerons have a helpful gap to put a crumb tray between the top of the pneumatics and the bottom of the arse mezzanine
Ugh my crumb tray is full of poo

Fake: op has gf

Gay: he's fucking his chair?

🤮

That thread was a total mixed bag of people trying to be genuinely helpful and ripping on the guy. It was something to behold.

People should not rip on the guy unless he is one of those “it’s gay to wipe my ass” morons. I have no idea how many, but some amount of people have issues with things like this; I know I did when I was younger. Slamming people should not be the first choice.
- I agree with you, especially since he did ask for help. I have a feeling he was aware of what the issue was but was in denial about it. But, if someone were to ask me if I could sum up Reddit in a thread, that would be a contender if not the top choice as an example of what to expect. That or "what is potato"

[Dirty son of a *removed*
\ Need to wash they motherfuckin ass, mane
\ Don't make no goddamn sense
\ Shit pissin me off, mane
\ I'm serious than a motherfucker
\ Dirty-ass *removed*](https://genius.com/Convicts-wash-your-ass-lyrics)

Every time I see this pop up, I'm reminded of this chair I saw once at my old place of employment.

Nooooooo

The real answer is to get a bidet, have a better diet with more fibers, be more thorough when cleaning yourself.

Go to the bathrooooooommm!!!!
Not yet!

Guys like this get girlfriends and yet I’m still single.

I know. Straight girls cannot have standards. Or need to fetishize awful shit. Or die alone.
Edit: to be clear, this is because men are fucking horrible. Straight girls are tragic figures here. I hope someday we find a cure for heterosexuality, for their sake, and the incels.
- I…what?

Holy shit This thread is hilarious I was laughing non stop for 10 mins

Found this guy

This is actually a sad story, where the existence of this clip almost pushed the teen to suicide due to the both online and real life bullying and death threats he received. Last time I caught up they were feeling better.

Still baffles me how many people are convinced that you can 'wipe properly/thoroughly/enough'. It's exactly for that reason that I avoid sitting down in public transportation. Anyone who either possesses the instinct of not wanting to smell like shit and/or has had the 'privilege' of cleaning someone else's butt (say, a small child or an adult in need of special care) knows that the words 'wiping' and 'hygiene' can only be used in the same phrase if there's also the words 'wet' and/or 'wash' and/or 'soap' in it. Otherwise...of course your f****g chair stinks.

Just use perfume