3d ago

What else can i do to not be depressed?

Hello 19 year old with autism and depression here. Im on pills given by a doctor, ive tried therapy, dnd even. I just feel depressed and im not sure why possibly hormones or maybe that fact that i haven't accomplished anything in my life or even done anything, also im broke to say. Everyone tells me to workout but i dont feel motivated to even do that plus its super hot outside and i cant afford a gym, maybe im making excuses...

I just feel lost on where i should be right now in life and im clueless on what the next steps are.

20 comments

Haven't accomplished anything in life
Dude you are 19, life is just starting, go easy on yourself.
If you don't want to work out at least try walking in a forested park, or bike ride some trails. Being active in nature sometimes has more benefits than pills
- Yeah, I wasn't doing shit at 19 but spending all day at a coffee shop, learning how to make fake IDs and playing pool at night.
  I still drink coffee, work in IT Security and play a sick game of pool +25 years later. So by some measures, I haven't accomplished much of anything either. (I jest. I have had a very interesting life, but it hadn't even started yet when I was 19.)
  
  It's crazy how often "I'm only good at worthless/bad things" somehow turns into a career, even really niche careers.
  Early gamers were told they'd rot their brain and never accomplish anything and then justin.tv spins off Twitch, blows up and people make thousands. Some ended up driving remote vehicules for a living because of the crazy precision they developed operating controllers and sticks.
  So many YouTubers started off doing dumb shit in their garage and becoming self taught scientists/software developers/repairmans/historians.
  Heck, 4chan managed to accidentally solve a math theorem.
  You just don't know until after the fact, once you see the impact over time. And sometimes, it just takes time for you to get to the point where you do the thing that changes everything.

Exercise, even just walking, helps with mood
Nutrition has a HUGE impact on the brain and mood. Try to reduce/eliminate sugar consumption
Sleep quality
Sunlight exposure
Social touch points with people in real life
- As much as I hate this and as much as I tried to deny it, this. It's real.
  I moved two months ago and didn't get a car at the new location until literally today, so I've been walking to the grocery store 15-20 minutes both ways nearly every other day, plus an almost daily trip to the coffee shop also a 15-20 minutes walk. I haven't felt this good in a while, if anything I have to ease off the caffeine a bit as I've been a bit too wired.
  The gym never did it for me and really, you're not after muscle building you're after cardio and fresh air. And even then it's not like threadmill levels of activity, it's mostly flat and just walking at whatever pace doesn't feel too tiring. Our bodies evolved with the assumption of a fairly active lifestyle. The veins rely on movement to help pump the oxygen-depleted blood around.
  I've been naturally craving better food following the exercise.
  It's also good to reduce stress, it's ultimately a 15 minutes of downtime where there's nothing to do but enjoy the scenary passing by and enjoy a podcast or some music, on top of just oxygenating your brain and muscles and filtering bodily waste.
  
  Absolutely 100% agreed on the "go for a walk" recommendation.
  Take half an hour out of your day to raise your heartrate, you'll not only get your brain to start processing the things it's dealing with, but you'll also get exercise and a change in scenery.
  If the weather's trash, clean or tidy your living area, the effect of having a clean space is very well documented (the "Even as a human, you are still an animal, and animals in enclosures get stressed and depressed if there's mess everywhere, so take charge of your own space and make it a comfy one." Meme that's floating around is genuinely real and not just lip service)
  Personally the 'I can't motivate myself' thing is a trap I've fallen into many times, and just about the only thing that helps me is by saying "Bugger it. I'll do a little bit, and if I get out there and really ain't feeling it, I'll have at least done something."
  Above all else, taking care of your body is a fast track to your brain feeling better

Definitely don't feel like you have to have done something "significant" already. A bunch of people don't figure out what they want to do until their 30s or 40s or even later. Your brain won't even finish developing for several more years. A big favor you can do for yourself is not have high expectations for what's going to happen. Set a reasonable goal for yourself such as "discover five new things that interest you over the next five years."
Try out some new activities that might be fun. Try to notice patterns of what types of things you enjoy. Do you enjoy being creative? Test out different mediums. Write, draw, learn to play an instrument, see what you like.
Talk to people who already do the stuff you might want to do. Ask them how they got started. Sometimes they can even help you get started. I had a guy give me a free soldering kit when I was in my early 20s because he was making cool stuff and I expressed an interest in the same.
I was depressed in my teenage years and I'm on the spectrum. I didn't have the benefit of knowing I was on the spectrum, so you've got a leg up on understanding yourself more than I did. Not everybody on the spectrum experiences the same patterns, but my flavor lets me deep dive into topics of interest and learn a lot of specialized knowledge with hyper focus when I find something I'm really interested in. The beauty is there are likely hundreds of these topics to find interesting and pursue.
I started with a lot of digital stuff on computers like digital photography and graphic design and modding game content because it was cheaper and easier than buying and accruing a lot of physical materials for a new hobby.
If you're looking for new friends or relationships, you can often meet interesting people while pursuing a hobby. Having something in common is a good starting point and provides easy topics of conversation. Don't put too much pressure on yourself about it though.
I don't like to exercise, so I've learned to trick myself into getting exercise unintentionally while doing something else that I do find interesting, such as going on walks to explore a neighborhood or playing a video game that involves physical activity like Dance Dance Revolution. If it's too hot outside, find a large indoor area like a mall to walk around in. Maybe listen to podcasts or audiobooks while walking. There are a ton of free audiobooks available online, such as Llibrivox recordings.

I haven't seen this here yet, but practice mindfulness. It sounds silly, but time and again, it's pointed out in studies about depression.
Be thankful of all that you have and take a minute of your day to think about that. Think about all the benefits and privilege that you take for granted. Be thankful of the kind people you have around and of all the things you enjoy.
This will hopefully make you gradually realize that you are in a better position in life than it seems.
Also can confirm: it gets so much better with age and/or some effective counseling.

I play video games while exercising. Switch controllers in either hand while walking on a treadmill works really well.
I haven't been depressed in a while, but I found extreme cardio to be a really good mood lifter, especially when playing a fun game.
I would also recommend avoiding triggers. News is mental poison. I have no idea what is happening in the world and I am substantially happier as a result.

To tack on to the "Exercise really helps" messages; I can definitely recommend checking your local areas for things like climbing or bouldering gyms (Bouldering is the one where the wall is shorter but more 'technical' and you use crash mats instead of ropes) The people that frequent these gyms are usually real welcoming to new climbers, and the sport itself is a satisfying mix of having a low cost to entry, only being as difficult as you want it to be, thrilling when you finally figure a route or feel yourself progressing, and a little mentally involved (planning routes, judging distances and learning safe techniques)
(There's also a lot to be said for just going for a walk, since that's so cheap it's free, but there isn't aircon :D)

Im on pills given by a doctor
It's important to understand how those pills work. They're not magic happy pills, they're emotional numbing pills.
The purpose of that is numb all the bad emotions dragging you down, so that you don't feel so awful and can manage to do the things necessary to feel better. If you want to be happy, you use the pills to numb the bad feelings until you can feel some faint happiness, and then you taper off the pills slowly trying to stay above the water and happy, until the pills are gone and experience full strength happiness. It takes time for the brain to adjust, the same way it takes time to relax after a stressful event.
Some people also stay on the pills as it helps control emotional volatility too. For some people it does seem to help generally feel better too.
The reality is nobody really understands exactly how those works making it hard to predict what it'll do. We know what the molecule binds to and what those receptors are for, and what happens when there's increased serotonin, but in the end it's kind of just messing with knobs and figuring out if it's better or worse. Ideally those are prescribed in concert with a therapist to externally measure the changes you might not see yourself, and adjust as needed. Unfortunately those also tend to be prescribed somewhat randomly at walk-in clinics with no proper followup.
ive tried therapy
King of same thing, it's not magic, you don't just talk and feel better. The purpose of therapy is helping untangle how you feel so you can find the root cause and actions to take to change course. Also identify patterns and cycles, like self-sabotage.
Therapy with autism is complicated because we don't quite process emotions and reality the same way, so it needs to be a different approach and few therapists have solid experience with autistic patients. Personally, I can only really feel "I feel okay" and some degree of "I feel like shit", so one thing a therapist could do to help me is figure out whether I'm feeling anxiety, grief, pain.
In turn that also requires you to open up during therapy, and to take it seriously. It's not like a surgery or whatever where you go to power through it and come back home, if therapy is a chore it ain't gonna work.
For what it's worth, when I was 19 I felt really crappy and doomed too. I didn't think I'd ever dig myself out of it, but gradually I found my place in life and I'm doing alright now.
Life is very messy.

Exercise.
Brother I am telling you. Exercise.
I hate how it is the cure. Its the last thing you want to do when you're depressed.
Go for 3 mile walk every day it'll take you about an hour. Make sure to include some hills. The bigger and steeper the better.
Your depressed brain will tell you "I don't wanna" "what's the point."
For the love of anyone reading this. Get your heart pumping every day. Use a mood tracker. Get at me after 30 straight days and tell me you feel worse, and I'll call you a liar.
- Exercise has a huge positive impact on mental health just like you said.
  Walks in particular have other bonuses that help with mental health as listed below.
  Low stress visual novelty (scenery on the walk) engages parts of the brain that are involved in planning and goals.
  Looking at things that are more than 20' away helps relax and disengage. Looking at close things like screens puts the brain in a high focus state.
  High focus has it's uses but the brain needs to disengage from time to time. This also helps you disengage if you are focusing primarily on negative thoughts.
  Looking at a real blue sky helps your body to adjust to activity. There are receptors in the eye that only response to the blue sky wavelength. Monitors don't produce this.
  Having more then half the body engaged in a physical activity for 15 minutes has a huge impact.
  Don't worry about making big changes. If you are depressed you aren't going to be able to do that. Small things you can do make a big impact.
  My doctor says weight training is the second best activity for health. The best is whatever activity you will do. Find that activity. For me it's weight training. My friend hates weights but will play tennis for hours.
  Getting your heart rate high enough once a day makes big difference. Do something simple like jumping jacks until you are breathing hard enough that you can say words but not a whole sentence without taking a breath.
  Finally very few people are willing to do this but cold therapy. 30 seconds in a ice bath or a cold shower just long enough to shiver. It's brutal but produces a positive hormone effect that lasts for hours. Longer then any of the other things listed.
  
  For me the big sell was realizing that in my most intensely ruminative depressive bouts, hiking left me needing to focus on my breathing so much that I literally didn't have the bandwidth to ruminate. All I could make room to focus on was getting oxygen through my body as efficiently as possible while I panted for air.

For the immediate symptoms, moving your body changes your mood. Take a 30 minute walk twice a day around sunrise and sunset to avoid the heat. If you have a dog, bring them along! Or just turn on some good music and dance it out until you're out of breath. The point is, find a way to move without it feeling like the chore of a workout.
Also drink water. Lots of water.
To tackle the larger issue, figure out what your ideal life looks like day-to-day. Do you want to travel or be a homebody? Interact with many different people, or a close-knit team, or no one at all? Move your body a lot or sit at your desk? Own a penthouse or would renting your own apartment suffice?
Once you know what your goals are, it will be easy to find a career that fits all the pieces. Then simply work backwards to determine what steps you need to take to get there. For example, maybe you want to be a homebody who works mostly alone and sits at a desk and owns a penthouse. You can then research what remote jobs pay a high salary and find the qualifications needed to land those jobs. Maybe it's a certain college degree and 10 years of experience in certain job titles. Congrats, you now have a road map to follow. Go do it.

Only if avaliable through licensed professionals where you are, you might want to consider researching psychedelic therapy. Look up new laws in New Zealand for inspiration.
- I am a huge advocate of psychedelic therapy, but I would be a bit wary of it for younger adults unless OP is willing to submit to a study.
  By all means, OP should talk to a professional about it, but it still seems like it would be in an experimental phase for that age range.
  
  Agreed. In any case, regular psychology should be applied first, work from there.

It might be hard to accomplish this. But go hook ip with someone and have safe sex. Works like a charm.

Fake being happy enough to convince yourself.
After a while your brain will believe you too and you will actually become happier.
A good practice is to keep a notebook and write down every day the things that made you grateful that day. Can be as simple as a good meal or having taken a shower. Keep it going for a few weeks and you will learn to see the silver lining of things better.

20 comments