Me_irl

Sertraline didn't do the trick for me...neither did mirtazapine, or Escitalopram, or Quetiapine. Psychiatric drugs are life savers but finding the one that'll actually save your life can be a freaking pain (if anyone reading this is in that "still looking" stage, don't give up though, once you find one that suits you it's a game changer, life can have colours again).
- If you don't mind me asking, what do you take now?
  I started psych meds for the first time in March and have been on escitalopram. For a bit I think it was working because my mood tracker showed a positive shift, but I think I just had a period of less stress because I'm back to my old ways.
  I know we are all different, but I'm just eager to know other's experiences. My problem seems to actually be intense negative mood swings that are suddenly brought on by stressors. I was screened for bipolar disorder and I don't have it (my moods are more volatile and rapid, not cyclical), although I have a first degree relative with it. I asked my relative with bipolar disorder what they take as a curiosity, as I know our genetics are going to be similar. My relative expressed something similar to you...it was rough going through so many different meds, but finally finding the right ones felt pretty life changing.
  Anyway, I've been wanting to ask for a med change or increase on my next psych appointment and am just eager to know other's experiences.
  Thanks and sorry for the long winded response.
  
  I don't mind at all and I'm glad you ask, if I can help someone going through this I'm thrilled! :)
  Turns out I'm bipolar (although several doctors told me I wasn't, I'm not a psychiatrist and I'm absolutely not trying to diagnose you but I wouldn't take one doctor's opinion for granted). Exactly as you did I first showed an improvement with Escitalopram but then it kinda faded (I wonder if it doesn't modify the dopaminergic system because after the first phase of improvement I started craving for pleasures, and started eating, drinking and smoking a lot of weed...i.e. gaining a lot of weight). In the end and after several years (Escitalopram was the first treatment I tried) I finally found a good psychiatrist who decided to try a bipolatoty-oriented treatment, which worked and confirmed the diagnosis. I now have a two-molecule system: lamotrigigine every day (acts as a "floor" for my mood preventing depression) and aripiprazol as a "ceiling" which I adjust (0, 1, 5 or 10mg in the morning) depending on my mood to avoid manic phases. It's worth noting that I too had a couple of relatives with likely (but undiagnosed) thymic disorders (whether bipolar or cyclothymia, it's unclear). Together with regular sessions with a psychologists and a good hygiene (regular sleep schedule, limiting stress as much as possible and fighting my addictions) it does the trick and I'm no longer suicidal or clinically depressed most of the time.
  Don't worry about the long message, these things deserve to be discussed at length. If you ever wanna talk to someone who knows what you go through, I'm available btw, some internet anon had been there for me when I needed it, I am happy to help if you'd like.

Had to stop sertraline, it was making me have memory issues
- It made me completely apathetic which was worse than depression. If I don’t want to create than why am I here?
- Can you elaborate? I wanna know what to look out for
  
  Yeah brain fog, for years everyone knew me as the guy with the horrible memory, small things like dates and tasks would slip me up, if I had met someone before, trips I had gone on, just small things, it makes you spacey in higher doses, well me at least
  
  Similar to brain fog, in my case. Also it gave me a ton of headaches, and anytime I missed a dose the rebound effect was awful.
  I switched to Wellbutrin / Buproprion and my QoL was much better

There a shortage of it in France, the pharmacy near me is waiting for a box since 25 May....

I feel the same way about Vipassana meditation.
It is my sanity and magic power.
- Don't your back get sore?
  
  No. I use a seiza bench. It is very comfortable. It's like the 2 at the top here :
  https://fleen.org/fluffy_cloud/sit/

Screw sertraline. I kept getting my dosage upped as it didn't do anything until it ruined my blood tests and I had to stop taking it.

100mg club over here!