Does anybody else understand they need to make deep connections with people but their social battery has been dead for a while and can't put up with people's BS?

That's why I hate the insertion of "mindfulness" into every type of self-help.

Motherfucker, did it ever occur to you that my hyper-awareness of shit is part of the cause of my problems?

You can’t prove I’m not

In recent years we've come to the conclusion that autism is much broather than previously understood and than many more people fall om its' spectrum. People that have an account on a platform like Lemmy are automatically highly probably autistic in some way because or the barrier to entry and specific interests that normal people wouldn't even bother with.

Sure. There are layers to it. If I socially interact for a few hours then I'll become exhausted, probably cranky. A psychiatrist said I have ADHD, and the sensory input of multiple persons being around is too much. Social environments tend to be overwhelming. A psychologist said I have avoidant personality disorder, but I'm not sure I agree since my problem isn't based on fear, the fear is downstream to basic social inabilities. But the fear does cause its own problems.

I also have a social phobia. I don't think it's genetic, since I didn't have it as a kid. But my teenage years (11-18) were severely isolated, and full of humiliation and severe loneliness. I just never recovered from that. I spent my 20s trying to learn, forcing myself into all these social environments, but it was mostly just a torturous cycle of collapse.

I over-rely on my sense of humor, and this often causes problems. Most of the time it works really well (people like to laugh, and they appreciate a good joke), so I can make a very good first impression. But when it comes to "actual" social interaction, I simply have no idea what to say, like ever. I can negotiate well on other people's behalf, and I'm good at explaining things, but in open-ended social situations I tend to be weirdly quiet or else I say horribly wrong things without realizing it. I've experienced multiple instances of people doing prolonged campaigns of social warfare against me because I accidentally insulted them, and they recognize my vulnerabilities. I'm terrible at reading non-verbal communication (this isn't just a product of social anxiety or phobia... my brain just doesn't pick up on these things, doesn't know what to do with them). So basically I'm not a social creature. Some people actually have thought that I was mentally handicapped (or experiencing cognitive decline, or that I'm "on drugs") because I just don't respond like an intelligent person. But then I'll go to "therapy" (what a disgusting joke) and they'll see how well I can explain myself, and they'll declare me to be fine. Clearly no problems with "communication" (but socializing isn't just explaining things to a person).

I could go on and on, but that paints a picture.

What I mean with "you're not the only one" is that you'll be (probably easily) able to find people that are good for you. Didn't mean to put light on the fact it's a societal issue; might be, might not be, but it's irrelevant. Just meant to say that enough good people are out there.

If you're like what you say you are, "staying with people in the hopes they might change for the better", what I've noticed in my time on Earth is that "people like you" actually do find these problematic people specifically and spend their time with them. You want to improve the world and that means the people within them, and so you think your time is well spent like this.

However, this is unfortunately almost totally wrong. Instead of achieving your goal, the problematic people just mostly stay like they are, and because of that all that happens is that you become miserable because you don't see any improvement, and don't have any meaningful relationships.

If I may suggest an alternative, what I've found is that you actually have to find people that are already mostly good and have a proven track record of improving themselves. These are mostly good people. They have no big problems and no toxic behaviors. I assume you are such a person. So in other words, you have to find someone like you. If you do that, you can both improve together and help each other, instead of this one-sided thing you probably mostly had going on.

And yeah, like you said, "not setting yourself on fire to keep others warm", this means you have to stop spending time with the people that just drain you, even though it may sometimes be painful.

Anyway, hope you have a wonderful time, because this is actually all really fun once you prioritize your own happiness while dealing with others :D

Let's break it down.

First, what kind of 'peace and security' are you going to have without other people? Even if you manage to amass a vast fortune, you'll need some kind of caretakers.

Second, you act as if every single person you interact with is out to get you. You had a lousy family and apparently one adult relationship that floundered after 7 years. That sounds about average, tbh.

As for your health issues. Have you looked for support groups of people with the same problem?

see it as a gift :)

That really does not matter. Spend some time camping with no phones and notice how differently you feel and behave. Humans did not evolve to have smartphones and social media, it triggers numerous emotional responses without actually satisfying them, by its inherent nature.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm

Really like this. Is that from somewhere?