1w ago

Still a better love story than twilight

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I have zero game and no clue when it comes to signals.
I need this kind of woman, one that will be forward me.
- "Game" doesn't exist. Clean yourself, be respectful of others, talk to people. That's the entire game.
  You just lost the game btw, but that's to another point
  
  You just lost the game btw, but that's to another point
  Fucker
  
  The game ended years ago: https://xkcd.com/391/
  You won. Congratulations.
  
  There really is an xkcd for everything.
  
  Oh fuck you too. I didn't finish reading the comment and wouldn't have lost if it wasn't for your comment
  
  I read recently of a variation of this. You play the game by intending to play it; you win when you forget you're playing the game.
  Thus, when you remember the game exists, you realize that you won!
  
  My 'game' issue is I kind of break down when I speak to a girl I am interested in.
  I get so nervous and overthink that I stop functioning. I run out of things to say and the conversation just doesn't flow. I put way too much pressure on myself and it is extremely difficult to break out of it.
  But if I speak to girls I am not interested in, then I am more myself. No pressure, not trying hard.
  
  Hormone driven anxiety. You don't actually like those women. You haven't spoken to them so you don't know if you like them. You horny them.
  Jerk off before you leave the house. It'll help.
  
  Stop talking to women as if you're trying to get into their underwear. Speak to them like someone you want to be friends with and if there's interest both ways something might happen and it might not happen and that's OK because you made a friend.
  
  I never said I was trying to get into their underwear or pick them up or take them home.
  It is not my goal, it is not my aim. I have never had a one night stand.
  It's usually girls I know through other people, friends of friends that I have been around and developed some interest in. I often feel that I only have a small window or a single chance to make a good impression otherwise someone else may catch their attention.
  I was young, I was stupid and placed so much pressure on myself and end never ended well.
  I'm a lot more calm and comfortable now, but I don't head to pubs or bars to meet people. Not my thing.
  Any interest I have now is the time I spend chatting to a match on a dating app and then meeting up in person.
  I really like meeting that person where the conversation just flows naturally, you look at the time and it's been hours since you first met and didn't even notice it.
  
  Dude has anxiety and you're talking to him like he's purposefully being a jerk. Not cool.
  
  No I'm not, I'm talking to them like they're so anxious because they're trying to get laid rather than trying to get to know someone.
  As a former young man I have also been exactly where the commenter has been and when I stopped looking at women as something to conquer rather than a human being, things started happening for me.
  
  So you're making an assumption about him AND ignoring the anxiety issue. That's totally cool, then. Everyone is just like you, ya know. Everyone.
  
  But what if I am just trying to get in their underwear???
  
  My friend was like that. He had a lot of friends who were girls, and the way that he handled that was by putting us all in the "friend" box (he was bi, so he did the same for guys, but given that most guys are straight, that wasn't as necessary). It was a great method until he ended up hooking up with his best friend — it was a surprise to no-one but him. He walked around looking shellshocked for a week.
  
  This is the best strat. Forget the sex/relationship, be friends. Everyone has an easier time being themselves when making friends. Being yourself is authentic and generally attractive, that's why your friends stick around. Then if you still think they're cool, be flirty friends, transition quick though, so you don't give the impression you're not interested. Then if that works out you're already 80% of the way there, you're socializing and flirting and not being awkward.
  If you don't have friends, make friends first. Even if you somehow manage to find a partner when you have no friends, you'll destroy the relationship because you'll expect the partner to provide 100% of your socializing and interpersonal needs, which isn't really plausible.
  
  This reminds me of this scene from Tommy Boy
  tl;dw - Tommy Boy is trying to sell auto parts to save his family's business. He gets all stressed out in sales meetings but is able to talk a surly waitress into getting him some chicken wings because the chicken wings don't matter.
  So the next time you're talking to a cute lady just remember: Chicken wings.
  
  How can you know you're not interested without having a conversation? Try shifting your focus to having a pleasant conversation, even if that leads to nothing. Not that that is easy all the time but if you're chatting on a dating app or something it should be doable since it's not exactly real time. If it's in real life just own up to it by saying you're nervous.
  
  This is what I do. I did it with my wife. I asked some questions and then just listened. She basically told me her entire life story. I interjected with supportive comments from time to time, and listened. Then we got married
  
  Unfortunately this sounds like I was trying to manipulate my wife or whatever. Nothing could be further from the truth. I admire her tremendously and she has helped me a great deal. She's amazing. It's worth listening to people, that's all I was trying to say
  
  I get so nervous and overthink that I stop functioning
  Otherwise known as being a human. Some people more socially anxious than others, but having social interactions helps a lot. Just don't try to have social interactions for a goal, so to speak. Talk to people about stuff you all interested in, and you will be surprised how quickly the awkwardness melts.
  
  So, I can't really explain how to do this, but for me the way I overcame that was talking myself into not being interested in them first so I could manage a conversation and get to know them more and from there whatever happens, happens. Obviously you don't do this long term because you end up with that friendzone/girlfriendzone situation that makes people feel used but if you're just getting to know someone initially I think it's fine. It's also allowed me to filter some out when I learned more about their personality and realized I didn't like them as much as I thought I did or they made it clear they weren't into me like that.
  
  Yes there is. I knew a guy who was mostly an asshole, didn't look after himself, but could always pull hotties. Relationships didn't last though, so there's some balance in the world.
  
  The way I see it some people are the type to fall in love head over heels and it gives them the gutso to tell the loved ones how they feel , which can work by the way (everybody enjoys feeling that kind of love). The drawback is often that the type of people that burn that bright runs out of fuel quite soon.
  I'm not saying one is better than the other just different strokes for different folks.
  
  Oh believe me, there was no love involved in his one night stands. Which is fine, I'm sure both parties just wanted some fun. I was just amazed at how natural at charming girls he was, despite his idiosyncrasies.
  
  Game exists, its a skill though and you can learn it by trying. Just requires the courage to try, fail, and try again. That said its really just charisma, and you can learn it by learning to non-flirtatiously chat people up.
  
  Bruh I literally haven't lost the game in years.
  
  FUCK
- Exactly. Mine is basically like this, I was very lucky that we found each other. Most things are literal between us. Faes exist, you'll find yours

105 comments