4w ago

Was my ex really sorry/guilty?

I had an online ex when i was 13. He was 33 but pretended to be a teenage boy. He confessed to me that he was actually in his 30s and that he still missed his ex who was in his 20s (22-23?) and that it was wrong for him to talk to me at my age (true).

He eventually showed his real face, which i forgot about, on his instagram (which has either been deleted by him or i forgot the username anyway). He then told me it was my fault because i guilt-tripped him into dating me and also “groomed” him, even though i didn’t make him feel bad at all. I liked him and he showed an interest, i thought he was like 14.

13 comments

If he blames you for his grooming of you, he's not sorry. He might feel guilty (or might not), but if he's refusing to accept blame, it doesn't matter; He doesn't feel sorry and doesn't want to change his behavior.
Some people are just evil people who will have no issue with hurting others, and based on what you're describing, it sounds like he's part of that group.

It doesn't matter. Even if you deliberately attempted to manipulate him into a relationship, knowing full well he was 33, he would still be the predator. Tell Professor Humbert he can fuck off with that Lolita shit.

Nobody would gaslight a teenager as part of their authentic display of sorrow. This guy is a piece of shit who was hoping you wouldn't care and needed you to feel a certain way to cover his bases on not being reported... imo

No. He's a gross pedophile and liar. A "wolf in sheep's clothing, if you will."

Echoing the rest of the comments here: as soon as he knew you were 13, for him to continue dating you is fucked up.
Also for him to blame you for making him date you is absolutely bizarre and stupid. HE decides whom to date.
And now to answer your question: I can only assume he doesn't feel sorry. I could believe he might feel guilty but that's because he realizes how fucked up the whole thing is. I can't say for sure, and I don't think he really tries to reflect, otherwise he wouldn't even have gone that far.

It was all an act. When he told you that it was your fault, the mask came a bit off. This is where you should ghost him and also consider reporting him. This is not okay.
- I haven't spoken to him in 7 years, tysm

Probably not sorry enough to stop pretending to be a teenage boy.
Forget this predator.

If you still have those messages and they prove that he knew you were a minor and pursued you anyway, you have an opportunity to take a civil lawsuit against him. Considering the age difference the value of that case to you may be significant.
- Sadly, I don’t remember his username and his account was deleted possibly. Last time someone had contact was on an alt of his 4 years ago, my friend was 18, the guy said something like “I’m 36 now and akari was just a girl with a crush on me. i barely remember her and i don’t like thinking about it. I have a girlfriend now and there was nothing weird between us because i’m dating and she was a minor.”
  He may have even blocked me due to the possible guilt he felt

I really don't have anything to add that the other commenters said already. I just want to echo what they've said and let that message be heard even louder that this guy is a creep, and a piece of shit.

You say "dating" but what are we even talking about here? Conversations on the internet?
Anyways though we can't say whether the guy is seriously sorry or not.
Pretending to be in a relationship with someone he knew was 13 is majorly creepy and inappropriate. Why was he even pretending to be 14? Was this part of his broader internet personality or only in his messages to you?

No. He groomed you.

13 comments